Dear Men

What does it actually mean to "set the mood"? Yes, candles are fantastic — they give that soft light that makes everybody look great, and there's something to be said for that when it comes to sexy time. But there are lots of other ways to increase and enhance pleasure of all kinds, including scent.Aromatherapy is powerful, and here we outline how essential oils can aid in everything from helping you to calm down, as well as to develop self-love. Whether you're in a dating phase or a committed relationship, the fact is that how you feel about yourself impacts the connection between the two of you, and aromatherapy can be a powerful way of keeping you connected to nature.There are some essential that can even help you boost your prostate health, reduce anger, and assist with nurturing and self-acceptance.My favorite quotes from this episode:“Plants are for everybody, and flowers are for men, goddamnit.”“We want to enhance receptivity.” 

Want that sizzle, that dazzle, that magical mystique? Of course you do. Everyone does. And if you're in a long-term relationship, it can feel harder to maintain that over time.We're witnessing an epidemic of sexless relationships -- some studies put it at 15% of all marriages. When it comes to sex, sensuality, and a woman's erotic essence, it can be easy to lose.One way this can show up is as mismatched desire. A man wants sex with his woman (i.e. wants to know, "How do I get my wife to have sex with me more?"), but she's not feelin' it. Maybe she feels like her libido is low. Maybe she wants to figure out whether there's something wrong with her -- isn't it her wifely duty to "provide sex" to her husband/man?Here, we delve into the pattern of losing one's erotic essence as well as the delicious ways to reclaim it. YES, it is possible to get that sexy, sassy, soulful passion back -- both in a relationship as well as just in your own body.If you’re interested in

Want hot sexy polarity in your relationship or dating life? You're gonna want to master this. It's the one relationship skill to rule them all. Here, we get personal and real about the men we've been with who've done this skillfully (and made us want to drop our panties), as well as those who've missed the mark. You can learn from both.Where many men are taught to be either passive or aggressive, there is a middle way. And it's hot when men do it. What is it? Leading. Leading isn't being a dominant, aggressive asshole and it's not being a pushover or a doormat. It's being assertive in a healthy way. It's having a basic plan for a date and then being willing to adjust if things come up. It's being willing to lead with vulnerability when it comes to attraction. Here, we go into detail about what our experience has been around sex, dating, relationships, and why we've found it so damn sexy when a man can lead.

Ever felt like a woman was testing you, pushing your boundaries in annoying ways, or giving you a "shit test" (not a great term, but one you may be familiar with)? Here's a hint: if you don't want negative emotional tension, you may need to become skilled at positive emotional tension.Whether you're in a dating relationship, long-term marriage, or somewhere in between, the feminine is mysterious. Many men are baffled by how to relate when it seems like what he's doing is never enough. Why can't she just be satisfied? Why does it feel like she's always poking at you, overreacting to something small, or picking a fight? Why isn't sex easier?Here, we go into what women are often thinking or wanting in those moments. We outline positive emotional tension (aka conscious tension), and how it can actually strengthen your relationship. And we cover the difference between tussling — healthy, positive emotional tension, which can actually be fun — and unhealthy abuse. This includes k

What does it mean to actually be honest when it comes to sex? A lot of couples never really talk about their sex life in depth. Sure, maybe one person in the relationship says they'd like to be having more sex. But that's different from having real, raw conversations about what's working, what each person wants more or less of, and what their deep-down turn-ons actually are.Why? Because it's scary to have these kinds of talks! Whether you're new to dating or you're in a long-term, committed relationship (or even married), it's hard to be open about sexual intimacy. And at the same time, not having honest sex comes at a cost. When you're not real with your partner about sex, you're cutting off a part of yourself. Then you tend to feel more distant. More separate.So how do you overcome this? How do you talk about sex with your partner in a way that's inviting instead of intimidating? Who brings it up and how? What if you wanna explore BDSM? Here we talk about all that — w

Ever wished sex were easier? As in, that you could feel totally comfortable in your body, fearless in your sexuality, easily ask for what you want, and facilitate hot sexy experiences with women you feel attracted to?Maybe you contend with premature ejaculation, erectile dysfunction, or porn addiction. Maybe you're ashamed of how much you want sex or don't even go after women you really want because you're unsure you'll be able to perform sexually. Maybe you're with a partner but feel like you two could have a way better sex life.If any of this feels familiar, questions can come up like, "Why am I this way?" And, "How do I grow beyond this?"A lot of the men we work with are survivors of developmental trauma, aka little-T trauma. Big-T trauma tends to be more "obvious" (domestic violence, sexual abuse, war, etc.). But little-T trauma (developmental trauma) can have equally as big an impact on your nervous system and mind.And it affects not only how you feel about you

Do you want more sex with your wife (or partner)? Ever wanted to have sex in order to feel better? Do you get really pent-up when you haven't had sex with your woman in a while?Men these days are overwhelmingly lonely. Over the past 30 years there has been a drastic drop in rates of friendships for both women and men, but the trend is far more pronounced for men. One study showed that nearly one in three men said they couldn't name a best friend, and a full 18% said they had no close friends at all.What does this have to do with sex? Well, there aren't a lot of places where modern men get to feel closeness, warmth, and emotional safety. For many, sex with their woman is one of the only places where they can. But this comes at a cost. A lot of men don't realize they're using their woman for sex -- that there's a way they actually need sex with her to feel OK. They aren't conscious of how they're using her for sex.Intrigued? Take a listen. We talk about this trend we've seen

Ever been abused by a woman partner? Been with a woman with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD)? If so, you're not alone. But you may be confused.Physical abuse is pretty clear — if someone throws something at you or hits you, you know they're abusive. But what about emotional abuse? The line between her healthy emotional expression and emotional abuse can be blurry sometimes, especially if you're isolated and haven't told anyone about what's going on.Secrets are rarely healthy, and never when it comes to relationship issues that have you feeling depressed, anxious, or on edge. Whether you're single, in a dating relationship, or married, you should know what's OK to tolerate and what's not. This is also a good episode for anyone who has related with someone with Borderline Personality Disorder. We go into the difference between a woman's healthy expression of feelings like disappointment, anger, or frustration — and what crosses the line into abuse.

What are the signs a girl likes you? How do you know whether a woman is interested? If you're a man who has sex with women and you've ever wondered how to tell if she likes you, you're not alone. It can be especially hard to tell when it's a woman in a service role, like a barista, waitress, or cashier. How do you know whether she's just being friendly or she's interested in dating you or being sexual with you?As a late bloomer, Jason shares his own personal journey around figuring out how women work, what the "open door" signals are, and when to pursue versus stop trying.I talk about my own personal experience of signaling to a man that I'm into him, and what it looks like when I drop handkerchiefs ("come and get me!" style). We also talk about the importance of striking while the iron is hot when it comes to sex, dating, and relationships. Oh, and of course there's a bit about eye contact in Da Club. ;)

As a culture we don't talk about this a lot, but what happens when you're jealous of your partner? Not jealous in the traditional sense, but wanting to feel as successful as your partner — say financially, or career-wise.It can be hard to handle it when your partner is doing better than you in a certain way, because while you want to be happy for them, you may also wish you had that great job, opportunity, money boost, etc. As a man, this may hit extra-hard if you feel like you "should" be the one to contribute more financially. (What if she makes more than you?)The fact is, if you're in a long-term relationship, each of you is going to go through different seasons in life. Sometimes one of you will be up, and the other will be down in a certain area. So whether you're dating or in a long-term relationship, this dynamic is worth exploring. Believe it or not, it can actually bring the two of you closer together if you remain awake, aware, and are willing to engage in conscious dialogue.

If you've ever been married or in a long-term committed relationship, you know that the sparks that flew at the beginning don't just keep burning over time -- especially if kids are in the picture.When you're cohabitating, parenting, running a household together, and dealing with life's everyday stressors, sexy time can fall by the wayside. While sex is vital in a healthy relationship, desire can seem to fade.The good news? It is possible to get that hot sexy spark back. Here, we discuss Alicia's personal experience with that, as well as in her many clients. In her words, "the loss of the chemistry is the primary complaint when people come work with us." But it doesn't have to stay that way.Mentioned on this episode:For access to the Pleasure Course, text 415-308-9580 or email alicia@erwandavon.com or go to: https://erwandavon.com/inquire/

Ever felt like your wife or partner has sex with you just to fulfill her duty in the relationship? That she's not really into it, but knows she "should" or feels like she "must"?If so, you're not alone -- for many men, one of the most painful experiences in long-term relationships is feeling like their partner is just "letting" them have sex with them, but doesn't really want to be doing it. It can be immensely lonely, not to mention demoralizing.Fortunately things don't have to stay this way. Here, we talk about the loneliness inherent in this kind of sexual and relational dynamic, and how to come out of it. If you've ever wanted to be closer with your wife or partner but haven't known how to get there, this is one to listen to.

Ever struggled with porn addiction, premature ejaculation, concern over how your cock looks (for the record, all penises are beautiful, including uncircumcised ones)?Ever had trouble asserting yourself in relationship, or telling the full truth, or asking for what you really want?This SPECIAL EPISODE goes into all that and more. Our first mosaic episode, these brave men all share their answers to three questions:What's a major lesson you learned in your last relationship?What's a sexual challenge you've had and how have you addressed it?Why do you choose to do consciousness work?If you've ever wanted to hear the raw truth from other men on the path, then get in here. I couldn't be more proud of these men and their vulnerability, growth, humor, and love.

Ever been scared of your woman's upset? You’re not alone. Perhaps you can hold space for her hurt, anger, or grief if it’s not about you (i.e. she’s upset about work, or a friend). But as soon as it’s about something you did, you want to turn away or you get overwhelmed.Whether you're dating, married, or somewhere in between, if you’re always at the mercy of your woman’s feelings, your life can feel out of control. And “feminine storm” is not an excuse for her to rail at you. There are both toxic and healthy expressions of upset, and you’ve got to know the difference in order to stay safe (and keep your kids safe).That said, holding space for a woman’s hurt is one of the most profound ways you can serve her. It’s also deeply bonding. Learn to do this skillfully, and you can experience true freedom in relationship. Your ability to hold space for — and even elicit — her full range of expression also leads to hotter sex. ;) When she feels deeply heard, seen, and known, even in her "big" feelings,

"Kids have a hole in their soul in the shape of their dad," says Roland Warren, former president of the National Fatherhood Initiative. "And if a father is unwilling or unable to fill that hole, it can leave a wound that is not easily healed."If your sex and love life hasn't worked — i.e. you often attract chaotic partners; or you can't seem to screw up the courage to approach the women you really want; or you just keep getting ghosted no matter what— then you may have a father wound.Here we go over 3 common archetypes around the father wound and what their impact is on a man. This includes dads who either physically or emotionally absent, as well alcoholics and those who had a mental health issue like depression/anxiety.The good news? It's more than possible to overcome the father wound and grow into the healthy masculine. We specifically lay out the concrete strategy you can use to prevail over this wound. Yes, it takes work to get there, but it's totally achievable — and wor

Ever had these kinds of thoughts?:“If I didn’t initiate sex with my woman, we’d never have it.”“My partner doesn’t want sex as much as me.”“I sometimes feel like she only has sex with me because she feels like she has to."If so, you’re not alone. This is a painful problem in a relationship. When you feel like your partner is constantly turning you down, that rejection button just keeps getting hit over and over. It can be excruciating.Why is this happening and what can you do about it? Here, we break down the pattern, where it can stem from, and steps you may need to take. The truth is, if you constantly feel anxious, depressed, or stressed due to your relationship, it may not be healthy.If you’re longing for more intimacy — not just sexual intimacy, but closeness — in your marriage or committed relationship, give this a listen.

"I was raised by a mom who was dependent, controlling, and self-centered. Then I looked for women like that."So begins this episode about what it's like to attract the wrong kind of women repeatedly ... and then do something different to get a different result.The root of the word "familiar" is family — what we learn in the family is familiar. So what did you learn in your family system, and is it serving you now in your ability to form healthy attachments with romantic partners?If you didn't have good role models, fear not! You can un-learn what you learned in the past. It is possible to grow, heal, and attract healthy partners. If you've ever felt like giving up on love, or you just don't understand relationships, or dating or sex or any of it -- listen to this.“Living without love in your life” mentioned in this episode: https://lovelifelearningcenter.com/how-to-live-without-love-in-your-life/

Most men I work with want a healthy, happy love relationship. Yet it often feels like there's something in the way -- some kind of block or sense that there's something "wrong." This can even provoke the kind of loneliness that leads to thoughts of suicide.If this is you, then one thing to include in your awareness is your family lineage. You likely know your parents had a massive impact on who you became. But did you know you can carry legacy burdens from grandparents and even older ancestors?Family constellations, or family systems constellations, is one of the deepest and most profound modalities I've ever come across. It's a kind of somatic therapy -- a way of healing on a body level, in community. Listen to learn how family constellations can help with chronic and seemingly intractable patterns like attachment issues, feelings of isolation and abandonment, and even the desire to die.Books mentioned in this episode:The Constellation Approach: Finding peace through your family linea

When Jade got divorced and entered her 40s, she had some fears and uncertainties ... especially after going to The Internet for advice. But her explorations of sex, dating, and relationships after 40 turned out to be both rewarding and hot. And she's sharing them with the world through her brand, Scarlet Society.Whether you identify as a woman or man or something else, if you're doing the dating thing after 40, things can feel intimidating. Even if you're not divorced and just getting back out there, things can be hard —especially on the apps! Questions like, "What DO I want?" are appropriate. On this episode we cover things like:What's it like being single again after years or even decades of being married?What do you do when you've done everything society says you should do, but you still feel empty, or some sense of, "Is this all there is?"Can I be a feminist and still be submissive in sex (or dominant)?What exactly is ethical non-monogamy (ENM) and why is it gaining pop

When Jason was in his 20s he felt stuck and kind of numb. He'd never had sex. He'd had a really hard time with dating and relationships. He couldn't put his finger on it, but even outside of dating women it was like there was something missing in his life. Like he knew he wanted something different but didn't know how to get there.Then he went to an in-person men's workshop. Within twenty minutes of work with a mentor, he got to a place he hadn't gotten to in 3 years of talk therapy. It was a transformative experience that released something that had been stuck in him for decades. In a way, it set him free and set him up for the life he actually wanted to lead.Why is in-person men's work important? What's different about live personal growth work?If whatever had the thought, "Whatever I'm doing isn't working," you're not alone. And it doesn't have to stay that way. Give this a listen. It might just change the game.