This Week In Despair With Peter-john Byrnes

On our very first ever live episode, delivered to a largely indifferent coffeeshop audience at the Out of Bounds Comedy Festival, we're joined by one of the guests on our very first episode, James Fritz, because sometimes you want a friend when you go skydiving without a parachute. He's joined by the Bard of Nebraska, Zach Peterson, as we run through the week's news, which includes marijuana legalization, NFL concussions, and Syrian diplomacy, only two of which involve brain-damaged people. James plays Carnac the Magnificent with the musical segues. Zach is in need of an aspirin. We had a lot of fun.

It was a week where reporters threatened to murder whistleblowers and a racist rodeo clown was the toast of FOX News, so what better week to go visit Austin, Texas? Recorded during the Out of Bounds Festival, this episode features two of Austin's finest, Ralph Hardesty and star of stage and screen Kerri Lendo. Kerri is not opposed to sending SWAT teams after hippies. Ralph shares his secret shame regarding Miley Cyrus. I suggest that a disgraced cop kill himself. VC Andrews makes a strong showing near the end. I think the heat got to us.

It's a week when there's a new Royal Baby and a new panelist on The View, so first-time guest Charlie Rohrer is joined by the canny veteran Sonia Denis to help sort it all out. Charlie doesn't like babies. Sonia doesn't like anyone. Genital-hungry Israeli snakes, Jenny McCarthy and other horrible creatures make an appearance. Sonia reveals her new hit song for next summer, and takes us to the bleakest subject matter we've ever had on the show!

On the week where the Defense of Marriage Act was struck down, we convene a demographically-accurate all-gay Texan panel of frequent guests Ever Mainard and Cody Melcher, who discuss Rick Perry, Playboy bunny art installations, and how it feels to win one for a change. Ever and Cody perform their "gas station voices." Racist Disney films are discussed. Cody and I debate the end of Adventures of Huckleberry Finn. Ever reveals the true identity of her father at the end, making this the Empire Strikes Back episode.

Regular panelists Sonia Denis and Andy Fleming are back for a very strange episode in which a discussion of Paula Deen and Rupert Murdoch is delayed so I can explain the plot of Last Tango in Paris and give a brief history of sexual lubricant. Other topics include eyeball licking and breast-milk-flavored lollipops, both of which will haunt your nightmares forever.

From the heart of Bloomington IN, Drew Frees and Stewart Huff join me for our first remote recording, made during the Limestone Comedy Festival. It's a episode in which the difficulty of major social change is discussed in the wake of the NSA scandal, and how the poor are well and truly screwed in this country. We also talk about bare boobs in New York City, so there's something for everyone. Well, maybe not for rich straight women.

My sisters previously ruined Christmas, and now they're back to ruin another holiday. Memorial Day usually means cookouts, and on this food-themed show we discuss marijuana-infused bacon, insect-based protein, and how everything gives you cancer. Suzanne makes a brave stand against poisioning one's family. Pepperoni pervert perpetrators make an appearance. My sisters salute our Presidents on Memorial Day with a series of graphic sexual references. They're terrible people.

The co-hosts of the delightful podcast Tomefoolery, Cody Melcher and Ranjit Souri, don their tinfoil hats and join me on a trip down the rabbit hole, as the news this week leads us to a series of conspiracy theories. The IRS scandal and Benghazi are given their due, but also the theory that tornadoes in Oklahoma are created by the White House to distract us from their crimes. We discuss sexy Tasmanian ghosts, and devils. Cody unveils his funeral plans.

This week, Steve Walker and Brian Wille join me for a discussion of bodily horrors, with multiple stories of terrible things being inserted or excreted from a cornucopia of orifices. The revenge of bees, and the 3-D printing of guns also come in for scrutiny. I am accused of working for the NSA. Bad parenting decisions come in for review. Brian is called upon to represent all of Central and South America. No diapers were soiled in the making of this episode.

Sometimes the peril of doing a topical show is that you end up processing tragedy in real-time. When my guest Joel Ingersoll agreed to do the show months in advance on a trip through Chicago, he had no idea that he'd be talking about the bombing at the Boston Marathon, which happened just days before we recorded. The result is a conversation that's sometimes sober, sometimes funny, but never dull. We spend a surprising amount of time talking about baseball. The recently-dead Margaret Thatcher is spoken ill of. The actress Jeri Ryan is praised for her political impact. I discover the existence of a Minnesota foodstuff with an ethnic slur in its name.

