Your Mom's House With Christina P. And Tom Segura

Get out of that Country A** nonsense, pull up your denim and get ready for the get down. We got a hot new anthem for REAL MOMMIES ONLY. Plus, Tommy ran into Joey "Try Eating This and Living" Diaz on a flight and, yeah, meltdown came soon after. Real husbands say, "Show me how those big T**s fart" to their wives and maybe now, you will too? Pastor Manning is completely insane and we have the audio to prove it. REAL TALK is back and we are ready to ROAST the Duggars wildly selfish lifestyle. This episode is offensive.  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

You know you're in good company when the WHITE HOUSE is listening to your show. We have pretty compelling evidence that suggests that President Obama listens to the show and keeps up with the YMH lingo. Maybe he'll be on the show soon? Hope so. If you and your boys are planning on getting together for a fun night of bro'ing down you should get a Naughty Boy and take that party to the next level! It's been a minute, but TOP DOG is back and he's got one of his "great ideas." Plus, you guessed it, he has a dump story. As if that didn't make you shart your shorts, there's MORE! OMG Maria is on this ep! She tells the uh, "story" of her latest car accident and names a new leader when it comes to foreigners who's language skills/attitudes upset her. You're not ready!  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

WHAT WRONG WITH YOU? said the most awesome pastor ever. I'll let him finish his sentence. Have you seen that show, Masturbate Theater? It's pretty good and we have a clip. Mr. Selfridge has a very interesting French character who encourages a nice young English lady to meet his anus. What's up with Pro Wrestling, for real? When do you stop liking it? Do you wear Superman pajamas? Good. This ep has a BIG TIME Dental Update from TINA and a poop story for the ages from one of YOU!! LADIES, trim your tootsie nails - they're not supposed to hang over the edge. We discuss in a new NAILS segment. And, you guessed it, there's more sayin of You Know What I'm Sayin - You know what we're sayin?  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

No need for a big description here - it's LIVE from San Francisco (Man Frandisco). Put on your old denim panties and enjoy this one (it's full of treats)! J-J-J-JEANS UNIT Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Ain't nothin in life free. P***y would be at the top of that list, especially for an ex-pat roided out Aussie pimp handling his Thai ho's. Make sense? Dude has some good points and a LOT of job stoppers (you'll soon understand). A man violated the safety and sanctity of our neighborhood in front of Tina and inTO a Yoplait (possible future sponsor?). We go to the Forensic Files to see if we can solve the case! Do families that masturbate together just, basically, get along the best? We just don't know. Tina left behind a life in the KGB to come to the US of A and today is the anniversary. Will she be allowed to stay? Obama decides! Wiping with a MAN'S wipe is new for Lady Jeans. We can't wait for her review. Most IMPORTANTLY we break down the new and accepted criteria for crowning the You Know What I'm Sayin Champion and it's a real GAME CHANGER. It's spring time, get that seasonal denim out!  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

It never gets old. No matter how much time passes by, joy is always spread when someone drops a Deez Nuts joke. And if you get it on TV? Well, we collectively thank you, sir. New music from you, the little jeans, is welcomed and celebrated! It's time to post a challenge! Does a pimp or a rapper say You Know What Im Sayin more? Get out your pen and paper cause you've got some countin' to do! (You know what I'm sayin?) But everything takes a back seat to the Queen of this episode. Internet sensation, vocal inspiration and servant of our Lord, Aunty FeeFee joins us! She is as sweet, engaging and fun as you knew she would be. Does she bless our show with a special tune? Put your earbuds in and let us pleasure you ears. WE WEAR DENIM ONLY AROUND HERE! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

FART. That's one of many different noises you will hear on this episode. We really cover all the bases, YKWIS? Yes, there's a new champ in the You Know What I'm Sayin circle and it is GLORIOUS! Tina and Tommy both have Brown issues - You've been warned. Is or isn't the man we both see homeless? The Jeans are DIVIDED. Plus Jerry Lewis is still obnoxious and we have a first hand account from comedian and writer Megan Beth Koester (@bornferal). It's ridiculous and hilarious. Pull your pants up. BIKES!!!! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Where Brooklyn at? In your ear drums. Rest In Peace, ODB. We pay respect to the GODS on this one. There's nothing quite like a LIVE Mom in front of other Mom's, knawmean? This is all the goodness of YMH wrapped into one Live Denim sandwich - we got crazy audio, WYR, Top Dog and more! Peace to Big Daddy Kane. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Ari Shaffir AKA Airey Schaeffer is in the building. Sure he put some loose change we had lying around in his pocket, but we still enjoyed his company. Did you ever hear the joke that if we want to win a war we should just send gangbangers to fight them because they love shooting people anyway? Yeah, that's happening. Some OG Sorenos from the 818 are droppin dimes on fools in Syria and the audio is amazing. We have a MAJOR Dental Update - Tina had something SERIOUS done, jeans. Hear the wrath of Ari towards TSA and celebrate Tommy's new special and album. You know what we're sayin? Plus Ari's brown talk will have you cringing, possibly crying and certainly mailing him fiber bars.  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Are you thirsty? I bet after you hear this one you'll want nothing more than a big gulp from a nice German man's tough nips. We love you so much that we took what was to be the next BONUS episode and we gave it to you, the little Mommy. This show was the Dog's T**S and there are sex secrets revealed. What more could you want? Pull those jeans up. A little higher, please?  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Who is the Main Mommy to you? For many, it's our disabled son, Redban. Luckily for you, he's in the Mommy Dome again and he's grosser than ever. It's always nice to have your kid come home from college and for this hour we wonder if he's ever going to class anymore. We cover life, teeth, Sharkeisha, paranoia and a whole lot more. Does Redban have a secret brother??? Maybe. Does a girl who sells you her dirty panties excite Brian? We think so. Does he tells us the grossest thing ever and nearly causes the show to stop? Yes. Classic Mom on this one.  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

You ain't even wash it???? You NASTY!!! Do ya thang, gurl! If I beat yo a** in a fight, then I do what I want when I win, ya dig? Do you know your weight class? Figure it out, farty weight!  Tommy had to go potty bad and it almost came out in the car! Tina laughed and that's not nice. Do you think that Robin Wright makes possible suitors sniff her snuff spot? Tommy thinks so. House of Cards (Farts) is the Dogs T**s! Talk smack when you get in a fight, but don't lose focus or your breath.  YMH introduces the world to A LOT of things, Knaw Mean? And HONESTLY, we've done it again. Mommy emails are read that deal with playing with the fart pitch and more! Pull those Jeans a little higher, won't you? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Yes and no. We both do and do not know what you're saying in this, the ultimate You Know What I'm Sayin sound off. We provide insight into every race and culture's attempt to say what they're saying. Do you know what each of them mean? Perhaps Tom should add to his "Black vault" of voices as he nails the homeless, nude gay man getting penetrated in the streets. Don't disrespect judges, know what we're all sayin? Lots of music in this one plus some choice Would You Rather's. Give your mother a hug! J-J-J-Jeans Unit! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

When you find something you love to do in life, don't settle for anything but being the best. Even if that thing is taking it in every hole all day until your insides fall out of you. That's what Ava Devine has done and we have the audio to prove it. Plus Theo gets on the mic after a little hiatus and he is pretty fired up. Everyone has fun when they fart. Everyone plays with their butt cheeks to throw the pitch of their farts. Well, everyone EXCEPT Tina. Tina claims she does NOT do this and the mommies get to the bottom of the truth. REAL TALK is back with something beyond comprehension - eating ones own mattress. Oh boy, you better buckle your belt (that you wear to support your jeans).    Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Holla if you down, but you wear your jeans up! 200, ya'll. We kickin it strong and we owe it to you, the little Mommy. We celebrate with great new audio of someone we think might be related to Tom - after all it's man in Cincy and he tells your "right" where to put it. So many mommy tunes, so little time. We honor your musical talents by playing some of the songs that got away and they are AMAZING, you know what I'm sayin? Oh my, oh my, is there a new contestant throwing his hat into the ring of most impressive mentions of Know What I'm Sayin. Well, do you? Mommy shout outs and more! PLEASURE! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

We are the Mommies 24 - 7, baby. Whatever you done heard, you can forget that. We are who we are and that's that! When Carla goes to Wendy(sic) or Burger King she doesn't get the respect she is owed (MacDonald's(sic) doesn't do her like that). Who is the real leader of sayin "you know what I'm sayin?" Do you know what we're asking here? If you have a whole weight, keep going. Make yourself very, very fat and then make videos and money. Your dreams can be your reality! Plus you know we got that JJ Fish joint you been dying to hear. Get those jeans on and PULL THEM UP. "No, you have a good muthaf***in' night." - Carla Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

No more juice for the Main Mommy. Tommy drank something gnarly which made fluids come out of all of his holes - which delayed today's ep. Buns is farting and puking and sweating, but he's still here for you. What if you have no teeth, but you love certain sex acts? You shouldn't hide in shame, you should make songs about it. Leon Lewis knows what we're talkin' bout! Oasis was one of the biggest bands in the world at one point and then it all fell apart. Now, former guitarist Noel Gallagher hates all of the videos they made and so much more about himself and the audio about it is priceless. Plus your Would You Rather's and more! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Andy Erikson AKA Ernie AKA "Can I get a ride?" is in the building (the Mommy Dome). A former police officer, Andy is no nonsense when it comes to enforcing rules and eating snacks. If you don't know why you suck stuff are you supposed to? Maybe you're a suck puppet. That's it. That's your role in life. Why do black people say hair-on instead of heroin? We go DEEP this episode. Both ladies have had multiple men pull pud in front of them and they happily ELABORATE. Is Which Is Mike Singletary back????? Pull your jeans up and find out! What gift will Andy bring Tom in Tacoma? Check back in a month to find out.  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

I've been wanting to see what's in those Jeans for a long time! Oh, get your dirty mind out of my jeans. Cab drivers are hot and we all want a piece of them. Our favorite part about riding around with cabbies is their smell but also their cleanliness and also listening to their nice music and also when they ignore our requests. Yeah, that's about it. Shakey Jeans is gone, but who will replace him? Hopefully someone with a more debilitating condition. Is the NFL ready for a gay player? What if an entire team were gay and amazingly talented? We pray for this. Tom and Tina talk about their new business idea - which involves juice and dudes. We got Brown Talk, a NEW release from the King (A** Ripper), a wanna-be tough guy and MORE!  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

If you're Irish or Scottish and angry we love you and can't understand a word. Please explain how we share the same language. We revisit the sexy as hell, you know what I'm sayin guy or girl or transitioning girl to guy or something else. All we're sure of is that it breathes like Biggie Smalls. The homeless gay man who has sex with a ghost is also fully explored and we rarely say this, but his love for the love he receives is inspiring. Tina and Tommy can't agree on Tinder. Is it Grinder for straight people or is it for real love? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices