Are You Scared Of These Stories?

Joan Osborne's immortal classic "What if God Was One of Us?" was probably written about a homeless man named Roofus who loves to eat beans, party with malt liquor and crap his pants. Unfortunately for the members of the scary storytellers society, the almighty Roofus has staked claim to their campfire spot and will fight off anybody who tries to "blow up his spot" with his trusty cursed knife.