Movie Mastery

https://systemmastery.files.wordpress.com/2019/02/movie-mastery-what-men-want.mp3 Barely winning out in the poll for the month, this sequel(?) to an almost 20 year old movie raises a lot of questions. Questions like “Who cares?” and “Why are we watching this?”

https://systemmastery.files.wordpress.com/2019/02/movie-mastery-jupiter-ascending.mp3 With a movie that was universally panned when it came out; will this turn out to be a sleeper of a hit? Or were the critics right and the whole thing is a ridiculous pile of nonsense? Maybe both? Find out on today’s Movie Mastery.

https://systemmastery.files.wordpress.com/2019/01/movie-mastery-spiderman-into-the-spiderverse.mp3 You asked for it (like a month ago), you got it! We cover the animated sensation of the year. Nay! The decade! Does this new Spider-Man live up to the hype or are we so dead inside that joy can no longer penetrate our thick and scaly hides? Find out!

https://systemmastery.files.wordpress.com/2019/01/movie-mastery-truth-or-dare.mp3 This week’s review is a little different as we go off from the normal format and Jon picks the movie. It’s a film so insidious that it has haunted his very existence for the past several months and it’s time he inflicted it on other people. Enjoy this double length episode.

https://systemmastery.files.wordpress.com/2018/12/Movie-Mastery-Babes-in-Toyland-1986.mp3 A Christmas movie from Jon’s past comes back to haunt Jef. This fever dream of a movie with no budget and a big name cast will meander around for about a half hour’s worth of content. Just like we do!

https://systemmastery.files.wordpress.com/2018/11/movie-mastery-fantastic-beasts-tcog.mp3 Return once more to the Wizarding World where we follow out hero Newt Scamander as he barely manages to be part of the plot that is happening around him. Everyone from the first movie is back with barely any screentime because Johnny Depp is here and he’s got an accent.

https://systemmastery.files.wordpress.com/2018/11/movie-mastery-down-periscope.mp3 Did Jef and Jon enjoy this movies subtle themes? Or did they find the entire thing to be sub par? One things for sure, watch this movie with sub-titles on. SUB JOKES!

https://systemmastery.files.wordpress.com/2018/11/movie-mastery-black-mountain-side.mp3 Back with one last stab at some horror before the last of October’s spookiness gives way to too much food and presents. This one has both of us in agreement on the quality of the film. Does this mean Jef finally liked a horror movie? No. It does not.

https://systemmastery.files.wordpress.com/2018/10/movie-mastery-venom.mp3 While not fully a horror film, I’m still counting this as an entry for the years Horrortoberfest. There’s a weird monster that possesses someone and it eats people so, you know, it’s close enough for me.

https://systemmastery.files.wordpress.com/2018/10/movie-mastery-the-unborn.mp3 Taking a quick detour from the 80s horror week so that Jef can, once again, miss out on good movies and watch some crap that can’t even be saved by brief appearances from both Idris Elba and Gary Oldman.

https://systemmastery.files.wordpress.com/2018/09/movie-mastery-the-predator.mp3 Once again, an alien species of hunters comes to Earth but this time it’s not trophies that they’re after. Can our ragtag crew of soldiers with PTSD, a biologist, and a kid with super autism stop this threat? Yes, obviously. Is it any good? Ehhhh.

https://systemmastery.files.wordpress.com/2018/09/movie-mastery-moontrap-target-earth.mp3 The movie cover shows giant fighting robots and the back promises a story of time travel and a dire rush to save the Earth. The movie delivers repeating exposition in a warehouse with no time travel and the only robots look like 6 foot tall foam Bionicles.

https://systemmastery.files.wordpress.com/2018/08/movie-mastery-slender-man.mp3 A terrifying internet meme comes to life and turns out to basically be if The Ring was about incredibly annoying teenagers. Also, instead of being a creepy background figure, Slender Man has turned into basically a mean tree spirit that will straight-up choke a bitch.

https://systemmastery.files.wordpress.com/2018/08/movie-mastery-crash-and-burn.mp3 In the distant future of 2030, Earth is ravaged by the depletion of the ozone layer and one corporation holds power over everyone. Also, there are giant, sad-looking robots that are totally sweet. Now, forget all that because none of it matters and everything is bad actors talking in a factory.

https://systemmastery.files.wordpress.com/2018/07/movie-mastery-mamma-mia-2.mp3 It’s time to revisit the magical island paradise where rich white people sing and dance their cares away while the local Greeks toil in the background. In this prequel/sequel mash-up we discover exactly what the circumstances were when a young Donna boned down with 3 dudes in a couple weeks. Finally, the questions we all asked get answered.

https://systemmastery.files.wordpress.com/2018/07/movie-mastery-doa-dead-or-alive.mp3 It’s a movie based on a video game that is pretty much only known for the fact that the boobs would jiggle. You can probably guess what the movie’s cinematography tends to focus on. Also, you might have thought this came out in the 90s to cash in on the Mortal Kombat movie but it was 2006 and I’m frankly stunned.

https://systemmastery.files.wordpress.com/2018/06/movie-mastery-hereditary.mp3 We went a little overboard talking about the latest critical darling of the horror world. Did we talk for almost an hour and forty minutes because we loved it or hated it? Only one way to find out.

https://systemmastery.files.wordpress.com/2018/06/movie-mastery-solo.mp3 After the Deadpool 2 review, everyone was asking if we would also review Solo. We here at System Mastery podcasts are nothing if not open to listening to the desires of our fans. So, here it is in all of it’s nonsensical glory.

https://systemmastery.files.wordpress.com/2018/05/movie-mastery-deadpool.mp3 Once again, Jon is joined by Quinn and Josette from the Swallows of the South podcast to provide our thoughts on Deadpool 2. Though mostly it’s our thoughts on weird mouth sounds and talking like a baby.

https://systemmastery.files.wordpress.com/2018/05/movie-mastery-the-core.mp3 It’s another week of special guest hosts but this time you get twice the guests for half the cost! Jo and Quinn join in watching a disaster movie with probably the shakiest science I’ve seen in one of these. Also, we get into some Egyptian mythology for…some reason.