Dear Prudence | Advice On Relationships, Sex, Work, Family, And Life

This week we’re revisiting some of the trickiest, thorniest questions of the past year. First up: I keep lending my friend money and she never pays me back. Help! Then: I love my daughter-in-law, so why doesn’t my son want me talking to her? My employee technically isn’t doing anything wrong, except annoying everybody – what can I do? And finally: My boyfriend has refused to stock toilet paper since I bought him a bidet. Help! Hear more Prudence by joining Slate Plus: Slate.com/Prudiepod. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

We’re kicking off this week with some listener feedback on good problem to have – adjusting to earning enough money for more than just the essentials of life! And then, professional trans lesbian Elizabeth Mills joins to respond to your letters! First up: My sister is asking for cash for Christmas, but I’m afraid I’d be enabling destructive habits. What’s the right gift? My fiance doesn’t want me to stay friends with someone I hooked up with once. Help! My ailing sister moved home after a life of ignoring me and expects me to see to her every need! Help! And finally: How can I let go of my worries about being “too feminine” to be trans? Hear more Prudence by joining Slate Plus: Slate.com/Prudiepod. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

First up: An enthusiastic endorsement from Prudence for walking out of movies you don’t like! Then, academic and pop culture writer Anthony Oliveira joins to tackle your letters: How do I get my husband to stop using a body spray that makes me ill? My husband and I married young – should we open up our marriage to try new things? I adopted a lost cat as my own, but now I think I might’ve stolen it. And finally: My friends created a dumb nickname for my boyfriend and it stuck – how do I let it go so I don’t accidentally call him by it? Hear more Prudence by joining Slate Plus: Slate.com/Prudiepod. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Advice enthusiast and diversity consultant Valerie Aurora joins for a discussion of keeping your Christmas costumes away from Thanksgiving. Then onto your letters! First up: My best friends are growing closer and leaving me behind. Help! Should I tell my boyfriend I had an affair even though we’re breaking up anyway? I just found out that a former co-worker who assaulted me changed his name and became a doctor – should I report his violent behavior to his work? Hear more Prudence by joining Slate Plus: Slate.com/Prudiepod. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Listener Rachel Tibbetts joins for a doozy of a batch of sibling and family related letters. First up: my sister is repeating the same mistakes as my homewrecker father and she expects my support. Help! My parents never gave me a dime growing up and now my siblings are throwing a fit that they helped me buy a house. My ex is getting married three weeks after our divorce – what do I tell our kids? Should I warn my brother’s fiancee about his violent past? And finally: is it fair to ask my busy husband to do more? Hear more Prudence by joining Slate Plus: Slate.com/Prudiepod. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Dear Prudence is back with her annual reminder: it’s okay to ruin the holidays! Then, advice columnist Anna Pulley joins to respond to your letters! First up: can an open marriage save my sexless one? I moved to a retirement community where 1970s-style sexism runs rampant. Help! I’m in a happy and healthy relationship with a man slightly younger than me – why is my family so convinced he’s using me? And finally: how do I tell my accident-prone friend I don’t want her to hold my baby?Hear more Prudence by joining Slate Plus: Slate.com/Prudiepod. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Author Sarah Gailey joins Prudence to advise on matters of laundry, sisterhood, salary, and more! First up: what’s the protocol for abandoned clothes in a public dryer? Then: Should I tell my sister I think marrying her fiance is a mistake? My friends are icing me and I didn’t do anything wrong. Help! My therapist told another client – my dad – things I told her in a session. What do I do? And finally: how do negotiate for the salary I want in a final interview? Plus, hiring manager secrets from our guest!Hear more Prudence by joining Slate Plus: Slate.com/Prudiepod. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Prudence is back to tackle your letters! First up: I think my workplace is about to hire the terrible boss from my last job. Help! The love of my life left me for a friend of ours when I was pregnant with his child – am I supposed to try to co-parent with this woman? My new co-worker is giving off transphobic vibes – how can I open up her mind? Should I believe the stranger who told me my husband forced sex on her years ago? My marriage is dead, but I can’t bear the thought of divorce fallout – what do I do? Hear more Prudence by joining Slate Plus: Slate.com/Prudiepod. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Writer Rachael Herron joins Prudence to tackle a bundle of tricky letters! First up: Should I have said something to the men making sexist comments within earshot of my wife? My friend ignored my warnings about her terrible ex – now she says I abandoned her after their breakup. Help! How do I politely refuse donations from sources that my workplace is morally opposed to? How can I get my superiors to stop asking me for free work? Hear more Prudence by joining Slate Plus: Slate.com/Prudiepod. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Writer and Bitch magazine co-founder Lisa Jervis joins Prudence to hash out how to be the best “mysterious widow” – and respond to your letters! First up: Should I tell an acquaintance her boyfriend is a known rapist? My sister’s fertility battle is making her step-daughter feel like she doesn’t count as a child. Help! I’m disappointed with my wedding photos – what can I do to solve this? My friend asks to “split” an entree every time it’s her turn to buy lunch. Help! My mom calls me several times a week and only talks about herself – how do I get her to back off? Hear more Prudence by joining Slate Plus: Slate.com/Prudiepod. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Dear Prudence and guest Mary Goss navigate your family and relationship quandaries. First up: Is it selfish to feel fear after surviving tragedy when other people had it way worse? How can I get my hearing family to accept me? My adoptive sibling doesn’t get along with my biological family – what do I do? My friend gave me her blessing to date her ex and now she’s bad-mouthing me online. Help! My brother-in-law married into money and won’t stop talking about his lavish lifestyle – should I ask him to stop? Hear more Prudence by joining Slate Plus: Slate.com/Prudiepod. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In a spirit of excitement and terror, Prudie and Washington Post writer Amanda Erickson, jump into your letters. First up: I punched an emotionally abusive family member in the face – how do I make it up to her? How do I get my in-laws to stop calling my bi-racial children “little monkeys?” My mom is neglecting my kid sister – what do I do? My adult friend carries a doll with her everywhere and I’m worried about her. Help! Hear more Prudence by joining Slate Plus: Slate.com/Prudiepod. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Y.A. fiction writer and advocate for the disabled Maggie Faid joins Prudie to consult on matters of wedding guests, grief, and giving iPads to strangers. Should I tell my best friend how sad I am that she can’t come to my wedding? My sister tells everyone she lost a child, but I don’t think a miscarriage counts. A stranger got mad at me for not letting her kid play with my iPad – did I do something wrong? Can I tell my brother not to spank his children when my kids are around? Is it self-serving to offer condolences to someone I hardly know? Hear more Prudence by joining Slate Plus: Slate.com/Prudiepod. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Former Toast editor Nikki Chung joins Prudie to tackle a thorny bunch of your letters! First up: I’m living with a slob and I can’t afford to move out. Help! How do I get my husband to be kinkier in the bedroom? I might have prompted my daughter to make a false accusation of sexual abuse – what do I do? I can’t fall out of love with my lesbian wife. Help! How should I split rent with my partner? And finally: Is it selfish not to go to my boyfriend’s sister’s wedding? Hear more Prudence by joining Slate Plus: Slate.com/Prudiepod. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Writer and commentator Lindy West joins Prudence to encourage Thelma-and-Louise-style road trips for jilted lovers and discourage kicking people out of wedding parties. First up in your letters: My boyfriend period shames me. Help! My fiancé has been postponing our marriage for five years – what should I do? Should I tell my sister-in-law that her kids’ grandpa is a convicted sex offender? And finally: I’m a lesbian, but I want to stay in my heterosexual marriage to preserve my family. Is that wrong? Hear more Prudence by joining Slate Plus: Slate.com/Prudiepod. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Today on Dear Prudence: baby-stealing, stalking, and insufficient wokeness. First up: My boss keeps joking about wanting to take my baby. Help! Should I tell potential employers I had a stalker? My husband’s kids found out he smokes weed and he’s blaming me for it. How do I put an end to the ongoing social justice one-upmanship by my friends? I’m a bisexual man who practices very safe sex – do I need to tell casual partners about my orientation? Hear more Prudence by joining Slate Plus: Slate.com/Prudiepod. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Buzzfeed's Nichole Perkins joins to help out with your letters! I was open about my depression on social media and only some of my friends reached out to me – should I stay close with the others? The woman who ruined my marriage got hit by a car... and I’m happy about it. Am I horrible? I’m a balding white man with a shaved head – could people think I’m a skinhead? I want to spend my recent windfall on my kids’ school, but my husband’s already earmarking it for himself. How do I tell my friend I won’t hang out with her if she doesn’t deal with her B.O.? My husband is obsessed with “checking in” on social media and won’t stop even when it causes trouble. Help! Hear more Prudence by joining Slate Plus: Slate.com/Prudiepod. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

First up: an exciting update on the one true way to date a former boss and how Prudie helped make it happen. Then, your letters! My mom wants me to discourage my daughter from doing “boy” things. My friends are convinced my boyfriend is a stalker! My boyfriend has bad table manners and I’m worried it’s going to have professional consequences for him. Help! I want to support a business trying to unionize, but I don’t know how to do it. And finally: is there a way to ask out a former student that isn’t creepy? Hear more Prudence by joining Slate Plus: Slate.com/Prudiepod. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Today, it’s a coming out party for first-time fig-eaters, brothers, people who don’t want to talk about their hair, artists, and more! First up: My dad wants my brother to wait to tell my conservative grandma he’s gay, but I think he should come out now. Who’s right? Then: I told my friend I loved her – now I want her out of my life and she won’t go away. Help! My parents stifled my creativity as a kid and now I’m terrified to try to use my artistic talents. I’m a cancer survivor – how do I tell my well-meaning co-workers to stop commenting on my hair growing back? And finally: is it transphobic to want a divorce from a partner who wants to transition? Hear more Prudence by joining Slate Plus: Slate.com/Prudiepod. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Today we’ve got a very important update regarding the bidet letter! Then, Ali St. James & Olivia Pourzia join Prudie to triple-team your problems. My parents are insisting on helping me furnish my grad school apartment, but keep hinting that it’s a financial burden on them. I abandoned the daughter I was forced to have – am I heartless? Help! My husband died in a car accident and all I feel is relief – what does this say about me? How can I get my best friend to be more open with me? And finally: my neighbors’ dog barks all day long – what do I do? Hear more Prudence by joining Slate Plus: Slate.com/Prudiepod. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices