Dear Men

Cheating is complicated. The effect of sex with someone outside your relationship (or emotional cheating in some cases) can be devastating and cause immense harm. It can also prompt immense healing, or post-traumatic growth, as we cover in this episode. The nuances of sex, dating, relationships, trust, and betrayal are covered as we reveal our personal stories around cheating.

Men aren't the only ones who struggle with dating, relationships, and sex. Women of all ages, including those just out of a divorce, have insecurities around sex, dating, and relationships, including around trust, dating etiquette, and more. We discuss what it means for women to do the work in terms of personal growth as well as growth in a relationship, and how when women bring sexy back (to themselves), they grow in their own personal power, which deeply serves the masculine, as well.

Sex, dating, and relationships (including marriages) have all been affected by the coronavirus pandemic of COVID-19. There are unique challenges as well as opportunities to grow here, and people are definitely still meeting, dating, falling in love, and deepening their relationships right now. We discuss dating during COVID (How do you meet people? When you go on a date, do you Zoom first or just do in-person with a mask?), as well as how it has impacted people who were in relationships when the pandemic first hit.

Is it easier for men or women to get into committed relationships? What about to get a first or second date, have casual sex, or find The One? In the world of man/woman heterosexual dynamics, there's a lot going on, both culturally as well as personally (including your attachment style). Here, we explore both our own views as well as yours, as I work in your survey responses to this question.

A lot of dating relationships start out in the honeymoon phase -- lots of sex; fun, engaging dates; fantastic natural polarity. Then comes the first disagreement, maybe even an argument or fight. How do you deal with conflict well? How do you have a quality repair conversation, where both people feel heard and loved? How you deal with conflict, tension, and repair is basically what separates a healthy & safe relationship from a toxic one. This is one relationship skill you want to master, whether you're single, in a relationship, or looking to improve your marriage.

It's not always easy to find fun, sex-positive environments where women feel safe to be fully expressed and men also feel totally welcome. Whether you're polyamorous, curious about more open relationship-style connections, or just want a sexy, flirty vibe on a trip, there's something for you here. Temptation and Desire are the name of the game -- and can lead to growth and joy in sex, dating, and relationships.

A multi-billion dollar industry, porn and porn addiction have a massive impact on our sex, dating, and relationship lives. Both men and women are affected, but porn has an outsized impact on men in terms of contributing to erectile dysfunction, premature ejaculation, and delayed ejaculation in some cases. How do you quit porn, and why should you quit porn? Here's how one man overcame porn addiction and the ways he grew both as an individual and in terms of sexual mastery in his relationship with his woman.

What's it like to be a black man in the world of dating and relationships? What role does emotional safety play in a healthy sex and relationship life, and what is that like for men vs. women? We experience sex, dating, and relating in different ways depending on our race, sex/gender, and sexual orientation (among other things). The sometimes overlapping and sometimes distinct experiences of these 3 different men touches on themes around love, connection, racism, allyship, and the ways we experience our humanity through romantic relationship.

What's it like to be a black woman on dating apps? What does allyship look like in dating and relationships? What kinds of gifts do you get when you date inside your race vs. outside of it? Sex, dating, and relationships are intimate parts of our lives, and we experience them differently depending on our sex/gender, sexual orientation, and race (among other things). This fascinating, lively, and poignant discussion is deeply personal, illuminating, and a beautiful portrait of the intersection of 3 women's experience of being black and the world of dating.

When it comes to sex, dating, and relationships, we tend to repeat patterns until we break them. Many men report attracting women who are emotionally volatile (hot or cold); seemingly selfish (always take but don't tend to give); or sort of narcissistic. But there's a secret when it comes to attracting the right women. Hint: It's not about the woman herself as much as the man attracting her. Here's how to be a skillful picker and attract what you want -- a healthy, loving relationship.

It's easy to feel alone and lonely, even when there's not a global pandemic on. These three men inspire with their stories of going from stress and anxiety around sex, dating, and relationships to genuine ease. The path to deep, fulfilling, and healthy relationships with women is a meaningful one -- and doable, even if you've never gotten there before.

How can men help? This thoughtful panel discusses race, racism, privilege (including white privilege), and healthy masculine leadership. Sex, dating, and relationships all unfold against the cultural background we are raised in, and we can only be good partners when we fully grasp our part in the culture. In other words, racial justice matters on both a personal and systemic level. #blacklivesmatter [Please note that this is a replay of John Wineland's June 5, 2020 Community Support Call, and can be found here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jwjSCvVmT74]

Polarity is complex and involves a number of dynamics, including men leading and women surrendering (both in sex and outside of it). But it also involves relationship "landmines" -- topics you both avoid because you're afraid it'll blow up your relationship. Here we delve into that, and the surprising sexual energy released when you both finally tell the truth.

Polarity is HOT when men do this in relationship! Whether you're dating or in a long-term relationship like a marriage, the dance between the masculine and feminine is smoother, easier, and sexier when men have developed this fundamental sex and relationship skill.

We repeatedly see that men and women who "do the work" are the ones who get into (and sustain) healthy relationships. Doing the work almost always improves your sex, dating, and relationship life. So what exactly does it mean to do the work? (Hint: it's not always easy, but it's always worth it.)

What happens in a romantic relationship when a man is more in his feminine energy and a woman is more in her masculine energy? Hint: not a lot of hot sex. Here, we go into David Deida's concepts of stage 1, stage 2, and stage 3 relationships and how each side of a couple can grow into even deeper, hotter, and more satisfying sex than ever.

Whether in sex, dating, or relationships, both men and women grapple with how to be in their power. If being powerful doesn't mean being controlling, what does it mean? A woman in a relationship with a man is profoundly impacted by how much he's owning his own sense of self, boundaries, and attraction. We cover all this as well as the importance of the phrase, "Maybe it's a bath night."

What's a memorable time you owned your power? How about a time you didn't? Three loyal Dear Men listeners drop wisdom on sexual confidence, freezing up with a girl, how to cultivate a quality marriage, and more in this first-ever listener panel on our topic for the month: owning your power as a man in the modern world.

Men are often shamed for having emotions, which is holding back men, women, and culture as a whole. As a man, how do you deal with your anger, sadness, and also your joy? How do your emotions impact your sex? It turns out a man being emotionally skillful is part of what has him feel SAFE to the feminine. Healthy women *want* a man knows how he feels and can process those feelings. Here's how one man navigated getting there while being present to his masculinity.

How does a man being in his power affect his woman? Whether in sex, dating, or relationships, the way WE show up affects how the OTHER person shows up -- whether it's a man impacting his woman, or vice versa. This is a cool exploration of how Jason and Violet's relationship unfolded, the obstacles they navigated together, and a description of the resilience of their love.