The Overwhelmed Brain | Stress | Anxiety | Relationship | Critical Thinking | Emotional Intelligence | Emotional Abuse

Your self-worth starts when you interpret what your parents or caretakers think about you. If you interpret that they don't value you, you don't value yourself. As the years go by, your self-esteem builds from your level of self-worth. If you have low self-worth as a child, you have low self-esteem as an adult. It's time to rebuild both so that you don't have so much fear and insecurity in your life. Also, I read an email from a listener who is struggling between being a child and an adult in different situations. It's constantly stressing him out and he can't seem to step into that adult role when needed. Sponsored by

Self compassion is what you have for yourself when you stop being overly giving. And fearing happiness is another issue I talk about after receiving an email from someone who seems to have the perfect life. These two subjects go hand in hand, and really come down to a way of honoring yourself like you've never done before.

Is fate what we make or what we create? I talk about a quote from Carl Jung on this very topic. Today's listener email has to do with being caught in a lie with family, and what to do in the aftermath. News and you is about how we can spot fake or forced laughter, and what we can do with this skill. And finally, I talk a very dysfunctional family member who's trying to worm his way back into my family's lives, but his having a heck of a time getting any cooperation. Today's sponsor is Asha at getoutofthemess.com. For incredibly affordable legal insurance, I trust Asha to steer you right.

Divorce is no fun to begin with, but when it's dragged out for months or even years, it can be brutal. The stress and anxiety of the next thing and the next thing can feel neverending, and sometimes you have to take things on by yourself. Today I read an email from a listener going through a long, messy divorce with someone who cheated on her. She is depressed, defeated, and has no passion for life anymore. Where do you go? What do you do? Can you afford to defend yourself even if you can barely afford to live? Is there a way out? Let's find out.

When change happens, do you grow with it or suffer hoping it goes away? Growing through the changes helps you move out of stagnation and stop repeating old behaviors.  Also, I talk about death and acceptance today too, and how accepting that death is a part of life, and letting the emotions come up, whatever they are, will help start the healing process. 

Forgiveness is not about other people, it's about you. When you can learn to forgive yourself, even when you aren't the one to blame, you let go of the negative emotions so that you can take the learnings into your future.  Also, I talk about John Gibson, the pastor who committed suicide after hackers revealed millions of user names and detailed information about the users from the Ashley Madison infidelity and cheating site.  Proud member of the Healing Broadcast Network http://healingbroadcastnetwork.com/

If you find yourself overwhelmed, stressed, or completely out of control in your life, then these two episodes will have you examining what you might be doing to create the chaos. Most of the time, we overextend ourselves and actually have a choice if that's going to happen or not.

If you're overwhelmed or simply have no more time in your schedule, then you are probably a highly overextended person.  Today I talk about the habits that highly overextended people have and how you can avoid being overextended yourself.  This is part 1 of a 2 part episode.  http://theoverwhelmedbrain.com/

When it comes to visiting family, who you are can sometimes regress into the child they remember you as instead of the fully capable adult that you are now. How do you know this is happening?  When you're afraid to be yourself around them, it's happening.

When you were a child, whatever fear came up, you figured out a way to survive the moment. These survival skills were very handy in adolescence simply because they worked to keep us alive! Sure, we probably weren't going to die, but it felt like it! Then, years later we became adults (well, some of us did ;) ), and soon we were put into situations that caused similar fears and once again, that old survival mentality kicked back in.  Our brains went, "Oh yeah, I know how to get through this! I learned it as a child, this is an easy one. I'll just... (fill in the blank)." We took the belief system we developed as children into our adult world and suddenly we feel stress and pain and hurt, and all kinds of things we didn't expect.  That's because we stuck to the old system of beliefs we created as children. And these beliefs are deep, so it's no wonder we rarely question what we believe. But, isn't it time to do just that? Especially if the results you are getting in life simply aren't what you expected them to

What's missing in your life? I honestly don't know, but I bet you do. In fact, I'm pretty sure that you've been asking the wrong question all this time. "What's missing?" isn't the question you should be asking.  The real question is What's present in your life that's preventing you from getting what's missing in your life?  Odd wording, right? But that's just it: The way we phrase our questions dictates how we think about everything. And if you can change the way you think, you can change your results.  When you don't know what's missing, then you don't know what to focus on to get it anyway, so maybe it's time to change the questions you ask yourself.  What's missing? No... What's in your life that, if it were missing, would help you get what you need to fulfill your life?  Language changes your thought process. The question is weird, but in order to understand it, you need to reach a little deeper than you normally would.  You know what happens when you do that? You access your innermost resources that wil

Resistance to your problems is very similar to denial. Both delay closure, and both create suffering. However, resistance creates denial, after all, you wouldn't want to suffer any more than you are so you resist facing your issue and coming to a hard decision.  Regardless if the problem goes away or not, there is a way to end the suffering typically involved with problems. And that's what today's episode is all about.

A satisfying, loving relationship doesn't have to be hard, but there are components that need to be included in this type of relationship in order for things to work out well. This is part 2 of a 2-part episode where we talk about the last 5 components. If you're still not satisfied with your relationships after listening to part 1, then this episode should wrap things up quite nicely. 

There are probably hundreds of components that make up a great relationship, but I'm going to address some of the ones that make the biggest difference.  Whether a friendship, family, or intimate partner, when you adopt and include these components in your relationships, they will improve. But, just like I mention in the show, things go a lot better when the other people in your relationships also include them too.  When it's one sided, it doesn't go too far. But when it works, it can be completely satisfying and enjoyable.  http://levelsforguitar.com/brain

How many times in your life has something happened that was so hard to believe, that it actually hurt to believe it? You know what I mean... it's that truth you don't want to hear. It's like the people who can't believe the holocaust happened because it was just so atrocious. Or, like the email I got from a woman who found out her husband is cheating on her. It's very hard to accept a truth that hurts us, but if we don't, we systematically destroy ourselves.  Denial is the topic for the day. 

When you suffer from perfectionism based in fear, you become more and more miserable as time goes on. In fact, the more perfect and controlling you are, the more disappointed with life you get. Does it make sense to be perfect? Is it actually more destructive than helpful? Many times yes. There is a healthy perfectionism and an unhealthy one. The question is: Are you suffering or evolving? How you answer says it all. If you're a perfectionist and are suffering because of it, today's episode is for you.

There's no escaping the sometimes hard to deal with arguments, tension and turmoil that can go on in a relationship. I received an email on this topic, and I cover everything from personal boundaries to irrational people. Whether you're in a relationship or not, you're sure to get something from today's show.

How you show up for life is how your life turns out. So many people think they are a victim of circumstances, but when they connect the dots in reverse, they can the decisions and actions that led to their place in life now. How do you show up for anything? Do you wear a mask to show people someone you’re not? Let’s dive into this topic and figure out if authenticity is the key and showing up on day one as “yourself” is your best option.

Bullies come in all shapes and sizes, and have all kinds of mannerisms that different people give different names for. In my opinion, anytime someone wants you to feel bad or forces you to do something against your will, it is bullying. I recently realized that I was a bully in my marriage. This led to some interesting insights I share in this episode. That, along with learning about how the typical bully ticks (and some things you can do to avoid being a victim of bullying) is what I talk about today.

Are you more important than your "stuff"? I hope you think so, because I know you are. However, when you value stuff a little too much, you tend to stress and get concerned about what will happen to you if your stuff gets damaged or disappears.  Today's episode isn't necessarily about stuff, but I do talk about breakthroughs and one way they can happen to you. Stuff comes into play, I promise. I also change the subject and go into a talk on assumptions, and how they can shape our reality if we're not careful. (And how someone's assumption about my intentions on the show did shape their reality when they left a critical review for me in iTunes.) Fun "stuff", huh?