The Overwhelmed Brain | Stress | Anxiety | Relationship | Critical Thinking | Emotional Intelligence | Emotional Abuse

Has dysfunction become the new normal for you? Are you in a relationship where your toleration for bad behavior is so high that you don't even recognize what's bad for you anymore? That sounds like a topic for discussion if you ask me! Also, I read a letter from someone who wants to know how to deal with defensive people. There is a path to working with those types and becoming aggressive or offensive back is not typically the best way to handle their behavior. You may have to become a bit of a sleuth. Find out more in today's episode!

Vulnerability is the final step into your strength. Your emotional core contains all of your emotions, your shame, fear, guilt embarrassments, sadness and also your joy, happiness, peace and lot of other good feelings. But in childhood, we learn to close off that core and only let in and out so much because we've been emotionally wounded. Letting those defensive walls come down lets both the bad and the good out, but only the good sticks around when you do it right. Also, I read a letter from a woman who doesn't want anything to change except maybe her marriage, but that means a lot of other things have to change as well. So she's not sure if getting a divorce is the right decision.  Finally, I read a second email from a 24 year old who has chosen a career path that he is unhappy with. On top of that, his girlfriend left him and he is not happy unless someone else is in his life. Lots to talk about today. Thanks for listening!

Confronting friends, family, the boss, the spouse, or any other dangerous people ;) can cause anxiety, fear and panic... but why? Why do we fear expressing what we want to anyone in our lives? If you're brought up to shut your mouth and keep your ears open, and any sign of expressing yourself got squashed (or you feared expressing yourself for other reasons), then you probably have a challenge confronting people. Speaking of squashing things, how about the negative energy that forms while doing the confronting? Wouldn't it be nice for that to dissipate? There are ways, and I share my thoughts on that. Finally I read a letter from a woman who left her ex-husband behind because she was learning, growing and evolving, and he was staying where he was. She was energetic, he was not. The rift kept widening, so she left. Now she's happy! However, she's in another relationships where her loved one is 1000 miles away and neither of them can move. Can long distance relationships work? Visit patron.theoverwhelmedbrain.c

Not everyone is going to like what you bring to the table. Sometimes people have high expectations of you and you don't deliver causing them to have a critical view of you. Is this your fault or the fault of the person who set up expectations that you couldn't meet? I read a critical review of The Overwhelmed Brain and talk about that very thing today. They're not always "haters" but they can ruin our day. I also talk about gurus, preachers and god-like teachers and hope I don't fit into any of those categories above. Every time I'm open, honest and vulnerable, it helps me heal which is why I'm so open on the show. If anything is repressed in you, it needs to come out. When you lock the doors to your emotional core, you don't feel the pain but you're also blocking the good stuff too. And how do you know if it's time for a divorce? You need to assess the past to determine the future. Has there been any progress? Have you been any happier? Has your partner made any improvement? Have things gotten better? If the

Where do you go when you have a secret that you believe someone else needs to know? Are you loyal to the secret teller? Do you tell the person who should know the secret? It's a question to ponder, where do your loyalties lies and what should you do with a secret you are committed to keeping? Also, I receive a letter from someone who shares and expresses to as many people as she can but still doesn't feel like she's released or vented her emotions, so she ends up feeling empty and still having pain. Unresolved emotions fester inside of us until we address them in some way, but sometimes we don't know that we're still not deep enough inside the emotional well and all we're doing is pulling up empty buckets. Speaking of emptiness, feeling lonely even when around friends and family is a big challenge too. Lots to talk about today.

Are you at a job that feels like you are being dominated or controlled? Is there a way out of this without quitting? There may be. I get a response from a listener who wrote before who took my advice for her about her work situation and everything turned out for the better. Controlling bosses no longer drove her mad. What keeps you at work you don't like anyway? What's motivating you to stay miserable? Also, what is it with depression? Why does depression kick in so hard and why is it so hard to get back out once you're in it? No joy, no pain, no feeling at all - suicidal thoughts can come into play and sometimes you're so apathetic you don't even care about that. There is a small door, or portal, out of depression and I talk about that door. In Ask Paul, I read a letter from someone who can't stop obsessing over her boyfriend's friendship with his ex-girlfriends, and hates it when he talks about other girls in general. And finally I end the show with a few words on emotionally disconnect people. Many of my c

