Breakfast With The Beak

Sometimes, we get a topic that we aren’t quite sure is a topic. So do we just ignore it? Not anymore we don’t! We’re reading your fan mail, answering your weird questions, scolding each other for poor Twitter etiquette, and getting way, way too amused about ham. Guaranteed to feature more maniacal giggling than basically […]

We’ve pitched some movies on the show before, but only when we were distracted from the topic at hand. Now we’ve been asked to come up with them on purpose, and it goes about as well as you’d expect. There are sweater-eating monster-men, superheroines embracing middle age, and big smiley hippo masks, and we expect […]

New Jersey is unfairly maligned, and we’re interested in figuring out why. Kind of. We’re also prone to distraction. But in between fanciful stories about trains, we manage to get some actual work done. Whether we’re exploring the thrilling world of commuting or debating the relative merits of undergoing major surgery just to ride a […]

Hoo boy, we are violating some terms of service this week. It’s not entirely our fault, though; sometimes the topics just get weird, and we have to go along with it. Are we studying a previously unknown school of magic? Debating the role of handcrafted marital aids in ancient civilizations? Inventing something that we guarantee […]

This week, we finally get a chance to play amateur restaurant critic. Yes, we’ve been asked to talk about one of the fastest-growing chains in America, and maybe eat there if we don’t have anything else going on. Will we like it enough to find something nice to say? Will we read the nutritional information […]

To be clear: we’re talking about the show, not the actual theory. And we’re not fans. The question is, does the problem lie with this show specifically, or with the broader failures of traditional sitcoms? Or with you, the ungrateful, unpleasable fans? This one is for everyone who’s been waiting for us to take a […]

You kids just love sending in those movie topics, don’t you? Well, we’re happy to oblige, because that’s sort of our whole gimmick. And this week, we’re going all the way back to 1925 to watch a film that is basically the progenitor of all modern cinema. No big deal. Marvel as two men who […]

Oh goody, it’s another one of those titles that don’t make sense. This time we actually explain it, and I’m happy to say we barely talk about any of the horrors it implies. We do talk about them a little bit, though. So just tough it out, and you’ll be treated to wild stories about […]

Living under the sea sounds cool, right? I mean, as long as it’s safe. And nobody goes crazy. And there are no Gungans around. So maybe it’s not such a great idea after all. But we investigate the subject anyway. That means playing politics with the Little Mermaid, following a lawless privateer to the Snork […]

Garlic! It’s tasty! So tasty we can barely be bothered to talk about it. Not when serious newsmen are looking at their phones and swamp hags are lying to peasants. And when we do talk about garlic, it’s mostly in relation to vampires. So give this one a listen if you want to hear some […]

We horn in on the History Channel’s turf by talking about stuff that’s probably not true, but totally involves Nazis and aliens. Were the mysterious lights that followed World War II fighter pilots just boring old natural phenomena, or were they something more sinister? Can you prove they weren’t? Maybe they’re flying saucers launched from […]

Another movie? Well, you folks asked (unintentionally), and who are we to refuse you? We’re looking at the little parody trailer that grew up to be a real live exploitation flick, and celebrating the best and worst of 1980s film tropes. Cartoonish villains, cartoonish punks, and a disturbingly real protagonist (speaking cartoonish dialogue) come together […]

Should you buy a car or lease one? We don’t know. We take the subway. Should you mow your neighbor’s lawn for some extra money? Possibly. We aren’t sure. Do we know how mortgages actually work? Kind of. We’ve read articles. Should you buy a sweet van with a wizard painted on it? Emphatically yes. […]

Well, we lost control of this one quickly. What began as a discussion of the best way of getting ketchup out of the bottle quickly spiraled into utter madness. Chinese history is mangled, Bill Cosby is ignored, and the world’s best condiment-based screenplay is outlined in an episode that borders on physically exhausting. There are […]

It’s our Second Anniversary Spectacular, and we’ve just watched The Oogieloves in the Big Balloon Adventure – arguably the most insane film ever made, and definitely the biggest box-office bomb. We’ve got an extra-super-sized episode focused obsessively on the minutia of this cinematic masterpiece, from frisky appliances to wobbly cowboys to weirdly offensive llamas. What […]

It’s another celebrity guest show, minus the guest. But even though we don’t have Inigo Montoya himself in the kitchen, that doesn’t mean we can’t talk about him. And we do, to a point. We also talk about Russian punk rock, Andre the Giant, Hollywood comebacks, and a cereal so delicious that to taste it […]

Google wants your eyes! Specifically, it wants to put a tiny screen in front of your eyes and then use it to tell you what street you’re on or something. Honestly, it doesn’t sound that great. Will this technology replace the Bluetooth as the mark of douchebaggery? Will it enslave us, like Riker in that […]

Whither Canada indeed! In 1969, the good people at Monty Python’s Flying Circus asked that question, and then proceeded to blow everyone’s minds. We look at that first episode, but mostly we get distracted and talk about the finer points of sketch comedy, and how to prevent your show from sucking. Tune in to learn […]

If you like Pina Coladas, and getting caught in the rain, if you’re not into yoga, if you have half a brain, if you like making love at midnight in the dunes of the cape, then listen to this episode. And even if you don’t like any of that stuff, there’s still something here for […]

Honestly, we’re not really sure what that title means. As a matter of fact, we’re so confused by it that we spend this episode flailing around for an answer. We end up accepting hypothetical bribes, humanizing historical villains, debating the origins of magic undergarments, and making a surprising number of references to a movie you […]