Wife Of An Alcoholic: Recovery | Loving An Alcoholic | Codependency| Michelle Lisa Anderson

Today, let's dive into something deep—finding our way back to ourselves. You ever look in the mirror and wonder where that old you went? Yeah, it hits hard. Love, especially when it's entangled with addiction, can make us feel lost, lonely, and like we've lost our spark. But here's the thing—I believe we can reclaim ourselves, even in the midst of this chaos. It's all about being honest with ourselves. I want to ask you: What do you really want for yourself in the coming year? And what are you willing to do differently to make it happen? Let's break a common myth too: thinking that everything will magically go back to normal once our loved ones find sobriety. It's a whole new journey for everyone involved. That includes us. We've grown, we've learned, and maybe that's a good thing. Maybe we've developed strengths we never knew we had. So, here's the deal. I want this space to be yours. Share your thoughts, your struggles, your victories in the Love Over Addiction community on Substack. Let's make it a safe, c

When I was married to a good man who suffered from addiction, I made a list of things I could control vs. things that I needed to let go of because, after a decade of loving him, I was losing myself. My wake-up call came when my friend from college was visiting for a weekend and tenderly said, “Michelle, I don’t even recognize you anymore.” I was a shadow of the woman I once was. Addiction was stealing my husband’s life, and slowly, like a thief in the night, it was creeping into my mind, heart, and soul to grab any self-confidence, self-respect, or self-love I had left. And if I wanted to save myself, I needed to fight addiction head-on. For some of us, this winter season feels like rock bottom, and The Time Has Come! Are you feeling a true sense of urgency? Is there a voice within yourself that wants to be honored and respected?  Are you ready to change the things you can control?  Perhaps you feel that if you don’t take control over your own life, the version of yourself that you actually love will continu

Michelle talks about how difficult the winter holidays can feel when loving someone struggling with addiction, the top five things people like us worry about (and it's not the turkey stuffing) and how we have two choices - quit or double down on the "holiday magic" - both are perfectly acceptable. Plus, some loving advice she would tell her younger self.  If you are looking for community and want to connect in the comments - you can find Michelle and thousands of others on the Love Over Addiction blog here. Love Over Addiction Podcast: A free weekly podcast without sponsors or commercials. Michelle will share experiences, opinions, and resources and maybe interview with some experts or people in our community. Listen on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or Audible. Love Over Addiction Newsletter: (MichelleAnderson.substack.com) receive an essay via email (this is the same content as the podcast, just in written form - if reading is your thing). It’s also a place where you can comment and gain insight from other women

Whether your loved one suffers from addiction or not, having trust in your relationship is essential. Right? Because without it, you'll most likely start to feel frustrated or even stuck. But if you entered this relationship with any trust issues from your past, it's important to make your healing a priority. And you're not going to be able to do that if you're looking to your partner to help you feel better. So, how do you start to build back trust? Is it even possible? Tune in to this week's episode, where I share some tips (and examples) that you can start to apply to your life right now. Find more here:  https://loveoveraddiction.com/trust-yourself/  Join us here: https://loveoveraddiction.com This classic episode previously aired in January 2021.

When your loved one who struggles with addiction has been in and out of rehab for 22 years, at what point do you say, 'enough is enough?' Because honestly, are they really EVER going to get healthy (especially when they can't be honest about their addiction)? That's something a strong woman in our community shared recently and what her 'line in the sand' was for leaving her marriage. Take some time to listen to this new podcast episode and how the work she's done on her healing (including unlearning 'learned' behavior) has also helped her kids regarding their dad's addiction. Find more here:  https://loveoveraddiction.com/five-rehabs/ Join us here: https://loveoveraddiction.com

When you think about the relationship with your partner who struggles with addiction, have there been times you've questioned yourself about why you've stayed so long? And if so, what keeps pulling you back in even though it's not a healthy situation? This is something a brave woman in our community shared with me recently that many people will most likely be able to relate to. Tune in for this new podcast interview to hear how trauma bonds kept this woman from leaving an unhealthy relationship (and whether or not she's still with her partner). Find more here:  https://loveoveraddiction.com/trauma-bond/ Join us here: https://loveoveraddiction.com

When you think of someone struggling with alcoholism (or any addiction), you probably feel that they must drink every day, right? But as you'll hear in this new podcast interview, that's not necessarily always the case. Tune in for this brave woman's story of how her Aboriginal roots and learned childhood behaviors impacted her life later on (particularly with relationships), as well as why someone who doesn't drink every day can still be an alcoholic. Find more here:  https://loveoveraddiction.com/alcoholic-drink-every-day/  Join us here: https://loveoveraddiction.com

Loving someone with addiction can sometimes make you feel like you're spinning out of control, can't it? One moment you're feeling joy and hope, only to have it turn to fear and anger pretty quickly. And listen, you’re not alone. We've been there and completely understand. But the good news is that you can make it feel less and less like a roller coaster ride when dealing with your loved one. Tune in to this week's episode to hear how to stop spiraling, as well as to make sure you're moving forward in your own recovery.   Find more here:  https://loveoveraddiction.com/roller-coaster/  Join us here: https://loveoveraddiction.com This classic episode originally aired in August 2020

Has your loved one flat out refused to stop drinking (or whatever their substance of choice is) no matter how many times you've begged and pleaded? And what if their addiction is affecting your young children? That's something a strong woman in our community spoke about recently (and how she tried to compromise with her husband multiple times). Tune in for this new podcast episode to hear how she finally decided to move forward and is protecting her children, as well as reconnecting with herself. Find more here:  https://loveoveraddiction.com/he-wont-stop-drinking/  Join us here: https://loveoveraddiction.com

If you've moved on from your relationship with someone who struggles with addiction (or have been thinking about it), have you wondered what 'life after leaving' looks like? Or what would dating again be like? That might seem a little scary, right? I recently spoke with a woman in our community who was very brave and open about what this has been like for her. Tune in for this new podcast episode to hear a great conversation about starting over, what dating again looks like, and how there actually ARE some blessings of addiction. Find more here:  https://loveoveraddiction.com/dating-after-leaving/ Join us here: https://loveoveraddiction.com

If you've been tuning in for the last several episodes, you've heard me covering some clues that you may be ready to consider leaving your relationship with your loved one who struggles with addiction. And this week, I'm finishing up with the final two reasons.  As always, there's never any judgment on whether you decide to stay or leave. That's completely up to you (and you always reserve the right to change your mind at any time).  But please take some time to listen to this episode because it's all about you and your children's safety and well-being. Find more here:  https://loveoveraddiction.com/signs-of-abuse/ Join us here: https://loveoveraddiction.com

If you've gone back and forth on possibly leaving your loved one who struggles with addiction, what's holding you back from doing so? If one of the reasons is that you're afraid they might get better after you leave, just know you're not alone. But I want to share some loving truths with you, okay? Tune in to this week's new episode to hear several more clues that you may be ready to leave your relationship (even if you're still unsure right now). Find more here:  https://loveoveraddiction.com/what-if-they-get-better-after-you-leave/ Join us here: https://loveoveraddiction.com

Has the thought ever crossed your mind about whether you should stay or leave your relationship?  And maybe just the thought of leaving your loved one who struggles with addiction makes you anxious or scared (which is understandable). But just hear me out, okay? Tune in to this week's new episode, where I dive into three clues that it may be time to consider leaving. And if you decide that leaving isn't the right decision for you, that's absolutely okay, too. Find more here:  https://loveoveraddiction.com/consider-leaving/  Join us here: https://loveoveraddiction.com

Have you ever felt like you're on a rollercoaster ride because of your loved one's addiction? Lots of ups and downs and uncertainty of what's ahead. So why do we stay on that ride (or keep coming back)? Tune in to this new podcast episode to hear a woman explain how her ex-husband used their child to manipulate her and how she found herself in a financially abusive marriage. But despite everything she's been through, she's now healthier and happier than ever, thanks to the work she's done for her own healing.  Find more here:  https://loveoveraddiction.com/used-child-to-manipulate-me/ Join us here: https://loveoveraddiction.com

Have you ever wondered whether your loved one's drinking is really 'that bad?' When you love someone who is a high-functioning alcoholic, it can be easy to start doubting yourself and your feelings. I spoke with a brave woman in our community recently who opened up about going through this.  Tune in to this new podcast episode where she shares about her high-functioning alcoholic husband, as well as dealing with family members who are unsupportive of the decisions she's making for her future. Find more here:  https://loveoveraddiction.com/high-functioning-alcoholic/ Join us here: https://loveoveraddiction.com

For many of us, codependency is something we've dealt with for a long time. But have you ever wondered how you came to be that way? Or how to break the cycle of codependency, particularly with your loved one who struggles with addiction? This is something I discussed recently with a strong woman in our community. Tune in for this new podcast interview to hear how she's made her boundaries work for her and how she's committed to breaking the cycle of codependency for her daughters. Find more here:  https://loveoveraddiction.com/cycle-of-codependency Join us here: https://loveoveraddiction.com

You've probably heard the expression, “Let go and let God.” That it's somehow OK to lose control of what you want or believe. But I disagree with this saying when you love someone suffering from addiction (or even with unhealthy relationships with friends or family).  In our community, we believe that it's 100% OK to take control of your own life and feelings. You're a grown, wonderful, smart adult who knows what's best for YOU. Click to hear this week's episode about how taking control of your life is the responsible, healthy thing to do. (Even if that means doing some good ole self-talk in the laundry room sometimes). This episode originally aired in November 2020.  Find more here:  https://loveoveraddiction.com/take-control/ Join us here: https://loveoveraddiction.com

As a codependent, setting (and sticking to) boundaries can sometimes be challenging. And look, no judgment at all. Boundaries are tricky and take lots of practice.  But they're also so important to have when you love someone suffering from addiction. Because here's the thing: without boundaries, the morals and values you entered the relationship with become compromised over time. Tune in to this week's episode, where I discuss a favorite book of mine (along with some helpful stories) about setting and sticking to boundaries. And even if you're not codependent, this will still be super helpful. This episode originally aired in October 2020.  Find more here:  https://loveoveraddiction.com/boundaries-for-codependents/  Join us here: https://loveoveraddiction.com

Have you experienced red flags in your relationship with your loved one that almost caused you to make a huge decision to either stay or leave? That's exactly what happened to a woman I spoke with recently in our community. Not only did she almost call off her wedding, but she shares what her 'rock bottom' was in her relationship, as well as some vulnerable moments that you may be able to relate to. Tune in to this new podcast episode to hear how this strong and confident woman is coming out stronger than ever because of the work she's doing on her own healing. Find more here:  https://loveoveraddiction.com/almost-called-off-wedding/  Join us here: https://loveoveraddiction.com