Dear Prudence | Advice On Relationships, Sex, Work, Family, And Life

Danny Lavery welcomes Kyle Lukoff, a pre-tipping point transsexual who used to be a school librarian but now writes children's books full-time. Lavery and Lukoff tackle two two letters. First, from someone who’s close friend is shaming them for having a long distance relationship. Another letter writer is overwhelmed with the choices at a sperm bank. Plus, Lukoff talks about publishing his first board book.  Slate Plus members get another episode of Big Mood, Little Mood every Friday: sign up now! Need advice? Send Danny a question here. Email: mood@slate.com Production by Phil Surkis Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Danny Lavery welcomes Colette Arrand, a transsexual poet from Athens, Georgia. She is the author of the poetry collection Hold Me Gorilla Monsoon, and is the editor of FanFyte, the wrestling section of Fanbyte Media. Lavery and Arrand take on two letters. First, from someone who can’t stop thinking about their partner’s dating history. Another letter writer identifies as a lesbian, but is getting push-back from her friends. Plus, Lavery asks Arrand about her lifelong passion for poetry and wrestling. Slate Plus members get another episode of Big Mood, Little Mood every Friday: sign up now! Need advice? Send Danny a question here. Email: mood@slate.com Production by Phil Surkis Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Danny Lavery welcomes Wendy Lee, an associate professor in the English Department at New York University. She studies and writes about the history of the novel and philosophies of emotions and is currently working on a new book called Jane Austen & the End of Life. Lavery and Lee tackle two letters. First, from someone who wants to have a third child, despite her husband’s concern about passing along a rare genetic condition. Another letter writer is depressed about getting cut off by her close friend, and is wondering how much she can push for answers. Plus Lavery and Lee discuss Jane Austen and her devoted fans, or “Janeites”. Slate Plus members get another episode of Big Mood, Little Mood every Friday: sign up now! Need advice? Send Danny a question here. Email: mood@slate.com Production by Phil Surkis Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Danny Lavery welcomes Ali Vingiano is a filmmaker and actor, whose work includes writing and producing for the Emmy-winning series The Morning Show, and starring in her first feature film, The End Of Us. Lavery and Vingiano take on two letters. First, from someone who is exhausted by people trying to guess why she is ill. Another letter writer is mortified that a neighbor has started angrily knocking on their door while they’re having sex. Plus, a deep dive into Vingiano’s first feature film, The End Of Us. Slate Plus members get another episode of Big Mood, Little Mood every Friday: sign up now! Give the gift of Plus to a fellow Slate fan and they’ll receive all the benefits of membership: unlimited reading, ad-free listening, bonus content, and so much more. Learn more here. Need advice? Send Danny a question here. Email: mood@slate.com Production by Phil Surkis Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Danny Lavery welcomes Olivia Charmaine Morris, Founder & CEO of Black Monarch Entertainment. Her new IG Live lifestyle series, "The Tea," invites celebrity guests to participate in intimate conversations.  Lavery and Charmaine Morris tackle three letters. First, from someone wondering if the grief they feel for a teacher from their distant past is out of proportion. Another letter writer is trying not to get discouraged in finding a musical mentor. Our final letter is from someone whose close friends always start dating each other. Slate Plus members get another episode of Big Mood, Little Mood every Friday: sign up now! Need advice? Send Danny a question here. Email: mood@slate.com Production by Phil Surkis Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Danny Lavery welcomes Edgar Gomez, the author of the forthcoming memoir High-Risk Homosexual, about coming-of-age as a queer, Latinx person in a culture of machismo.  Lavery and Gomez take on two letters. First, from someone wondering how to confront their subtly transphobic boss. Another letter writer is wondering what the rules are for dating when you are a pre-T trans guy. Gomez takes us “behind the scenes” into the making of his memoir. Plus, a listener update from “Sad in the Southwest”. Slate Plus members get another episode of Big Mood, Little Mood every Friday: sign up now! Need advice? Send Danny a question here. Email: mood@slate.com Production by Phil Surkis Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Danny Lavery welcomes Jo Livingstone, the culture staff writer for The New Republic, and the most recent recipient of the Nona Balakian Citation for Excellence in Reviewing from the National Book Critics' Circle. Lavery and Livingstone take on two letters. First, from an office manager who wants to make sure everyone feels free to use their preferred pronouns. Another letter writer is overwhelmed by her friend’s requests to “pray for them”.  Slate Plus members get another episode of Big Mood, Little Mood every Friday: sign up now! Need advice? Send Danny a question here. Email: mood@slate.com Production by Phil Surkis Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Danny Lavery welcomes Tori Bedford, a writer and journalist based in Boston. Lavery and Bedford take on two letters. First, from a letter writer who isn’t sure how to let her new social circle know that they are not transgender. Then, another letter writer is wondering how to create better boundaries with her new, overbearing mother-in-law. Plus Bedford discusses her recent work on the “Mass and Cass” area of Boston. Slate Plus members get another episode of Big Mood, Little Mood every Friday: sign up now! Need advice? Send Danny a question here. Email: mood@slate.com Production by Phil Surkis Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Danny Lavery welcomes Grace Bonney, author of Collective Wisdom: Lessons, Inspiration, and Advice from Women over 50. Lavery and Bonney take on two letters. First, from a letter writer who’s scared to let his family know that his passion is poetry. Another letter writer is trying to figure out how to stop solving everyone’s crises, and have a life of their own. Plus, a deep dive into Bonney’s Collective Wisdom. Slate Plus members get another episode of Big Mood, Little Mood every Friday: sign up now! Need advice? Send Danny a question here. Email: mood@slate.com Production by Phil Surkis Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Danny Lavery welcomes Folu Akinkuotu, the creator of Unsnackable, a newsletter about rare and inaccessible snacks around the world. Lavery and Akinkuoto tackle two letters: First, from a letter writer who thinks her boyfriend should save his life and quit his job. Another letter writer is wondering how to talk about weight loss without offending anyone at work. Plus, the story behind Unsnackable. Slate Plus members get another episode of Big Mood, Little Mood every Friday: sign up now! Need advice? Send Danny a question here. Email: mood@slate.com Production by Phil Surkis Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Danny Lavery welcomes adrienne maree brown, an author and the writer in residence at the Emergent Strategy Ideation Institute. brown recently published Grievers, the first in her novella series with Black Dawn Imprint. She’s also the co-host of the podcasts, How To Survive The End Of The World, and Octavia’s Parables. Lavery and brown tackle two letters: First, from a letter writer can’t help her spouse to help out while she’s pregnant. Another letter writer is afraid they might have ruined a friendship after saying too much while drunk. Plus, a deep dive into brown’s Grievers. Slate Plus members get another episode of Big Mood, Little Mood every Friday: sign up now! Need advice? Send Danny a question here. Email: mood@slate.com Production by Phil Surkis Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Danny Lavery welcomes Daniel Cohen, a Ph.D. chemical biologist working at a small biotech startup that is developing a new generation of antibiotics and anticancer drugs.  Lavery and Cohen take on three letters: First, from a letter writer whose laid-up roommate is barking demands. Another letter writer is wondering how to get started in getting involved in community issues. Plus, a check-in into the world of chemical biology.  Slate Plus members get another episode of Big Mood, Little Mood every Friday: sign up now! Need advice? Send Danny a question here. Email: mood@slate.com Production by Phil Surkis Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Danny Lavery welcomes Melissa Hughs, an R&D Scientist who designs medical tests.  Lavery and Hughs take on three letters: First, from a letter writer who wants to cut off their parents, but not the rest of their family. Another letter writer is wondering how to establish online friendships. Finally, a lightning round question about how to introduce your trans teenager. Slate Plus members get another episode of Big Mood, Little Mood every Friday: sign up now! Need advice? Send Danny a question here. Email: mood@slate.com Production by Phil Surkis Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Danny Lavery welcomes Lux Alptraum, the creator and co-host of Audible’s Say You’re Sorry, a podcast about public apologies — the ones that worked, the ones that failed, and, most of all, the ones that we can all learn from. Lavery and Alptraum read two letters: First, from a letter writer who is wondering how to get her friends to back off from flirting with her girlfriend. Another writer wants to overcome her guilt for mocking her date on social media. Plus, reframing apologies as good things. Slate Plus members get another episode of Big Mood, Little Mood every Friday. Sign up for Slate Plus now and get $25 off your first year. Need advice? Send Danny a question here. Email: mood@slate.com Production by Phil Surkis Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Danny Lavery welcomes Uli Beutter Cohen, a New York City–based documentarian, artist, and the creator of Subway Book Review. Her first book, Between the Lines: Stories from the Underground, will be published on October 26th. Lavery and Beutter Cohen tackle two letters: First, from a letter writer who is wondering how to trust a once close friend who hurt her. Another writer wants to overcome her jealousy to experiment with an open marriage. Plus a deep dive in Beutter Cohen’s new book, Between the Lines. Slate Plus members get another episode of Big Mood, Little Mood every Friday. Sign up for Slate Plus now and get $25 off your first year. Need advice? Send Danny a question here. Email: mood@slate.com Production by Phil Surkis Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Danny Lavery welcomes Margaret Josephs, author of the memoir, Caviar Dreams, Tuna Fish Budget: How To Survive In Business and Life. Josephs also hosts a podcast with the same  Lavery and Josephs tackle three letters: First, from a letter writer who discovered some alarming issues after becoming her grandmother's bookkeeper. Another writer doesn’t know whether to share or destroy her box of letters written during a tough time. The final letter is from someone questioning the “rules” of ghosting. Plus, a deep dive into Joseph’s new book. Slate Plus members get another episode of Big Mood, Little Mood every Friday. Sign up for Slate Plus now and get $25 off your first year. Need advice? Send Danny a question here. Email: mood@slate.com Production by Phil Surkis Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Danny Lavery welcomes Catherine Baab-Muguira, author Poe for Your Problems: Uncommon Advice from History’s Least Likely Self-Help Guru. Lavery and Baab-Muguira tackle three letters: First, from a letter writer who’s feeling overwhelmed in her polyamorous relationship. Another writer is wondering if she should tell the people who live in her childhood home about a secret room. The final letter is from someone wondering if they should rethink giving away part of their inheritance. Plus, a deep dive into Baab-Muguira’s new book. Slate Plus members get another episode of Big Mood, Little Mood every Friday: sign up now! Need advice? Send Danny a question here. Email: mood@slate.com Production by Phil Surkis Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Danny Lavery welcomes Angelica Jade Bastién, essayist for New York Magazine’s site, Vulture. Lavery and Bastién tackle two letters: First, from a writer who is wondering if it’s reasonable to revive a casual friendship. The second letter is from someone who is wondering if she should identify herself as disabled. Plus, Lavery and Bastién talk about how Billy Wilder films can often be just what the doctor ordered. Slate Plus members get another episode of Big Mood, Little Mood every Friday: sign up now! Need advice? Send Danny a question here. Email: mood@slate.com Production by Phil Surkis Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Danny Lavery welcomes Divya Victor, a poet, author, and an Associate Professor of English at Michigan State University. She recently published CURB (Nightboat Books), which documents how immigrants and Americans navigate the liminal sites of everyday living. Lavery and Victor tackle two letters: First, from a letter writer who is wondering how to tell her friend that she may have married a criminal. Another letter writer is wondering if she should just fail most of her students, since online classes have made it easier to plagiarize.  Slate Plus members get another episode of Big Mood, Little Mood every Friday: sign up now! Need advice? Send Danny a question here. Email: mood@slate.com Production by Phil Surkis Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Danny Lavery welcomes Marissa Miller, author of Pretty Weird: Overcoming Impostor Syndrome and Other Oddly Empowering Lessons (Skyhorse)  Lavery and Miller tackle two letters: First, from a letter writer who is wondering if she should put the energy into exposing her ex-husband’s lies. Another letter writer is wondering how to keep their really bad FOMO from upsetting their partner.   Slate Plus members get another episode of Big Mood, Little Mood every Friday: sign up now! Need advice? Send Danny a question here. Email: mood@slate.com Production by Phil Surkis Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices