Dear Men

This episode is pulled from the podcast Ask Women, where I myself was the guest! We delve into my sex research here, in which I asked over 1,065 women about the men who were best in bed.But this isn't just about finding the clit. It's a deeper conversation about how to talk about difficult subjects. Why is hard to talk about what we actually like or want in sex? Why is it so hard for a woman to tell a man that something isn't working sexually? It's actually the same reason it's hard to tell a colleague that something they do bothers you.If you want a woman to open to you sexually, and make sex great for her (whether you're dating someone or in a committed relationship), it's helpful to know how to set things up. Among other things, you want to know how ask the right questions in the right way. And it's always helpful to hear from women themselves about what they crave, what delights them, what turns them on, and what works for their specific body. Learning to be skillful in ask

Polarity can help you have a hot sex & dating life, not to mention a stronger love relationship overall. And like many things in life, it's not a perfect concept; there are issues with it."In what ways have you found polarity to be useful in your sex and relationship life? In what ways have you found it to be off or problematic?"I posed these questions to our clients in an effort to help shine a light on the problems with polarity. I believe polarity can be hugely helpful in understanding sexual attraction and heat, as well as trust and fulfillment, in both short- and long-term relationships. I also believe it can help us understand ourselves better as human beings in our own rights, not just in interpersonal dynamics.Becoming skillful with polarity is a valuable goal, and including its flaws in the conversation is important. Here we delve into what we see as the top three problems with polarity, and how to use it as a force of good in sex, dating, and relationships.Work with usWant to go deep

As a woman, I sometimes feel like saying to all the Nice Guys out there: We need you!We need you on the court, in the game, on the field of Life. We need you not just as romantic partners (though we do desperately want you there), but as fathers, as colleagues, as teammates.And we need you to be in your power. We need you to be able to speak up for yourself, to tell use the truth (even if it's uncomfortable), to come towards us sexually, to set healthy boundaries. We need your full self.If you identify as a Nice Guy, it's likely that you're working on stepping into your power. And we want to support you in that. Here, we don't just talk about what it means to step into your power, but share success stories of men we've worked with who've gone from feeling disempowered/unable to take up space ... to asserting themselves in healthy and deeply satisfying ways.Memorable quotes from this episode:"When I’ve been out of my power, it’s when I’ve lost connection to myself.""It was e

Here's a pattern we've noticed in a lot of the men we work with:They've never gone after the women they really wanted. As one man put it, "A lot of times the girls that I’ve attracted have come to me … and haven't been the most stable."For some men, these dating relationships have even turned into marriages -- without the man necessarily wanting things to go that way. He has felt swept along by the current, often going along with what she wants rather than deeply considering his own wants and needs.If a lot of the sexual or romantic relationships you've been in have been because a woman approached you, rather than you taking the lead, you might fall into this category. Or if you've been too intimidated or scared to pursue women you find really attractive, this could be you. (We also cover super-crushes here, which you may relate to.)Fortunately there are things you can do to interrupt the pattern, and stand up for what you truly want. We've worked with countless clients who

It's a solo episode! I pulled together some questions from clients or listeners, and go into depth on them.Remember that you can always send me your question or questions -- just email me at dearmenpodcast@gmail.com. Everything is on the table, from sex and dating to relationships and repair. I want to hear from you!Here are the questions I answer on this episode:How do I rebuild trust with a partner after a rupture, or a lack of leading over time?How do I date someone in the same friend group without it getting weird?I went on a date with a woman and it went pretty well, but we didn't kiss at the end. I got the sense (especially in thinking back) that she wanted me to kiss her when we were outside waiting for her ride. It's tough because it's so hard to know what the right thing to do is. How do I know when it's time to kiss her on a date??---Work with usReady to go deeper than the podcast? Jason and I are ready to work with you! We specialize in helping men break old patterns and transfo

Does it feel exiting for your woman to be fully open with you, feel deeply cherished, and want to f*** your brains out?Then you’re going to want to listen to this one. You’re likely familiar with polarity — that sacred dance between alpha & omega. It’s a potent force that shows up in dating, sex, love relationships, and beyond (and helps explain the mystery of attraction).But polarity also includes the 3 stages of relating. As we mature in relationships, we can graduate from stage 1 (we’re in rigidly-defined roles), to stage 2 (we talk through everything), to stage 3 — the topic of this episode. Stage 3 relationships are cutting-edge. They go beyond societal norms. Stage 3 is exciting, pioneering, and embodied. And in Jason’s words, “it tends to *wake us up* as men.” This kind of relating makes things sexy in relationship, and it also makes things deeply safe — if you know how to work it. The truth is, most omega partners deeply yearn to be fully, truly expressed, and in stage 3, that's the name of th

If you want a thriving sex and relationship life, you'll benefit from knowing about polarity. Polarity, shorthand for the healthy dance between omega energy (aka feminine) and alpha energy (aka masculine), is both life-affirming and hot, whether it's in the context of dating or a long-term relationship.In man/woman relationships, when a man embodies alpha and a woman embodies omega a good amount of the time (not all the time, but in certain key moments), the result is a thriving sex life.But the opposite is also true -- when a woman is more in her alpha energy and a man is more in his omega, you can get "reverse polarity." This can, among other things, damage your sex life as a couple.We see this a lot in our work, and explore the concept in more depth here. It may be a bit confronting to hear about the pattern in such detail, and it's important to keep in mind that nothing is fixed. Human beings, including couple and those in love relationships, can always grow.Even if you're experien

As a client recently put it, where do you go to "scrimmage" with women? How and where do you practice relating, flirting, and connecting with the feminine? It can feel like the stakes are high once you're on an actual date (not to mention getting to sexy time and beyond).Here we talk all about that! We cover communities where relating (and practicing relating authentically) is the name of the game. We give you concrete suggestions on where to go during your week to get practice in with women, as well as what kinds of events to prioritize.This is doable. You can join communities where there's a regular partner practice, find spots where women are but someone else sets the container so you can focus on relating to her, and more. We want to support and encourage healthy relationships, and practice around dating can help. It's the new year -- LFG!Work with usReady to go deeper than the podcast? Jason and I are ready to work with you! We specialize in helping men break old patterns and transfor

When you were growing up, did you have a host of great role models when it came to how to be a good man?No, probably not. The vast majority of men with whom we work lacked solid role models for healthy masculinity, both at home and at school. This damaged their ability to succeed in dating, relationships, and sex, and led to a lot of suffering.Scott Kaltenbaugh is working to change that. He's in the school system working in the classroom as well as doing one-on-one mentorship with boys and young men. The goal is to teach them how to be "a calm but assured version of masculinity."But how do you do that? What do you teach, and how do you describe what it is to wield power? Listen for a fascinating view into an inspiring potential future for us as a culture. (Also, if you have sons or may have sons in the future, this one will be of particular interest to you.)---Work with usReady to go deeper than the podcast? Jason and I are ready to work with you! We specialize in helping men break old patterns an

Ever been in a relationship where you felt like it started off GREAT, but over time it became really hard? Ever felt like you had electric sex with someone, especially at the beginning, but then you were often put in the doghouse for doing something "wrong," and that eventually you ended up constantly walking on eggshells to try not to trigger your partner? Then you'll likely resonate with this episode.If you're someone who struggles with setting healthy boundaries, you may have noticed a certain pattern in terms of the dating and relationship partners you've ended up with.In our work with men we've often seen a certain kind of polarity where men with Nice Guy tendencies attract women with traits of Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). These women are often brilliant, funny, engaging, witty, exciting to be around ... and volatile. Romantic relationships with them can be a rollercoaster with precipitous highs and lows.Fortunately, we've also seen countless men overcome this patter

Divorce is a complex and often sensitive topic. For many, there are questions of success and failure, grief and loss, as well as the question of what we’re role-modeling to our children.Questions can come up like, “Is it honoring of myself to stay in this relationship? Should I stay because I made a vow, even if it sacrifices my well-being? And if we do get divorced, will I ever find another partner?”Here, three men reveal their truth around their process of getting divorced, as well as their experiences dating, having sex, and getting into new relationships post-divorce.Memorable quotes from this episode:“I didn’t feel safe to voice my needs with my partner.”“I felt like my identity was being snuffed out in my marriage.”“It was a deep-dive back into my passions.”“Am I worthy? Will a quality woman say yes to this?”“We’re both doing work and we support each other.”—Work with usReady to go deeper than the podcast? Jason and I are ready to work with you! We specialize in helping men break old patterns and transf

This episode is kinda edgy! Here we (a small group of women who are attracted to men) give you a peek behind the curtain in terms of what we really crave from the masculine. The thing we rarely outline so starkly.The truth is, many of us human beings limit ourselves when it comes to having it all. We think we can either have a job we like, or one that pays us well ... we can either settle down and become 'boring,' or have an exciting life without stability.This pattern of thinking is especially obvious when it comes to sex, dating, and relationships. A lot of people struggle with believing they can have a partner who is BOTH one thing and another thing. And for women who are attracted to men, that is frequently: I want to feel claimed/ravaged AND respected/cherished.There's more to it than that, and here we get down and dirty with it. Listen on for insight into the light and dark masculine, fuckboys at Da Club, the shame we hold around this pattern, and how to embody everything a woman yearns for.

Online dating can be hard! As a hetero man on the apps, you're statistically likely to get far fewer matches than a hetero woman. If you're on Tinder, Bumble, Hinge, Coffee Meets Bagel, eHarmony, Match, MeetMindful, and/or OKCupid and you're not finding what you're looking for ... you're not alone.Dating apps can be crazy-making -- for real! That said, online dating does NOT have to suck for you. We have 5 concrete tips for you to maintain your sanity and actually have a good experience.These are things we've seen work for our clients, and they can work for you. Take a listen if you want more hot sex, dating, and relationships in your life.Work with usReady to go deeper than the podcast? Jason and I are ready to work with you! We specialize in helping men break old patterns and transform their sex & love life for good.To see if there's a fit for our flagship program Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)—Memorable quotes from thi

How do depression & anxiety intersect with sex & dating?If you’re one of the millions of people who’ve experience anxiety, clinical depression, and/or dysthymia — low-grade, chronic depression — then you know how easy it is to spiral. When it comes to sex, dating, and relationships, it can feel daunting to even get started. Negative self-talk abounds! This can be exacerbated if you identify with Nice Guy Syndrome.The fact is, human beings (especially in the modern world) are prone to anxiety & depression. So how do you work on it and respectfully get laid at the same time? Here, Toby Endelman, who collaborates closely with Dr. Glover (author of No More Mr. Nice Guy), discusses his own personal journey around overcoming depression, and practical steps you can take if you’re in the same boat. This is a big subject and there are no quick fixes, but the important thing to know is that there *is* hope, and things can get better.—Work with usReady to go deeper than the podcast? Jason and I are ready to

Cheating is both a sensitive and complex topic. It lies at the intersection of sexuality, betrayal, needs, wants, and power.Here we explore something we've noticed in our work: the correlation we’ve witnessed between the pattern of cheating, and not being in your power as a man. We go over both the experience of cheating as well as being cheated on.In Jason’s words, “One of the shadow sides of a lot of Nice Guys is tolerating not being treated well, and in a weird way this has partners treat them even worse.”To be clear, cheating is wrong and causes harm, and we are not condoning it. What we are doing is discussing questions like: What happens when your needs aren’t met in a relationship?How do you handle feeling stuck when it comes to sex and relationship?Whether you're dating or in a committed partnership, how do you effectively communicate with a partner when were never taught how to do so?Work with usReady to go deeper than the podcast? Jason and I are ready to work with you! We specialize in help

"What should I do with my life?"It's a question most of us ask ourselves (sometimes on repeat!), and one many of us could use more guidance around. Knowing the answer matters for several reasons, and one is that it naturally generates polarity with a partner. In sex, dating, and relationships, you, as a man, will polarize women far more when you know who you are and what you're about. It will bring you energy and give you direction, which is naturally polarizing.But how the hell do you figure it out?! It isn't always easy. Enter Brian Johnson, who has worked with elite athletes, Navy SEALs, the CEO of Whole Foods, Phil Stutz (psychiatrist to the stars), and thousands more. He's successful, driven, and very passionate about helping everyone know how to answer the question, and go from stuck to unstuck to thriving.Traditional sex and relationship advice won't cover this, but if you want women to desire you on a deep level -- sexually as well as in a relationship -- this isn't one

Ever wanted to explore the dark side of the moon? ;) If you've ever been curious about anal sex -- or enjoy it already and want to hear what others have to say -- this one's for you.Here we hear from one woman who really enjoys anal, and another who hasn’t had great experiences with it (yet). We also talk a lot about how to open up a conversation with your partner about it (i.e. how do you say, "I'd like to try anal sex. Would you?"). And we cover the shame that can be inherent in wanting to try a new sex act, whether that's anal sex or something else.Anal sex isn’t just for women, either! We also discuss men who enjoy receiving anal stimulation, whether that's anal sex or prostrate massage. Yay, healthy, connected sex and pleasure!Mentioned on this episode:Please Her in Bed, my streaming course on sexMaude, the sexual intimacy company with the awesome lube---Work with usReady to go deeper than the podcast? Jason and I are ready to work with you! We specialize in helping men break

One pattern we've often seen in our clients (and lived ourselves) is feeling like our partner needs us in order to feel OK. This can start to feel like a burden, especially if it's a constant pattern.The truth is, it is each partner’s responsibility to tend to their nervous systems and be able to regulate their emotions enough to be able to regularly come to the relationship with presence and energy.But what do you do when someone's going through a hard time, or they've gotten used to leaning on you for support? This kind of thing can affect a dating or long-term relationship, and it tends to impact everything in your dynamic (including the sex).Here, we go through the ins and outs of this pattern, including its origins and how you can start to address it proactively with a love partner.Memorable quotes from this episode:“When she was feeling down, she needed a lot of support and attention from me.”“One partner can often keep giving and giving and giving and get burnt out.”“One of the benefits

Ahhh, the conundrum: Your partner does something you don't like but you don't know how to say so, so you just let it ride (and resentment builds). Or there's something you do want from her ... but you don't know how to say it.This can also sound like, "How do I tell my partner I want something without seeming demanding?" or, "How do I share my needs without being needy?" or, "How do I tell her [something hard] without pissing her off, or having her feeling judged??"Real talk: Most of us didn't have healthy communication role-modeled to us in our family of origin. So when these kinds of things happen, we don't know what to say:Your dating partner wants to hang out this Friday evening, but you want alone timeYou want to try something new in sex with your wife, but have no idea how to bring it upYour woman partner is going through a hard time and has been leaning on you a lot, and you need a break---The good news? This is doable. You can learn how to communicate yo

Ever felt stuck in a sexless or passionless relationship? Or craved more in a relationship but didn't know how to get there? Then you're going to love this episode.Allison and Jeff were both in sexless marriages before they got together. And as is almost always the case, sex is about more than just the sex -- it's also about connection, intimacy, joy, fire, and aliveness. The lack of it can feel stifling, or even soul-crushing.As Jeff put it, "I wasn’t with someone that made me feel good about myself ... It was like what you didn’t do wasn’t good enough; what you did do wasn’t good enough.” And in Allison's words, "When I say there was no passion ... there was no passion. At some point I realized we really had no relationship that didn't involve our children."But don't worry! Their story has a happy ending. They went from bad situations to finding one another, and now they have all kinds of wonderful, connected, kinky, delightful sex. :) How'd they do it? Listen on.Memo