Martini Shot

This is Rob Long and on today’s Martini Shot I talk about serial killers and families living together and all of the ways writers have of making the job a little easier and the viewer a little less inclined to grab the remote.

This is Rob Long, and on today’s Martini Shot I explain how the entertainment business works. It’s like when you have some French fries on your plate, and people keep reaching over and taking some — because fries are delicious — but then why don’t they have any of their own?

This is Rob Long and on today’s Martini Shot, I get into an argument with a friend of mine, a fellow writer, at dinner, and teach the other two people there a valuable lesson about having dinner with two writers during a Writers Guild battle and that’s, don’t.

This is Rob Long and on today’s Martini Shot I download the DirecTV Now app to watch the HBO Go app and Showtime Anytime app, but what I needed to do was download the regular DirecTV app to watch the HBO Now app. I think. I’m still on hold with customer service.

This is Rob Long, and on today’s Martini Shot I go to a pitch meeting and at the end of it, I have no idea who is supposed to call whom. That used to be an agent’s job.

This is Rob Long and on today’s Martini Shot, writers are firing their agents, even agents that they like. An agent said to me, some of my clients have cried on the phone while firing me. I’ve never felt so loved, and also fired.

This is Rob Long and on today’s Martini Shot, I follow a chain, from some really bad advice, to jail, and then all the way to an Emmy.

This is Rob Long, and on today’s Martini Shot I commit technical violations of investment banking regulations by serving in an advisory capacity to certain mergers and acquisitions deals. Or I would, if anybody ever listened to me.

This is Rob Long, and on today’s Martini Shot I describe — as best I can — the current disagreement between the Writers Guild and the big talent agencies. And I come up with what I think is a pretty interesting compromise. As best I can.

This is Rob Long and on today’s Martini Shot I talk about the worst pitch I ever heard about, which involved a basketball, hot coffee, and a writer with bad aim.

This is Rob Long and on today’s Martini Shot we talk about the one-page guide to everything you need to know about the entire entertainment industry, in all of its forms and shapes, and that’s the call sheet, which reveals all of the mysteries of show business.

This is Rob Long, and on today’s Martini Shot I talk about what an editor on a movie or TV show really does, which is, watch every take, every outtake, every shot. They see us all at our worst, which is probably why they’re always getting pushed around.

This is Rob Long and on today’s Martini Shot I try to explain why the most successful companies in the entertainment business are like the concession stand at the movie theater. You’re not selling the movie. You’re selling the Mild Duds.

This is Rob Long, and on today’s Martini Shot I listen in on a conversation between a writer and someone giving the writer some very tough feedback on the writer’s latest script, which the writer is now really regretting having asked for. That old story.

This is Rob Long, and on today’s Martini Shot I appear on an obscure talk show on CSPAN one time, get recognized the next day by one person, and think I’m now a famous person who will continue to be recognized by a fascinated public.

This is Rob Long, and on today’s Martini Shot I talk about how part of watching a movie or television show is about shopping, for clothes and home decor and maybe even friends.

This is Rob Long and on today’s Martini Shot I talk about how you know when someone really loves you, by marshmallows and piles of shrimp.

This is Rob Long, and on today’s Martini Shot I talk about the worst sales pitch ever, which goes like this: you’re terrible at your job, you don’t know what you’re doing, please hire me.

This is Rob Long and on today’s Martini Shot I clean things out for the new year. Digitally, I mean, Clips and ideas and files from an extremely cluttered Dropbox, iCloud, and Evernote.

This is Rob Long and on today’s Martini Shot I give you the best Christmas gift ever, and ask for the same thing in return: Total digital absolution. You no longer need to keep up with what’s on Netflix or Hulu or your Kindle or your inbox. Merry Christmas to us.