Dr. Ross Greene

We returned to siblings today on the Parents Panel, and had a very interesting discussion about the pressure parents feel to agree or disagree with a child's concerns (and to take sides). The reality is that agreeing/disagreeing and taking sides are often counterproductive, can lead to conflict, and are unnecessary anyway. But you'll have to listen to the program to hear the rest. 

Dr. Greene answered lots of emailed questions on today's program, including one from two parents who were themselves raised on Plan A, recognize that Plan A isn't working for their behaviorally challenging child, are doing their best to roll with Plan B, and finding the road to be rocky.

What do you do when Plan A keeps backfiring but you want to feel like you still have some control as a parent? That's the gist of what today's first caller was asking...and Dr. Greene's answer was "Plan B".  That mom has her work cut out for her...but at least she's starting to become clear on the fact that Plan A isn't getting the job done.

Our first program (and Parents Panel) of 2014 was a poignant one, as we heard from the sibling of a previously explosive child. She had some words of wisdom for all of us.

On the last show before the New Year, Dr. Greene answers some parent email questions. Topics discussed include redefining descriptions of behaviorally challenging kids in a more helpful way, initiating conversations about very specific topics, and prioritizing problems that may be best solved after more information is gathered.

This was a Parents Panel program, and our two moms had lots to say about how they got the ball rolling with CPS in their families, including what changed for the better and what mistakes they learned from along the way. These moms are good!

Plan B with a teenager may require some special considerations, like how to deal with skepticism (and eye-rolling) from your teen as you start out with the model. Dr. Greene offers a caller some advice on how to implement the model with her teenage daughter, stressing the importance of drilling, the usefulness of theories, and how to introduce the model after years of Plan A.  

Dr. Greene catches up on some email questions sent in by Parents. Topics discussed include using resources to encourage educators to change the lenses with which they view behaviorally challenging children, using Plan B with nonverbal children, and recognizing that not all kids (even in the same family) respond to the same parenting style. Dr. Greene also shares his thoughts on violent video games.

Dr. Greene is joined by our Parents Panel today, who help field concerns from live callers. The first caller reports her success in having Plan B conversations with her son, which have increased the level of trust in their relationship and taught her about her own lagging skills. Anna echoes this phenomenon, that Plan B allows both child and caregiver to examine and improve on their own lagging skills, including the importance of flexibility for both parties. Our parents panel offers the practical suggestion of implementing Plan B for low priority unsolved problem in order to practice the model as well as build trust between child and caregiver.

On this episode, we hear from two live callers who are trying the model, as well as a parent who is at the end of her rope with daughter’s challenging behavior. Dr. Greene troubleshoots, reminding us of the importance of the Empathy Step. Skepticism (i.e., I think my kid is lying about his concern) can cause a kid to become defensive and stymie the collaborative process. So skepticism means more drilling is necessary. The callers highlight the importance of being patient in learning how to implement Plan B. Dr. Greene reassures them that while the learning model may take some practice, poorly executed Plan B is much more effective than well-executed Plan A.  

The difficulties of behaviorally challenging kids tend to be complex, which can be further complicated when caregivers or educators are not viewing the kid through a prism of lagging skills and unsolved problems. On this program, we hear a parent's sincere concerns regarding the challenge of getting educators and other caregivers to change their lenses. Dr. Greene also dishes advice for a caller who is attempting Plan B with his 3.5 year old son on how to adapt the model to a child's developmental communication skills.

In this episode, our newest parents panel member, Anna, shares how Plan B has given her family hope. One caller asks for advice on how to navigate divorce with a behaviorally challenging child. Anna and Suzy advise that keeping the lines of communication open is just as important between parents as between parent and child. Panel members stress the importance of not focusing on the behavior but the precursor, and Dr. Greene weighs in on what we can learn from each challenging episode.

Dr. Greene answered more emails from the summer on this program.  Among the questions answered: What to do when kids don't talk in the Empathy step of Plan B, whether Plan B can be applied to toilet training, and how to help kids who are holding it together during the school day but are challenging at home.

We heard from a few callers today who related some of the successes they're having in using Plan B...and were reminded (by way of another's mom's email) that we want to focus not on what a child does in response to an unsolved problem (i.e., his behavior) but rather on the unsolved problem giving rise to that response. 

Dr. Greene tried to catch up on summer emails during this program, and started with one asking for more information about the Invitation step of Plan B.  Of course, you'll have to listen to the program to hear that and everything else!

After a summer hiatus, we jump-started the program with the Parents Panel, and had a nice opportunity to get reminders on a few of the key tenets of solving problems collaboratively:  Plan B is far more effective when it's done proactively, and also more effective when it's focused on a specific unsolved problem rather than a challenging behavior (such as hitting) that applies to many different unsolved problems.

On this last program until September, we got caught up on email...and covered a lot of ground. Among the topics: in kids who are having difficulty participating in Plan B, sometimes it's necessary to talk with them about what's hard about talking before it's possible to talk with them about other unsolved problems. Looking forward to September!

As always, we covered a lot of territory on this last Parents Panel until September...including giving some thought to what summers can be like for parents of behaviorally challenging kids.

Hint: Just about everything. But you'll have to listen to this program for the details.

Lots of ground covered on today's program...among the questions Dr. Greene answered: What to do if the folks at school are looking to parents for help with unsolved problems that are occurring at school? And, what are some baby steps for parents who are brand new to the model?