Eyres On The Road

The paradox is that the three things we think will bring us more happiness--more control, more ownership, and more independence--actually rob us of joy and happiness! The Eyres, on today's show, give us a full overview of Richard's Paradigm Shift from CO&I--Control, Ownership, and Independence to SS&S--Serendipity, Stewardship, and Synerticity. They draw from Richard's unique two sided, two cover book with one side outlining the shortcomings and frustrations of a life devoted to CO&I. When it is flipped over, the other side takes us on a deep exploration of the ways SS&S can add happiness to our lives. Listen in today as Richard and Linda talk about a whole new paredigm for happiness in our families and in our lives.

Despite the fact that most Grandparents say that their grandkids are the best part of their lives, very little has been written on how to be a better, more influential grandparent. And most of what has been written is by Grandmothers to Grandmothers (Linda's book on Grandmothering was discussed on last week's show). But that all changed with a new book by Richard Eyre--a man-to-man book, a grandfather to grandfather book that draws us in through its stories, its logic and it's practicality. The Eyres discuss the book on today's show with Linda doing the interviewing and Richard explaining what it means to be a Proactive Grandfather.

Linda Eyre's book on GRANDmothering has warmed the cockles of countless Grandma's hearts, opening up a treasure trove of new and practical ideas to create a love affair with grandkids and to become relevant and involved and influential in their lives even as you work on building your own greatest legacy. On today's show, Linda and Richard talk about the joys of grandmothering and point out that it is a bit different than grandfathering, which will be their subject next week.

Poetry is a different kind of form for a book by the Eyres but trust that the themes of family, faith, and love will still be there. Today Richard and Linda read aloud selections from Poems: About Family and Favorites: Exploring Who and What We Love. There is a music to hearing a poem read aloud, so join with us as we listen to these personal stories and lessons in rhyme.

Tennis scholarships paid Richard’s way through college and today, he says, the game keeps him from "going to pot". As a nationally ranked senior player, he cherishes tennis as the one game where he can still beat his kids, and also as "the best metaphor of any sport for the game of life." Like how it's the only game where the score starts over every few minutes, the game where you have to get to "advantage" before you can win, and the game that keeps score with words like "love" and "deuce" and "serve" and "receive." On today's show, Richard and Linda apply some of these metaphors to marriage and family and raising our children, drawing from Richard's book "Tennis and LIfe."

Controlling our appetites is an indispensable part of good parenting and good example-setting for our children. If we can learn to control our appetite for food, it will lead to control of ALL of our other appetites, including our technology appetite. When Dr, Bridell's Rational Diet was serialized in Meridian Magazine and drew comments and commendations from thousands of readers, it was decided to reveal the identity of the mysterious Dr. Bridell who turned out to be none other than Richard Eyre. Richard had used the pen name because he wanted the revolutionary half-diet to stand on its own merits, but after the amazing results reported by users (literally tons of weight lost), it was time for Richard to come out of hiding. On today's show, Richard and Linda explain this unique and logical approach to dieting and appetite control in our lives.

What will the "Autumn" of your life be like? Will the golden years really be golden? With more than 80 million baby boomers all now in their 50's or 60's or early 70's, and with most of them able to expect to live close to or into their 90's, the questions of how to live these Autumn years is more relevant than it has ever been before. On today's show, Richard and Linda talk candidly about their own aging and make a host of practical suggestions about how we all can create fuller lives and maximize our longevity and our legacies.

Despite the success of the Eyre's "how-to" parenting books, they felt that it was time for something different--for a "why-to" book on what is happening to families around the world and why family decline is a problem that affects everyone in the world. They named the book The Turning, with reference to the scriptural admonition to turn the hearts of parents to children and children to parents. Richard and Linda explore what has happened to families and trace the causes and forces that are threatening families everywhere. The first half of the book is a realistic and somewhat painful look at family decline throughout the world and at the economic and social problems that result. The second half is about solutions, and the Eyres chart an imaginative and bold course that leaders in the business, political, religious and media sectors could and should take in order to save themselves by saving families.

For more than forty years, Richard and Linda have sent out a Thanksgiving Card to friends and family at the holiday season rather than a Christmas Card. The traditional and original cards that go out every November contain the latest family picture and a poem that tries to express the main focal points of their gratitude for the year past. Taken together, these 40 poems and some additional poetry to introduce and lead into them, give a wonderfully in depth picture of what awareness, appreciation, gratitude, and thanks-giving can be. Teaching our children to feel and express thankfulness can be a great legacy, and a boost to their lifelong happiness. On today's show, the Eyres make the claim that "Gratitude is not a path to happiness, gratitude IS happiness in its most obtainable form"

We used to call this problem "spoiled kids" or "selfish little brats" but today there is a better term to describe what is happening to kids who think they deserve to have everything they want, everything their friends have, and all without any work or effort on their part. The word is "Entitlement" and it is becoming a Trap in our society that catches kids in its clutches and squeezes the motivation and incentive right out of them. On today’s show, the Eyres suggest that chosen, earned Ownership is the antidote to Entitlement and the prerequisite of Responsibility...and they give us some specific ways to organize a Family Economy that will give children ownership of their money and their things and then progress to ownership of their choices, their grades, and their goals.

In all their experience with parents globally and in their own experience with their own children and grandchildren, the Eyres have become convinced that the only real and lasting solutions to parenting problems and the challenges children face are spiritual. In a nutshell, the five spiritual solutions are 1. Remembering our Children's true identity, 2. Remembering and following God’s parenting example and patterns, 3. Remembering and availing ourselves of our Direct Channel of Inspiration from God, 4. Remembering and using the "scaffolding" of our Churches and Faith Communities, and 5. Remembering the Savior's Power. Taken together, these five spiritual perspectives on family can change everything from how your household works to how your mind works. On today's show, Richard and Linda share insights on each of these five Spiritual Solutions.

On this first show after Mothers' Day, the Eyres pay tribute to Moms and their elegant fulfillment of the hardest job in the world. Linda wrote a book a few years back, with their daughter Shawni, called A Mothers Book of Secrets and the book becomes an outline or a five part text for today's show. First, Mothers need to look for light in the trenches, and find the golden moments amidst the turmoil and fatigue. Second, Moms have to have an Organized Offense and a plan instead of just reacting. Third, Mothers need to analyze their children and try to understand what each needs. Fourth Moms should understand that kids are like puzzles and we never find all the pieces at once. And fifth, Mothers need to find ways to give their children ownership of their clothes, their toys, their conflicts and their choices. Every mom is different, every family is different, and every child is different, but with divine guidance, all mothers can find the unique joy of their preeminent role.

On today's show, the Eyres talk about a Secret Code for families based on animals that children love. Humpback Whales never interrupt each other as they sing their deep-ocean songs. Crabs can be caught in a bucket and never escape because their instinct is to pull each other back. Elephants are both firm and tender with their great trunks. The tortoise beats the rabbit because he is steady and keeps on going. Redwood trees stand tall and strong in the wind because their roots intertwine below the ground. Once the stories are told and understood, one single word can replace a lecture. When one child is criticizing another, the parent says "CRAB". When someone is rude or interrupts, get eye contact and say "WHALE". Richard and Linda talk about how to tell the stories and to get the drawings of all nine Animal-Symbols and how to use them as reminders in improving children's behavior.

Both parents and children undergo a profound transition when children leave the home. As a child heads out for college or for a mission or for a job, he or she is still part of the family, but no longer a part of the household. How that transition is made, and how much thought goes into it will have a lasting effect on family relationships and on how close and committed the family is for decades to come. On today's show, the Eyres talk about how parenting changes but does not diminish in importance as kids leave home. Having a plan for that transition--deliberately thinking through how you will communicate and find the balance between independence and interdependence can make your relationship grow stronger rather than weakening when you no longer live together. Richard and Linda review dozens of questions that parents ask about the empty nest phase, and then they share the Eyre families "Constitution" that they put together with their leaving-the-nest kids in which they came to some agreements for their ongo

On the first page of Anna Karenina, Leo Tolstoy says "Happy families are all alike; every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way." The Eyres' interpretation of that statement is that there are certain elements present in all mostly happy and functional families, and even though every family is unique; all families that seem to work and to last somehow manage to develop each of these critical elements. Commitment, communication, purpose, priorities, rules, responsibility, traditions, heritage and roots, and the teaching of values and correct principles. Some years ago, in their book The Happy Family, Richard and Linda discussed these common elements at length. On today's show, they challenge listeners to "Use this Pandemic-given extra time at home with kids as an INTERMISSION in which we evaluate our families and decide what we will do better and differently during the upcoming second act of our lives."

In this time of crisis, uncertainty, and pandemic, The Eyres suggest that one of the things that helps most is to TAKE THE LONG VIEW OF THINGS! Yes, this is awful on many levels, but along with the silver linings we have mentioned on past shows, there is an opportunity to pull back and try to see the bigger picture. Quoting Shakespeare and Wordsworth, Richard and Linda point out that "sweet are the uses of adversity" and that "our birth is but a sleep and a forgetting." Seeing things bigger always makes what is happening at the moment seem smaller. Many people of faith believe not only in a eternal afterlife, but in an equally eternal pre-mortal life. On today's show, the Eyres talk about this "forever backward" and how it can help us to put the here and now in perspective.

Just returning from the marriage of their granddaughter which Richard performed on a red rock plateau above the Colorado River, the Eyres were in a reflective mood for today's show and pondering some of the blessings and tender mercies that can come out of this tragic pandemic. Participating in a world-wide fast and prayer, Richard and Linda discuss the silver lining of how many families are re-structuring their priorities and deliberately renewing their commitments to spouse and children and extended family during this time of crisis and loss. The forces of darkness say "fear and panic, close everything down, economic turmoil." But the forces of light say "unite neighborhoods, have family dinner, slow down and appreciate, teach our children, improve relationships." They also discuss their instagram post for this Easter weekend about the healing power of Christ.

During this time of isolation and quarantine, while many of us have more time with our children than ever before the Eyres have a challenge: Use a little of this "extra time" to have some very important and special individual talks with our children about sex and intimacy. On today's show, Richard and Linda give us an actual, proven dialogue that has been used by tens of thousands of parents to give their children a positive yet protective view of sex.  They suggest several preliminary discussions leading up to "the big talk" which ideally happens when a child turns eight. (but with variations for use when kids are a bit older.) Parents who have "the talk" will find that it opens a level of trust between them and their children that make ALL subjects easier and that opens up a higher form of parent-child communication.

As the pandemic continues, we hope and pray not only for a cure for the virus, but for some emotional first aid within our own families. We are truly in a new normal as parents with our kids, and we don't know how long it will last. On today's show, the Eyres talk about some simple applications of "emotional first aid" that can help us and our children to not only get through this crisis, but to build some strong family systems that will be valuable even when this pandemic is over. And we must remember that we need to take care of ourselves as well as our children. Find a way to get out and exercise and clear your head. Find time to meditate and to pray. Find time to comfort and reassure your children. Use technology to stay close to those you love and need emotional nourishment from even though you can't be with them. You can do this! You are stronger than you know!

In "normal life" there is often a disconnect between what we know is most important and where we spend our time and mental energy. We all know family is our top priority, but it often gets less attention and effort than our jobs and our other interests. This pandemic, with everything canceled and with kids out of school, may actually help us better align what matters most and where we spend our effort and our energy. This all ties in with the powerful concept of Stewardship and of acknowledging that we own nothing and God owns everything--thus we need to be better stewards over the most important stewardship of all--our marriages and our families. On today's show, the Eyres outline what a Stewardship attitude looks like and how it can help us get through this pandemic and actually improve our priorities and our stewardship responsibilities over the long term.