Your Mom's House With Christina P. And Tom Segura

NO Loose jeans allowed here. We find the ultimate dad boner who relights the fire that only Garth can put out. Plus, Tommy AKA Tomaso speaks eh, de Espanish on TV, we have Would You Rather, Perfect Smiles and MORE! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This week on YMH, Tom and Christina take a look at Christina's ex-boyfriend who know works as an insane deck hand, a couple of fighting brothers who desperately want you to look at them, and go in depth on Tom's most recent physical Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This week, the mommies watch a bunch of public service announcements, some hilarious, some horrible. They also get a translation for the Persian voicemail, which kicks us off to a journey into Christina's childhood. Wipe down! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Due to Blueban's incompentance this episode had to be re-recorded. Oh, Blueban! Unfortunately it means that a mommy is missing. Christina is out, but step-mommy, Ryan Sickler fills in and brings the fun, filth, and funny that he always does. Tom and Ryan discuss uncomfortable moments with fans, bizarre sexual experiences and requests, the NFL, the Name of The Year contest, a twitter prank, Would You Rather's and more!  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome to Braceland! He's finally here. The star of Gigolos on Showtime and soundbites in our hearts, Brace, joins us for a lengthy conversation about life, karma, fitness, grooming, and pounding chicks. Tommy and Tina are overjoyed to spend time with affable and hilarious Brace. Also, get ready for updates on the move, becoming a C*m dog, Fill Her Up, and more! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

U-N-I-T-Y! The original trio is back! Tom and Christina couldn't be happier to welcome Redban into the mommydome for the first time since their VERY public and VERY ugly breakup! Things start off badly as Redban had to be restrained after trying to fight Blueban. After his anger and jealousy of Blueban subsides you get an instant classic episode. Lots of love and laughs with Podfather. Get ready for Dental Updates, Would You Rather's, an amazing call with Top Dog and much more! Lots of Brown in this one!  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Christina and Tom discuss how the world is full of self-important assholes and Tom's recent run-in with two significant terrible people. A "Real Talk" segment features a woman with footlong toe nails and a man who insists on kissing a woman after she has vomited. Christina shares her own stories of hearing the neighbor have sex and Top Dog is back for more "Brown Talk"!  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

OH MAH GAWD SERIOUSLLAAHHHH, Maria is here, you guys! This is a dream come true in the Mommy Dome. Tommy's older sister and Starbucks' Enemy Number One, Maria stops by for a chat and she jumps in like a pro. She shares more contempt for more employees of new company's while also getting down with some of the tried and true segments of YMH. Get to know the Maria you thought you knew (she knows Tom's voice) while hearing about her military exploits, how she deals with Top Dog, and conceding that Jane does in fact have better teeth and vision. It's so fun when your jeans get even tighter cause you just washed 'em! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Is it possible to prepare oneself for greatness? Try. This episode would be nominated for an Emmy if it were television. Is there a podcast equivalent? That may sound cocky, but we're mobsters over here! OHHHH! Tony Hinchcliffe gives us a gift. His mother, Joy/Gina joins us and answers questions about the life of a bookie. Sweet, petite and full of fire, Joy "It's Tuesday" the Bookie is not to be messed with. It's informative, hilarious and terrifying all at once. We also discuss Shakey Jeans, the Smith clan, and more, but it's all about Joy and you better be ready to pay up.  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Who's house? Your Mom's House. That's right. A WYR is read on another podcast but they don't want to credit their mothers? That's okay. You know who designed that Xmas WYR - your jeans. Shout out to David Choe and Asa Akira. We drop some NEW WYR's in your ears and read some of your emails. Dental Update for Tommy, A NEW case of foreign accent syndrome and Theo SPEAKS! Maybe dogs DO have brains. There's no such thing as Wednesday! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Don't be SCURRED! It's just your mom and your other mom. Spooky, isn't it? Listen, you no talent piece of S**T! You need to work on your craft! We finally get to the TRUMPET FIGHT that so many of you pointed us to. We read your comments on Tapatio vs Cholula, Lou Reed vs Jodeci and the ICP and whether or not they love God. We revisit some of our favorite scary movie moments and Tom auditions to do voice over work for movie trailers. We're back to FILLING HER UP AND SEALING HER SHUT - super creepy edition. Who will you fill? Be VERY careful listening to this episode because it is VERY scary! Dump Cakes.  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Oh my what a good time we have for you here. The Voice, Michael Schiavello superb sports broadcaster and all-around great guy became a world-wide phenom this week when his pronounciation of Danny Mainus' last name sounded more like My Anus and well, hilarity ensued - especially if you are like a 5th grader like we are. Luckily for us, Schiavello is our budy so Tommy gave him a call and got the EXCLUSIVE scoop! Plus Tommy and Tina share their love of Downton, arguing over becoming "dog-Sh*t" people, how Tina's dad handles dogs & problems, World Wrestling Nonsense and more!! This is one of those episodes that will have you wishing you had tighter jeans.  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

KaBOOM! It's Friday which means more jeans. We recap the latest episode of Gigolo's because Brace puts on a performance of a lifetime. So many amazing Bracisms, hope you can handle it. Which Gigolo would Christina hire??? Secrets revealed! THEN, it's the return of Top Dog! This is a call unlike many others - less brown, more bush! You will feel so much closer to Top Dog after this one. Also, did you know 7-11 has great coffee too!?! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Do you donate to THE St. Jude's? That's nice. So does the Klan and there ain't nuttin wrong with what they stand for. If you have a young, impressionable child a good thing to do is teach them that hateful, racist terrorist organizations are just fine - at least on Halloween. A REAL TALK update will have you pinchin pennies and throwing up in your mouth! There are limits to how cheap is acceptable and then there are these people who are gross and upsetting. Guess what? Some airlines will stop treating you like children and let you now use your electronic devices during take off and landing - oh, right. You never turned them off to begin with. FILL HER UP SEAL HER SHUT is back with results and a NEW edition. Can racists be sexy? YOU decide! Use your denim for good. Oh my gawsh! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Do you smoke crack? Exactly. Canadian jeans step up and do the dew! We love audio that paints a picture. We have some that straight up blasts your face! If you can squirt, let us know how you do it - for realsies. We rank chocolate candy treats and Tina ranks Almond Joy at the BOTTOM! Do you think she's a communist???? Bunz strongly disagrees. Which country makes the best, most delicious chocolate treats? A serious debate takes place. Does size matter? Yes. For sure. Definitely. Your small penis size is bad luck and not your fault and now there's a movie about that. Tom used to be a doctor. Tina talks about T.O. - yes the former Pro Bowl receiver was on an Oprah-like show. Abusive dads often create great athletes/accomplished men - so maybe not a bad idea to beat your kids? Trashy panties smell good.  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

The Mommy's talk hip-hop, Yo! MTV Raps and the joys of rebellious, aggressive music. They discuss what women find beautiful in other women and how men differ (ie. Salma vs Penelope). Both Tom and Christina share recent stories of accidentally peeing on themselves, as well as their joint (rare) venture out to Korea town where eating, drinking, and singing took place. The origins of Where The Dudes At? is given in detail as well as dude-a-rific audio of Hot (gay) Nude Yoga. Top Dog, Would You Rather's and more! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Oh jeans! Tommy is back from Toronto and as usual has high praises for his neighbors to the north. Oh Canada! And it's official, Tom's album, White Girls with Cornrows has dropped. They discuss their appreciation for those that have purchased it and the fun it is to do a project like this one on your own. Tom and Tina have a very special segment in which they answer listener questions - it's Get To Know Your Mommy - interrogation style! Plus a very special Top Dog call - just take a guess as to what the topic is. Would You Rather's are back and much more! Buckle Up (your jeans, that is)! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Nothing makes our jeans tighter than when a coach verbally abuses his players or the media. Another great man allowed himself to be recorded spittin fire at his team and we love it! We revisit Kai The Hitchhiker who just months ago saved someone from being killed - now HE is wanted for murder. Big BROWN Talk update, plus Old people are just OLD not stupid. We also get Tina's cousin, Sari on the line and reviewing movies (HINT: She's not impressed), a listener Dental Update and more! Hopefully our new tailor can modify our jeans so they can be worn higher.  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Your 2 dearest mothers welcome the lovely and hilarious Felicia Michaels into the Mommy Dome. We discuss what it's like to work with Joey Diaz on her podcast, Beauty and The Beast, what it was like to WIN Star Search, and Felicia weighs in on the "Oil in the road/I own the road" & "Retarded/Retard" debate! A speacial Labor Day edition of Fill Her Up/Seal Her Shut, plus Real Talk and more! Hit yourself in the head with a claw hammer!! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Oh, Canada. Oh, Canada, you need more lyrics in your national anthem and PLEASE train your singers when they pipe out OUR national anthem or perhaps they will be decapitated on the ice? Maybe. Hit the high notes, sister! We recap a magical weekend in Portland and Seattle, a weekend that was all about that deep blue color that pumps thru our veins - denim. A special phone call with Joey Diaz unlike any other call you could ever imagine. Diaz, as always, inspires, bewilders, and makes us laugh until we nearly stroke out. BREAKING: We get the inside scoop on the fiasco that was Brendon Walsh's nearly-guest hosting The Tonight Show while Jay Leno was sick. All we can say is, Thank God Jay felt better before Walsh covered for him.  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices