We Heart Hartnett

Who's ready for some Gus Van Sant and his laugh riot exploration of longing and search for human connection? It's My Own Private Idaho this week, a film about male street hustlers constructed from three separate creative endeavors (including an adaptation of Shakespeare's Henry IV) into a surprisingly coherent and moving art house hit. River Pheonix plays Mike, the emotional focal point of the film, prostitute, former ward of the state and hapless narcoleptic. Mike is in love with Scott (our dude Keanu), scion of a wealthy family, who is essentially LARPing as an impoverished person with no options, knowing full well he will claim his birthright and leave his "friends."

This week's episode is a beefy one: Bill and Ted's Bogus Journey (1991). Adam Lance Garcia (WIRED) joins us to discuss the second installment in the adventures of Ted Theodore Logan (Keanu) and Bill S. Preston Esq. (Alex Winter). We crush Twitter beef, veer all over the place and speculate on B&T's upcoming 2020 elaboration on their universe. This movie really blows open the door's further, having Bill and Ted journey through heaven and hell to secure the safety of their maiden babe wives and defeat evil robot versions of themselves. There's an alien named Station with a huge ass. Wyld stuff.

The prodigal son returns! Lost scion and Philly jawn Michael Curran joins us to discuss Point Break (1991), Kathryn Bigelow's action masterwork about two men obsessed with each other: Fresh-faced agent Johnny Utah (Keanu Reeves) and the sexily charismatic surf guru/bank robber, Bodhi (Patrick Swayze). We also have Utah's partner Angelo Pappas, played by an unhinged Gary Busey fresh from a serious motorcycle accident which hurt his brain! It's the best. The Red Hot Chili Peppers are in this because they love California. So is Lori Petty as love interest Tyler, but we all know where the real romance lies. The boys all agree Johnny Utah is a dogshit FBI agent.

This week's ep is about Tune In Tomorrow (1990). What to say here? It's an adaptation of the somewhat autobiographical novel Aunt Julia and the Scriptwriter by Mario Vargas Llosa, but set in New Orleans in 1951. Keanu plays Martin, a young radio writer with an incestuous infatuation with his aunt, an older woman who isn't connected by blood, so it's, like, incest lite. And yes, this means he takes a stab at a Cajun accent and it leaves much to be desired. This movie is a bit of a mess, and even Peter Falke, powerhouse that he is as Pedro the visionary soap opera schlock writer, cannot save it. Also, I don't think we know what magical realism is. What is it?

This week's episode is I Love You to Death (1989). Inspired by a true story, philanderer and Italian stereotype Joey Boca (Kevin Kline) cannot keep the sausage in his pants, breaking the heart of his dedicated wife Rosalie (Tracy Ullman). Thus a murder plot is hatched, involving Rosalie, her mother, Devo (River Pheonix), and our dude, Keanu, as a heroin addict looking to raise some drug money. This one goes hard on Italians, indomitable creatures of sauce-based appetites. So be warned. Xoxox

It's 1989 and we're talking Parenthood, the Ron Howard dramedy that arguably birthed Steve Martin's current reputation as suburban America's humorously exasperated white-haired dad. Gil (Martin) is just trying to be the best dad he can be, but his overwrought, neurotic son is throwing a wrench into the works of his fatherly self-image. Meanwhile, a satellite of other stories involving the members of his multigenerational family orbits Gil's own, tackling a surprising number of issues related to the trials and tribulations of parenting. Overall a solid film with a stacked cast reviewed by your beloved hosts who, it must be said, are without children. Obviously.

Y'all were waiting for it: Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure (1989). We're joined by special guest Griffin Newman (The Tick) as a proselytizer for all things Bill and Ted. Two San Dimas simpletons must time travel to avoid flunking their history exams or else be separated, thus destroying any chance for the future utopia they engender via their apparently transcendent music as rock group Wyld Stallions, an as yet a purely aspirational venture. But most of you dudes already knew that. Party on for the good of us all!

This week: we enter the lascivious intrigue-laden world of 18th century French aristocracy with Dangerous Liaisons (1988). Bored socialites John Malkovich and Glenn Close enact psychosexual revenge on various friends and family in an attempt to navigate the love and repulsion they feel for one another. Our dude Keanu plays an innocent fresh-faced music teacher  and gets into a duel. Naturally everyone gets their comeuppance. Plus we read a negative iTunes review of the show which we definitely don't even care about at all.

This week, Keanu gets an extremely dumb haircut and decides to kidnap his coal-mining dad (Fred Ward) in 1988’s The Prince of Pennsylvania. Patrick, Jake, and Matt try to diagnose where this movie went wrong, while also covering important topics like Jake’s brief childhood modern dance career, the Torpeys’ recent trip to Croatia, and the Rugrats and Wild Thornberries movies.

This week, Patrick, Jake, and Matt do their best to keep the mood light while discussing 1988's Permanent Record, a movie that deals with the difficult subject of teen suicide. Keanu is Chris, the wacky best friend who gets thrust into the lead role when David (Alan Boyce) tragically takes his own life. This episode tries to make sense of a movie that veers from wacky comedy to searing drama while also answering questions like: why isn't podcast pornography a thing? What jobs did Matt work in 2012? And do the Torpeys actually know the premise of the show 13 Reasons Why?

This week it's 1988's The Night Before.  Winston Connelly (Keanu) wakes up in an alley wearing a dirty tuxedo and must recollect how he got there, and where the heck is his prom date, Tara Mitchell (Lori Loughlin)?!! AND the police chief is her DAD?!!! Who's Tito?? Honestly this is a pretty solid 80s flick with a very high energy turn from Keanu and a cameo by George Clinton and Parliament Funkadelic, bearing a classic lesson for the era: if you're a horny nerd, put yourself and your crush in danger, black out on drugs, sell them into sexual slavery, then save them right at the last minute in a sexy act of bravery. Easy!

This week: part 4 of the Toy Quartet. The toys have learned to die, what's left but to learn how to live? Our boy is Canadian action figure Duke Caboom, and the tragicomic figure of Forky sparks a theological discussion. Choose life.

This week: we warp forward to 2019 again to cover the Netflix original romantic comedy Always Be My Maybe, starring Ali Wong and Randall Park. Childhood friends Sasha (Wong) and Marcus (Park) have not spoken to each other since some friend-ruiningly awkward, post-funeral car sex as teenagers. Now adults, their lives having radically diverged, and they meet again to fulfill their romcom destinies. It's a genre film that competently runs its paces, but the lynchpin is KEANU, playing against type and catalyzing said romantic destiny with a game of "apocalyptic" charades. Featuring special guest Sophia Park to offer some much needed perspective on Asian representation within the genre of romantic comedies, as well as Ali Wong's reclamation of Keanu Reeves as an Asian actor. Join us, won't you? 

This week: Keanu is in this movie for like a collective minute and a half, so we HAD to watch 1986's intensely homoerotic "Youngblood." Hunks and hockey and following your dreams is the formula here, another disappointingly disjointed attempt at a teen sports movie. I mean, at least there're some highly symmetrical heavy hitters in here: Keanu, Patrick Swayze and (a very stilted) Rob Lowe as the titular Dean Youngblood, along with Cynthia Gibb. Most importantly, however, is that this film marks the first appearance of Swayze and Keanu together onscreen. Humble beginnings. 

This week: part 2 in what will be known henceforth as "The 1986 Trilogy," the surprisingly solid and underseen River's Edge. Inspired in part by the 1981 murder of Marcy Renee Conrad, it tells a tale of anomie and moral turpitude among a group of teens in northern California. Keanu plays Matt, looking appropriately scuzzy. Dennis Hopper is in it, and there's a pretty memorable turn from Crispin Glover which the hosts are divided on liking. We all agree Tim needs a good punch in the face though. 

This week: we warp back in time to cover 1986's Flying, AKA Dream to Believe, AKA Teenage Dream, wherein young gymnastics hopeful Robin (Olivia d'Abo) tries to make her local team despite a prior knee injury and living in dreary Buffalo, NY! Our boy is in a kind of 'Ducky' role here, the ever supportive dude who it's so obvious is right for Robin. This one's kind of all over the shop folks, like a leering John Hughes doing Flashdance type of thing.

 This week, Patrick, Jake, and Matt reach the end of the John Wick trilogy, with JOHN WICK CHAPTER 3: PARABELLUM, Keanu’s biggest hit in years. They discuss the evolution of the franchise, how it manages to keep topping itself, Keanu’s place in the landscape of modern action cinema...and also go on an extended tangent about award-winning musician Enya. Contains spoilers for the 2019 film Tell It to the Bees.

This week: John Wick is back, and so is guest Siddhant Adlakha (Polygon, Village Voice). He joins Patrick and the Brothers Torpey to discuss the second installment in the Wick saga, as well as important topics like Hannah Montana, Indian film censorship, and…who is Mortdecai anyway?

The journey through Keanu's career begins, unexpectedly, with a look at one of his more recent iconic roles: the grieving, dog-loving murder machine: John Wick. In the show's inaugural episode, Patrick, Jake, and Matt revisit Chad Stahelski's modern action classic, and explore what it meant for action cinema, and more importantly, for Keanu himself.

They're back! Finally! Patrick, Jake, and Matt reunite for a brief introductory episode to answer the important questions: what is this podcast, why are they doing it, and most importantly...why Keanu Reeves?