Larry Miller Show

Three kinds of people walk in LA. And courtesy of a dead car battery, Larry becomes one of them and fails to conquer time. Then Larry tells of his longing for McClure's pickles and of hinge abuses around his house during possibly his most rambunctious hamper update ever.A John Carradine AND a David Carradine reference in one episode? Plus Larry gets the website address right for 3 weeks in a row? Plus, this is our longest episode ever by 46 whole seconds! You're welcome! (This IS a half-hour show, you know.) Pinch yourself. You may be dreaming.Quote of the week: "It's just as good as the pickle story."

Larry hopes you screwed up Valentine's Day. Hear why he thinks it's a good idea to flub this holiday or at least phone it in. See you at the all-night jewelry store!On what seems to be a related matter but is not, Larry once again professes his love of being wrong. Then we hear about a drinker he met on a plane that put him to shame. This, plus a joke, two updates and about 14 topics we never got to on this week's This Week With Larry Miller!Quote of the week: "Get a load of you. Get a load of you."

Sanctimonious loudmouths and hamper slackers alike receive Larry's high dudgeon this week. Yes, we get another acrimonious (but not sanctimonious) Hamper Update and a bonus joke of the week -- all at no extra charge!Will Larry read the stage direction in the Shari's Berries ad copy again? Will he slice his face to ribbons again? Smart money is on "Oh, mmmmmaybe."How is safety razor shaving related to the movie Network? How is the Hamper Update related the movie Patton? Tune in to our longest and therefore bestest episode ever where the answer to all of these mysteries will be revealed. All questions will be answered. All fears will be allayed. Over and out from stately Miller manor.Quote of the week: "With what, a bowie knife?"

This episode contains more borscht references than you can shake a soup spoon at. Hear beefy hunk Larry Miller explain the subtle comedic difference between "Ah" and "A-ha." We get a fistful of updates, including the most acrimonious hamper update to date. Then Larry tells a story about battling with other comics with food in a diner back in the day. This episode is over. Down goes Frazier! Down goes Frazier!Quote of the week: "I am 'In-The-Groove Jackson' now."

Larry is smitten with Lindsay Lohan, Kim Kardashian and Scarlett Johansson. Will his love be requited, even though the top of his head is missing?Larry talks about how hard modeling is. Don't hate him because he's beautiful. Then we hear about a woman who wouldn't believe that Larry was Larry and why you shouldn't bother starting a diet until after the Super Bowl.And we have a new update, the update update. Is this the update to end all updates? Or is it no update at all? (A gong rings in the distance.)That's it? You're done reading the episode description? Doesn't surprise me. You've done nothing but complain since you got here.Quote of the week: "This way, no one knows you're bald."

Larry does an unplanned 20 minute tutorial on making martinis, then apologizes for his previous apologies. This is the first time a drink recipe has included the expressions, "Show it who's boss," "Big triple to the power alley" and "Beat it around the fleet."As always, all stories are guaranteed true and stirred, not shaken. Quote of the week: "Fellas, you look lonely. Would you like to meet someone who's just like you?"

Hear how to maximize the laughs you can get from an $8 pair of underwear. Plus, we have a lotta errata. Larry offers a REALLY good apology to Ray's Really Good Beef Jerky. Larry also talks about the joy he gets from being wrong and apologizing. Plus, the joke of the week, a fecta update, plus the story of a boy and his gun. Awwwww. Quote of the week: "Quick like the bunny. Not slow like the bear."

Larry talks about spending an involuntary vacation in the snow. Plus, we hear about his search for really good beef jerky, really good pistachios and really good martini olives.Then Larry welcomes the new year, but not for too long. That's enough. And Larry teases us with the possible existence of an eightfecta, possibly to be known colloquially as the octafecta?We also have a long overdue and very serious hamper update. And a joke of the week? And a safety razor update? That's our update update. Quote of the week: "What are you gonna do on the 4th? Read the Declaration of Independence?"

Larry starts a new holiday tradition with the retelling of his favorite holiday-related story, colloquially known as "Does He Drink Coffee?" Like a visit from an old friend, it's great to hear this story re-told. Plus, we have a visit from our old friends The Joke of the Week (not-so-naughty) and the Safety Razor Update (absolutely nice). From Larry Miller, Colonel Jeff Fox and Dr. Chris Laxamana, we thank you for being here with us. It means the world to us. Let's all take the yoke off, if only for a few days. We'll see you in the new year.Quote of the week: "What about the flap steak?"

Larry muses hypothetical about the possible existence of a level of drinking above level five! Does it have something to do with fractals or worm holes? Or just a hole in your head? String theorists, take a powder, chumps!We also get a brief history of boy tenors and other vaudeville schtick, a safety razor update and of course, the joke of the week. Stay tuned past the 42:00 minute mark for a little bonus and visit our show's Facebook page to see a picture of what made Larry react like that -- www.facebook.com/LarryMillerPodcast

Larry tells tales from the start of the Million Martini March and shares signs of the end of the world. We hear about Larry and the crew's trip our for hot shaves, martinis, chicken and waffles. Then he talks about a commercial he saw while watching the Jets game that upset him to the very core of his soul. By the end of this episode, you'll realize the huge difference between "and...?" and "and by..."Also, Larry waxes nostalgic for the likes of Anita Ekberg and Anne Jeffreys. Then we hear about what you DON'T want to hear at a silent auction.That's right, honey. You're a winner.Quote of the week: "That's the and. AND I'm calling security."This Week With Larry Miller is also now available through the FREE Adam Carolla app, available from the Android marketplace and iTunes app store.

Larry tells how to hide 20 bottles of Jameson's behind a quart of milk and a sheepish grin. Then we hear about how in marriage math, one hour can equal TWO POINT EIGHT HOURS!Also, in this incredibly historic episode, we launch the Larry Miller Drinking Society Museum of Glad Tidings and the Larry Miller Drinking Society's Million Martini March! Some day, you'll tell your Grandkids where you were when you heard about this. We also get a visit from the joke of the week!Quote of the week: "There are weddings in Dublin that don't have that much Jameson's."This Week With Larry Miller is also now available through the FREE Adam Carolla app, available from the Android marketplace and iTunes app store.

Larry Miller talks about the death and burial of a loyal shirt and the socks that loved it. And admits to being a trekkie.Yes, Larry powers through a cold to deliver another slam-bang-pow (cough) show. After weeks of preaching the wonders of the spit-bucket, Larry talks about the one time he kept eating food on a set. Yes, on this episode, we hear about Larry eating turkey with William Shatner for seven hours. And so much more.Until next week, live Larry and prosper.Quote of the week: "I will admit the hula-dancing, green-skinned woman is still in my mind."

Larry talks about his trip to Dallas, continuing his tradition of plugging shows once they are already past. Then Larry visits "Camp Shakeitoff," a lovely place where we won't be talking about feelings and there will be no therapists on speed dial.Also, we hear about possums and their habit of playing, well, you know, possum. Plus, two new segments! And of course, that means two new wacky sound effects.As always, all stories are guaranteed true, Pluto is a planet and don't rat to Larry's wife, you. Quote of the week: "Thank God it was a paperback."This Week With Larry Miller is also now available through the FREE Adam Carolla app, available from the Android marketplace and iTunes app store.

Larry takes a break from his full-time job of turing off lights in his house to sit down for this week's podcast. We hear about how Larry's alleged coffee pot of death that tries to kill him in the middle of the night. Then Larry talks about almost rear-ending a cop car while trying to read its bumper sticker.Later, a baffling trip to buy a new razor leaves Larry waxing nostalgic for his long, lost safety razor and someone in the studio inadvertently does an impression of Dr. Strangelove. This Week With Larry Miller is also now available through the FREE Adam Carolla app, available from the Android marketplace and iTunes app store. Quote of the week: "To this day, I can't eat plums."

Spit buckets and broken legs are afoot in this week's episode as Larry talks about some of his favorite show business superstitions and traditions. Who has better taste in Clairol Girls, Larry or his son? YOU make the call! The good news is that Dr. Laxamana has returned to work, more gruntled than ever! Remember, all stories guaranteed true and Homer is Homer! And this week's guest star is Larry Miller.This show is also now available through the FREE Adam Carolla app, available from the Android marketplace and iTunes app store. Quote of the week: "It was the Earl of Oxford who worked in the box factory."

Larry takes apart his trademark sign off -- just a little bit. After getting grouchy with his family on the way to Fab Dogs, he winds up laughing his way into Ralphs. Or should we say, "Rowfs. Rowfs. Rowfs. Rowfs."Larry then tells a very funny joke. Plus we get a hamper update, a fivefecta update AND a leg lamp all in one episode! Don't bother pinching yourself. You're not dreaming. Also on this week's This Week, our engineeer, Dr. Chris Laxamana, LMDS is MIA and presumed snoggered.All stories guaranteed true or double your money back!Quote of the week: "Gee, I hope nothing happened to him."