Those Damn Ross Kids

Kris and Kole talk about empathy prosthetics, the commerce of comfort, and unwise thrift. ALSO: The Full Tremaine. Elementary school art glasses. Moving travails. Don’t put the whole story in the headline. Safe alcohol consumption is a myth. The worst lap dance song. How to rig up a “Party” button. CDC warns against line-drying condoms. Period privation. A shitty terrorist ruins a 7-11. The Germans cannot be trusted with weather machines.

Kris and Kole talk about food safety, transformative spaces, and a new level of cat fishing. ALSO: Library Swords. A code red, room temperature milk problem. The problem with Papa. Kole explains “owning the libs”. Swing State of Mind. Public urinals are a scourge. Shopping his soul around.

Kris and Kole talk about cramming, restoration, and nights on the town. ALSO: It just says “Here”. Trim in the wild. How I know Dan Marino. Don’t put the whole thing in. Clock restoration. How a pump works. A shame free zone where anything goes. Just started swinging scissors in his feet. Our concert experience. A sad garage tableau. Immortal last words. Bird hormones are the boy’s problem.

Kris and Kole talk about missed opportunities, flawed hagiographies, and big dick energy. ALSO: Missing the Journey concert. The second one is always hardest. Facebook calls the Declaration of Independence racist (and it’s slightly right). Who is the Brat Pack? Fireworks of passive aggression. This man did not earn his middle name. Agnes gets the hell out. Big Dick Energy. Giving up the Saudi con.

Kris and Kole talk about repetition, corruption, and dangerous botany. ALSO: Pump Hound. Misunderstanding reincarnation. Hot time, summer in the city. Kris went to see Taylor Swift. Fact hype man. Garrett died. Reddit and MIT taught an AI to be a psychopath. Built-a-Bear giveaway goes bad. Warning: Giant Hogweed will kill you.

Kris and Kole talk about butt stuff. ALSO: Butt stuff.

Kris and Kole talk about texture, invasive dentistry, and urban tombs. ALSO: Pressed goo. A soda faux pas, and the preferred lettuce. Coming on strong. Cashew surprise. Anne Frank’s dirty jokes. A Toys R(ave) Us. Suburb-ex. ISIS didn’t do that.

Kris and Kole talk about mementos, identity icons, and outlawed words. ALSO: Turd down for what. Letters from yourself. Keep your keys. Tinker Bell, Taz, Tweety Bird, etc. The alleged tattoo. STDs on the rise. Where did this story take place? Play-Doh Scent (tm). Outlawed Masters phrases. The Next Recession.

Kris and Kole talk about antiquated search engines, parapsychological phenomena, and botched breakfasts. ALSO: Lycos will suffice. Nothing notable has happened. Cosby Crazies. The Pup Crawl. A balanced view. The Poop Train moves on. The 100th Baboon. I messed up an omelet. Fajita heist. A naked stranger eats Cheetos in your tub, what do you do?

Kris and Kole talk about assistive hygiene, intemperate vermin, and double diamond genealogy. ALSO: Kris creates a sound poem. Dilly Bars and parallelothongs. I don’t miss Law and Order. Things we regret saying. Zombie raccoons take Youngstown. Don’t hold in your sneezes. Kole goes libertarian. Condom-snorting is making comeback. A DNA test forces a reboot.

Kris and Kole talk about illumination, snack cakes, and unusual births. ALSO: It might not make a difference. Kris’ trip and the very expensive rock. Snack cake kill room. The Missouri Pickle Mystery. The Oregonian katana murder. Coffin birth. Kool Aid Man’s Sermon. Walden Pond is mostly piss now. We’ll drill in Australia since we’re all okay here.

Kris and Kole talk about externalities, escalation, and expedition. ALSO: Big enough for a callback. Worried about crass. Externalities and dominoes. Cremation problems. The Great Canoe War. Racing to get to jail. A trip to Hidden Lakes.

Kris and Kole talk about moderation, valuable fluids, and parasites. ALSO: Shirley Temple desires. The middle. Too much news. Every house comes with Encino Man. Deer semen is very valuable. Osama Bin Laden’s entertainment collection. Sources, methods, triangulation, and crazy parasites. The zone defense.

Kris and Kole talk about proximity policy, flawed geography, and hostile packaging. ALSO: We tell you what you want. Nothing better. Kris is laying down. It rained in the house. Cash me ousite ha ba da. Girlscout cookies and week depositories. Helicopter disasters. Exclusionary brands. Australia is not a country. What it’s like to learn now. Goose shit and taxes.

Kris and Kole talk about delivery logistics, awful queso, and delayed gratification. ALSO: Give ‘im the heater! Scavenger hunt for my packages. A very bad watch. The tubed food market. A comment from our racist president. A campaign against Tide Pods. A long story about getting shot. More Subway. China doesn’t want to take our garbage anymore. Dolphins are delaying gratification.

Kris and Kole talk about dank taxonomies, derogatory taxonomies, and morbid taxonomies. ALSO: Context counts. We didn’t talk. Fish excuses and sweet potato difficulties. It’s a thermal carafe. QUIZ: Canadian weed terms. A place where wolves like to fuck. Kris’ fear of carbon monoxide poisoning. A gallon of liquid in a gallon bag. What do you call the body? Grandma’s in the ornament. Laser engraved livers.

Kris and Kole talk about oils, suffocation, and materials acquisition and transport. ALSO: Trying to pronounce French words. Seltzer logistics. Lil’ Peeper. Chubby Bunny lethality. Top shelf crouts. What’s the Deal With?: Essential Oils. Shaving logistics. That’s not how prison riots work. Cameras on doorbells, and the mystery of the cul-de-sac dump. Contraband bologna. Funeral blood logistics. Medical neck tattoos.

Kris and Kole talk about consensus, prose, and myth. ALSO: A good time for pre-pro. The problem with grandma. What about Breakfast at Tiffany’s? North Central Ohio’s first bar/arcade. It’s been a while. Bad Sex in Fiction. Sex Motorcycle, by Horny Man Travis. The etymology of a terrible word. Do you have a sleigh, you fucking dickhead? They found where St. Nick was buried. Turns out people get addicted to opioids for a reason. Red Pistachios.

Kris and Kole talk about advancements in technical culture, Tom Petty's subscription services, and chastity. ALSO: The screen keeps rotating. Nobody types. Cancel Tom Petty’s Pantry subscription. Tequila and beans. Kris’ text theater. Swarms of butterflies. Let’s talk about streaming services. Don’t use words if you don’t know what they mean. Abstinence for e-sportsmen.

Kris and Kole talk about medical oddities, evidence, and amateur zookeeping. ALSO: Hard to look at. A lot of room. That kidney thing has never happened before. Feed that kid some kale. Whataburger Evidence. Grasses of the world. Equal time. Ten sharks in a swimming pool. Tongues church. Ten sharks swimming in the basement. 45 foot tall 16,000 pound naked woman. The Poo Bomber.