Larry Miller Show

Sanctimonious loudmouths and hamper slackers alike receive Larry's high dudgeon this week. Yes, we get another acrimonious (but not sanctimonious) Hamper Update and a bonus joke of the week -- all at no extra charge!Will Larry read the stage direction in the Shari's Berries ad copy again? Will he slice his face to ribbons again? Smart money is on "Oh, mmmmmaybe."How is safety razor shaving related to the movie Network? How is the Hamper Update related the movie Patton? Tune in to our longest and therefore bestest episode ever where the answer to all of these mysteries will be revealed. All. questions will be answered. All fears will be allayed. Over and out from stately Miller manor.Quote of the week: "With what, a bowie knife?"

Larry takes apart his trademark sign off -- just a little bit. After getting grouchy with his family on the way to Fab Dogs, he winds up laughing his way into Ralphs. Or should we say, "Rowfs. Rowfs. Rowfs. Rowfs."Larry then tells a very funny joke. Plus we get a hamper update, a fivefecta update AND a leg lamp all in one episode! Don't bother pinching yourself. You're not dreaming. Also on this week's This Week, our engineeer, Dr. Chris Laxamana, LMDS is MIA and presumed snoggered.All stories guaranteed true or double your money back!Quote of the week: "Gee, I hope nothing happened to him."

The old fivefecter himself checks in with a message for the LMDS at the top of this week's show!Then, in this week's rebroadcast, Larry eats hot Cambodian food with a tunnel rat from Drake's Drum. And so goes the world's most enigmatic episode description. Eh, shift happens.Yes, hear about Larry dining with one of his drinking pals, whose food was so spicy, Larry couldn't even stand to SMELL it!Also, baseball players are funnier than you think. Especially when they're pretending someone stinks. And so goes the world's least amusing rhyme. But hear about Cleveland's Josh Tomlin getting upstaged by a teammate on TV.Then Larry talks about the wonders of nature. You know, the rainbows, the hummingbirds, the copperhead snakes that drop on you from trees, the river-borne parasites that'll make you think twice about getting your swim trunks wet.Finally Larry declares which airport is the greatest in the US. Will it be O'Hare? Newark? Kalamazoo/Battle Creek International? Is the suspense killing you? With boredom? Tu

Larry tells tales from the start of the Million Martini March and shares signs of the end of the world. We hear about Larry and the crew's trip our for hot shaves, martinis, chicken and waffles. Then he talks about a commercial he saw while watching the Jets game that upset him to the very core of his soul. By the end of this episode, you'll realize the huge difference between "and...?" and "and by..."Also, Larry waxes nostalgic for the likes of Anita Ekberg and Anne Jeffreys. Then we hear about what you DON'T want to hear at a silent auction.That's right, honey. You're a winner.Quote of the week: "That's the and. AND I'm calling security."

Larry goes to the emergency room with his son after he gets beaned playing baseball. Larry tells us how to enjoy spending time in a hospital and how to hail the world's biggest cab. Not in the same night, though.Then we hear about Larry trying to act like a hot shot while at the hardware store. Other important topics covered include Larry's love of blue Bic pens and yellow legal pads, his battles over the air conditioner in his house.Listen to this show and you'll be happy. And we'll be happy. And the lights will be happy, because they're on. And you'll wake up in manure bark. All stories on This Week With Larry Miller are certified 100% true and MSG free!The quote of the week: "We love the show. Does Larry like our olives?"

Another encore presentation! Yes, you remember Roger, Dwayne and Encore Presentation from What's Happening, right?Larry goes into the lioness' den and does a hamper update from his own home! Yes, Larry risks life and limb by doing a hamper update right under his wife's nose. How could that be a problem?Yes, Larry's about to head out for a bunch of dates on the road, so we thought we would rehearse some remote records before he steps out into the world, so this show is brought to you live by remote from less than 10 miles from the ACE Broadcasting studio. Isn't the future amazing, folks?Quote of the week: "You're too suspicious."

This episode contains more borscht references than you can shake a soup spoon at. Hear beefy hunk Larry Miller explain the subtle comedic difference between "Ah" and "A-ha." We get a fistful of updates, including the most acrimonious hamper update to date. Then Larry tells a story about battling with other comics with food in a diner back in the day. This episode is over. Down goes Frazier! Down goes Frazier!Quote of the week: "I am 'In-The-Groove Jackson' now."

A rare outtake from the TWWLM archives is unearthed and aired for your enjoyment and Colonel Jeff's shame.Then, an encore presentation of a redux! A redux squared?Larry performs one of his signature comedy routines, "The Five Levels of Drinking." This is the first time Larry has ever done this bit NOT in front of a live audience!He then urges caution on the rules for a proposed Larry Miller drinking game. By the way...Later, Larry placates the stateside listeners who feel like they are not getting as much attention as overseas listeners in "exotic" locations. Also hear about normal people, lunatics and actors and how to tell the difference. (Spoiler alert -- normal people and actors don't carry parrots around.)In Larry Miller Drinking Society news, Larry thanks the listeners for abundant suggestions for Latin mottos. Membership cards are in the works! Thanks for your patience.Learn about the joys of swag. Larry gets free booze from the Carolla studio and a free bathrobe from Arsenio Hall and loves them both.

Larry gets murdered (on screen) and meets a rock icon all in one episode! Hear Larry describe running into Keith Richards in an airport, after eyeballing his wife. Is Keith Richards the coolest guy ever? Possibly, but you'll have to listen to find out for sure.Then Larry talks about his role in the new Bobcat Goldthwait movie and goes into great detail regarding the craft of being killed onscreen. Wait, are you supposed to say "spolier alert" BEFORE or AFTER you say stuff like that? We'll look into that. At any rate, Larry talks about some of his favorite movie deaths and why he thinks they are so great, mentioning Ghost, Hunt for Red October and what's that James Bond film? Oh, OCTOPUSSY!Are you a (ahem) "friend of the show?" Or do you know Joe? Well, come right in, pal. Meet this week's fictional guests (none of whom actually appear in the studio) Senator Claghorn, Duncan "Sticks" Wimpress and, of course, OCTOPUSSY!

If Larry was a hot dog, what would he be? You've heard Larry obsess over pies, booze, soap and pretzels. Could hot dogs be far behind? No.Larry talks about eating a hot dog named after Charlie Sheen. He compares and contrasts his hot dog stand dining experience with that of a big-ticket steak joint in Beverly Hills. You may be surprised which one he thought was "time well spent." (Unless you are a regular listener, in which case, the answer will be quite obvious.)Hear our man Larry go bananas over a Green Lantern pin sent in by a listener. Listen as Larry defends and slightly admires Charlie Sheen, talks about meeting Peter Billingsley, gets nostalgic for Chicago dogs and reads hand-written letters from members of the Larry Miller Drinking Society.Quote of the week:"If that doesn't sound pretty good, I believe you're listening to the wrong show."

A Larry update from producer Colonel Jeff -- Larry is doing really, really well, but is going to need more time to recuperate before he gets back into the studio. Thanks for all of your kind comments, support and patience! Rest assured, he IS on the mend!--Larry takes a break from his full-time job of turing off lights in his house to sit down for this week's podcast. We hear about how Larry's alleged coffee pot of death that tries to kill him in the middle of the night. Then Larry talks about almost rear-ending a cop car while trying to read its bumper sticker.Later, a baffling trip to buy a new razor leaves Larry waxing nostalgic for his long, lost safety razor and someone in the studio inadvertently does an impression of Dr. Strangelove. Quote of the week: "To this day, I can't eat plums."

Another encore presentation as we wait for Larry to heal up! Feel free to sign Larry's virtual get well card at larrymillerpodcast.com.Larry muses hypothetical about the possible existence of a level of drinking above level five! Does it have something to do with fractals or worm holes? Or just a hole in your head? String theorists, take a powder, chumps!We also get a brief history of boy tenors and other vaudeville schtick, a safety razor update and of course, the joke of the week. Stay tuned past the end of the show for a little bonus and visit our show's Facebook page to see a picture of what made Larry react like that -- www.facebook.com/LarryMillerPodcast

An update on Larry's recouperation and an encore presentation of one of our most beloved episodes! Feel free to sign Larry's virtual get well card at larrymillerpodcast.com.Leslie Nielsen performs a trouser cough symphony for Larry's parents backstage at Letterman.Also, Larry preaches sympathy for a knife salesman who has lost his focus. Spoiler alert -- it's not pretty. Then Larry admits to stepping out on his steady supermarket. And not just to broaden his kids' horizons. All stories guaranteed to be true.This episode is sponsored in part by Rowfs. Rowfs. Rowfs. Rowfs. No, Rowfs.Quote of the week: "If I don't know where things are, I'd be a terrible idiot."

A Larry update -- as some of you have already heard our man Larry, stacker of soap, our fearless (and hairless) leader, defender of Pluto and the great updater took a spill last week. He conked the old noggin pretty good and wound up in the hospital. We're giving you a Larry Update at the top of this show. Also, feel free to sign Larry's virtual get well card at larrymillerpodcast.comWe're presenting an (ahem) encore presentation of one of Colonel Jeff Fox's personal favorite episodes, the Clumsy Coffee Cavalcade.Larry spills an impossible number of cups of coffee in an absurdly short period of time. And then almost spills some more. Then he talks about letting his kids grow up and why it's not just OK, it's the right thing to do.And we have yet another... HAMPER UPDATE! Yes, the hamper update was off last week, so hop off your pins and needles and get updated. You won't believe this one! Or you might.Quote of the week: "Don't tip like a gangster."

Larry Miller -- tool maker, stacker of wheat -- opens with a tribute to actor Warren Stevens, then segues into memories of Ricardo Montalban and The Naked Gun. Then he talks about how he's not a hero with hot food, yet he does manage to rescue some hot wings from peril.Is this episode better than pork? You make the call!Quote of the week: "I'm usually unabashed."

Pardon our internet hiccups, Larry does a remote show from the luxury of room 824 of the Sheraton Monarch hotel in Springfield, MA. This week, Larry's beloved macintosh apples get him the hairy eyeball from onlookers who think he's littering when he's actually recycling, or composting, or sharing the core with squirrels. Listen, don't YOU judge, too!Quote of the week: "We're gonna get cabinets made of meat."

Powered by pickles (delicious McClure's pickles to be exact) Larry launches another poetry-packed, joke-jammed podcast. This week, we hear about what Larry finds so disappointing about "Nude Descending A Staircase." Then he tells us how many times his car keys can be lost in 20 square feet of space, in the span of an hour. (Spolier alert: Marcel Duchamp is blamed for both.) Set your phasers on "mirthful" and tune in to this week's This Week With Larry Miller!Quote of the week: "It's not quite like leafing through a Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue."

Larry lifts a line from Leno to explain getting sprayed by a cologne skunk at Macy's -- a smell tattoo. Neither silkwood showers not Irish Spring can liberate Larry from this odious odiferousness.We also hear about Larry watching "Wrath of Khan" with his family and we have a new segment -- the poetry corner! Beatniks and highbrows, rejoice! Plus, Uncle Arnie, from the "Does He Drink Coffee" story sits in the control room during the record!Quote of the week: "I have gone through an Indiana Jones warehouse full of Old Spice."

Larry needs a U.N. resolution just to keep his feet warm. Yes, Larry gets into a mental logjam trying to buy some socks. Then he wonders what something is worth if you get it at a discount. Give Larry some credit. No, literally, give him some credit. The battle of the safety razor blade continues. Then Larry pines for macintosh apples (the fruit, not the computer) and waxes nostalgic about Venus Paradise (the coloring set, not the strip joint near the airport).Later, we hear about Washington coming BACK across the Delaware, the little-known (by us) history of the Amazons, why the founding fathers were so high and how much Larry missed Mars. Hint -- completely.And remember, don't trust anyone who watches an odometer.Quote of the week: "They were giving credit cards to terrorists, but I couldn't get one."

Larry genuinely loves to be wrong. But this week, he loves to be right! That's the truth. Not a little white lie. That comes later, if we can figure out what a white lie exactly is.Three new updates this week! Now with semi-relevant sound effects! Larry goes overboard with the "Burial At Sea Update." Then we get a charge out of the "Dead Battery Update." Finally, he puts the "mental" in "Environmental Update." Curly lightbulbs, watch your back.Quote of the week: "Prisoners get better toilet paper than that."