Ro-mansplaining

Disclaimer: This book has some scandalous themes, we need an intern, 9-year-old Adam wants the dynamite, musicians love 17 year olds, Adam totally remembers Harper Neeley, Adam discovers his porn name, and we have a job for Bill Murray.

YouTube really put a wrench in Adam's sound effects game, Adam doesn't like Anniston Alabama, the Toledo food test market is a dream, we find a Downton Abbey connection, Leslie invents a new line of greeting cards, Adam decides which Uncle Jesse he would be, big, bad peckers take Leslie off-guard, no one needs to go for hours and hours, and Adam considers hiring out for foreplay.

Leslie tries a new intro, we investigate the juice coke and pop loop, Leslie reveals her trick to tell left from right, Penn State is the soda pop divide, Adam misses Nan, Leslie tries to get into the book, and Adam still doesn't know who anyone is--not even Janice.

Leslie's learning new Chilean slang, Adam's meeting invitation is NSFW, we have a clumsy character, we're still trying to figure out the year, we wander down the cousin path, clumsy girls and horses might not be the best idea, Linda Howard's writing strategy is revealed, and Russell Brand may or may not be too annoying for Leslie.

We discuss the pros and cons of marrying a younger woman, Adam's sex ed lessons continue and he plans his marriage to a 32 year old, bustin' versus bursting cherries, we're still talking about this book, we have a thatch, we discover a new genre of romance, and Adam may start his writing career.

A lot of hymen and 123 High Street talk and Adam is very confused as we talk about various sex things in the inaugural 3rd season episode.

We have a very special guest who can answer all of Adam's questions about biology, we get some insights about another Nan Ryan book and discover some sexual similarities, we explore two possible titles for season 3, clit alerts on the first page are a good sign, Adam doesn't understand why women like what they like. We ponder the entire romance genre including heat levels from sweet to hard core bangin, Adam rejects His Abiding Shame, sticky pages in nasty books, moist vs. musty, Adam casts a vote, the consensus is in--we're all happy season 2 is over.  

Adam's boing needs viagra, teenagers watch house hunters, we have a Pointer Sisters moment which segues into a depressing sidebar about the expansion of the Universe, Bella is really dumb in the book, Adam keeps trying to make "broi" happen, Mickey Mouse voice man is more tenacious than Adam, no one wants to see Adam's Yard-O-Beef, we share what to do when a homeless man gives you dumpster ham. Kitten rescue can be a really dirty fiasco, Leslie got some life points, Bella's hair in the movie is very unrealistic, Adam really loves this scene, Jacob's appearance is kind of lame, we can't remember a word, Leslie picked which blood she took, the Forks High School prom decor is impressive, Adam romansplains the crap out of this scene, and watching a movie with Leslie's mom is an adventure.

Trigger alert: if you suffer from misophonia, skip the first minute of this episode. We start off with a beet tangent, Leslie shares her vampire strategy, Bella teaches us what not to do with a puncture wound, shock overpowers what you know, we speculate about how vamps taste, we really miss Tony Scott, Adam makes a good point about the fire the vamps build to burn James, Edward can't stop sucking, Bella's codependency grates on everyone, Adam outlines the rules for montages and voiceover narration, Adam continues to embrace his Eagles lifestyle.

Adam continues the tradition of not being prepared, Leslie has a strategy to turn money into compost, Edward has to make a choice, Adam is still triggered by our anniversary dinner that caused him to throw up ramps. Adam has turned Leslie into one of his hill-or-holler folk, Bella's parents are seriously the worst, YA audiences have low expectations, and wanting someone's snack is not a good enough reason for a conflict.

We continue the debate that has raged for decades: the culinary acceptability of cheddar cheese paired with marinara, James is finally impressing Adam with his skills, we debate if Scottsdale and Phoenix are really interchangeable. Leslie discloses her survival plans, Adam really shines during a crisis, when you focus on the good, you see more good in the world, Jacob really isn't in this book or movie, Adam continues his Eagles kick.  

Longest intro ever, we try to figure out how to end the twilight misery, the men are called to take care of business, Adam explains how this is a T1000 situation, we reminisce about how we procured our first kittens, Bella doesn't die--spoiler alert! We take it easy right into the discovery that Adam loves the Eagles.  

We get a peek inside one of Leslie's daily ridiculous phone calls with her family, Adam flips the script, one things is for sure, we delve into the big reasons that we are NOT keeping these kittens, Leslie raises everyone up a level. Adam shares a very sad tale about correcting a teacher, Edward has been a 7th wheel for almost a century, We go on a philosophical tangent about addiction and suicide, Adam offers a better plan to protect Bella, Kylo is still the best, men are always being weird in the dark corners, there are some strong innuendos in this Hall and Oates song.  

Adam gives Leslie yawning lessons, Adam was really into this scene, Leslie's mom made a mistake when she taught her about the birds and the bees which traumatized her neighbor. Charlie does a great job in this scene, flat screens were a splurge and a big deal in 2009, there is too much rubbing for Louis L'Amour's taste, Edward's lumping around again.  

We go deep into the early days of Adam and Leslie's relationship, Leslie makes a connection between a skinhead skater she knew and a ramrod, driving to Phoenix from Forks is not anything a 17 year-old should be allowed to do, Jules can't even order fries, James's motivation continues to be super weak. Adam shares a story about his ideal sick day at home after throwing up orange juice, family mythology surrounding divorce circumstances can lead to harsh words and broken mugs.  

Adam can't get his boing right, Leslie was sun dumb, we go deep into our respective relationships with Fred Rogers, Jasper's character finally gets a moment to shine, we have a lot of issues with this baseball game and Bella's participation.   Twenty years have passed since Marty's birthday party, we look up the details of the Lorena Bobbit incident, short sentences are preferable, this story needs to try harder.

Adam reveals how a man thrives, eating oysters is like flipping a coin, David Dobrik gives Adam gang nightmares, vamps in goretex are giving away too much, we introduce the wonderful sounds of Krispy Kreme, Leslie is disappointed by the lasting power of Stargate, this yeah kay, Bud is not for Adam.

Adam's innocent YouTube search starts some trouble, Leslie recounts a surprising story about a ripped crackhead, our ignorance about drugs is revealed, we talk about our favorite smells, Leslie attempts to explain how these episodes are decided, Leslie plans to make the best cameo in the film adaptation of her book.   Charlie is not a great cop, Phil is not a great baseball player, we get to a sexy tension part, Uncle Barry almost started a photography career, Adam might pass the Mensa test now.

Adam's mustache ride experiences technical difficulties, Leslie's Apple Watch was targeted by Adobe, Adam suggests that the Cullens should have played a game of polite chicken, Adam gets a point for listening, case due is not the same as K. Stew.   Adam proposes a theory about why Edward could leave his window open, we wonder how Edward makes semen, poop blankets protect you from cockatiel poop, we create some pod magic, Adam sheds light in the complexities of wire work.   We discover an inside joke between K. Stew and R. Patt, there are some big problems with Edward taking Bella on a spider monkey ride, Louis L'Amour would not approve of the tracking scene. Leslie shares her tactic when she feels scared and alone in the woods.  

Leslie adds to her notes for divorce court, there's a chair on the roof, Pizza Hut was kind of the best in the 80s, Harry Clearwater makes some good fish fry, the Spanish Inquisition is not a good comparison to a parent asking their daughter questions.   Adam's mustache adventures border on very un-PC, we wonder why Charlie never left Forks, we discuss Stephenie Meyer's follow-up catalogue, we contemplate the intentions of bouncing from Edward to the male manicurist, we are left wondering "what's going to happen with these vamps?" Adam begs for some undies.