Conversations With Cinthia

Have you ever been in an environment where you thought you could not be who you really were?  Where you felt a need to project an image that was more acceptable, respectable, loveable, etc., than the real you?  Sometimes our own heads are places like that because we don’t really accept or even accurately see ourselves.  Whether we struggle to accept the unique design God had in mind when He made us or the weaknesses and failings that distort it, we can’t go much further until we accept reality as it is.  Today Cinthia explores why we may struggle with this and what it means to take responsibility for seeing and accepting ourselves as we are.  We can stop trying to make the world meet our needs in ways it can’t do, and we can stop trying to re-make ourselves in self-defeating ways, making way instead for authentic growth, relationship, and discovery of the unique individuals we were made to be.  To dive deeper into the message of each podcast, we've created a study guide for each episode. Download your FREE St

This is the point of no return.  In national terms, DEFCON 1 means war.  In relationship terms, it means the end of a relationship by one path or another.  In this series, which is based on the book Wars to Peace that Cinthia is just about to launch, we have been looking at how to distinguish and manage various levels of relational threat in ways that maintain our own dignity and that of others.  Today we are looking at the most extreme level of threat response, the one which generally involves acting to end the relationship.  And, while it is possible to jump to DEFCON 1 way too easily, threaten it constantly, or do things there that we regret for the rest of our lives, it is also possible to implement DEFCON 1 in a way that honors what is good, despite the inevitable losses involved.  There is a time to go to war in a relationship.  Let’s discuss what it looks like to determine this wisely and implement it from a place of health.  To dive deeper into the message of each podcast, we've created a study guide

The setting is a significant relationship.  You’ve been picking up some concerning signals and have been on increased alert. Now the emotional threat level is increasing, and you are starting to prepare for the possibility that you will need to act to increase safety…  Welcome to the second podcast in the DEFCON series, which introduces the concepts in Cinthia’s upcoming book, Wars to Peace.  Today we look at DEFCON levels 3 and 2, which take us beyond simply increasing our guard to actually strategizing, preparing, and being ready to mobilize if necessary.  The good news is that none of this means it’s time to start raging, throwing things, or saying things we will regret later.  Today Cinthia looks at the strategizing and defense levels as we consider how to prevent our relationships from going nuclear.  To dive deeper into the message of each podcast, we've created a study guide for each episode. Download your FREE Study Guide here!  https://www.cinthiahiett.com/services-6

How do relationships become war zones?  How do the emotions start flying, the words get launched, the lines get crossed, and the things we can't undo get done - all within the context of relationships that have felt safe, exciting, and beautiful?  How do we go so quickly from being someone's hero to feeling like the bad guy, from living in a fairy tale to appearing on a talk show (or at least reminding ourselves of one)?  And it’s not just our intimate relationships; any relationship that evokes our care, loyalty, or concern can become chaotic, confusing, and combative.  But does it have to be this way?  Are peaceful relationships possible, and can they be accomplished without the loss of dignity on one or both sides?  Today Cinthia introduces a podcast series based on a book she's been writing for a long time (and it’s about to launch!).  It’s called Wars to Peace: Keeping Relationships from Going Nuclear, and it teaches that we actually can protect ourselves without becoming abusive to others.  We can learn

Healthier families happen on purpose.  They don’t consist of perfect people (That’s why we said “healthier,” not “healthy” or “ideal.”), but they do take some effort to move in a common direction.  And, while it’s true that families sometimes need major interventions and that dramatic experiences can be impactful, it tends to be the everyday “stuff”— the rituals that make up daily life—that forms the substance of our relationships.  Today Cinthia discusses what it means to be intentional about our family lives and relationships.  What would it mean for your family to take a step in the direction it values most?  To dive deeper into the message of each podcast, we've created a study guide for each episode. Download your FREE Study Guide here!  https://www.cinthiahiett.com/services-6

What do you need?  It seems like a simple question, but lots of us struggle with it, ignore it, or answer it incorrectly.  Some of us give ourselves everything we want but nothing that we need.  Others of us ignore, minimize, or deny our own needs, only to find we have somehow become needier with others.  Today Cinthia discusses the importance of recognizing our own needs and taking responsibility for them, types of needs, the difference between needs and wants, and what we can do to get our needs met more fully and appropriately.  To dive deeper into the message of each podcast, we've created a study guide for each episode. Download your FREE Study Guide here!  https://www.cinthiahiett.com/services-6

You have a history with yourself.  Maybe there have been some good times, moments you will always cherish.  Maybe there have been some rocky points in the road -- betrayals, neglect, bad decisions, times you lost touch with your own feelings and values, all the big and little ways you have let yourself down.  Maybe you’ve reached an understanding with yourself that you will keep the internal peace by avoiding saying “no” to what your desires demand, perhaps labeling this arrangement “self-care” or “being true to myself,” though you know at some level that’s not what this is.  Or maybe you have avoided saying “yes” to yourself, assuming you don’t deserve what you want, can’t be trusted with it, don’t dare to hope anymore, or can’t risk the repercussions that being good to yourself could have.  Whatever your history, whatever your internal agreements and arrangements, you have the opportunity right now to start the journey home to being the person you were made to be.  Join Cinthia to look at what it means to c

Our thoughts shape us.  When we confuse our own self-criticism with the concept of a healthy conscience, we may think that our self-condemnation is appropriate, important, even crucial to keeping us from worse mistakes and behaviors.  Negative self-talk, however, often works against the very improvements we want to make, keeping us stuck in cycles of shame and frustration.  Today Cinthia considers Proverbs 23:7 and encourages awareness, intentionality, and kindness regarding the messages we continually program into ourselves just by thinking. To dive deeper into the message of each podcast, we've created a study guide for each episode. Download your FREE Study Guide here!  https://www.cinthiahiett.com/services-6

How old do you feel inside?  Today’s discussion is not primarily about extreme dissociative symptoms but about the common circumstance of having internalized who we were as children and carried it into adulthood with us.  Lots of us have parts that feel younger, parts we might think of as an “inner child” or “teen-aged self” that are still part of us.  These can be fun and can help us with our sense of play, spontaneity, etc., and this situation works well as long as our adult selves are in charge of our lives, making adult decisions and performing adult tasks.  But problems appear when our child-like parts are running the show, leading us to act like emotional children in adult roles and bodies; in fact, many people are so unaware of the possibility of emotional adulthood that they don’t even realize they are functioning as emotional children.  Conversely, we may so repress our younger places that we have trouble playing, having fun, or being silly even when it is appropriate to do so.  Do you have an inner

Can yoga help us celebrate our bodies as creations of God?  Can meditation help us have healthier minds?  Some Christians are uncomfortable with yoga and meditation because these can be associated with other religions or New Age philosophies.  Today yoga therapist Jessica Goulding discusses yoga and meditation as sciences of the mind that can be practiced by followers of Jesus with great benefit.  Cinthia engages with her in a discussion about the importance of getting accurate information about practices like these, especially since they have such benefit for calming the central nervous system.  Together, they encourage listeners to consider yoga and meditation as tools that can be used for various purposes, including seeking God and opening ourselves to His grace.  Jessica has even created a way for listeners to experience meditating on Scripture at www.jessgoulding.com/respite.  Whether or not you make yoga and/or meditation part of your life, today’s episode can help you explore what makes something spiri

“Religion,” “spirituality,” and “relationship with God” can be such loaded words and phrases, words that hint at something valuable, even crucial, but also trigger lots of complex memories, opinions, and associations.  Today Cinthia explains that science is finding the human brain changed by belief in the Divine and interaction with it.  She also states that the relationship God wants with each of us is (like all relationships) unique to the parties involved.  So, if there is a God and that God wants a relationship with you, it might not look like someone else thinks it should.  It might not even look like you expect.  What fears, memories, concerns, or other ideas tend to get in the way of you exploring what relationship between you and God might look like?  Join Cinthia to consider how principles of healthy relationship apply if you choose to engage in a relationship with God.  To dive deeper into the message of each podcast, we've created a study guide for each episode. Download your FREE Study Guide here!

There are sins we cannot justify or undo, errors that change the course of our lives, mistakes that harm others deeply.  Some regrets wash over us again and again, causing our stomachs that familiar drop and dashing the hopes we had started to rebuild.  What does it mean to come back from mistakes like that?  What is the difference between hiding from those realities and genuinely seeking resolution?  Today Cinthia discusses our responses to our own failures and what it means to acknowledge, forgive, learn, and grow after a fall.  To dive deeper into the message of each podcast, we've created a study guide for each episode. Download your FREE Study Guide here!  https://www.cinthiahiett.com/services-6

Do you get frustrated when standards are too weak?  Or do you tend to be annoyed with people who are too rigid?  Flexibility and strength regarding our own value systems can both be assets, but getting the proportions right can be tricky.  Sometimes we elevate our personal tendencies in either direction to the level of biblical standard, which often leads us to judge those who are more flexible or firm than we are.  We may also judge ourselves in ways that keep us stuck rather than helping us to move forward.  Today Cinthia discusses what it means to bend appropriately so we don’t break (at least not over something that isn’t worth it) and to give each other grace as we learn how to balance.  To dive deeper into the message of each podcast, we've created a study guide for each episode. Download your FREE Study Guide here!  https://www.cinthiahiett.com/services-6

Lisa Beth Thomas was successful in business, a picture of strength as she helped famous people navigate their marketing needs.  In her personal life, however, she felt intimidated and overwhelmed by the fallout of an unhealthy marriage and the ongoing financial and familial consequences left behind.  Today she talks with Cinthia about the process she undertook as she found her voice, navigated major life changes, and identified the core fears that had made it so difficult to do what she needed to do.  She discusses her discoveries regarding blame, responsibility, acceptance, and courage.  Today, Lisa Beth helps others through her Outwitting Fear course (www.outwittingfear.com).  Join Cinthia and Lisa Beth to examine ways you can identify and confront the fears that are holding you back.  To dive deeper into the message of each podcast, we've created a study guide for each episode. Download your FREE Study Guide here!  https://www.cinthiahiett.com/services-6

Watermelon is delicious, but what to do with those pesky seeds?  Cinthia recently read about a town in which people seed-spit competitively, and today she explores this as a metaphor for life:  In order to enjoy life’s fruit, we have to deal with the seeds – plant them, spit them, discard them…  Each of us is responsible for tending the garden of our own lives and learning how to enjoy the fruit as much as possible.  What are you going to do with the seeds?  To dive deeper into the message of each podcast, we've created a study guide for each episode. Download your FREE Study Guide here!  https://www.cinthiahiett.com/services-6

Have you ever over-reacted to a situation?  Have you ever gone into fighting stance, survival mode, or panic mentality when, in fact, you probably didn’t need to go there?  Today Cinthia encourages us to take a look at our threat-level assessment mechanisms and consider how learning to avoid going straight to “Defcon 1” can improve our lives, relationships, self-image, and impact on those around us.  To dive deeper into the message of each podcast, we've created a study guide for each episode. Download your FREE Study Guide here!  https://www.cinthiahiett.com/services-6

We are what we think.  Our brains actually change in response to our thought patterns, and, while we may not be able to choose every thought that enters our minds, we have a lot of power to control those thoughts we continue to nurture.  Today Cinthia discusses research about the way our thoughts, including the specific word choices we use in our thoughts, impact our brains.  She also discusses ways we can begin to craft our thoughts more carefully to make the changes we want to make in ourselves.  To dive deeper into the message of each podcast, we've created a study guide for each episode. Download your FREE Study Guide here!  https://www.cinthiahiett.com/services-6

Does the term “group project” make your hair stand on end?  Does the idea of another group meeting make you want to run screaming into the night?  Human beings en masse can present challenges, but there are also great advantages to being able to work together as a group.  We really can increase our group skills, but this involves accepting that group decisions will not reflect us fully, determining what is essential and what can be allowed to flex, and learning to listen and communicate well with others.  Join Cinthia to explore how to enhance your effectiveness in groups.  To dive deeper into the message of each podcast, we've created a study guide for each episode. Download your FREE Study Guide here!  https://www.cinthiahiett.com/services-6

We all want to make good decisions, but how do we make room for discernment in the midst of busy lives and complex sets of circumstances?  Today Cinthia discusses discernment as a gift, a virtue (which means it can be developed), and a process that (in most cases) requires time.  Whether you are making a decision by yourself, trying to make one with others, or simply trying to make room in your life to make decisions well when they do arise, join Cinthia to learn to cultivate the conditions in which discernment can flourish.  To dive deeper into the message of each podcast, we've created a study guide for each episode. Download your FREE Study Guide here!  https://www.cinthiahiett.com/services-6

Having addressed romantic intimacy last week and intimacy with ourselves the previous week, Cinthia finishes February with a look at the bread-and-butter connections that make up so much of our emotional landscape throughout life: friendships and family relationships.  If we want to enjoy deep connections in these kinds of relationships, we have to be ready to navigate the murky waters of acceptance and how it differs from approval.  How can we accept and be in relationship with mistake-making people?  What is the difference between accepting people and tolerating unacceptable behavior?  And how do our policies toward ourselves impact our ways of relating to the people around us?  Join Cinthia to explore what it takes to have engage in relationship with human beings who are often frustratingly human.  To dive deeper into the message of each podcast, we've created a study guide for each episode. Download your FREE Study Guide here!  https://www.cinthiahiett.com/services-6