Your Mom's House With Christina P. And Tom Segura

Are ya'll ready for some slick stuff? Cool stuff? NEAT stuff? What about RAW stuff? Well, you're gonna get it cause we're breaking down these walls between us and we like that! Are you done wiping the vomit from the rim of your mouth? Good. Now get ready to puke again when Garth Brooks speaks and is genuine about "having a conversation" with you.  We get "Country" on this one, but it isn't all bad. We actually like some of your backwoods, incestuous anthems. Plus Theo must face the fact that he's named after an accused serial rapists TV son. And that ain't gonna fly, Jack! We must give him a NEW name OR can we simply call him by his BIRTH NAME?!?! You mean he has one? Yup.  This episode is LOADED. Jeans UP!!   Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Is your baby's mama here? You bet. Would you like to meet him? You should. You know, for the children. If you're trying to take it all the way down your throat we have expert advice that's gonna set you straight (don't take it so far). Plus a UK coach can drop that fire the same way Coach Ice does - only it sounds sweeter.  Some news reports are silly and some make you ask What The F*** Are We Doing Here? And then sometimes someone makes a song about it that's worthy of multiple replays.  Plus we have the Full Charge droppin sweet science on everything including Puddin Pops and Spanish Fly, Rude and Theo too. Oh, Cosby. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Duncan Trussell is here! You may know Duncan "Truffles" as the guy who has sex with pigs for laughs, but he's more than that! D-Truss is our friend, a fellow podcaster and comedian, this sweet and enlightened man is here shining his radiance on us in a way only he can do.  We examine #TEAMLITTLED**K and what it means to breathe thru the bump in your baby head with the Smith siblings.  Plus Duncan takes us down the path of goodness. He points us and hopefully you towards the light with ideas and philosophies that are from a higher power, but simplified in a way that likens them to your poo covered B-hole.  Get your denim space suit on, we're leaving the Stratosphere on this one! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Jeans Unit Mount Up! This is it. The mountain top of YMH. We give you some Portland show and Chicargo show (Seattle was AWESOME BTW, just not as good audio quality). We get into prison talk, break down some drunk talk, sing POP, Braxton songs, Dental Updates, Would You Rather's, Fill Her Ups and soooo much more!  This is the SUPER SHOW episode of Super Shows. Plus a special guest that's gonna knock your jeans right off!! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

It's On, JEANS! Once a week shows are back and here's the first one.  We help Christina's old college BF find a lady as he is now Sinnnnnnnglllllleeee again. Would you like to date him? It's an option.  Tommy is busy writing songs that are so good, he doesn't even name them. He just gives them to the Universe. Will he collaborate with the Braxton's? We're WORKING ON IT! Go On, Gurl is a pretty good movie, but you'll want pizza with lots of pepperoni on it - Just a Heads up.  If you're white, just be respectful to cops. Seriously, what's your problem?  Plus don't use your hands to grab communal food, dumb dumb.  POP, Hold it down some more.  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Geoff Tate is Late! It's okay. He got here and everything is fine now. Happy HallowJeans, everyone. We hope you're playing it safe and not staying out too late. Also, kids love pennies and bullets so give them away! Tate is LONG overdue in the MOMMY DOME, but thankfully he's here and you're about to get the full scoop on DENIM ON DENIM + HOT DOGS and GATORADE + also CHEERS.  Geoff is a fantastic comic, truly one of the best and he's a breeze to hang with. Always funny and low maintenance. This man is our type of guy. You get the Dental Update, the D**k Detectives and more! Drops galore on this one! Pull those M7Z's up, Jeans! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Oh farts. Do you have a special fart box for your partner to sit in a face your release valve? Get One! These jeans have a question are Smart for shopping somewhere, but then are all sales Final? Lets discuss.  The Mommies are on Tru TV's How To Be A Grown Up and we let you in behind the curtain. Want in? Plus Top Dog talks farts, poops AND Killing in a call for the ages! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Ba Booey Cha Say-O Muh B-hole!! Rejoice, we have THE B-hole of all holes with us, it's Chad Daniels, mommy! The same way a serial killer knows that he will kill after he locks in and stalks his victim, sometimes for months, we knew that it would be a blast hangin' with the Chad Man! We listen to a woman transform into a man or is it the other way? Who cares. Someone else out there is having a lot of orgasms and this time it isn't a man! Want some? Plus there are plenty of big words and tales of slander and redemption. Chad Daniels is your step mom whether you like it or not. Jeans are Forever Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

If you gonna hate then suck our stuff! Yeah, dawg.  Tommy looks strong in his gold and purple tank top and Stella Grooves noticed at Crate & Barrell - how will Christina respond?!? Which Braxton are you today? It's fun way to start the day to break down which of the Braxton sisters you're feeling like. Plus we sing the Braxton Values theme song. Do we sing perfectly? Eventually, yes.  Calling all cars! Calling all cars! We have denim emergency! Peter Caine is on the phone. You did not misunderstand - PETER CAINE is on the phone. Get ready to clear the air OR stir it up? Listen and find out the real story behind Caine and his madness. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hope there are still no carnists listening to our show, but if there are, stop now. Otherwise picture Tommy's tongue licking the air and put whatever you want there. Also, listen to songs about it.  Did you spend time with your father lately? Did he orgasm in front of you? We sure hope so. Tommy's dad, Top Dog, is back with some great advice on, you guessed it, some BROWN TALK. We have an original song that's gonna blow your jeans off, plus some Asian talk that sounds eerily familiar. Paging Sharkeisha - Honey are you there?!? If you loosen your jeans for this episode you'll never forgive yourself.  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Get your dad ready to orgasm - it's LIVE from Man Fran Disco (San Francisco)! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This episode is for Vegan's only!! Carnists are not allowed to listen. SORRY!  Now that it's only us, picture Tommy kissing your thighs. Feel better? GOOOOOOD. Why do people over 50 refuse to drink water? Water is in us and everywhere around us. Maybe they are just wiser and know that nothing satisfies your bodies cravings for hydration and nutrients like Diet Coke. It tastes good and it's good for you. Especially post-workout.  Do you remember your father's funeral? How many orgasms did you have staring at his corpse? We found someone that may have been more aroused than you and it's ALL TIME CLASSIC MOM mode already. Get ready to cry from joy and from your relentless orgasms on this one! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

POP! Pimp Squad for life, baby! If you can't see, then that should be your story and you should always say that no matter who asks you what. You know what we're sayin, you feel us, know what we're talking about?   Kentucky Jeans and Momlando Jeans were worn this weekend - get the breakdown, Gawd. Plus Tina explains what that drop about God and blessing is all about. Do you watch comedy? Does it ever upset you. Please blog and share in detail how you feel and your disappointment about it. Even if you laughed, somewhere inside you there is surely something to complain about.  And we have a song that we can only WISH came from a listener - Maybe it did??? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Ohhhh Jeans! We're Back! Tommy pulled up his sick, barking jeans and coughs and blows his nose throughout the show just to remind you that he sacrifices so much for her.  Tina is VERY surprised to hear a series of NEW drops in her honor! Can you guess what they are? They are blessed indeed.  Be sure to relax on this one as the smooth sounds of Crapzo and Manwelle and White Tigress penetrate your soul - choose whichever one best suits your needs.  Plus we give you the 411 on the Segura Family Cruise. What's that? Were family genitals shared? Mmmm-hmmm. Plus some WOULD YOU RATHERS and more! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Well, we were about to do a new episode but then Tommy went off and got sick like a big, ol dumb bear. Now he's on bed rest and we have to delay our return for another day.  Please enjoy this Classic episode which has the origins of F****n Camp! among other Tourettes Classics! This is high quality denim we have here.  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Oh meowmy, does she miss us? Our vacation is almost over, but we didn't forget about you. Here's one more classic pair of jeans for you and you guessed it, it's amazing.  Once again, this episode features Top Dog and BROWN and it's epic. We hope you took care of your teeth while we were gone. We're going to check each of your toothbrushes to make sure of it, Theo. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Oh yeah, Jeans. It's time for more of those Classic Jeans. This is that bespoke denim you can't find in the stores.  This very special episode captures one of the greatest moments in podcasting history - Top Dog and brown come together in REAL TIME.  Buckle Up, you ain't ready.  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Reach into the closet, up onto that top shelf. Further, no further. Yeah, those nice worn in jeans are there. Put them on and pull them up. While the moms are on vacation we give you an oldie but goodie. Some of the origins of Mommycode are deep within this episode. Listen and enjoy. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Shots Fired!!! If you're down in the 954 or the 305 and you see a half naked white dude singing and dancing shakin' that thang - don't worry, that's Rihanna. The elephant in the room must be addressed - Peter Caine has called the MAIN MOMS out! Lord only knows what will happen next, but Peter Caine is on the watch list. Should he worry about Tina and Tommy? No. The little Mommy's? Probably. Theo? You Bet. You can't just talk s**t like that and not expect bad things to happen.  As Theo has always said, "Don't start nuttin, won't be nuttin."  Plus Tommy has returned from City Connection and he can't wait to go back. He's got that international jeans fever! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Please don't talk, please don't touch my service dog! Don't talk to my dog, the dog is being good. You're getting the dog in trouble, you di@k! Maybe Peter Caine is right??? Tom's in Hong Kong aka "City Connection" right now. He had a real nice hair cut before he left and we talk about it. Christina admits to seeing the same hairdresser since 1998, but he's awesome so don't sweat it.  Cops are still all fu$%in bald and s$it. We discuss nightmare jobs for us personally. Being nocturnal is horrible. COPS is our new favorite show. It's fun to watch people who cook meth getting arrested. And you should always look at the positive aspects of your meth cooking spouse. Christina gets punished for using her BIG WORDS in the last episode... Aunty Fee takes the ALS Ice Bucket Challenge.  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices