Your Mom's House With Christina P. And Tom Segura

Have you ever just done it in a parking lot on the pavement? Were you drunk? We are still Poly and Bi and loving it! Will Tom appreciate Christina's farts this week? The Cincy fart lives on. Tom insists that Christina is flirting with both their post man and a local Whole Foods Employee. A very sad dental update. Lots of mommy mail and a call from Top Dog!! Is it heaven on earth? No, it's just Your Mom's House! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Do you jerk your meats in public? Only if you work late night at a gas station. But don't do it if you are surrounded by glass. John Cranley update - when will he listen to our demands for a Cincinnatti fart memorial?? Steven Segal revelations, intense fart conversations and football. Have you implemented a thumbs up system in your house yet? I hope so!     Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Oh Jeans, Jeans, Jeans - that's not an echo - don't worry, we fixed that! SORRY Sorry sorry. We have a new system in place for bodily noises and acknowledging them - one thumb up top and two for down below. Please join and use our system in your lives. A few weeks back Christina broke down barriers with what has been given the name, The Cincinnati Fart. Please help immortilize her accomplishment by petitioning the Queen City to memorialize this feat. Info on how in the episode.  We know a lot of people Style Suck us, but what a certain morning radio recently did just let us know that the Mom's are the talk of the town, Na mean? Lots of good audio in this one. (YEAH!) Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Do you really think American politics are a joke well then maybe you should consider the platform that Deez Nuts is selling. It covers smells, hair and whatever that thing is that what's his name gave you yesterday. Plus, if you thought the Smith children were unbearable before you have no idea the new nonense they are spewing (yeah!).  What are the whore giveaways - Voice? Piercings? What about her feet? And dude, listen, you can't pull off that gear if you're not in the Rock 'N Roll Hall Of Fame. Let it go.  Chuck Woolery has a NEW endorsement. Is it GREEZY? Not really, but it sure does cost a lot. Can you imagine being married to Steven Seagal. If you can you probably just passed out.   We don't wear loose jeans in this one. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Have you ever wanted a man goo shampoo? Well now you can hear what that sounds like! DJ Poly-Bi scratches some cool new jams. The jeans discuss car farts, a new movie pitch, relatives sending naked baby pics and tragic news about King Ass Ripper - WARNING - this will make your jeans low and loose. It's ALL HERE! Pull em up! Here we go.    Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

JEANS ARE ON AGAIN! What's better than a news lady screaming cause of an animal bumping her over? Listening to it on a loop of course! Tommy had a blast in Seattle thanks to Mom's like you. Plus we have a new favorite song, know what I'm sayin? Hell to the naw naw naw. A new movie idea just came to T Bunz, Will ChristJeansa like it? Hope So! The moms really meow down on this one, ENJOY! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Oh Meowmy, we got sidetracked by life this week, but we still wear them high for you.  In this episode you get to wear your classic jeans and find the origins of Foreign Accent Syndrome. Have you heard your voice? It doesn't sound the way it used to. PLUS we include the LIVE from MOMTREAL YMH at the Just For Laughs Comedy Festival with a BANGIN audience. We talk about the great (angry) dog trainer, Peter Caine, French curse words, Top Dog's REAL murder story and Christina's dad and how good he must be at lovin the ladies.  There's a FILL HER UP, Would You Rather and MORE!    Nique ta mere! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Does it turn you on when you think of your spouse being filled with the love mustard of another man? We have the place for you. Our new poly, bi lifestyle isn't just for us. We want to share it with you and fluid bond with you.  SURPRISE - we have an improptu Top Dog call and it does NOT disappoint! Tommy's workout crushed him and he's seeking motivation. Plus we explore what is Amaze and that is the wonder of Dennis Rodman in a new documentary that chronicles his trip to North Korea.  KISS IT!! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Do you wear your jeans high? Then this is the place for you.  Sometimes you gotta get so high you feel all out panic. That's not for us but some of you LIVE for that feeling! Tommy had to throw away a box that something came in and it brought up so many difficult feelings that have contributed to his hoarding. Lets explore his past trauma. A lady gets mad at Wells Fargo and says something that, lets just say, might go down as the all time greatest drop in YMH history. KISS IT! Plus we get into some of Tom's new hobbies. Won't you help come up with a performer name for him!?! No Loose Jeans allowed!! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

