Ro-mansplaining

You make my dreams come true, Leslie hates music, Kelsey's mom was single-handedly responsible for New Coke, Leslie listened to waaay too many episodes of David Dobrik and Jason Nash's podcast, we give ourselves sponsors, Leslie's mom created a dance move called the digger.   Adam continues to try to escape, we talk about hot cars in the 90s, the podcast takes a dark turn, Leslie shares her vegetarian-astrology theory, polyphasic sleeping can get you in trouble, Adam gives waaay TMI, we are approaching Adam's favorite part of the book--thunder feel the thunder!

Our Hall and Oates tangent continues, Leslie tries to pinpoint why she's not 100% attracted to Joseph Gordon-Levitt, we learn about how to sneak into a guy's bedroom window, Adam's sheltered upbringing made him into a kind person, Leslie gets a point, Bella makes another bad clothing choice, we kind of learn the history of the Church of England, Carlisle is an old vampire.

We make a time bargain to keep this episode under 20 minutes, we get to know about the other vampires, we wonder why vampires think it's a good idea to go to high school, Adam gets nit picky about Leslie's paraphrasing and tries to stop her from talking about the book, we do some laundry, Adam fails his way to the top of sound effect usage.

It is never a good idea to imitate Samuel T. Herring of Future Islands at the barber shop, Leslie pulls out a Louis Armstrong impression to impress, Adam continues to express how this book is really getting in the way of his good times, sometimes breath smells really good.Edward's split personality continues to confuse, we announce a new podcast, we get a special guest in the studio who confirms that breath can smell good and Adam smells bad, we finally pass the halfway point.

We get a bad phone call, Adam continues to beg for reviews, the Pepsi challenge caused some tiffs, we plan to make a new soda, Adam makes another lucky guess, it turns out Adam hates a phrase, Edward goes rooting around in Bella's dirty laundry.   There is too much sniffing and laying, Rhonda ruins the fantasy, Leslie was a perfect, precious angel when Adam met her, we find a name for a potential adopted kid.

Leslie has gone through phases of punctuality, Ki-Jana Carter ordered a cheesesteak from Leslie, Adam is nice not noice, Edward and Bella are out kinda like Adam and Leslie when they starting dating, we discover an opportunity the filmmakers missed.   Camille would need a soaking tub of sunscreen if she lived in Arizona, Leslie's favorite extra plays prominently in this scene, Adam might be turning into Tony Clifton, Leslie might be Norman Wexler, we find out what it takes to become a vampire in the Twilight universe, dickies are not intimidating, Adam's office might have a gas leak that makes Leslie yawn, Adam gives us a titbit, another #boneralert, light as a feather stiff as a board, Adam was born and raised on the pond.  

Adam is a feminist, we go deep into the thickness of air, Leslie discovers how to survive the DC summer soup, Ol' Ben Kenobi never really earned Luke's love, Leslie drops some love knowledge, Adam confesses his elaborate plan to stalk Leslie if she ever leaves him. This chapter is dedicated to Edward avoiding insta-love, we meet Billy Black, there are three typos in Leslie's book, Leslie's lyme disease from tick removal escalated quickly, Adam describes his first trip on the DC Metro, Adam is a bandwagon Keanu fan.  

Adam still doesn't understand premature ejaculation, Adam keeps his search history clear, Leslie loses a point, Adam claims he can rip trees from the earth, Adam's experience with the Twilight universe intersects with Office Space, Gram's need for cash takes us on a shirtless adventure that ends with some great advice, fake flowers adorn the meadow, Gram resurrects a plant with paint.

Adam might get Leslie banned from working from home on Fridays, Adam's obsession with Total Eclipse of the Heart continues to annoy everyone, drinking out of the carton is narsty, the technology of making sandwiches on cutting boards changes lives. We wander off-track on a mononucleosis tangent that starts in Germany and ends at the drive-in, Leslie lays out her preferred future-scape, we have an episode of "Go outside," Twilight was a terrible mistake, Leslie's grandfather coins a family phrase, Adam has Leslie contractually bound to this relationship, Adam is picky about putting things in his mind palace, Cougar alert!  

We have a visitor who doesn't stay long, this might be the worst scene in the movie, Adam still doesn't listen, Edward manhandles Bella for no good reason, Leslie could probably take Adam in a fight. We give a shout-out to our friend, you may know her her name is Laura, the yeah dawg effect is real, Adam does a crappy job of imagining dating an 18 year old, Leslie discovers she's a MILF who is open for business.  

Leslie "buds" Adam and no one likes it, Adam is really wanting some iTunes reviews, Leslie continues her quest to try to get Adam to understand the format of the podcast and fails, another episode of "Let's listen to Adam struggle to type," Edward followed the green dank line of Bella's scent, we start a new section of the podcast called "Boner Alert!" We go deep into the geographic reasons that Bella may say "holy crow" instead of "holy cow," Adam thinks he sparkles, Adam liked Silken Bondage 1000% more than Twilight, we get a little nugget about Total Eclipse of the Heart.

This is a long clip that starts with some dress shop discrepancies, Adam mansplains how lactation works, Leslie continues to have problems talking, Adam doesn't have a place to practice his driving stunts. Introducing "Daddy Edward," Bella sucks at having a cell phone, Adam learns about Rockabilly style, you memorize the square root of Pi, Adam purged a lot of extra facts, he also has the strength to stay away from Leslie, Leslie gets all her PNW knowledge from movies and Twin Peaks, a montage helps Bella understand that Edward is a vampire.  

We get ready for a long and important chapter, Bella's girls from Phoenix are missing in the book but she misses estrogen, nightmare A/V guy makes an appearance, Louis L'Amour strikes again, Adam continues his quest to keep people alive in the desert, Edward's furious voice causes a spill in aisle 4, Adam is late for a class, we play a terrible game called "what Leslie would let Keanu spit into her mouth" and cross a line, another trope comes out, we break up for about thirty seconds, our moms experienced the 60s and 70s in wildly different ways, Joss Whedon killed us in an alternate timeline, Edward's coat smells either like a cool breeze over the mountain or B.O., and we'll never look at creamed corn the same way again.

Adam takes his sfx game to the next level, but not in a good way, we go play by play at the threesome Waylon is imagining before he gets murdered, Adam uses his sound superpowers to learn us about ADR, we find a weird transition that might be a picture that Catherine Hardwick may have had developed at Walgreens and scanned in, Leslie is stuck in an oxbow, there is a lot of talk going about the history of Google's logo and web browsers, Adam got taken down into Alexa inception, legends of the slapping beaver are better than legends of the slapped testicle, we get some insight from a reputable source about ravens playing with wolves, Leslie is pretty sure that plants can feel, and Russell Brand's voice surprises Adam.

We don't spoil Chinatown, no one is reading the book along with us and no one wants to be a guest on this show, dial up technology is really slow, Adam gets really excited about getting a point, clumsy girls probably shouldn't go for walks alone in the woods, Leslie's best hair days were in Las Vegas, Adam goes a little Philly by saying "two tree four," Potato chips are way better in the desert, bugs in our dill, We have different philosophies on saying "I love you," and Bella gets ready to leave Forks for a big trip to Port Angeles.

Lexi Smelch takes over hosting for this episode, Adam better get his panties buckled, Adam fails to make a case about the beach being "crowded," Adam thinks two people surfing makes a crowded beach, Adam thinks Jacob is the best actor in the movie so far, we think about forming a band, "pale faces" is a terrible descriptor, we have no idea what this aquatic creature is that boy chases girl with twilight beach scene, and we finally meet the antagonists.

Adam is in the market for some new sound effects, we briefly consider making the podcast Edie-friendly, Adam does not like Leslie's relationship with Bun-Bun, Suburbans are BFCs, Lauren's nastiness begins, Jacob joins the story in the book and is only fifteen, Adam's Michael Keaton Batman imitation is fabulous, Jacob tries to impress Bella, Bella is like a testicle, we get into a genital punching stand-off, Leslie can't pronounce Quileutes, Jacob drops some info bringing us all up to speed on the vampire and werewolf lore, Adam doesn't deserve to love Keanu, we expose big oil, and Adam and Alexa discover things together.

Adam grosses everyone out, there's a weird scene in this movie that has no purpose, we swoon over the deliciousness of Vermont water, you only have nine years to get stuff done, targeted ads are scary and useful, we go a little too deep into vampire poop, public schools do not have un-monitored salad bars, and we analyze the purpose of Edward's apple kick.

We start off talking waaay too much about Florida, Leslie really screws up her Jesus impression, Adam is no match for Keanu, Leslie discovers a new way to make Adam listen better, we explore why a dangerous man is sexy, the movie left out an entire character, mean girl tropes are bad, and Bella plays matchmaker.

We reveal the truth about Sadie Hawkins and it's worse than we thought, the movie really starts to diverge from the book, Mike Newton is full of fiber, we learn more about Adam's Footloose high school and his sad senior banquet, sometimes non-regional dialects are in the eye of the beholder, Adam is giving free advertising, Adam protected Leslie from the worst part of Fishey's death, Leslie gets a new biological noise, we give Keanu a Sophie's choice, Edward summons his inner Fonz, and  Eddie Mecca is our Kevin Bacon.