Building A Better Dave

Today I talk about voting and the queasiness it causes, and one of my students who understand American a lot better than I probably do.

Today I address my fake gay voice. OUr website is betterdave.com

Today we talk about how nothing seems to change no matter how much we scream BOO! I also talk about the two weekends I worked ina haunted School House

Today I provide my insights into the observation at the local football game. our website is betterave.com, support the show by going to supportthisshow.com

Ah yes. Therapy. The lovely activity of paying someone insane amounts of money to have them tell you-you suck. You pay someone to basically watch you argue. We did, and at the end, he said, “I don’t care if you use me or not, but if you don’t change you guys are going to get divorced.”  He was blunt. He also dropped F-bombs on a regular basis and came across unprofessional. We found a lovely older Christian counselor. We paid her lots of money to listen to us argue. We also got to learn about the counselor’s family. Learning about her children, and husband didn’t really help my marriage. She had some good advice. But there was a problem. She said we had to work on ourselves. If we were there to fix the other person, it wasn’t going to work. What did she know? She wasn’t home with me. The nurse is the one who needs the most fixing. Sure, I’m open to learning new stuff. I’m a teacher and feel learning is something we should do every day. I felt a big problem was my wife had issues admitting when she was wrong.

It’s funny when you have young kids. How do they get your attention when they are hungry? They scream and cry. You can shake keys at them, put on Barney (or whatever the latest kid tv is), bounce them on your knee and NOTHING matters unless you solve their one problem: THEY’RE HUNGRY. This week my father was disgnosed with Colon cancer. It’s a scary place to be and a scary situation to live through. The first night in the hospital, my father had gone through a few tests and he thought they had removed his giant tumor. They hadn’t.  What happened was they did a biopsy, and we needed to wait till the next day to get the results. I had been telling my wife how you can’t tell me Dad what to do. At 80 years old he knows everything, and nothing will get in his way. He once walked 3 miles to the grocery store. Luckily a friend saw him at the store and gave him a ride home (he hadn’t thought throw how he was going to carry the groceries home). After visiting him at the hospital that first night, we only made it to th

I spent the weekend with a bunch of Humor Writer at the Erma Bombeck Writers Workshop. I had an absolute blast. I sat in on a session or two. One was lead by Jerry Zezima (Columnist and author of the book Leave it to Boomer). I have a new appreciation for authors. I do my little stories with sounds and tone of voice. They have words, and only words. Jerry gave us an exercise to think about “the Wildest Ride I Ever Had.” My idea came quickly. I was about and we were at Geauga Lake Amusement park (now closed). There was a big wooden coaster that had been around since the days of Howdy Doody, and you were scared to ride it just by looking at it. Not because it was tall and fast, but because you were pretty sure it was going to collapse. Big Dipper was 65 feet high, 2,680 feet long, and had a top speed of 32 mph. When built in 1927 it was one of the largest roller coasters in America. Click play to hear the rest of the story

I will turn 45 in a little less than two weeks (Feb 8th). I’m starting to feel like Andy Rooney. Looking back at my life here are some thoughts: Every phone had a chord on it. The phone RANG. There were no ring tones. Movies were about $5 and if you didn’t see it at the movies you waited till it came on TV. There was no way to rewind or pause. If you had to do something you had to wait until a commercial came on. Cars ran on leaded gasoline. Speaking of Gasoline, the air was dirty and the sex was clean. Well, it wasn’t lethal anyway I barely, I mean barely remember black and white TV. Captain Kangaroo was cool. Mr. Rogers was not. Ernie was my favorite muppet, but looking back I wonder if Burt was his “partner.” Saturday mornings were spent with Bugs and Friends, and School house rock (educational TV, what a thought).  I would have a bowl of Captain Crunch, or Quisp, or Frankenberry. I remember when we left the cool new “video game” PONG on without turning off the TV and it burned the final score into the scr

Today I share a voicemail I got from a friend of mine Fred Castenada. He is a great guy, great entrepreneur, and has tons of experience. Fred is a Vietnam veteran. Now when I say Vietnam I don't mean the fun, wacky Vietnam you see in the movies with guys smoking cigs, and joking around in the jungle. Fred was and is the real deal. Fred was on the very front line, and live to tell when many of his friends did not. Thank you Fred for serving your country. This Thanksgiving maybe we were talking about a new flat screen tv, or a laptop, or other issues that we wanted to fix. Fred's call lets us see that many of the "problems" we face are really just annoyances. We need to remember to count our blessings that we have food, shelter, and most importantly, nobody shooting at us. I was very shaken when I got a call on Tuesday letting me know that a friend of mine (a music promoter) had taken his life. Walt was a Vietnam vet as well. I'm not sure what problems he had that made him lose all hope, but I'm pretty sure the

Today I talk about a lovely trip to Chicago where we stop at a Burger King to get something to drink. When we go back to the to the car only to find our GPS missing. We noticed the homeless guy near my car, and like my GPS he was also gone. Now don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying that all homeless people are thieves, and con artists. You should donate to those organizations that help the homeless.This way we know the money is being (hopefully) used for good.

So where have I been? Well I got a job I hated, and now I have a job I love.  Then the dog ate a whole box of Trix, and then a WHOLE chocolate cake, and then decided to throw up on the couch. It's been fun. The road to happily ever after has taken a new strange twist. I've had an urge to become a pastor for about 4 years (I occasionally fill in for the pastor), and to make a long story short, when the pastor asked to me to think about becoming an interim pastor I said "yes." This means I get to go back to school to learn how to be a pastor, etc and I will be licensed to preach in my church, eventually Ohio, and from there it's up to me.

Today I talk about the sport of having sex when you have children in the house. I also relive July 1972 when the Stones came to town. I wasn't allowed out because of the hippies. Most people talk about the oldest child having very strict parents, the youngest having it too easy (and getting spoiled) and of course the middle child getting lost in the shuffle.  To me none of these apply. The child that has it worst is the child whose bedroom is next to Mom and Dad's. Maybe I'm weird, but when I walk into a room with naked people I typically look down, say "I'm sorry" and leave immediately. I thought this was the standard response for most people. But then again, if you had something very important you might stay to make sure you made your point. Today's show features music from Apa State Mental and the song is "Eaten By Hippes" from the Podsafe Music Network.

Today we finish up with stories from my honeymoon. This time we relive the "relaxing" trip we had riding inner tubes down the little river in Pigeon Forge TN. We had a great time. We have the scars to prove it. We talk about scooter and his death defying dives, taking people out of the river, bees, deathly undertows, all for only $8 for the whole day.

  Pancake House Diane (my wife) and I  headed off for our honeymoon. Destination Pigeon Forge Tennessee. It was about a 9 hour drive and on the way we listened to the radio, and finally popped in an audio book about making your second marriage work.  It helped pass the time, and kept us alert. We got to Tennessee and when we got to Pigeon Forge it looked like a hillbilly version of the Vegas strip. Instead of spectacular hotels, you had a pancake house, and a pancake house, and a pancake house, and a pancake house, followed by, a pancake house. I’m not making this up. In a one mile stretch there were 5 pancake houses. I would also guess that on the other side of the pancake house was a “Barb B Cue” joint and on the other side of the pancake house was a fireworks place. With this in mind, if I ever meet someone with barbecue sauce on his shirt, maple syrup on his chin, and 9 fingers I’m going to guess he is from Pigeon Forge TN. On the other hand the Smokey mountains were breath taking. Seriously. Wow. Luckily

Today I talk about a gift I got for Christmas. I’m going to be 45 in a few weeks, so I know I’m “Half way to dead.” However, what does it say if someone gets you the clapper? I mean the commercial shows some woman who sits up in bed and claps the light off. This woman looks, well, half way to dead. Now the interesting thing is, the clapper is a great GIFT. I mean IT ROCKS. The sad thing is I ended up using it just like the old woman on the commercial. I have it hooked up to the light right next to my bed. Dave turns 45 in a few weeks. Check out what he wants for his birthday

Today I come to you with the demented slant on Christmas music. This was caused by hearing the same 14 songs over and over. I mean I love Andy Williams, but not for four weeks straight. It turns out that while rock music is about Sex Drugs and Rock n Roll, Christmas music is the same. BONUS TOPIC: I also took my fiance's 15-year-old daughter driving for the first time in an abandoned Target parking lot. It was just as exciting as an amusement park ride. She did great, and it will be fun helping her get her license. 2009 is going to be the year. I'm going to graduate, get a job, and finally marry the nurse. This has the potential to be the best year of my life. I'm also going to get into shape. Why not join me at www.logicalloss.com  

Today I talk about me popping the question last week to "The Nurse" and she made me very happy by saying yes.  Today I talk about the absolute guys view to engagement ring shopping. There is a strange aerobic dance that women do when they put on a ring. She loves choices. I mean she LOOOOOVVVES choices, and I love that she loves choices. I am a very lucky man. We will be tying the knot on June 20, 2008. Yes I got on one knee. It was nothing too fancy (I had fancier ideas, but if I didn't give her this ring soon, I was going to be in deep trouble). see http://betterdave.com/she-said-yes/ for full notes