Sex Out Loud With Tristan Taormino

Journalist Tracy Clark Flory joins Tristan Taormino to talk about her new memoir Want Me: A Sex Writer's Journey into the Heart of Desire. They discuss her early interest in sex and how her attitudes were influenced by her hippie parents, the media, and HBO’s Real Sex. As a young adult, she struggles with failing at being a woman, and she searches for “what men want” and her own desirability through porn, strip clubs, sex writing, and a lot of casual sex. She comes clean about being an orgasm faker during this time, and they unpack why. She shares when she began to challenge the paradoxical sexual norms of our society and center her own desire, pleasure, and power. They delve into how her mother’s death affected her sex life, her orgasmic breakthrough, and what she’s learned from visiting porn film sets. The book is deeply personal, yet brilliantly analyzes the social and political forces that shape the current sexual landscape. Special thanks to Calm and Sakara for their support of this episode. Tracy Clark-

In part 2 of a 2 part series on the new book We Too: Essays on Sex Work and Survival, contributors join Tristan Taormino to read from their chapters in the book and discuss how sex workers have been left out of the #MeToo movement. Selena the Stripper, host of the podcast Heaux in the Kneaux, shares faer foreword where fae talks about first forays into SW and becoming a stripper and activist for stripper’s rights. Writer/activist Vanessa Carlisle tells the story about forming Hooker’s Army, a peer support and self defense collective for sex workers. Tina Horn, who served as assistant editor, reads from and discusses her deeply personal and fascinating piece on sex, power, cults, and BDSM. Special thanks to Calm and Sakara. Selena the Stripper is a sex worker, sex work labor advocate, blogger, podcaster, and artist. Fae is president of Strippers United, formerly known as Soldiers of Pole, which is a labor coalition of strippers, other sex workers and their legal team who are fighting for the right to a safe eq

Editor Natalie West joins Tristan Taormino in part 1 of a 2 part series on her new book We Too: Essays on Sex Work and Survival. In the wake of the #MeToo resurgence, sex workers of all kinds were hesitant to tell their stories of harassment, coercion, and assault. If sex workers (SWers) tell stories of being victimized, it confirms what people already think they know: sex work is degrading and dangerous. If they don’t speak, they can’t get community support, resources, a chance to speak their truth, and, in rare cases, justice. Natalie talks about sex work labor, victimhood, the problematic movement to “save” SWers, the role of law enforcement, and the conflation of sex work and trafficking. There is deep resilience and hope in this book which shows how organizing is a tool of empowerment and healing.   Natalie West is a Los Angeles based writer and educator. She worked as a professional Dominatrix while obtaining her PhD in Gender Studies. She moonlights as a sex work and BDSM authenticity consultant for fi

Dr. Elisabeth “Eli” Sheff joins Tristan Taormino to talk about her latest book Children in Polyamorous Families, which is based on her groundbreaking 20+ year Polyamorous Family Study, which is the only longitudinal study of polyamorous families with children to date. She talks about the advantages for children raised with polyamorous parents as well as the unique challenges they face. Plus: how does growing up in a polyamorous household affect their attitudes about communication, relationships, and love? Eli works with the team that developed the Bonding Project, an app that can help people figure out what kind of relationship style works best for them: one-to-one, one-to-many, many-to-many, or solo. Tristan takes the test and Eli tells her about her results. Special thanks to Calm and Like A Kitten for their support of this episode. Dr. Sheff is a researcher, expert witness, coach, speaker, and educational consultant. With a PhD in Sociology and certification as a Sexuality Educator from the AASECT, Dr. She

Director/co-producer Jeff M. Giordano and interview subjects Imani Johann and Jade Theriault join Tristan Taormino to talk about the groundbreaking full length animated documentary Romantic Chorus. The film is focused on sex and romantic connections featuring 21 diverse interviews with people from a wide range of genders, cultural backgrounds, abilities, and sexual orientations as they discuss sex, monogamy, fear and technology. Jeff talks about the process of making the film and what surprised him along the way. The group has a lively discussion about desire, dating, intimacy, polyamory, cyborgs, and even dick pics and The Bachelorette! Special thanks to Sakara and Dipsea for their support of this show. Jeff M. Giordano has been directing documentaries since 2004. In 2020, he won an award for Disability Justice for the 70 minute documentary The God Given Talent: the Creative Life of Charles Curtis Blackwell. Imani Johann is a 31-year-old queer black Philadelphia native who owns Decadent d'Vices with a missio

