Nathan Rabin's Happy Cast

For this week’s decidedly strange double feature, YouTube video essayist extraordinaire Patrick H. Willems hops into the driver’s seat as we gawk at the baffling combination of Swordfish and 2003’s Christmas Carol: The Movie! First, we put on our wraparound sunglasses and low-rise jeans to time-warp back to the gossamer pre-9/11 months of 2001, where the world was still riding high from Matrix fever and Dominic Sena tried to hop on that bandwagon with the ridiculous hacker-action-thriller Swordfish. It’s the high-octane tale of a down-on-his-luck, incredibly handsome hacker (Hugh Jackman) roped into a criminal scheme by an over the top mastermind (John Travolta, slapping his Vincent Vega mullet back on and adding a landing strip) and his mysterious femme fatale (Halle Berry, whose topless scene was basically the main draw for horny teens). You know, cinema! Then we’ve got a dinky, low-stakes animated version of A Christmas Carol from the director of When the Wind Blows, a perfunctory retelling that mostly ser