Your Mom's House With Christina P. And Tom Segura

Be careful if you like to drink Starbucks like the mommies do. There's a secret that we've all just learned of and that is that Starbucks coffees and lattes CAN get you pregnant! It's true. Pastor Manning has informed us to just be careful because there are gay men masturbating into your drinks at Starbucks and that's why it's delicious but also dangerous.  Who knew that Shane Lee could be such a polarizing figure?!? We dive into some of the emails from listeners - some weren't too happy with us! Plus is #WipeGate ever REALLY over? This time our closest family and friends weigh in. What does Maria say? Cousin Juli? Even Charo lets us know what time it is.  And the debut of the Miami Fart Machine will surely have you whistling this hit for days to come. Do we have one the top selling artists of all time on the phone? Si, Senora! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

It's Shane Lee's world and we're all just hanging out around him.  If angels do exist there's no question that Mr. Lee is one of them. With a voice so pitch perfect you'll find yourself questioning what is art, what is soul, what is beauty? The answer: it's Shane Lee.  In this episode we dive deep in to Lee's world and range of other-worldly talent. We also reveal some very sad, yet unavoidable news to the world of adult entertainment. Get your kleenex ready - you'll be wiping up more than usual.  Plus Ghost Kru and Obe1 are back with tracks that honor, who else, Shane Lee.  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Need a recommendation on where to eat, what to see? It's a good thing The Concierge is in the building. Never any half-stepping when the Full Charge is here.  This is one of the most action packed episodes in history. We actually feel a little guilty - about how funny and amazing this episode is. If you don't enjoy this then you have a serious head injury that is accompanied by very loose and low jeans.  Respect your mother OR get knocked out in the store she works in. Plus will wipegate ever get settled? We have Supreme Court Justice Top Dog laying down a clear RULING. How will America respond?!? Want a workout video to gain muscles, but isn't gay? We might have found your guy. Black Talk that stumps our ears is in full effect and a would you rather that might make you Vegan (Vagina).  Pull em up, yo! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

It's time to try on an old pair.  Classic Jeans 45 covers some of your favorite moments. Like the morning show where they ask Tommy if he's "their mommy" and Tina's vomit phobia.  Jeans up forever.    Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Well, it's now undeniable. Wipegate is taking the world by storm and there's nothing anyone can do to stop it.  Shower straight from a brown?! Are you mad? Or maybe you're just TEAMTINA. Wipe like a person first? Are you human? Maybe you're TEAMTOMMY. The listeners, other comics, hell, even Web doctors weigh in on this one. Plus a song that will blow you away dedicated to your mothers! We talk Tommy's taste in (some) white music and a call from OMG Maria that will leave you, well, unsettled? She's bananas.  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

So many treats in this one.  Man Frandisco is no joke. We gots stuff on fleek, dirty shares, porn stories, racist neighbors and brows that will be there a LONG TIME (not so much on Fleek, boo).    Get at me.  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

When you're sitting in a meeting it's nice when someone brings you a coffee or farts loudly in to a microphone. It's funny. It just is.  What's not funny? Stepping in dog doo-doo at 4:30 in the AM, tracking it into bed and then realizing your sleeping in poo. It's awful.  We got that new fire for you (hip kid slang) and we break down the "secret enemy." Is there one in your life? Grandma has pipes and sings about that Coco and a black dude yells a LOT at a white dude to wipe that s**t down (his car).  Plus Tina's voicemails are getting crazier and we think we have a plausible theory about them. We also play a classic bit from an oldie but goodie.  Can you believe Tina takes Brown in to the shower?!?!?!?! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

You should make stuff and then, cause you're good at stuff, you can sell that stuff or plant a vegetable tree.  Also, food is good.  Jeans, you need to read. It's helpful for your mind to grow and also to expand your vocabulary so that you don't sound like such a dumbs**t.  We have reviews for the REAL MAN from the Mommies and these joints are on FLEEK! Plus Tina peed a frightening color. Was it murder?! When Tom/Mom posts a fart video do you realize how arrogant you have to be to question its authenticity. We clear the air (well, we cloud it first).  If you think Dad Mouth is bad, wait til you smell what Mom's got cookin in her den. (It's pretty greezy).  And a new phone number is full of mysterious messages. Give em a listen! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Powerful. Today we wear our strength jeans as the leader in podcasting/comedy/fitness and fighting, our Godfather, Joe Rogan finally joins the Moms. We hit it all: The philosophy behind giving, farting, teeth, Tom or Black and what it takes to become A REAL MAN. Joe weighs in on it all, from Biggie vs Beatles to the OG Would You Rather. This is an episode you're going to love and wear around as you collect denim for the long winter.    Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Sweet, loving, kissy-faced jeans. That's what those Valentimes are all about. We brought our love to the Ice House for a live episode with a fiery, sexy crowd. This was honestly one of the best times we've ever had live. It's like all our collective jeans are getting tighter.  We give you the goods here, Chocolate anuses, brows on fleek, all kinds of words that the kids are saying now. Plus we have a sing-along and an orignal song debuts! We got dad jokes and sex sounds and a whole lot more.  We love you, Jeans. We really do.  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hey there dirty jeans! Wipe your face cause it's covered in vaginal juices and secretions.  If you have OCD we hope you get better, but in the mean time we'll laugh at you.  Tina has brows on Fleek! Peep them all at Damone Roberts. Plus Tommy is breaking down. Can you make that dude rest? You thought XXplosive was a crazy track? Check out this Too Short classic. We got Brown Talk, Vocal Fry, White Big Words, Plies Talk and more! Wash your filthy jeans, will you!?! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

You figure it out.  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Big. Dumb. Animal. Those words don't just describe our guest Matt Braunger perfectly. They're also the name of his new 1 hour special (but without the periods).  Always welcome inside the Mommy Dome, Braunger is like a son to us. We not only talk about his big special we cover the hidden C**T in Harry Potter (Tommy found it), and what in the world Plies was talking about, Ya feel me? This episode is just like hanging out in the bathroom with your buddy. You're gonna love it.  Who won the last Fill Her Up? We have results! And this edition of Tom or White is pure White Knowledge testing - how much do you know!?   Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Mind if we burp? After Chipotle? And suckin stuff? Well we've got that and more for you. Here's something we'd like to know - what exactly is Plies saying? We try to solve the mysteries of this modern day philosopher.  Plus does a communist from a small island have the tools to identify a sex toy? We have differing opinions on this one. Will you side with the right Mommy!? Maybe if you're having troubles motivating yourself you keep it to yourself OR just go ahead and post every day how everyone is out to get you and everything is a battle and FIGHT! Fight things and people that aren't even there. That seems awfully stable of you.  You have the Jeans, you just gotta learn how to wear them.  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

J-J-J-J-Jeans Unit! This is a very special episode. In addition to being packed with content and the introduction of a new, amazing caller, we here at Your Mom's House are very proud to announce that the Main Mommy, Christina Pazsitzky (PaJeanSky) has released a NEW album! Man of the Year is Christina's second album and is now available everywhere. Be sure to get a copy so that her jeans reach higher, tigher levels! Plus the moms get down and talk about Tommy letting Christina do (and say) dumb things. Is it his fault?!? Tina worked out HARD this week. Is cross training fitness not a match for her? Tommy is in LOVE with another crime show. This one is extra murdery and we break it down for you. Plus "Uncle Bill" whom we have been wanting to have on the show for years is finally here. All we can say about that is - you're not ready.  DENIM! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Oh jeans it's here! Your first NEW momisode of the NEW year. This one really delivers. Maybe it's us, maybe it's these jeans. We give you modern day philosopher, Plies. Tina has trouble deciphering his sounds, but once she gets it, she GETS it.  Plus we try to figure out what's up with Austin Uber drivers and all the different browns we had there.  Is there anything Steven Seagal doesn't know? Well, uh, that's a trick question. We jam out to a song that'll blow your mind. CP was inspired and now you'll be too. Raise a pair of pants up for this one!   Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What is love? When you've been someone long enough that you can say, "That's stupid of you," and then they respond, "Then I'm stupid. Let me be stupid!" That's true love. It's real contempt under a thin layer of decency that says, "I know I have to live with you."  When people have been together more than 50 years it can be quite colorfully spoken.  A fun game you can play with your significant other is ask strangers how old they think your partner is and then brace yourself when they (hopefully) guess FAR older. It's a real HOOT. Plus Tom hung out with an older man in a sauna. Did it get weird? Well, they covered cannibalism, prostitution and drugs. So it gets fun.  The brown detectives may have solved an age old mystery. Maybe it will prevent future loose stools. We'll see. Jeans, this is the final episode of 2014. Let's promise each other one thing, next year, even HIGHER! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

It's that time of year again - Baby Jesus has been born and there are great songs and hopefully wonderful gifts unless you're poor (yuck).  We, as always, give back to the little Mommies. And this time we really deliver. Unwrap the paper and take in some Shane Lee. That's right the internet sensation who "teaches" vocal lessons is now in the DOME! He does impressions, requests and, well, whatever he feels like saying. It's awesome and it's here. Plus your two mothers have some wonderful clips including NEW (is that possible) talents that Steven Segal has - like God? (Actually, YES).  And what's a better gift than breakin down some brown with Top Dog. Rejoice! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

A man's desire to call out to a woman is so strong that it can overwhelm his own mental illness. Literally, the pieces that are missing in his brain will come together for a moment if that moment means sexual release.  Farts. This episode has them. From both mommies. Will you eat what we fart on? Plus Garth meets Meeeh, meets more melodies. It's creepy, weird and wonderful all at the same time. Guys should cover their nipples, You BETTER wash your nuts and your other stinky parts (especially if you want someone going in there).  And we talk family - and what is a reasonable amount of time to spend with them - Minutes? Get your festive jeans on! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Yooooo! If you spend time overseas be careful! You could get AIDS. From a towel. Especially if a lot of dudes drop their stuff in that towel, ya feel me? Pat Robertson is a national treasure. While some look to him for spiritual leadership, we find him to have his finger on the pulse of what's funny and this guy is hilarious.  Plus we have some new songs and we have to admit, they are DADGUM GOOD! Can we teach you how to sing? Yes. BEATBOX? You betcha! AND we got that Chris Gaines music that you know you wanna hear.  Would you mind pulling your jeans a little higher? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices