Cry Me A Riverdale

Season 2 Chapter 30: The Noose Tightens Chapter 30: No description this week because we were joined by the co-writer of this very episode: Britta Lundin! You can tell Jon is excited. It's kind of adorable. But Did You Know: Britta wrote a very good book and you should very check it out! www.brittalundin.com/projects/

Chapter 29: Hiram's plans start to unravel and it puts Archie in a precarious situation, Jughead gets serious about what being an activist actually means, and Fred considers shopping for a new son because his old one got kinda broken.

Chapter 28: Manipulations are in full effect for Riverdale: Fred runs for mayor, Chic reveals a lot about himself in increasingly strange ways, and Jughead questions Deep Throat.

Chapter 27: Jughead readies his arm cannons for war with Hiram, Veronica must hide the truth about her father from her friends, and Cheryl rules forever!

Chapter 26: Betty loses all of her sleep--just all of it, Hiram turns over a new leaf right on Jughead's face, and Archie's performs a small miracle and retains his shirt for an entire episode.

Chapter 25: Archie goes down that twisted well of mobster activity, Ronnie both worries and doesn't worry about that exact thing, and the beheaded statue takes center, headless stage. Cheryl isn't in this episode. (with Special Guest, Mikey's sister, Stephanie!)

Chapter 24: Being openly manipulated by Hiram, Archie takes up wrestling, Betty finds out some things out about Chic people probably shouldn't be shaming in 2018, and HAL IS THE WORST PERSON EVER INVENTED DIE IN A BEAR, HAL.

Chapter 23: Jughead takes all the overreaction pills this week as Southside High gets the break of a lifetime, not that he noticed. Oh, and we meet "Chig." Welcome back to Riverdale, everyone!

BONUS EPISODE: Smallville gets BIG on this week's CMAR. If you see one episode of Smallville, make it the pilot. And then listen to us talk about Superman a lot--a whole lot--an embarrassing amount--it's all Superman this week.

BONUS EPISODE: Hey, we watched the pilot for Charmed. This is not a commentary on the quality of the show, whatsoever. It is commentary on simply: the pilot. Please enjoy!

Chapter 22: Veronica gets her hands dirty(er,) Betty and Archie get up close and recklessly personal with the Black Hood, and Jughead stares off into the distance, longingly. Our 2017 Riverdale FINALE (we'll be back next week, though, with a SURPRISE).

Chapter 21: Jughead and Betty get some unexpected and hugely welcome news about F.P. Jones, Archie and Veronica figure out they can't communicate so well, AND THEN EVERYTHING SUCKS FOREVER AND YOU'RE NOT EVEN MY REAL DAD *SLAMS DOOR*

Chapter 20: Jughead goes for a ride with the Candyman, Josie loses two Pussycats but gains a heart and Veronica catches a glimpse of Sheriff OCP. Or should I say Sheriff ABS?

Chapter 19: Mayor McCoy and Sheriff OCP lose their damn minds, Jughead stands up to them losing their damn minds, and Betty searches for the illusive Sugarman (who has almost certainly lost his or her damn mind).

Chapter 18: Betty gets gaslit by the best of 'em, Ronnie's ghoul comes back to BE HORRIBLE ALWAYS FOREVER, and somebody gets exactly what is coming to them. Trigger warning for real: episode contains attempted sexual assault.

Chapter 17: Betty makes a lot mistakes, Archie makes way more mistakes, the town begins to fracture at the seams, sides become a lot harder to draw, and we are no longer bleeping swearing because it's so infrequent anyway. Love youuuuuuu.

Chapter 16: Archie has a gun and Janie got jealous. Everything is existential horror all the time. Jughead catches a break (bone).

Chapter 15: As terror looms over the kids of Riverdale, Betty takes on yet another side project to wildly fantastic results, and Jughead learns that actions are going to have consequences--oh--and Archie buys a gun because the store was out of brains. RIVERDALE!

Chapter 14: Fred has a most relaxing day as he clings to life due to the events of our first season finale, we meet Hiram--finally, and everybody else acts varying degrees of straight trippin'.

Tonight on Cry Me a Gilmore Girls: The Pilot. A lot of people talk a lot and it's great. That's the show. Hope you like talking because now we're gonna talk about all of this talking on the talking show. It's a show where people actually work shit out by talking. And they talk WELL.