Dialogue On Divorce

Though the details are different, most couples argue about the same old issues: Money. Sex. Household responsibilities. But the true root of the problem stems from the feelings of hurt that inspire a defensive reaction and perpetuate a destructive cycle of conflict. So, how do you stop the fight? Is there a better way to respond to hurt that will allow you and your partner to engage in solving the problem together? Michelle Brody is a clinical psychologist and couples coach who specializes in resolving relational conflict. With 20-plus years in the practice, Michelle is dedicated to helping couples unlock their destructive cycles and implement a more productive communication style. She is also the author of Stop the Fight: How to Break Free From the 12 Most Common Arguments and Build a Relationship That Lasts. Today, Michelle joins Katherine to share some of the most common arguments between couples discussed in her book, Stop the Fight. She explains the elemental social threats that ignite our fight-or-fl

Divorce often means being thrust into a series of financial decisions that you may or may not feel prepared to make. And if divorce has brought you sudden wealth, financial professionals are likely crawling out of the woodwork to offer their services. How do you choose the right advisor for you? What resources are available to help you learn the basics of investing? What are some of the common challenges people face in your position? Carole Epstein has been a licensed financial advisor with Morgan Stanley since July 2007. She began her career as a programmer and cut her teeth in investing during the ten years she ran a pension plan for the staff at her Apple store. Carole’s life experience raising a family and running a business make her uniquely qualified to understand her client’s needs and design a financial plan with their complete financial wellbeing in mind. Today, Carole joins Katherine to explain her values-based process for crafting a financial plan, from prioritizing needs and wants to evaluating

According to the Economic Policy Institute, nearly half of families in the US have no retirement savings at all, and the failure to set money aside for the future ranks as the number one financial regret among Americans. So what if you are counting on receiving spousal benefits through social security, but your marriage ends in divorce? Can you still collect the spousal share? How long should you wait to claim to get the maximum return? Is your ex-spouse involved in the process? Gayle Lob is the President and CEO of Lob Planning Group, a securities and advisory services firm based in Purchase, New York. Gayle has been helping people manage life transitions since 1987, giving clients the tools they need to plan for financial security and independence. Gayle is an expert in the rules of social security and integrating those benefits into a complete retirement picture, and she has appeared on CNBC, CNN and Fox 5 New York. Today, Gayle sits down with Katherine to sift through the complex rules of social securit

Parents just don’t understand. But neither do adult children! If you have concerns about keeping an aging parent safe, you may be tempted to take over and start making the decisions for them. But Barbara Newman-Mannix argues that there are ways to compromise on common sense solutions that afford your parents their autonomy AND ensure their well-being. Barbara is the founder of A Dignified Life, a company that helps individuals and families develop care plans for elders and family members with special needs. They assess safety, cultural influences and family dynamics to address individual needs and connect families with the necessary social service professionals, attorneys and benefits specialists. Barbara’s interest in the field stems from her experience navigating the health care, insurance, legal and financial challenges she faced when her husband was diagnosed with terminal cancer. She established A Dignified Life to fill that gap in the market and help adult children better manage their parents’ lives wi

Process choice can be tricky. Most of us would like to avoid the courtroom if at all possible, but how do mediation and collaboration work? How do you determine which divorce model is right for your circumstances? And when is it appropriate to choose litigation? Melissa Goodstein has extensive experience in both mediation and the collaborative divorce process. She has been practicing mediation since 1993, and she received her training in the collaborative model in 2003. Her practice is located in Katonah, New York. Melissa serves on the New York State Council of Divorce Mediation, the Greater New York Council of Family and Divorce, the New York Association of Collaborative Professionals as well as the International Association of Collaborative Professionals. Today, Melissa joins Katherine to discuss the roles comfort and willingness play in determining which process choice is the right fit. She walks us through the mediation process, explaining the confidential nature of this method and the necessity for

In a contentious divorce where the couple disagrees on issues of custody and visitation, the attorney for the child is responsible for representing the will of their child-client. How does this lawyer go about determining the child’s position? What resources do they have? And what advice do they have for divorcing parents who are moving toward litigation? Dawn Cardi is a partner at Cardi & Edgar, a boutique law firm that focuses on matrimonial and family law, criminal defense and civil litigation. With 30-plus years of experience, Dawn has a strong background in helping people resolve family matters as well as handling criminal cases. She was recently named Director of the Women’s Bar Association of New York, and she serves on the Matrimonial Law Committee of the Association of the Bar of the City of New York. Dawn is regularly invited to lecture on topics related to trial advocacy, criminal and matrimonial law. Today, Dawn joins Katherine to share how she got started representing children in custody dispu

Though you may not like your ex all that much, your pet doesn’t harbor the same resentment. Yet our companion animals often get caught in the middle and end up being used as bargaining chips in a divorce settlement that doesn’t serve the people or the pets involved. Rather than taking the fight to court, where pets are viewed as property, mediation serves as a more appropriate alternative—an alternative that allows both parties to be a part of a solution-oriented discussion around conflicts over animals. Debra Vey Voda-Hamilton is a conflict coach, mediator and principal attorney with Hamilton Law & Mediation, a firm that uses alternative dispute resolution to foster peaceful solutions in conflicts over animals. A pioneer in the field, Debra speaks widely on the top of how mediation techniques can help people address conflicts without litigation, and she has been featured in Forbes, the Wall Street Journal, and US News and World Report, among many other. She is also the author of Nipped in the Bud, Not in th

Money is so much more than a way to pay the bills. It’s how we judge ourselves and others. It represents power and control. For a divorcing couple, uncertainty around finances and a sense of mistrust complicate the process. Enter the financial neutral, a professional who serves to uncover the economic reality of a given situation and establish trust, thereby changing the tenor of the conversation in a conflict-resolution proceeding. Steve Kaplan is a CPA/ABV based in White Plains who practices largely in the area of dispute resolution, providing valuation, financial analysis, and settlement support services. Steve is trained in Collaborative Divorce Practice and Collaborative Civil Practice as well as mediation. He also serves as an executive board member for the Hudson Valley Collaborative Divorce and Dispute Resolution Association. Today, Steve sits down with Katherine to explain his role as a CPA in the divorce setting. He discusses how financial neutrals navigate mistrust between parties, make difficult

How do you know when you’re ready to start dating again? If you’re recently separated or divorced, you may be questioning whether or not it’s the right time to try to meet someone new. And even if you are emotionally prepared to start dating, you may have questions about how the scene has changed since the last time you were single and how exactly to navigate the brave new world of online dating… Laurie Davis is the Founder and CEO of eFlirt, a custom service that teaches singles how to use the written word to improve their chances of finding love online. Characterized as a ‘think tank for your heart,’ eFlirt has served thousands of clients and boasts 50 marriages and engagements to date. Laurie has been nominated for the title of Best Dating Coach by the iDate Awards two years running, and her advice has been featured in 500-plus media outlets including The New York Times, Good Morning America and Forbes. She is also the author of Love at First Click: The Ultimate Guide to Online Dating. Today, Laurie join

“The magic, for me, about Collaborative [Divorce] and the reason why I’ve seen it work is because in the process itself, that idea of being heard and understood about what matters to you—what do you want—is front and center.” Abby Rosmarin is a member of the Mediation and Arbitration Practice Group with the firm McCarthy Fingar and a coach in the collaborative divorce process, drawing on her experience as both an attorney and a therapist to mediate a wide range of family disputes. Abby also serves as the Executive Director of the NYACP, a group of collaborative professionals committed to helping couples in New York reduce conflict and reach a divorce agreement that meets the needs of the entire family. In addition, she recently joined Jeffrey Steiger in the launch of Pivotal Moments, a breakthrough group experience that supports people in navigating life transitions. Today, Abby sits down with Katherine to explain the fundamentals of collaborative divorce, offering her take on the magic of being heard at th

Divorce is not just a legal process. It also involves an emotional detangling as well as a financial restructuring. Money can be a particularly stressful part of the process, especially as couples begin to consider whether they will be able to maintain the same standard of living now that they’re apart. If you have questions around cashflow, tax ramifications, assets or liability—a divorce financial planner is a good place to start. Andy Samalin is a financial professional with 24-plus years of experience who has focused his practice on divorce financial planning through Samalin Investment Counsel and Samalin Divorce Finance. A graduate of New York University with a master’s in real estate finance, Andy is a Certified Financial Planner, an Enrolled Agent, and a federally licensed tax practitioner with the IRS. He is President of the Association of Divorce Financial Planners and the Founder and Chapter Leader of Second Saturday Westchester, a nonprofit that educates attendees about divorce. Today, Andy joi

No parent wants to hurt their children, yet the conflict dynamic that generally accompanies the divorce process can be very painful, particularly in a litigated case. Even parents with the best of intentions inadvertently engage in behaviors that seem innocuous to them—but cause their kids distress. The collaborative process seeks to approach divorce in a child-centered way, and the divorce coach is tasked with educating parents in how children experience divorce. Micki McWade is an experienced collaborative divorce coach, psychotherapist and parent educator. She has been working in the space since 1993, when she designed the Twelve Step Divorce Recovery Group model. She continues to facilitate Twelve Step groups and teach Parents Apart classes, which help parents recognize and avoid the pitfalls of divorce for children. Micki has been on the faculty of several national conferences, and she serves as a trainer of basic and advanced collaborative practice. She is the author of four books about recovering from

As humans, we are wired to connect. So, if you are beginning to question your partner’s support, you are likely to feel a ‘primal panic’ that sets up a fight-or-flight response. Taking steps to repair the relationship early on can heal that disconnect, but many couples wait too long and find themselves trapped in a heightened conflict dynamic. How do you know when the bonds are too fractured to be fixed? What should you consider in making the difficult decision to divorce? Ann Jackler is a psychotherapist specializing in individual and couples treatment. Her expertise is focused on issues related to premarital, marital, separation and divorce therapy, and she has led several separation and divorce psychotherapy support groups through the years. Ann has a master’s degree in social work and post-master’s training from the Ackerman Institute as well as the Family Institute of Westchester. She serves as an adjunct lecturer at the NYU School of Social Work and the Fordham School of Social Service. Ann has 30-plus