Eyres On The Road

Along with the fear and frustration of this current situation with coronavirus, are there good things and perhaps rare opportunities within our families and inside our own heads? As events and church meetings and schools are canceled, and as we find ourselves less busy, can we (along with our caution and vigilance) find some special opportunities for introspection, for quality family time, for relationships, and for closer bonding with those we love?

On today's show, the Eyres tell the story of their long friendship with Rhodes Boyson, the British Member of Parliament who was Margaret Thatcher's Minister of Education and who had some very deep questions about Richard and Linda's faith and about their beliefs about the eternal nature of families. The Eyres wrote several long letters to Boyson, and later put those letters into a book called "The Wrappings and the Gifts" which was an attempt to explain why faith and a belief in a life before and a life after can have such a profoundly positive impact on the kind of marriage partners and parents we become. The book is free at EyresFreeBooks.com. To conclude today's show, the Eyres mention an Abraham Lincoln quote that says "there are times when I am driven to my knees by the overwhelming conviction that I have no place else to go." This is often the way parents feel, and an appeal to a higher source can yield inspiration and guidance concerning what our children need.

What is the single quality that all naturally good parents seem to have? On today's show, the Eyres claim that that key, essential quality is an attitude of serendipity! Serendipity, as defined by the man who coined the word, Horace Walpole, is "a state of mind whereby one, through awareness and sensitivity, frequently finds something better than that which he was seeking." The implication is that we can have our goals and make our lists, but we need to be aware and sensitive enough to notice when something better comes along unexpectedly--an idea, a sunset, a question from a child, a need that someone has, any kind of beautiful and unplanned moment that we could interpret as an interruption or irritation but that we choose to interpret as a serendipity. It is with this kind of spontaneity and sensitivity that we recognize the teaching moments when we can really help our children, and as the Eyres said in a previous show, it is good to "always put off a put-off-able in favor of a now or never." And when the s

Too often we think life will be better when....or wasn't it great back then...or if only we lived somewhere else. Today on the show, the Eyres talk about gratitude and appreciation and teaching our kids to appreciate the now and to love where they live. Back in the 90s when Richard was running for Governor, he and Linda wrote a book called Utah in the Year 2000 which was about making Utah a great state for families and appreciating and preserving the state's beauty. With their children, in a motor home, the Eyres visited every city and town in the state (over 300 of them) and learned that every place can be beautiful and taught their kids that everyone has a story and can teach us something. Enjoy this look backward and this look forward as we think about teaching our children to "bloom where they are planted."

On today's show, the Eyres talk about some of the old sayings or cliches that just don't work very well for families today. In our busy world, we need to turn it around and say "Don't Just Do Something, Sit there!" And instead of "If a thing is worth doing, it's worth doing well" we need to say "If a thing is just barely worth doing, just barely do it." We need to relax. Instead of saying "Hurry up" we need to tell ourselves, and our kids, to "slow down." And we need to be present! Instead of "Never put off till tomorrow that which you can do today" we need to "Always put off a put-off-able in favor of a now-or-never." Richard and Linda give us 20 or so of a new kind of maxim that can replace the old sayings that don't work any more.

Today, the Eyres talk about the three things that every lasting institution has: A set of rules or laws (a legal system), a way of sharing responsibility (an economy), and repeating rituals that hold people together (lasting traditions). If we want our families to be lasting institutions, we must have these same three things -- a family legal system, a family economy, and a set of powerful family traditions. If parents build these three things (or three steps) thoughtfully and deliberately, and if they involve the kids in creating each of the three steps, they will maximize their family's chance to thrive, to be strong, and to last. Listen in for the Eyres' insights on each of the three steps, and go to valuesparenting.com for more detail on implementing each of them.

On Today's show, Richard and Linda tell the inside story of their book Teaching Your Children Values which became the first family and parenting book in 50 years to reach #1 on the New York Times Bestseller list. It is an exciting story involving Oprah, the Today Show, and two of the largest publishers in the world. More importantly, the Eyres discuss why it is so important to deliberately and systematically teach our children values, and how this can best be done by isolating one specific value each month to work on in your family.

When we think we own things, it is the beginning of pride.  Ownership is essentially a lie, because God owns all, and we are the recipients of His gifts. When our paradigm is ownership, we inevitably compare what we have with what others have, and the results are envy, coveting, condescension, and a whole host of other win-lose mentalities and emotions. A much more true paradigm, and by far a more happy one, is STEWARDSHIP.  We are stewards over all things God has given. Even the things we have worked hard for and inclined to think we own. An attitude of stewardship turns everything into a win-win and gives us an accurate and spiritual lens through which to view the world. And oh how much this applies to families and to parenting and to marriage. Parents who imagine that they own their kids--that they are their genetic creations and belongings--become the worst kind of parents, with lots of "power" and very little respect. On the other hand, when we think of ourselves as blessed stewards over our children, we

We would all like to have more control over our time, our kids, our relationships, our schedules, but life happens, and so often things come up that throw us off of our plan and get in the way of our "lists." On today's show, Richard and Linda introduce us to their favorite word--Serendipity--and explain that the word can become a mind-set that makes us more spontaneous, more fun, and more relaxed. The original definition of Serendipity is "A state of mind wherein a person, through sensitivity and awareness, frequently finds something better than what he was seeking." This quality can allow us to see teaching moments, to love rather than resent the surprises and interruptions of our lives, and to be more tuned-in to the relationships that matter most.  In fact, the Eyres say that an attitude of serendipity may be the most important quality that a parent or marriage partner can develop.

On today's show, the Eyres tell us about an effort to locate the most positive and family-helpful social media and Internet sites. As parents and as marriage partners, we worry about the negative effects that our small screens can have on our kids--and on us! We know there are some good, family-strengthening websites, podcasts, YouTube videos, blogs, and social media, but how do we find them and narrow it down to the very best and most helpful ones? Well, as the Eyre's announce today, a panel of reviewers and judges have sorted through hundreds of nominees for the FAMILY.IS Social Media Awards and come up with 10 finalists in each of the six categories. Richard and Linda challenge us to go to http://awards.family.is/ and vote for our favorites--but more importantly to pick out and follow the sites that resonate and that will help us most with our own families.

We all plan to be good parents, even perfect parents, who always keep our cool and always know what to do. But in reality, we are often discouraged, frustrated, and at a loss. And the problem is that we are comparing our difficult reality with the perfect-looking unreality of other families on Social Media or sitting calmly in Church while we are trying to keep our incorrigible kids quiet. On today's show, the Eyres talk about the virtue of not-comparing and showcase a book Linda wrote called I Didn't Plan to be a Witch--a book that offers no advice or solution but just tells the horror stories of real family situations. Interestingly, it is the book that Linda gets the most comments on--from moms who say that hearing how hard it was for her makes them feel better about themselves.

On this week's show, the Eyres suggest that the 2020 New Year can be symbolic of the clear vision we want to have of our families and of the relationships that mean most to us. Goals and resolutions for the coming year can include the specific things we want to teach our children during the 12 months ahead. Linda and Richard believe that the goal with preschoolers should be to teach them how to be happy, and to help them understand and feel different kinds of joy, from the joy of the earth to the joy of sharing. And focusing on teaching one specific kind of joy each month is what makes this effective. The same philosophy applies for teaching elementary age kids responsibility and for teaching kids of all ages the exact values that you want them to embrace. In each case, the key is a focus on ONE value, or ONE kind of joy or ONE kind of responsibility each month. To illustrate, the Eyres read a couple of stories from their 21st book--the second volume of a book of children's stories that each teach a particula

This Christmas week, parents will want to do all they can to help children feel the gift of giving along with the gift of getting. By making this a conscious goal, parents can set aside a time when all the focus is on children giving their gifts and being praised for their sensitivity and generosity. Their book Teaching Children Charity, which the Eyres talked about two weeks ago, is a highly religious and spiritual book. After it was written, Balantine Books, a division of Random House, wanted a more secularized version of the book, which was titled Teaching Children Sensitivity. If a parent wants to be deliberate and focused on helping a child to be more empathetic and aware of the needs and feelings of others, there are four steps: First to help the child see and notice more, particularly in the faces of others, second to listen better and ask better questions, third to express his own feelings more openly, and fourth to do more or give more service to others.

Most parents know the value as well as the joy of reading stories to their children, but we often can't seem to find the time. Christmas is the season to find the time! And there are a wealth of fabulous Christmas stories for all ages. The beauty of Christmas story books is that most of them teach a principle and can expand a child's understanding of giving, of receiving with gratitude, of helping, of caring for those in need. Today on the show the Eyres read three Joy School Stories, one of which teaches the joy of giving, one the joy of loving who you are rather than wanting to be someone else, and one the joy of making good choices. The benefits of reading children run from close physical contact to the power of listening to learning to be expressive with ones' voice to discussing together the principles and lessons learned.

Since we as adults have such a hard time with charity, we sometimes assume that it is too big a principle for children to learn. But as it turns out, kids can sometimes be better at empathy, sensitivity and charity than we are! The Eyres broadcast today's show from Gilbert, AZ. where they are joined by their daughter Shawni Pothier of the popular blog 71toes.com and they discuss how the Christmas season can be a time to help children think about the concept of charity. The big question is how to mix the "getting" of Santa and stockings with the "giving" of Christ and of charity. The Eyres have some ideas, such as separating the two and totally devoting Christmas Eve to the giving of gifts to each other, with all the focus on the giver, and resigning the getting part to Christmas morning. Tying in with their book Teaching Children Charity, today's show will give you lots of insights and ideas about raising more sensitive, other-centered kids.

So much of succeeding in life is about balance. Balancing work with family, balancing structure with spontaneity, balancing relationships with achievements. And no one needs to face the challenges of balance more than busy parents who have to think about the needs of their children, of their spouse, of their work, of their bodies, of their church, of their community, often of their ageing parents, and on and on. Today on the show, the Eyres talk about their own struggles with balance and give some simple things they have learned that have helped them to bring more balance into their complicated lives. They also give listeners a gift of their classic book Lifebalance for free by going to EyresFreeBooks.com. Join the Eyres this week in thinking about getting more balance in YOUR life, and remember to subscribe to Eyres on the Road on your favorite podcast app.

Parents can learn from the "best practices" of other families and can establish family systems that make the household run better and more efficiently and that give children a sense of security and consistency. On today's show, the Eyres talk about setting up a "family infrastructure" of family laws, family responsibilities, and family rituals and traditions that, like any infrastructure, take a while to build, but that then help everything to run more smoothly and effeciently. Using their book Mother, Father, and the Family that Worked (available for free at EyresFreeBooks.com), Richard and Linda cover things like "daddy dates," "tutors and tutees," "responsibility pegboards," the "family bank," weekly "family awards," and more.

On today's show, Richard and Linda discuss the gift of agency and the process through which agency can be exercised and developed into freedom. Ever since the War in Heaven, there has been an ongoing battle between false freedom and true freedom. Freedom from responsibility and difficulties and challenges is the false freedom that Satan proposed in that premarital conflict, which opposed the agency and opportunity for growth (but also for failure) that was championed by Christ. In our lives today, and in our families, we must learn to discern between these two freedoms; we must avoid being the kind of snowplow parents or helicopter parents that remove challenge and growth and the opportunity to fail from our children's lives. Real freedom is not free, and Richard talks about working for freedom from doubt, from guilt, and from caring too much about what others think.

Today the Eyres talk about the ups and downs, the highs and lows of motherhood. Richard essentially interviews Linda about her book Joyful Mother of Children. There have been three bestselling editions of this classic motherhood book, the first of which was written when Linda and Richard's children were preschoolers and elementary-schoolers, and the last edition when they were teens and college students. Linda discusses how to have perspective, how to simplify, and how to be flexible in "the most important occupation in the world. The book is available for free at EyresFreeBooks.com for those who want to go beyond the summary in this podcast.

No matter how many good parenting methods and techniques and ideas we have, sometimes the most valuable thing we can have is PERSPECTIVE! If we can learn to think of our children as our equals, as our brothers and sisters as well as our children, as offspring of the same Heavenly Father as we, it will give us a sense of stewardship and respect that will make us better parents in every regard. This week the Eyres start with that beautiful and sacred moment when we first look into the eternity-eyes of our new infant and feel, somehow, that this is an "old soul" and that what is inside is much greater and more ancient than the genetic creation of our bodies. Remembering this feeling can make us better parents.  The Eyres book The Change That we Call Birth is the text for this podcast, and if you want to go deeper, the book is free on EyresFreeBooks.com.