JEANS UP! We made it - to episode 300. Can you believe it? We never thought our jeans could get any tighter, but every day they sink into our skin even more.  This episode is pure mommy magic. From balloon porn and the lost souls that do it to what the most intimate of acts get you in the adult biz (it's $100).  Plus Jared from Subway and Cosby are both in deeper trouble as news of new allegations for one and MORE evidence for another comes to light - it's not good for either, Rudy. Did Tom get another Double Pipe Classic this week?? Was it something new? Find out! Plus we play some angry on set rants from actors and a new player enters the You Know What I'm Sayin championship, ya heard me? We also recap some of our all-time favorite moments.  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Pull those jeans up, but leave those condoms at home! We party around here! Congrats to those same-sex jeans that want to wear rings too. IT'S ABOUT F*****G TIME!! We get into it with some help from a really neat guy who throws adventurous birthday parties. Plus, what language do you hate hearing the most? Middle eastern in origin? Asian? Latin? We'll explore.  You thought you'd heard everthing from the sweet Thai lady who explored with Two Gentlemen, but she's got more to say and it is AMAZE. We find out who Calvin is and have a new song that we're sure you'll hate.  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Call Jesus if you're ever in a pinch and if he doesn't answer call Chuck Woolery. We break down some new Know What I'm Sayin counts, plus get into the wonderful music of Lil B and Too Short - Sup Bay area! The Mommies are moving - just into an office, but it's going to be SWEET. Plus we gotta get these doggies to stop poopin INSIDE.   Make sure the listen to Joe Rogan episode #664 to hear the mommies have a ball of a good time. And it's official Tommy Mommy is shooting a new special in August. Listen to find out where! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Jeans, Jeans, Jeans - here's a riddle for you: What do you call a lesbian that doesn't eat p***y? We don't know either, but some lady is pretty worked up about it. The Mommies have an announcement so big they have to play a new sound cue just to live up to the magnitude of it - you'll just have to listen.  Plus can you have jeans sewn into your skin so you never have to change them?  Serial killers are such a fascinating, but disagreeable bunch of fellas. Have you heard of Ted Bundy? Not nice. We listen to audio of him talking about his favorite activity - killing. AND it's the return of our favorite GIGOLO -BRACE. He has a bombshell announcement and gets down and dirty about a lot of his Ho'in details.  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Who's the Babe Ruth of porn? What are the side affects of Alzheimers medication? Does performing oral on a prostitute present any risk factor?  These are all questions that will be answered on this episode and have you shouting Oh Yoshi Didn't! The great Yoshi Obayashi is back in the Mommy Dome with enough ridiculous tales to fill 5 podcasts, but we crammed them all into this one.  Get ready to laugh, get ready to cry and get ready to be confused by how you should react during any specific segment. This is Yoshi and there are no boundries.  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

You know what I'm saying, we went to Crate And Barrel and really enjoyed all that they have to offer. It's not just a wonderland of white people things, they also have nice toilets.  Do we have a new YKWIS Champ??? LISTEN closely (and count).  Plus FEEFO is back and he's talking about his new sister and we have to tell you - he ISN'T happy. We also discover the funny adult actress who blessed us all with the catchphrase of the year last week and we hope you'll help us meet her.  Do you like spending a dollar? Do you document it when you do? There's a community for you where people just like bore the s**t out of other people with their purchases.  Be the jeans! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Your Mom's have been busy, yo. Sorry, Jeans. Sometimes your mothers are out doing so much they have to delay doing what they love most - the Momcast. We've been shooting our pilot and trying to live thru puppyhood. Both are exhausting. PLUS we have some VERY NSFW audio on this one. This episode might seriously be a collection of some of the most sexually offensive clips we've ever played, plus a new one that's going in the vault.  We review the first 10 minutes of a Steven Seagal film that is so bad, so impossibly not put together that after a 3rd viewing we're still not sure what's going on - but Stone Cold Steve Austin is in it too.  You ready to Fill Her Up? We got that too.  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Pull your Cuban jeans up over your head and get ready to lose your mind. We have the REAL Gloria Estefan on this episode and she is nothing short of epic. We discuss the Miami Fart Machine and the potential it has to revolutionize the music industry. Will we go on tour together? Listen and find out.  Plus we have the original "knowmSayin" and Let Me Tell ya Something, it's really something. Plus ASMR is real (we think) and these whispers might make you feel really special.  And Maria may have finally met her match at Starbucks. A manager gets testy and FIRED?!?! We are dancing the night away to the Conga and hope you love it as much we do.  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

One of the great things about our show is that both Mexicans and Blacks like it. They can both tolerate listening to it and not get upset. It's also what some say about Art Laboe's radio show inside jail.  We got a bunch of prison shout outs, you know what I'm sayin? And we revist some of the all-time great know what I'm sayin's. Shout out to Butter and Mr. Criminal. One love, homie.  Plus, how can you tell when an online fart is manufactured? Is there anything that can be done to PROVE what we're witnessing? We make a plea to you, the little mommy, to help us get a return message from Gloria Estefan. Can you ask her to write back to us? And we're getting another dog - this one won't be a Huxtable. Check out our name options on the show! Be the JEANS! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

We recorded this on Cinco De Mayo so we hope you had a fun, safe time celebrating. We visit some audio of a Mexican gangbanger named "Little Boy" talking about shooting a dude in the face to get you in the mood - Margarita, anyone?! Plus we weigh in on candy bars - are you an immigrant or do you eat what people born 'round these parts eat? We got that Chris Gaines doc you know you wanna hear - Do you LIKE THAT? And it turns out vocal fry isn't just frustrating to friends and family - employers hate it too.  Farts? We got those too.  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

It's true that Choosy Mom's Choose Jif, but REAL Mom's do too. Are you REAL?? ChristJeansa and Tommy return from his birth city and they have some stories. Plane dumps and did you know that coconut butter can be used as a lubricant? Tom's family has tested it.  Pastor Manning lets us inside Starbucks secrets - just how much semen are they putting in your drink?  We have highlights from our LIVE show in Cincy with Geoff Tate AKA Denim on Denim AKA Hot Dogs and Gatorade for LYFE. You'll find out how many hot dogs he's been eating.  We haven't heard back yet from Gloria Estefan, but we're hoping by putting our song out there that she will respond soon.  Love,  The Miami Fart Machine Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices