Respectful Parenting: Janet Lansbury Unruffled

When we're concerned about our kids' behavior, their stress and difficult moods, a lack of motivation, or an overall sense that we're not in harmony with them — the solution almost certainly comes down to "less." In this episode, Janet is joined by Kim John Payne, M.ED., renowned family consultant, lecturer, and author of the seminal parenting guide “Simplicity Parenting: Using the Extraordinary Power of Less to Raise Calmer, Happier, and More Secure Kids.” The book has been aptly described as “a manifesto for protecting the grace of childhood,” and there is much of Kim’s science-backed approach which supports and complements Janet’s. In their view, our fast-paced, competitive culture (“too much, too soon”) takes the joy out of parenting and can overwhelm our children, causing anxiety, insecurity, and many common behavioral problems. Kim and Janet discuss how the power of less can create the family life we always imagined and allow children to thrive.Kim John Payne's resources are at: SimplicityPare

Children are innately driven to play, and the benefits are enormous. They're also driven to seek our attention and connection, so how can we encourage our kids' play without becoming their constant playmate? In this episode Janet dispels seven common misunderstandings that make the lifelong habit (and gift) of self-directed play much more challenging to foster. She suggests helpful alternatives that not only encourage play, but also bolster self-esteem and strengthen parent-child bonds. Learn more about Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" at: NoBadKidsCourse.com.Please support our sponsors and take advantage of their special offers.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Our child’s uncomfortable feelings can manifest in many ways, the most obvious being tantrums, meltdowns, or long lasting monsoonal crying jags. Often, those feelings are expressed in behaviors, sometimes aggressive. The two emails Janet addresses in this episode come from parents whose kids’ rocky moods and behaviors are persistent, no matter how much patience, love, and affection are offered. One parent writes: “Sometimes his feelings are too much for us. It's hard when the entire day is ruined because you said no to a cookie at 7:00 AM.” Another mom says her 4-year-old has started spitting, biting, and hitting in pre-school. He’s recently acquired a baby brother, which explains a lot, but she says, “it would be easier if he was screaming and crying and having a meltdown. I can handle that, but when it comes out in a way that hurts others, I struggle.” Janet has several suggestions for these parents both in the way they are responding to their kids and in their perceptions of their respective storms.Learn m

Potty training is always an adventure, and it can be a confusing, sometimes frustrating experience. There are countless books on the subject, and there's plenty of advice from both experts and well-meaning friends and family. Since every child’s process is unique to them and depends on so many internal and external influences, it’s difficult to find a one-size-fits-all approach. In this episode, Janet responds to several questions from parents whose kids are having difficulties using the toilet. The parents describe pitfalls they're encountering and various strategies they’ve tried, but to no avail. Janet offers her pov on the subject and explains how her approach can accomplish more than basic potty learning – it can also relieve the associated pressures both parent and child experience, with the bonus of giving the child a sense of autonomy, accomplishment, and confidence.  Learn more about Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" at: NoBadKidsCourse.com.Please support our sponsors and take a

A parent consults with Janet about her one-year-old who screams, cries, "loses it anytime he’s picked up and moved to do something else or is told he can’t go somewhere.” She's concerned that it's too early for this type of behavior, wonders how to respond and if she’s doing something wrong. Janet shares her perspective and offers specific advice for handling his resistance to diaper changes, separation, and more. Learn more about Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" at: NoBadKidsCourse.com.Please support our sponsors and take advantage of their special offers.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

In this encore episode Janet's guest is psychologist, writer, researcher, and Harvard lecturer Susan Linn. For decades, Susan has been a passionate advocate for our children and a steadfast fighter against the infiltration of Big Business and Big Tech into kids' lives (and parents' pocketbooks). In an eye-opening discussion, Susan describes how digital culture is designed to indoctrinate children into consumerism and brand loyalty, and how it's geared to create dependencies on games and devices for stimulation and soothing. She explains how games and devices teach values that are often diametrically opposed to our own, how they can affect learning by shrinking our children’s world and even interfere with parent-child relationships. Ultimately, Susan and Janet focus on the positive actions we can take to lessen the impact of manipulative marketers while realistically acknowledging the role of digitized culture in all of our lives.More to learn in this episode:How to choose the most beneficial toys and programs

Does your family have any extra downtime this summer? This may be the perfect time to introduce your kids to some simple, giggle-inducing, creative games to play anytime and almost anywhere. I have ideas for you! These are games my kids begged me to play over and over again that would never fail to crack me up too, and even became family lore. Some of these you've definitely heard of, others my kids and I invented. None are about winning, losing, screens, or making any sort of product, just learning (without realizing it) and lots of FUN. Learn more about Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" at: NoBadKidsCourse.com.Please support our sponsors and take advantage of their special offers.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

A whining child can show relentless persistence and stamina, can wear away at our will to hold our ground, maintain boundaries, and our temper. We may lose confidence and second guess ourselves: Am I doing something wrong? Am I being too rigid? Maybe I can put off my shower for an hour and play blocks. Why not ice cream for breakfast?  Anything to stop the whining. Janet answers questions from some whine-weary parents, explains the why behind the whine, and how we can help our children (and ourselves!).  Learn more about Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" at: NoBadKidsCourse.com.Please support our sponsors and take advantage of their special offers.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

A parent worries her 3-year-old needs more connection, but the attention that she and her partner give him never seems to be enough, even when they make themselves available for play. He demands they play a certain way, sometimes refuses to participate, throws his toys and has tantrums when they try to hold their ground. "The play ends up becoming him just wanting to watch us play and he stops engaging," the mom says. "Any advice you can give on how to navigate these reactions from him when we can't or won't play would be much appreciated because I find for the most part I just freeze and can't think of anything to say."Learn more about Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" at: NoBadKidsCourse.com.Please support our sponsors and take advantage of their special offers.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Tilt Parenting founder Debbie Reber joins Janet to discuss the unique challenges families face as they learn to understand and support a child with ADHD, autism, learning disabilities, giftedness, processing challenges, twice-exceptionality, or other neurodifferences. While Debbie's advice is especially powerful for parents of neurodivergent kids, her insights will resonate with every parent. As she says, “None of us are parenting the kid that we expected.” Later in this episode, Debbie responds to a note from a parent who is concerned about her son yelling "Stop!" when adults ask him seemingly benign questions. The parent wants to help him be more comfortable in the world but doesn’t know how.  Debbie's resources are available at: TiltParenting.comLearn more about Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" at: NoBadKidsCourse.com.Please support our sponsors and take advantage of their special offers.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https:

We all want our kids to proceed through life with confidence as they develop physically, mentally, and emotionally. Because we care so much, it can be difficult for us to watch them struggle when faced with a challenge or a new skill. It's especially tough to see them becoming so frustrated that they give up or refuse to even try in the first place, even when we've done all we can to encourage them. In this episode, Janet shares a helpful reframe and actionable guidelines for fostering our kids' healthy persistence, and then responds to some specific situations parents recently shared with her: a child getting too frustrated when attempting anything challenging; a 3-year-old who refuses to draw and insists her parent do it for her; and a 5-year-old who falls apart if he loses a game.Learn more about Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" at: NoBadKidsCourse.com.Please support our sponsors and take advantage of their special offers.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy N

Our kids' behavior can mystifying, aggravating, worrying, and sometimes even infuriating. While the answers for resolving our concerns tend to be specific and unique to each particular situation, there are also general themes that can guide us. Janet explores one such theme in this week's episode and explains how it applies to 3 different situations parents have written to her about. Learn more about Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" at: NoBadKidsCourse.com.Please support our sponsors and take advantage of their special offers.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

We all experience difficult moments with our kids, and it’s not uncommon for us to lose confidence in ourselves or feel stuck. Need a parenting boost? In this special episode, Janet shares 7 of her go-to parenting power tools, mindsets, and mantras geared to help you focus your energies most effectively and (if needed) make positive, lasting changes in your approach. Learn more about Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" at: NoBadKidsCourse.com.Please support our sponsors and take advantage of their special offers.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Janet shares a success story from a parent who describes her shame, heartbreak, "the heavy emotional load" she carried for the first 4 years of her son's life as he vehemently rejected her care, preferring his father. After reading one of Janet's articles, this mom began to see her son's behavior in a whole new light and improve her situation almost immediately. "I am now confident that whatever happens—whatever my son will throw at me (even when he hits puberty)—I can handle it." Learn more about Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" at: NoBadKidsCourse.com.Please support our sponsors and take advantage of their special offers.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

If you're the parent of young children, there's a good chance you are very hard on yourself. Australian parenting guru Maggie Dent joins Janet in this episode of “Unruffled” to discuss the unprecedented pressures and challenges today's parents face living up to ever-changing standards set by social media, peers, and even schools. Parents are often left feeling overwhelmed and unsupported. Maggie and Janet share their long view perspectives, experiences, advice, and hope.  Maggie shares her extensive resources at: MaggieDent.com. Learn more about Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" at: NoBadKidsCourse.com.Please support our sponsors and take advantage of their special offers.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

With our most loving intentions as parents, we might find ourselves stuck in a full-time role we never wanted—as our child's playmate and entertainer. In this episode, a mom asks Janet for advice regarding her "bright, busy, extroverted four-year-old girl who loves having my complete attention.” Unfortunately, this parent is feeling she really needs some time to herself, but when she tries to take a break, her daughter is unwilling to let her go and seems anxious and insecure, as if this is a personal rejection.Learn more about Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" at: NoBadKidsCourse.com.Please support our sponsors and take advantage of their special offers.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

What does respectful parenting look like as our kids get older? Where can we get advice similar to Janet's but for older kids? Janet receives these kinds of questions often and takes the opportunity to answer them in this episode. Learn more about Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" at: NoBadKidsCourse.com.Please support our sponsors and take advantage of their special offers.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

As parents, we all experience moments when our kids just won’t go with the program – brushing their teeth, dressing for school, cleaning up their toys, going to bed (and staying there). We ask nicely, and they ignore us. Then we ask not so nicely, and they dig their heals in. Before long we’re frustration turns to exasperation, and we either get angry or throw up our hands in surrender. At a certain age, our kids are developmentally programmed to resist us no matter how much kindness and respect we show them. So, what’s a parent to do? Sometimes we wish we could just wave a magic wand. Well, the wands are on back-order, but Janet shares some magical recommendations that will make these interaction so much easier to navigate, win or lose. Learn more about Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" at: NoBadKidsCourse.com.Please support our sponsors and take advantage of their special offers.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell

Janet is joined by trauma recovery expert Elisabeth Corey to answer a parent’s email about her struggles to become a respectful parent. This mom says certain behaviors of her 2.5-year old daughter set her off. “I don’t stay calm, focused, kind to my child.” And she believes her own upbringing (“in no way respectful”) is the root cause of her reactions. She is overwhelmed by the responsibility of raising her child and wants to know: “What can I do to help myself?” Janet and Elisabeth consider the common underlying issues of our own childhoods and how we can recognize and heal negative cycles to become better parents.Elisabeth's work and free resources for parents are available on her site at: www.BeatingTrauma.comFor more advice on common parenting issues, please check out Janet's best-selling books on Audible. Paperbacks and e-books are available at Amazon. Also, her exclusive audio series "Sessions" is available for download. This is a collection of recorded one-on-one consultations with parents discussing t

Physician and author Gabor Maté joins Janet to discuss the importance of developing secure attachments with our kids and why it's crucial for us to continue nurturing these bonds into their adulthood. How do we remain our children's most trusted influences while also encouraging their natural drive toward individuation? Can we maintain our role as a primary attachment figure when our child is cared for by others? How do we help kids to develop healthy relationships with peers? What's the best way to handle exposure to digital media? Gabor addresses these questions among many others and offers suggestions for maintaining positive attachments throughout our kids’ lives.Gabor is the author of 5 books and most recently the re-issued Hold on to Your Kids: Why Parents Need to Matter More Than Peers, co-authored with Gordon Neufeld, with a new chapter about how the Covid pandemic affected kids' relationships with peers and parents.Learn more about Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" at: NoBadKidsCourse.com