All this personal growth work is great and all, but you have to actually do the work in order for your life to get better. The main reason is because you need feedback from your environment. You test, observe, test again, take action. You learn through your results. And in order to change your results, your desire has to overcome the results you're getting now. If that happens, your life will change a lot easier. Also, I read a letter from a mom who feels paralyzed by dysfunctional family members and is scared her child is going to pick up or become dysfunctional because of their bad behavior. Family can sometimes be toxic, especially around children. Children know right from wrong, even when they're exposed to toxic stuff, but as long as they have a healthy role model, sometimes the toxicity from others doesn't rub off on them. Be the best role model you can be and your child will do much better because of it. Finally, I talk about how a subtle change in your thoughts can lead to a good outcome or a bad one.

Anxiety, anger, sadness and other emotional advice on the internet seems to be the same where ever you look: Think positively, breathe, count to 10, etc. I'm generalizing of course, but many times, it'll seem like you're reading the same article over and over again, as if the information is just being passed from blog to blog. But, what would happen if you turned the advice around and did the opposite? Funny thing is, that's how I developed some of the tools over here at The Overwhelmed Brain. I just take "normal" advice and do the opposite to see what happens. Hmm... seems to work! Also, I get a letter from a woman who has it all together, found a great relationship, but then the guy left for seemingly no reason. Now she feels hurt, unlovable, unwanted and isn't sure if her pain is from the past before the relationship started or from the breakup itself. This is a LOADED episode and may take two sittings before you get through it.

Anger can rise in you because of a violation of your personal boundaries, but do you even know what your boundaries are? Sometimes we feel anger and we aren't even sure why. It's a good time to learn what your boundaries are and at what point you can be pushed before you "lose it". I read an email from someone who got so angry that he forgot what he said while he was in that state. There is a choice you have to utilize anger for your protection or to attack, and what you choose will determine if you're in control and if you'll create a better outcome or not. Where your anger takes you is up to you as long as you stay conscious long enough to utilize it in the best way possible for everyone involved.

A listener calls me out and tells me, "You couldn't take a couple minutes to answer me personally?" I read her message on the air and respond to it. I always do my best to act from a place of integrity... did I mess up? Also, I received an email from someone in a relationship that may not work out. She wants to know how to balance her own personal growth with the work she's done in her relationship (and not ruin that work). And she also wants to know if she's done everything she can do before leaving the relationship. 'Have I turned the last "Falling out of love" stone before I completely give in to the truth?' When do you really know when you're out of love? There's also another segment on how an Adult Child of an Alcoholic can trust themselves after living a life without it. Self-trust is a process and there is a way to have it again. Overall, this episode is PACKED with personal growth and development lessons. Too much to describe, you'll just have to listen! Sponsor: http://getoutofthemess.com

Kids get overwhelmed brains too. After hearing from a few kids that listen to the show, I decided to dedicate an episode talking about the hardships that kids face. From school and getting made fun of to home and some of the dysfunctions that can be present there. Kids have it tough, because the whole world is new and they are developing experience on the fly. Whereas adults already have so much experience under their belt that they may have forgotten the plight of being a kid and what it takes to get through some of life's more challenging situations.  Even as adults, we have a kid in us that wants to cry, play, laugh, get angry, and more, so we need to learn to nurture the kid in us to have a more balanced, happier life.  Whether you're a kid or not, and whether you have kids or not, there is something in this episode for everyone.

Are you annoyed by affirmations? It's how I start off every show. I take a few minutes to explain why that is. Also I talk about positive thinking and bridging the gap between emotions and reason. Next when you fear honoring yourself, what can you do? It's great advice to tell someone: "Just honor your boundaries then you can start creating the life you want!" Which of course is something I say all the time. But what if you are just too afraid to? Finally I read a letter from an adult child of an alcoholic who felt that his playfulness was stripped away because of the state of fear he lived in growing up in an alcoholic household. Enjoy this longer episode of The Overwhelmed Brain.

When we talk to ourselves, we really are communicating with another part of ourselves, a deeper subconscious part that has within it a deeper understanding of what really motivates us in life. Sometimes we don't want to communicate with a part of ourselves that feels the pain, but if we don't, that part feels neglected, lonely, hurt and rejected and more. Also, is there a path out of generalized or health anxiety? Does it ever end? There are times when anxious thoughts can help you achieve your goals, then there is the anxiety that we don't want. Finally, I discuss abusive people that we continue to let return to our lives over and over again. Are they abusing us, or are we just abusing ourselves?

Why do we fall off course so easily? When you prioritize tasks that take your time away from the things you want to accomplish, you fall back farther and farther until you are no longer making progress. In fact, you might even end up going backwards. Sometimes you are not in alignment with a bigger vision for yourself. The reason is because you might actually have a value hidden under the surface that you didn't even know was there. Also, is it necessary to forgive others? Learning that forgiveness is all about what's going on inside of you is the first step to healing. The second step is accepting others for who they are today. Doesn't mean you have to keep them around though! Finally, what do you do when you have generalized anxiety, or what one listener asked about: Health Anxiety. Anxiety is such a prevalent condition for so many sufferers... it's time to get to a better place inside ourselves so that it isn't so intrusive.

Are all of your needs met? Do you know why you make the decisions you do? Our needs motivate our behavior. If you respond to life's events from a low level of survival, it'll be more difficult to succeed in a loving relationship or keep steady employment or even gain a level of self-esteem and confidence. Let alone being able to pursue your hobby and passions. When you can start responding to the events in life from a place of fulfilling your purpose, over the lower level needs of surviving and safety, you will find that you will take bigger steps towards your growth. Reaching your potential in life has to start with a shift in your motivation to realize success and fulfillment.

Being in abusive relationship of any kind, especially where you have a dependency on the abuser for one reason or another leaves you in a tough spot. Can you leave and still be okay, or are you so dependent that leaving will put you in a worse situation? This is a tough position to be in so what do you do? Also, sometimes you reach the limits of practicality and have to explore deeper, alternative forms of emotional or physical pain control. You may even step into things a bit outside your belief system. After all, once you open your mind to being open to anything, opportunities present themselvesFinally, when someone desperately wants you back, is it a good decision to take them back? "You complete me" is sometimes laughed about as a quote from a movie, but some take it seriously and believe they actually do need someone to complete them. Is that healthy? Maybe not so much.

Codependence is when two or more people fulfill a need for each other that strengthens a dysfunction between them. You usually see this kind of thing between a helper / people-pleaser and a drug addict or an alcoholic. Of course, even someone who is just needy or desperate for attention can be the second half of a codependent relationship. In either case, there is the dysfunction of one person continuing to support the dysfunctional behavior of another. It's the perfect imbalance of love and energy. One person gets their needs met more and more, while the other builds resentment, but keeps on giving in to the needs of the other. I figured it was about time I talked about it.     

Have you ever felt alone in your struggles? It's hard to imagine anyone else dealing with the same thing. Yet, there are many. And I receive a lot of messages from people that reinforce that. How does that help you? There might be something bigger at play here. Also, I talk about a message I received from someone who feels very alone in her relationship. Her partner just doesn't seem to want to include her in any future plans he has for himself, and only himself.

I watched a recent Ted Talk with Dr. Judson Brewer who teaches mindfulness to cure addictions. I was surprised to learn that I actually did the process he talks about to cure my addiction to sugar many years ago. I share that story and what you can do to use mindfulness to help you feel better in almost any situation, whether it's a craving or a negative emotion. For the Ask Paul segment, I read a letter from a woman who is with a man who flirts and texts with another woman. She says there's been no affair, but she still feels cheated on and still cannot trust him, so she lives with fear and suspicion. Does she have to live this way or are there options? sponsor:

I got nervous when I was invited to speak on a world record breaking authority summit... but I did it anyway. But why was I nervous? I host a show that thousands listen to every week, so why is it different? When there's no Edit button, things get real. But that's a good thing because when you're absolutely real, even when you're nervous, you end submitting to the person you really are. If you're truly authentic, you have nothing to be nervous about because it's easy to be yourself. It's when you choose to act as if you know more than you know when you get into trouble. I talk about just showing up and giving the best version of yourself in this episode. The second half deals with an email from a woman who was promised a grand, long future with her ex... until he left her and had a baby with someone else. Ouch! We need to talk about this. Today's episode is brought to you by