Every Iain Lee Absolute Radio Show

Iain cancelled the previous week's show to go Hawaii and no one told poor old Barry from Watford, who had turned up and nearly froze to death stood outside!  This prompts a call from Barry's son, Dave from Pinner, who is definitely NOT tiddley on drugs.  Alan Caddick's one question to God would've been is Elvis still alive!  Rob Burnett is in the studio and on fine form - unfortunately Taylor Guy is also in and not.  Ta-da!

Iain shows he's commited to his stand up by admitting he showed his penis to a gay the previous Thursday.  He says melk again and it's the real The Merchant vs The Fake Merchant.  Iain also spends the whole show giving out five golden tickets for listeners to come into the studio next week .... and then buggered off to Hawaii for Lost so there wasn't a show!

Teetotal Iain Lee admits he has touched the Devil's penis by advertising cider and is relieved to find out Milly is over 18 and just adorably creepy, rather than illegally creepy.  The London Fractures have split up and Alan Caddick has got a hospital radio gig - but all these pale into insignificance because STEVE GUTTENBERG is a live phone guest!

Iain opens the show by apologising for parts of the previous week's show. Innit.  Vinny wants to become Iain's agent and creates Lex, the Homosexual Ghost.  Iain turned down Celebrity Scissorhands and finds out The Merchant's topics work a treat.

Iain throws a diva hissy fit in Blockbusters (ask your Grandparents) when he rents (ask your Grandparents) the film Misery (ask ... never mind).  Rob Burnett finds out Iain has been through his Facebook pictures when the Coronation St theme becomes his signature, his ginger curtains become a source of amusement for (a proportion) of the nation.  Iain gives away the ages zero to fifty years old AND SAYS MELK INSTEAD OF MILK. AGAIN.

Bath Special tonight folks, grab your soap on a rope.  Iain asks if you have ever killed an animal and allows Ryan2 to take Ollie Turner's staying on record with 166 minutes - shame he's a bellend and Rob puts him in his place. 

Iain's first hope for Sony gold comes in the form of Alan Caddick enthusiastically singing Virtual Insanity on the karaoke - unfortunately the philistines don't recognise.  The Top10 Onanism songs are discussed and we hear about celebrities refusing autographs.  Last Rockstar standing is played.  A flagship moment in the life of Barry from Watford occurs when he reads Margaret's diary live on air and finds out about Prakesh, her bit on the side.  Iain takes "a big pink leaf out of Davis' big gay book" and admits to going spinning class.  Iain ends the show by doing a weak storm out but has to return when he gets to his car as he's forgotten his keys.

Iain has a bit of a bag on at the "piss poor" jingles he's been given but cheers up later when he chats to Stephen Stills' bass player.  He does the Podcast Top5 List and tells of the time he got an eggy surprise whilst rutting under an open loft window.

The first Sunday Night Show on Absolute Radio, Iain chats to Vikki Spit of the band Spit Like This and reveals he's in one of their videos.  The topic Best Dinner Guests goes down well, with Hitler being surprisingly popular.  A very Bob Mortimer sounding Rutger Hauer calls in.

The Last Sunday Night Show on Virgin Radio, Iain sees an eBay profit potential when he finds what could be Geoff Lloyd's fingernail clippings in the studio.  The Merchant says "Good evening stranger" for the first time during three hours of Triple M, it's a Rutger Hauer Special and Iain says bumhole a lot.

Besides admitting he cried at the first High School Musical, Iain has to dump after letting slip Fandango's name again!  It is a Hairy / Hairless Special, which prompts some filth from Barry and to end, Rob Burnett hosts MMM for five minutes.

Iain commits himself to watching all four National Lampoon Holiday films .... and manages two.  Discussions are then had on Northern Soul music and also Scary Songs - Once in a Lifetime by Talking Heads made the mardybum cry!

Tonight we begin the transition from Virgin to Absolute.  It is also a Mark and Sarah Special; Iain's new boss can't spell his name - bit worrying, and IAIN DOES A RECURRING FEATURE!  The 10:48 Top50 Listener Update, where a member of the list tells us something.

Iain tries a magic but hanging tasting pill that makes sour things taste sweet and speaks to Mr Wong, who is honestly a Chinese fella and NOT Barry from Watford as it is a New Callers only show and BfW wouldn't sink so low.  It is also a Belly Button Special, which is gross - I hate belly buttons immensely.

Things named after the callers special - Vinny becomes The World; Iain's piles become The Coleman Family.  Iain has been to Los Angeles and Greece but didn't have nooky in either as "it was too hot for sex".  He bought the game Connect Four TWICE this month and proceeds to lose a game against the listeners - there is some confusion about which hole to put it in but Rob Burnett helps.   'The World' goes a bit mental on the answerphone as well.

An excited and newly coiffured Iain speaks to DUNCAN BANNATYNE on the phone, Iain has had a day out in Monte Carlo, which included a wicked helicopter ride and we find out Alan Caddick has been banned by James Whale.

In this episode, Iain discusses No Wristwatch Perverts, tries to find a new name for a listener band who are currently called The Celery Generals and pronounces effete wrong.  He is also devastated to hear that Fandango has gone over to the dark side and joined Rob's List!!!!

Sam becomes Iain's son when Sam's mum rings in begging for him to be unbanned - a condition being she "dresses tartily".  We also discuss sexy archaeology and adults who say Mummy and Daddy.

Iain reads out an email from a listener called Tom, aged 15, who has won over 150 medals for swimming - [Tom Daley was about 15 then but he never replied when I tagged him on Twitter so I've taken that as a definately was him].  Iain is also a minger as he's worn his jeans for 3 weeks consistently without washing them.  The List wars continue.

Tonight is the 56k Dial Up Pinger Special.  Unfortunately the frivolities get marred by Iain laying down the law and BANNING Burnett, Pauly and young Sam in the ongoing Great List Wars of 08.  Stephen Murdoch tries to help people but as usual, well, doesn't.