Tristan Taormino welcomes relationship, leadership and business coach Shana James to explore men, masculinity, and vulnerability. They talk about the rigid gender roles men are expected to embody, the effects of toxic masculinity, and the challenges many men face in sex and relationships. They cover the problematic nature of some men’s coaches and “men’s work.” She shares some of the most common issues her clients come to her with including confusion, fear, and desire and the importance of men’s vulnerability in order to have satisfying relationships. They dig into changing gender roles, power dynamics, and women’s emotional labor in relationships. For 15 years, Shana James coached more than a thousand leaders, CEOs, authors, speakers and people with big visions to find love, rekindle spark, step into more powerful leadership, start and grow businesses, increase their impact, create a legacy, and become more personally inspired and fulfilled. She cuts through distraction and provides direct access to confiden

Sex and relationship coach Stacie Ysidro joins Tristan Taormino to talk about sex and sobriety. We discuss the challenges people experience with sex and relationships when they get sober, including anxiety, depression, fear, and disconnection. She uses many different modalities to help navigate these often new and complex waters, including sexology education, breathwork, movement, sounding, zen philosophy, somatic coaching, and Tantra. She explains what “spiritual death” and how her approach is rooted deeply in embodiment and spirituality. We also wrestle around with the problems with the concept of sex addiction. Special thanks to Sakara and Dipsea for their support of this show. Stacie Ysidro, founder of Holistic Progressions, has been coaching individuals and couples throughout the United States over 10 years. Her passion is helping people experience erotic freedom, full self acceptance and expression with grace and ease. She most enjoys seeing the transformations in people's sex lives extrapolate into all

Kaytlin Bailey joins Tristan Taormino to talk about the history of sex work in the U.S—a piece of history that has been undocumented and ignored. She shares stories from her YouTube video “U.S. History from a Whore's Eye View” including the life of black trans sex worker Mary Jones in the 1800s and the connection between World War I, the military, STDs, and policing sex worker bodies. As in her podcast, she profiles a diverse array of people, and we dig into the lives and careers of Valerie Solanas and Cardi B. Kaytlin makes the connection between past and present sex worker experiences, criminalization, and their relationship to societal norms about women. She makes a compelling argument for why we should all care about whorephobia and sex workers. Kaytlin Bailey is a natural born contrarian and professional provocateur. Stand up comic, writer, sex worker advocate and host of the The Oldest Profession Podcast, she has dedicated her life to telling better sex worker stories. Special thanks for support from Sa

Journalist, activist and author Kelly Cogswell joins Tristan Taormino to talk about the history of Lesbian Avengers, queer activism and lots more. She talks about the inception, rabble rousing, direct actions, and ultimate end of the Lesbian Avengers. We discuss how the group internally grappled with race, class, culture as well as different goals; she shares her insight into social justice activism, what remains similar and what has changed. She shares her thoughts on the state of democracy and why we need free speech and fair media more than ever. She has an interesting take on the precarity of Roe v. Wade and the confirmation of ultra-conservative Amy Coney Barrett to the U.S. Supreme Court. Why is the word lesbian important and what happens to lesbian visibility in a time of no labels and the proliferation of many more sexual orientations? Prize-winning journalist and author Kelly Cogswell was awarded the Joan Heller-Diane Bernard Fellowship for her project documenting the Lesbian Avengers. Her book, Eati

Sex and intimacy coach and educator Dr. Alison Ash joins Tristan Taormino to talk about desire, intimacy, embodiment and caring for our nervous systems. We discuss the power of both desire and sexual shame and how to confront both. She covers some basics about how our nervous systems work, defines embodiment, and offers strategies for nervous system care. We talk about how to respond to stresses, triggers, and emotional dysregulation in ourselves and our partners. She explores why embodiment and nervous system care are important for creating and sustaining healthy intimacy and relationships. Dr. Alison Ash is a trauma-informed sex and intimacy coach and educator, lecturer at Stanford University, author, and founder of TurnON.love. A champion for others overcoming shame and deepening pleasure, Dr. Ash helps her clients experience the kinds of sexual interactions and romantic relationships they long for.     As a sociologist with a PhD from Stanford, Dr. Ash has a comprehensive understanding of the complex soci

The hosts of the Multiamory podcast Emily Matlack, Jase Lindgren, and Dedeker Winston join Tristan Taormino to talk about solo polyamory, relationship anarchy and sex positivity. We talk about what solo polyamory means, why people chose it, how they practice it, and what it looks like during a pandemic. We get into the basics of relationship anarchy as a philosophy and style and what it’s like in the real world. We have a discussion about sex-positivity, sex negativity, and how COVID-19 has affected attitudes about sex and dating. Plus, we address the current controversy over swingers going back to holding in-person events. Because this foursome has extensive experience with nonmonogamy, this is an in depth conversation where everyone shares some really personal stuff. This episode is possible because of the generosity of Calm (calm.com/tristan) and Dipsea dipdeastories.com/tristan.   Emily Matlack is a relationship mediator, specializing in jealousy management, an actor, and a proud vegan. She is the funny b

Tristan Taormino gives you her 2020 Holiday Gift Guide that highlights independent, POC owned, queer owned, woman owned, and sex worker owned small businesses. She’s got something for everyone, including sex toys from Satisfyer (Satisfyer.com) and FemmeFunn, a box of sexy goodies by Like A Kitten, biodegradable glitter, cocktail mixers, leatherwork from New Orleans you can find at Dynamo Toys, botanical oils, candles, sexy clothes, and revolutionary art. Plus, therapist Kate Loree joins us to talk about tools and strategies and self care for surviving this holiday season. Kate Loree, LMFT is a sex positive licensed marriage and family therapist with a specialty in non-monogamous, kink, LGBTQ and sex worker communities. In addition to her Masters in Marriage and Family Therapy, she is also a registered art therapist (ATR) and has a second Masters in Business Administration (MBA). She has been practicing psychotherapy for seventeen years and has additional training in EMDR and the Trauma Resiliency Model (TRM)

Comedian, actress, writer/director Melanie Vesey digs deep in her soul and covers a lot of ground in this interview with Tristan Taormino. Her experience with intimate partner violence just as her acting career was taking off was heartbreaking, and she talks about how she recovered from the trauma (and turned it into comedy 20 years later). We talk about what it’s like to co-parent her son with his dad, and her description of talking openly about sex with him is inspiring and hilarious. We also talk about Promotional Rescue, her promotion coaching business for artists and small business owners. Plus, we listen to an excerpt from her stand up special Wild Animal (video on Amazon and RevrtTV, audio on all major streaming platforms). Special thanks to Sakara and Intensity by Pour Moi. Melanie Vesey is an accomplished comedian, actress, writer/director, and owner of Promotional Rescue. Her comedy special/album Wild Animal is available to watch on Amazon, Revry TV and to listen to all major streaming platforms. Sh

Ashley Manta, Kiana Reeves, and John Renko join Tristan Taormino to talk about cannabis, sexual health, and pleasure. We talk about how cannabis products, including arousal oil, lubricants, and suppositories can treat sexual pain, inflammation, and trouble with arousal. We go over the difference between a CBD product and one with CBD and THC and how to be an informed consumer in a market that has been flooded with unregulated CBD products. As medical professionals often invalidate, pathologize, or simply have no solutions for pelvic pain, vaginismus, and vulvodynia, cannabis is a natural, plant-based medicine that offers real relief. Special thanks for the support of Dipsea, Care/Of, and Calm. Ashley Manta is an award-winning sex educator and coach and has become a sought-after authority on mindfully combining sex and cannabis as part of her CannaSexual® brand. She is the author of The CBD Solution: Sex, published in conjunction with Merry Jane and Chronicle Books. She also writes for Playboy as a Playboy Adv

Tristan Taormino welcomes Intactivist Georganne Chapin from Intact America to educate listeners on the anatomy and sexual importance of the foreskin of the penis. No professional medical association in the United States or the rest of the world recommends routine circumcision, yet it’s incredibly prevalent in America. We discuss the debate surrounding routine circumcision in male infants. What are some of the arguments about why circumcision is necessary, and how many of them stand up to fact-checking and science? Does opposing circumcision devalue cultural and religious practices? We talk about what role the foreskin plays in solo and partnered sex and how leaving the penis intact affects people’s sex lives. There has been a global outcry about female genital mutilation (FGM), but not about penile circumcision, a similar procedure—why is that? How does the Intactivist Movement to end child genital cutting intersect with efforts to end FGM and activism to stop doctors from medically intervening when someone i

Lydia X. Z. Brown, Leah Lakshmi Piepzna-Samarasinha, and Katie Tastrom join Tristan Taormino to talk about disability justice, sex, and relationships. We explore the question: what does it mean to apply a Disability Justice lens to sexuality and sex-positive culture? What are the effects when Black and Brown disabled people are hypersexualized, desexualized or degendered? On an interpersonal level, desexualization assumes disabled folks don’t have agency or skill when it comes to their sexuality and can put pressure on them to perform a kind of hypersexuality. We discuss desirability and undesirability, strength-based approaches to disability and sexuality, disabled sex workers, and the overwhelming amount of sexual violence disabled people face. We also delve into ableism, politics, and representation in the legal case of Marjorie Anna Stubblefield who had a sexual relationship with D.J., a non-verbal man with cerebral palsy. This episode is sponsored by Calm and Dipsea. Lydia X. Z. Brown is a disability jus

Therapist Jessica Fern joins Tristan Taormino to talk about her new book Polysecure: Attachment, Trauma, and Consensual Nonmonogamy. We talk about the basics of attachment theory and how to challenge the inherent mononormativity in it in order to apply it to nonmonogamy, especially polyamory. There is an in-depth discussion of childhood and ongoing trauma and how it relates to our relationships as well as the effects of larger societal systems on our sense of identity, safety, and security. We explore the co-regulation of our nervous systems, the difference between secure connection and a securely attached relationship, tools to help people and their partners learn about their attachment styles and become polysecure. Polysecure is the first book of its kind to look at nonmonogamy through the lens of attachment theory expansively without pathologizing it. Special thanks to Dipsea and Intensity Pour Moi for making this show possible. Jessica Fern is a psychotherapist, public speaker and trauma and relationship

This show is all about sexual fantasies! Tristan Taormino talks to Dr. Justin Lehmiller about his book Tell Me What You Want: The Science of Sexual Desire and How It Can Help You Improve Your Sex Life and his research which includes the largest study of Americans’ sexual fantasies. We review the seven broad categories he divides them into: multi-partner sex; power, control, and rough sex; novelty, adventure, and variety; taboo and forbidden sex; partner sharing and nonmonogamous relationships; passion and romance; and erotic flexibility. Plus, we discuss other findings about gender, sexual orientation, body image, and what percentage of people want to make their top fantasy come to life (hint: it’s surprising!). How do we shape our fantasies and our fantasies shape us and why do fantasies matter? Dr. Justin Lehmiller is a social psychologist and Research Fellow at The Kinsey Institute. He is author of the blog Sex and Psychology and the popular book Tell Me What You Want: The Science of Sexual Desire and How

Historian Jen Manion joins Tristan Taormino to discuss her new book Female Husbands: A Trans History. How did some people assigned female at birth began living their lives as men in the 18th and 19th Centuries? Manion did extensive research on primary source materials including marriage certificates, census records, court documents, local and national and newspapers. In their book, Manion introduces us to the lives of U.K. female husbands Charles Hamilton, Henry Fielding, James Howe, James Gray, Samuel Bunday, William Chandler, Robert Shurtliff, James Allen, and Henry Stoake. We learn about George Wilson, John Smith, Albert Guelph, Joseph Lobdell, Frank Dubois, Samuel Pollard, Leroy Williams, and John A. Whittman in the United States. What did class and wealth have to do with the ability to trans gender? What do we know about the women who married female husbands? What happened when female husbands were discovered to be assigned female at birth? What role did the institution of marriage, medicine, the legal s

Author Farzana Doctor sits down with Tristan Taormino to discuss her latest novel Seven which revolves around the practice of khatna, a ritual female genital cutting in Dawoodi Bohra communities. According to the World Health Organization, more than 200 million girls and women alive today have been cut in 30 countries in Africa, the Middle East and Asia where female genital mutilation (also called female genital mutilation or female circumcision) is concentrated. They discuss what it means when religion attempts to control women’s bodies and sexuality, and the devastating effects of silence, secrecy, and trauma. Her novel explores themes of family, loyalty, generational trauma, and the shame that persists for women to talk openly about their own sexuality. Throughout this riveting story, she offers models for resistance, activism, hope, and healing. Farzana Doctor is a writer, activist and psychotherapist. She is the author of four novels: Stealing Nasreen, Six Metres of Pavement (which won a 2012 Lambda Lite