Frequent guests and good-but-not-great friends Andy Fleming and Stephanie Hasz have never appeared together on the show, and their pairing results in  utter insanity. The sexiness of Elizabeth Warren is discussed. Bob Woodward is explained and defamed again. Sex is Zimbabwe is revealed to be dangerous. Stephanie shares her top sexual fantasy over a multi-year period. Andy reveals a shameful Star Wars secret in his past. My guests share their encyclopedic knowledge of statutory rape laws in multiple states. I hide under the desk for much of this episode.

Our first-ever star-spangled all-Texas panel of Chad Briggs and Cody Melcher demonstrate just what a wide demographic diversity that state really has. It's a week where horsemeat and beauty-pageant show ponies were in the news, as well as the animals behind Girls Gone Wild. Chad and I try once more to discuss our sexual obsession with Debra Winger and Urban Cowboy, but are once again stymied as the conversation turns to Paul Lynde. The sequester and Bradley Manning somehow get worked in there as well. The show also takes a remarkably dark turn regarding new information about German concentration camps. Just another light-hearted day at the office.

The very entertaining and thoughtful pair of Bill Cruz and Sean White join me to discuss papal conspiracy theories, historically-significant pornography collections of the non-Vatican variety, and sacred jelly. Sean and Bill educate me on TSA security holes. Racist math problems are examined. Bill is a rule-stickler where popes are concerned. Our game of Moral Dilemmas gets very heated over the ethical lessons of Star Trek. We learn yet another reason why one should never live in Las Vegas. It's all very educational.

On a week where the United States government announced it had the right to kill its citizens without trial if they are considered an imminent threat, returning guests Maggie Ednie and Mike Ortiz are very patient with me as I rail about government overreach and sing the praises of the US Postal System. Mike outlines his design for a whale factory farm. Maggie manages to insult all of Asia. I tell stories about stripper tricks that I've never seen, plus we have our usual wrap-up of pornography and bestiality stories. It's a show likely to cause an international incident.

On a week where North Korea dominated the news, Alexandra Tsarpalas and Mike Wiley come to discuss Pacific Rim geopolitics and the Benghazi hearings, but stay for the more serious matters of unauthorized silicone butt injections in Miami, and "Flamy," the ill-conceived Brazilian hospital mascot for child burn victims. I explain the plot of the 80s classic Red Dawn to my guests. Alexandra is fascinated with Faces of Meth. Amy Poehler's teeth are judged.

Meredith Kachel and Joe McAdam join me for a particularly free-wheeling episode, where everything from Iranian Space Monkeys to Bedbugs to Hitler's fabled Lost Toilet were in the news. The NRA compiles a ilst of enemies that sounds like a sad Hollywood Squares cast list. A discussion of poisonous vaginas lead to a bad Peter Falk impression. Meredith reminds me why I don't ask my guests questions about their personal lives. Tony Danza is disparaged. Pam Dawber is explained. You'll never watch Sesame Street the same way again.

Regular guest Adam Burke returns, this time accompanied by his brother Jim, for an off-beat episode with an international flair, wherein we sit around and tell stories of travel and journeys. Adam and Jim talk about their early years in Australia, and summer holidays in Spain. Jim has a tale of getting in touch with his inner colonialist in Morocco. Adam explains how he came to live in Dallas. I tell a story about helping to build an online casino in Costa Rica. We all have a grim ferry tale to share.

It's a week when Notre Dame football is in the news, so who better to bring on the show than Naked Sports Live Host Megan Gailey, and Notre Dame alum Bill Bullock? This marks the first time on the show that I know the least about the subject at hand. We all share on this episode. Bill tells us what it's like to be an African-American student at Notre Dame. Megan tells us about waxing trends among the 20-something generation. I explain to my guests about John Hinckley and Jodie Foster. We all come together to be mean to Lance Armstrong.

My sisters, Jessica and Suzanne, are my guests this episode with the intention of sharing Christmas memories from our childhood and adulthood, but instead reveal themselves to be horrible, horrible people. Grandmothers are mocked. Nutloaf is discussed. A story is told of enemas purchased in advance of a funeral. All manner of bodily excretions are brought to light. Jane Goodall is disparaged. Mother Teresa is slandered. This is officially the Worst Christmas Episode Ever. It might ruin all future Christmases. Consider this before listening.

One of our favorite regular guests, Adam Burke, is joined by newcomer Kenny DeForest to help with a recap of 2012. Adam and Kenny share their love of Gangham Style. Fan-favorite subjects Bigfoot and The Girl with the Anal Tattoo make return appearances. Kenny gives his plans for introducing world harmony. Adam unveils his new character, Racist Helen Keller. It's all very tasteful and elegant.