Deanne Smith's Questionable At Best

This week’s question: How hard is life, man? This week’s quote: “Where ever you are, just head the opposite direction you’re going, and you’ll be A-OK.” My good buddy John Hastings and I sat in Melbourne’s premiere “colonnade” cafe and talked about many of life’s difficulties: over-caffeination, weird crowds, mourning, and poop. Bonus shout out to our cute waitress! (But not the fake-smiley one.)

This week’s question: How did you feel about the latest podcast? This week’s quote: “This consent thing has gotten way out of hand.” This episode was born when Robby Hoffman sent me text saying, “Latest podcast ep was off the chain so many feelings about it.” After brunch, we took to the mics to get into it. Hear Robby’s many (hilarious) opinions on everything from fisting to consent to lube to guacamole to my previous relationships. And be warned: It gets real sappy and real real in there at some point.

This week’s question: What’s the worst sex you’ve ever had? This week’s quote: “I was cuddled for hours. It wasn’t consensual cuddling.” Autostraddle’s NSFW editor talks bad sex, good sex, kinkiness, the importance or lack thereof of dental dams, and even chucks in a few vibrator recommendations for y’all. Meanwhile, I get shy. Would I call this episode essential listening? I would. I just did. Enjoy. Oh, and go get Lesbian Sexting the zine: lesbiansexting.bigcartel.com.

This week’s question: Are relationships like drugs? This week’s quote: “You’re on that methadone for the rest of your life.” My Horrible Things cohort and I talk relationships, drugs and plenty of other stuff. As is the way with this podcast, things get all intimate and hilarious. Listen in for Leighland’s main selling point, my multiple marriage proposals, and the birth of www.snugglepile.ca.  Oh, and LEIGHLAND’S VOICE IS AMAZING.

This week’s question: How do you deal with criticism? This week’s quote: “Just trying to breathe and not take everything so personally.” Guys, there is gold hidden in this here episode! Find out how event coordinator and feminist porn producer Jesse Rae West deals with criticism, but also get some hot tips on consent, how to approach people in public, and threesomes. In the second half of the chat, Jesse fields your life-real questions from the internet. Oh and check out www.thespitmagazine.com if you want.

This week’s question: What’s the secret to a good relationship? This week’s quote: “Seventy percent of it is just luck.” Okay, then what’s the other 30%? The secret to a good relationship might just be eating lentils, dancing with 50,000 lesbians and having a heck of a lot of FUN, according to these two. I don’t know about you, but that sounds about right to me. Listen in for hot tips and a bunch of cuteness. Oh, and Australian accents!

This week’s question: How are you? This week’s quote: “I’m wearing pants.” This solo podcast is FRESH OFF THE PRESS* you guys! How are you? I’m genuinely curious. If you want to know how I am, listen in for talk of upstate New York, pizza, relationships, and family members of mine who are refusing to wear pants. *podcast-recording equipment  

This week’s question: What’s your personal brand? This week’s quote: “I very quietly don’t want to eat cheese.” In an effort to define our “personal brands,” all-around cool chick Stef Schwartz and I delve into the four standard lesbian looks, Applebees, big jeans with baby tees, Fairuza Balk and a necklace of human teeth, among other things. (Among other things: J-Wow and t.A.T.u.*) We eventually settle on a pretty definitive personal brand that turns out to be our collective brand as well. Curious? Go listen!   *Yes, I had to look up how to capitalize that correctly.  

This week’s question: What’s better: food or sex? This week’s quote: “Food’s always been there for me. Sex hasn’t.” Eman and I answer an age-old question and in the process uncover why New York City pizza is top-notch, what we’d do if we had two days left to live, and what foodstuffs best combine for sexy times. Oh, and it turns out I’d pretty much always rather read than have sex with strangers. Who knew?  

This week’s question: Where should I be in my life? This week’s quote: “This is the thing that eats away at me.” Where should we be in our lives? This is a bonus long podcast, ’cause that is a gosh darn meaty question. Get ready for some philosophical ramblings, talk of mortality, cats purring into microphones, Percy Bysshe Shelley, hot burning hearts (literally), and Chipotle? Yup, Chipotle.

This week’s question: Is it possible to reinvent yourself? This week’s quote: “Yes and no. Maybe. Sure. I’m not one to believe in things.” My buddy Paul Aflalo (aka Paolo Flores) and I ponder whether it’s possible to reinvent ourselves. In the process, there are a lot of silly jokes and I get reinvented as his boyfriend, Dean. I think we live in Paris now.

This week’s question: How can you come out “better” on the other side of the break up? This week’s quote: “You go from moments of ‘Hey I’m gonna be okay’ to ‘Oh my god, I could lie down on the sidewalk right now and cry.'” This episode is truly questionable (at best). We (and some strangers*) have a lot of suggestions on how you can get to the other side after a break up: scream-weeping, moving on to the next one, and maybe even drugs? *Some were ghosts. You’ll see.

This week’s question: Are your Facebook friends idiots? This week’s quote: “I flushed out the offender and then I reinstated everybody.” Jess Salomon is back on the ol’ ‘cast to talk about Facebook “debates,” the Israeli-Palestinian conflict, and a guy who calls himself Bacardi Thundercock. Oh, and she drops a casual reference to how she’s friends with war criminals. You should probably listen to this one; trust me, you don’t want to get on this chick’s bad side.

This week’s question: What can’t you do? This week’s quote: “I really, really don’t like not being good at things.” I interviewed Cee because I think she’s good at life and I want to know her secrets. (Spoiler alert: her secrets are mostly confidence and Youtube.) I hope you like this one as much as I do. Consider asking yourself what you can’t do and why.  (‘Cause I bet you can do that thing if you really want to.) Oh, and do you know how to open a can of beans without a can opener? Well, YOU DO NOW:

This week’s question: How can we fight stress? This week’s quote: “Let the hurricanes turn into feathers.” Writer, comedian and head mopper at Théâtre Sainte Catherine Alain Mercieca talks stress and depression. This one gets extra real around 24 minutes in. (Before that, it’s still great though.) Oh, and he calls me a “lost soul,” which I don’t mind at all. Listen to the very end for real and practical stress-fighting tips.

This week’s question: How can you be more confident? This week’s quote: “I’m always ready for the next fail.” I spoke to comedian Morgan O’Shea about confidence and ended up concluding that maybe he has some kind of OCD. You be the judge. Also included: hot, hot tips from the internet for gaining real-life confidence! (Hint: it’s mostly about owning “it.”) Oh. Oh! And Morgan mentions an audition in this episode. Guess what? HE GOT IT! He was in Just for Laughs Homegrown Comedy Competition in July 2014. Good job, buddy.

This week’s question: Would you rather…? This week’s quote: “I’d jerk off a goat.” I forgot to do an intro on this one, but you don’t need it. A rousing game of “Would you rather” with a mastermind of the genre. Special appearances include Ke$ha, Jamie Kennedy, bee sneezes, baby jerky, and your mom. This one will make you think. And probably cringe.

This week’s question: Why vagina? This week’s quote: “White cotton panties are not covering up something you don’t want.” I get this sexy burlesquer to talk vagina with me, and we spend a fair amount of time on punctuation. Yup. Be warned: lots of giggling. Image photo credit: Andrea Hausmann

This week’s question: What are you afraid of? This week’s quote: “I could have horrible children.” Me and my buddy talk fear. Since I’m afraid of pretty much everything, I let her do most of the talking. Nazis, teacups, kidnapping, drugs…it’s all in there.

This week’s question: What’s a third culture kid? This week’s quote: “I’ve been in jail in Czechoslovakia.” I spoke to entrepreneur Lama Hamad, a third culture kid and global ping pong ball. Listen in for a spot-on New Zealand accent, some Newfoundland slang, and a tale of lawlessness, danger, and intrigue.