Dear Prudence | Advice On Relationships, Sex, Work, Family, And Life

Prudence is joined this week by Diana Stegall, the creator of the popular French history podcast, The Land of Desire. Prudie and Stegall tackle letters about what to consider when bad experiences with therapists leave you wondering if you even know how to “do therapy”, what to do when you realize that your husband is a secret daily smoker, how to handle family who aren’t comfortable that you have the same first name as your partner, should you tell your brother-in-law that your sister is cheating on him. Slate Plus members get an additional mini-episode of Dear Prudence every Friday. Sign up now to listen.  Email: prudence@slate.com  Production by Phil Surkis Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Prudence is joined this week by Avery Trufelman, the host of the podcast The Cut, from New York Magazine, as well as Nice Try! a podcast from Curbed about utopian experiments.  Prudie and Trufelman dig into letters about what to do when you find out that your coworker is engaged to your controlling ex-fiancé, how to handle working in the same industry as a triggering ex-boyfriend, should you feel guilty for drunkenly kissing straight women in college now that you’ve come out as a lesbian, what to consider when you don’t want to spend free time with your husband. Slate Plus members get an additional mini-episode of Dear Prudence every Friday. Sign up now to listen.  Email: prudence@slate.com  Production by Phil Surkis Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Prudence is joined this week by Sarah Hagi, a writer based in Toronto, Canada Prudie and Hagi tackle letters about what to do when your wife gets really upset when you waste any food, what actions to take when you find out that your abusive ex may be harming his new and possibly underage girlfriend, how to connect with a friend who has joined a cult, what to do when an injury ends your sports career, how to stand up to your good friend when they say racist things.  Slate Plus members get an additional mini-episode of Dear Prudence every Friday. Sign up now to listen.  Email: prudence@slate.com  Production by Phil Surkis Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Prudence is joined this week by Alicia Harris, a self-described public health nerd based in Oakland, CA. Harris works as a foundation program officer, directing resources to reproductive health, rights and justice organizations. Prudie and Harris dig into letters where a woman is wondering if it’s okay to cheat if she hasn’t had sex in her marriage for 5 years, what to do when your husband moves out because he hates being a father, but still wants to see you, what to ask your students to call you when you’re trans and still exploring your identity, should you hide your relationship in an area where you are legally below the age of consent. Slate Plus members get an additional mini-episode of Dear Prudence every Friday. Sign up now to listen.  Email: prudence@slate.com  Production by Phil Surkis Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Prudence is joined this week by Davey Davis, who writes about culture and sexuality. Their first novel, the earthquake room, is available through TigerBee Press. They write a newsletter about people named David at itsdavid.substack.com.  Prudie and Davis tackle letters about what to do when your father refuses your attempts at reconciliation, how to steer your family away from triggering you during quarantine, what to consider when sharing your traumatic past with potential partners. Plus, Prudie and Davis respond to a voicemail from a woman who is trying to forgive herself for being in a transactional sex arrangement with someone she now finds repulsive.  Slate Plus members get an additional mini-episode of Dear Prudence every Friday. Sign up now to listen.  Email: prudence@slate.com  Production by Phil Surkis Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Prudence is joined this week by Anna Hetherington, who has a doctorate in Renaissance Art History, wants to teach visual literacy to the world, and is pretty obsessed with her dog Wilson, sweetened condensed milk, and her friends. Prudie and Hetherington dig into letters about should you take action with your brother’s dogs peeing in the shared vacation condo, what to consider when your partner discovered your dating app profile, what to do after witnessing your boss verbally abusing her partner on zoom, how to help your wife who’s started believing conspiracy theories, how to handle a husband who still looks at porn despite a promise not to do so.  Slate Plus members get an additional mini-episode of Dear Prudence every Friday. Sign up now to listen.  Email: prudence@slate.com  Production by Phil Surkis Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Prudence is joined this week by Violet Allen, a science fiction writer based in Chicago. Prudie and Allen tackle letters about what to consider when you don’t think your wife is up to the task of home-schooling the kids, what actions to take when your girlfriend never lets you take space from an argument, what to do when everything about your relationship is stellar except the sex, what to do when you have a crush on your boyfriend’s best friend. Get $5 off Danny’s latest book, Something That May Shock and Discredit You, at slate.com/danny. Slate Plus members get an additional mini-episode of Dear Prudence every Friday. Sign up now to listen.  Email: prudence@slate.com  Production by Phil Surkis Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Prudence is joined this week by Isaac Fellman, a writer and an archivist at the GLBT Historical Society, where he gets to tell the story of San Francisco's queer history. His fantasy novel about traumatized mountain climbers, The Breath of the Sun, won a 2019 Lambda Literary Award. Prudie and Fellman dig into letters about what to do when your ex-husband spoils your daughters with lavish gifts, how much should you conceal your “sugar daddy” arrangement at home, how to tell your sister to stop talking to you like one of her sixth grade students, what to do when you feel like people are dismissing your identity as “not gay enough”, what to consider when your new live in partner wants to display his trinkets from childhood all over the house. Get $5 off Danny’s latest book, Something That May Shock and Discredit You, at slate.com/danny. Slate Plus members get an additional mini-episode of Dear Prudence every Friday. Sign up now to listen.  Email: prudence@slate.com  Production by Phil Surkis Learn more about y

Prudence is joined this week by Amanda McLoughlin, a podcaster and businesslady who runs Multitude, a podcast collective and production studio located in Greenpoint, Brooklyn. She co-hosts Spirits, a boozy dive into mythology and folklore, and Join the Party, a collaborative storytelling podcast powered by the rules of Dungeons & Dragons. Prudie and McLoughlin tackle letters about what to do when you can’t find anyone to date who meets your standards, should you and your husband keep ignoring his biological child who lives across the country, how to extricate yourself from helping your sister hide her relationship from your parents, what to do with a husband who does not accept that his son is bisexual, what to do with a partner who never eats the leftovers they insist they’re going to eat. Get $5 off Danny’s latest book, Something That May Shock and Discredit You, at slate.com/danny. Slate Plus members get an additional mini-episode of Dear Prudence every Friday. Sign up now to listen.  Email: prudence@slat

Prudence is joined this week by Austin Channing Brown, an author, speaker and media producer providing inspired leadership on racial justice in America. She is the New York Times Bestselling author of I’m Still Here: Black Dignity in a World Made for Whiteness and the Executive Producer of The Next Question: a web series imagining how expansive racial justice can be. Prudie and Channing Brown dig into letters about what to do when you can’t stand spending time with your kids, what to consider when your wife is ready to have a baby and you’re not, how to have a relationship with your half-siblings without having one with the father you share, should you sell your deceased roommate's graphic novel collection to make up for the rent he owed to you. Get $5 off Danny’s latest book, Something That May Shock and Discredit You, at slate.com/danny. Slate Plus members get an additional mini-episode of Dear Prudence every Friday. Sign up now to listen.  Email: prudence@slate.com  Production by Phil Surkis Learn more a

Prudence is joined this week by Dr. Jennifer M. Buck, an Assistant Professor of Practical Theology at Azusa Pacific University. Her books and research explore themes of global Christianity, Quakerism, gender, race and popular culture. She also is a licensed minister and helps pastor a church in Pasadena, CA where she lives with her husband and foster son.  Prudie and Buck tackle letters about what to do when your husband reveals that he’s competitive with you about weight loss, should you feel guilty about thinking about future partners while taking care of your wife who has cancer, what to do when your partner's mom furnishes your home with lots of homemade quilts, how to protect your grand-niece from her abusive father, what to consider when your boyfriend refuses to marry you, even for the purpose of sharing health care. Get $5 off Danny’s latest book, Something That May Shock and Discredit You, at slate.com/danny. Slate Plus members get an additional mini-episode of Dear Prudence every Friday. Sign up now

Prudence is joined this week by the critic at large for Vox, Emily VanDerWerff. VanDerWerff is the co-creator of the fiction podcast Arden and the co-author of the book Monsters of the Week: The Complete Critical Companion to The X-Files. Prudie and VanDerWerff dig into letters about what to do when your family wants you to give your kidney for your abusive dad, how to handle a partner who’s horrified about you quitting social media, what to consider when your ex-wife wants you to babysit her child that’s not yours, what to consider when your girlfriend wants to get rid of the furniture that was chosen by your ex. Slate Plus members get an additional mini-episode of Dear Prudence every Friday. Sign up now to listen.  Email: prudence@slate.com  Production by Phil Surkis Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Prudence is joined this week by Charlie Markbreiter, who is an editor at The New Inquiry, cohost of the Art is Easy gathering, mod prince at the Death Panel discord, and a PhD student at the CUNY Graduate Center.  Prudie and Markbreiter tackle letters that ask if it’s unethical to apply to a job you don’t really need when unemployment is so high, what to consider after cheating on your live-in partner with someone in your new apartment complex, should you worry about enabling internalized racism because you’re dating a Black man, what to do when you constantly think about abandoning your disabled spouse.  Get $5 off Danny’s latest book, Something That May Shock and Discredit You, at slate.com/danny. Slate Plus members get an additional mini-episode of Dear Prudence every Friday. Sign up now to listen.  Email: prudence@slate.com  Production by Phil Surkis Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Prudence is joined this week by novelist A.E. Osworth. Their first book, We Are Watching Eliza Bright, is forthcoming from Grand Central Publishing in April 2021 (and is available for pre-order now). They teach creative writing at The New School, Catapult, Fledgling and The New York Society Library. Prudie and Osworth dig into letters about what to do with an ongoing affair you’ve kept from your spouse for years, how to handle a roommate who abandoned your apartment and left you with all the responsibility, do you have to reveal all of your dietary habits to potential roommates, how to get a sense of closure after being randomly cut off from a boyfriend, what to consider if you’re unsure about going on your first same sex date.   Slate Plus members get an additional mini-episode of Dear Prudence every Friday. Sign up now to listen.  Email: prudence@slate.com  Production by Phil Surkis Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Prudence is joined this week by Michelle Dean, a writer based in Los Angeles. Dean is the author of Sharp: The Women Who Made An Art of Having an Opinion, and the co-creator of Hulu’s Emmy and Golden-Globe-winning The Act. Prudie and Dean tackle letters about what to consider when you want to pursue a polyamourous relationship with your boyfriend and your best friend, what to do when your propensity for making fun of people has left you with no friends, how to navigate a relationship with your partner while also having sexual conversations online with men, what actions to take when a manager at your job refers to himself as your “master”. Slate Plus members get an additional mini-episode of Dear Prudence every Friday. Sign up now to listen.  Email: prudence@slate.com  Production by Phil Surkis Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Prudence is joined this week by Elizabeth Sampat, a game developer, writer, and troublemaker whose work has been covered on Vice, Polygon, and the LA Times. Prudie and Sampat dig into letters about what to consider when your biological mom doesn’t acknowledge your relationship in social media, what to do when you find an iPad that reveals your teenage daughter was “sexting” with her friends, should you keep paying a beloved nanny even though she no longer watches your kids, how to handle a heterosexual friend who frequently calls herself gay, should you tell your husband that you tricked him into having your third child. Slate Plus members get an additional mini-episode of Dear Prudence every Friday. Sign up now to listen.  Email: prudence@slate.com  Production by Phil Surkis Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Prudence is joined this week by Shruti Swamy, author of the short story collection A House Is a Body, and the recipient of two O. Henry awards. She lives in San Francisco. Prudie and Swamy tackle letters about how to handle a roommate who insists on interrupting your dates by bringing her cat out to play with you, what to do about being excluded from friend’s social events because you’re single, how to decline a friend’s wedding due to pandemic concerns and not offend them, should you see the same therapist as your crush, what actions to take with a close friend who only talks about themselves. Slate Plus members get an additional mini-episode of Dear Prudence every Friday. Sign up now to listen.  Email: prudence@slate.com  Production by Phil Surkis Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Prudence is joined this week by Hannah Selector, co-host of the Castle Rock Historical Society podcast and co-host of the YouTube series, Reel Horror. Prudie and Selector dig into letters about what to do when you can’t move past a one-time threat of violence from your sister-in-law, how to handle a girlfriend who’s chronically late, what to do after learning that your wife’s close friend hit on her at a party, should you keep your history of having an abortion a secret from your adult sons, should you contact the other jilted partner of you ex’s affair to share how you feel about the ex-partners. Slate Plus members get an additional mini-episode of Dear Prudence every Friday. Sign up now to listen.  Email: prudence@slate.com  Production by Phil Surkis Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Prudence is joined this week by Natalie Walker, a performer and writer. Walker has contributed to Vulture, The Cut, and Bookforum, and can be found onstage frequently at 54 Below, Ars Nova, and Joe’s Pub. Her television credits include (and are limited to) Search Party and BoJack Horseman. Prudie and Walker tackle letters about whether there’s anything wrong with donating your inheritance to a struggling colleague that you don’t know that well, how to handle your anonymous twitter account that has now become a contentious public forum, what to consider when your husband demands that you choose between him or your family, what’s the appropriate way to address your students who have experienced family deaths, what to do when your mother-in-law to be throws out the only photos you had of your pregnant girlfriend who died in a tragic car accident. Plus, Prudie and Walker discuss a voicemail from someone who’s wondering how to stop the passive aggressive slights coming from her mother-in-law.  Slate Plus members

Prudence is joined this week by Ben Gullard, a creative technologist living in Brooklyn, NY.  Prudie and Gullard dig into letters about what to know about a niece who’s angry at you for getting the dog sitter fired after finding out she did her job naked, what to do about a roommate who routinely brings stolen groceries into the house, how to handle feeling like you’re abandoning your lesbian community now that you are in a straight relationship, should you reach out to an ex you treated badly, how to handle a friend who revealed their homophobia after you came out. Slate Plus members get an additional mini-episode of Dear Prudence every Friday. Sign up now to listen.  Email: prudence@slate.com  Production by Phil Surkis Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices