The Tom Barnard Show

It used to go like this: you're born, you eat a bunch of turtles, you unsubscribe from Fabletics, you die. Life was simple. Now you can't be born because the hospitals won't deliver you, you can't eat turtles because some jerk named Darwin ruined it for the rest of us, and you can't unsubscribe from anything because it's impossible. It's a sad state of affairs. But at least you can still electrocute your nose if you're into that sort of thing. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices