The Tom Barnard Show

Tom isn't good at being happy. This isn't a secret. But there is a secret to being happy. The answer to that secret is in Ted's book, it seems. It's not something you have to read, it's something you get to read.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

They can hide behind rocks and trees, but they can't hide from the wrathful hand of Aflac. Or that one Imam.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What's brown and makes your life worse? Heroin is one answer. The Cleveland Browns are another. Technically heroin has a better record, though.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Gangsters often brag about their ice, also known as bling.  Or is that gangstas?  If you're anyone but the Jeopardy judges, you probably didn't think there was a difference.  Ice is also commonly found in Iceland, which is a great place to live if you hate food.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Brett's an actress, psychic, animal savior, and Butler. The name, not the profession. The second and third thing are often related, as it turns out. You can't really talk to an animal, after all.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Is it still bulimia when it's the food making you throw up, not yourself? The polite name for it is "Traditional Food", but we know better.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Even without Kristyn, we can and do still hate most movies. One entertainer we don't hate is Bill Engvall, your friendly neighborhood Batman and future ghost hunter.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

It's the last chance to get your Best Of taken care of before Christmas! Less stressful than shopping and 100% cheaper.Clips Featuring: Sam Jay, Jenny Zigrino, Fancy Ray McCloney, Jimmy Shubert, Bobby SlaytonSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Grab your healing crystals, because we're going on a spiritual journey. We'll visit everything to Christianity to Islam to Hinduism to Christianity again. But all roads lead back to Judaism. And football.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Some people just can't stay in one place. Jenny's dad is one of those people. So is Ty Cobb, but that's mostly because he was always avoiding people he had previously tried to kill.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

It's noon, so it's time for some tequila and philosophy. Divorce sucks, modern sensibilities suck, and Dave Chappelle is good. That about covers the overarching themes.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Chicago's still Chicago. We verified that today. The new tax bill is not the same as the old tax bill, and everyone is very upset about that even though nobody seems to know exactly what's happening.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What do you do when your left foot isn't better than the right one? You get it cut off. It sucks, but it's not the worst thing in the world with the right attitude.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Tom and Fancy Ray have exactly one thing in common: they both got out of North Minneapolis. It's hard to fix it from the inside or the outside, so it's time for some ideas. Many of them involve electrifying your electrons.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

There are two well known methods for immortality: being frozen, and being mummified. The second one might not technically count as immortality, but it's close enough for Nik. It's also definitely preferable to what happened to most musicians in the 70s.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Here at the Tom Barnard Show we're amicable toward vegetarians. Except Tom. Who we're not amicable toward is vegans. Well, Alex isn't, anyway. No news on Jocko's stance on veganism, but today we learn his stance on Woodstock, having been there.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Do you like Star Wars? Most likely, and you most likely you like the ones that came out when you were a kid. You also most likely have had issues with clothing sizes at some point in the past. Perhaps one day they'll make sense.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Asia is a land of diverse culture. J-Pop, K-Pop, but no C-Pop. Mass communist executions if you live in the wrong area. Kyu Sakamoto. These are just a few of the things to see. You won't see it here though.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Is Sue bad luck or good luck? She's been struck by lightning, mugged, had cancer, and had a brain aneurysm. That's bad. But she's also alive despite all that. That's good.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Trump has been made into a robot. It's a very ugly robot. That sounded like a jab at Trump, but no, the robot itself is definitely the problem here.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices