Uniquely Brilliant Podcast

Becky and Diana discuss the frustrations of communication gaps.  We have to learn the language of the people we want to communicate with. Personality differences often contribute to communication gaps. We need to embrace change to understand. People who are not entrepreneurial have a hard time understanding that lifestyle choice. It is frustrating being questioned about a choice we have already made and having to explain ourselves. Just because we don’t understand, doesn’t mean it isn’t valid. Resilience and grit keep us moving whether we feel heard or not. Everyone has had different life experiences that shape their choices and their ability to hear others. Always assume good intentions. When listening, put down your personal filter, and really hear the other person.

Becky and Diana talk about Core Values and how they keep you, you.  Core Values are the building blocks of who we are. Core Values help us stay aligned with what we need. We are more grounded when we have identified and adhere to our Core Values. Diana’s core values are both her default and reset buttons. They express basic truths about us. We know we are living in these values when others recognize them in us. Core values can help us assess who brings value to our lives. We are energy sources that need to be recharged. Core Values give us a place to check in when we are out of balance. We can take our core values with us anywhere.

Becky and Diana challenge the notion that there is only one right way to do anything.  Something might not work for us if: Should, have to, supposed to, are our reasons for doing it. We recognize it’s not working. We become aware of alternatives. We hold on to the idea even when it’s not working. We aren’t ready for the solution, so we only recognize it’s a fit when we are ready. We are tapped out. We just don’t fit the mold. We process things differently. It’s not a fit for our personality. It’s just the wrong speed for our lives.

  Becky and Diana host their friend and sister coach, Tonya Harvey. They have a lively discussion about their words-of-the-year and a general overview of how their year is going. The podcast was simulcast as a Facebook Live video session and can be found on https://www.facebook.com/pg/beckyberrycoach/videos/.  Picking an annual word keeps our main focus top of mind. When we do stream of consciousness writing, our brains clear and make room for the intentions behind our focus word. Choosing a word-of-the-year helps our brain shift and see things differently. When we choose one word or concept to focus on, it’s easier to maintain that focus all year long. Once we say out loud that we want change, the change begins. Sharing our successes is key to building more successes. Taking one day at a time keeps us present amongst chaos. Our annual word helps us tame expectations. The words we choose as our focus help give us the discipline to move with the currents of life, ie, surf!

Becky is in a funk with a calendar full of positive events, so she and Diana hash out why.  The Funk can occur even when everything is going great. When we leave no margin in our lives for downtime and reflection, we can slip into a funk out of sheer self-preservation. Happiness Hangovers occurs as a reminder to slow down. The Funk can also be viewed as growing pains. We can find the time we need to deal with an emergency, so, we need to make time for downtime so we don’t cause one. If we take in too much, even really great stuff, we will probably explode or implode. The sheer overwhelm of everyday noise, including things unfinished or pushed aside, wears us down. Fragmented energy makes us feel out of control. Knowing how much change we can deal with can help us limit our time in The Funk.

Becky and Diana challenge us to look at the drama in our lives and recognize areas where we might be contributing to it.  Basic life stuff becomes drama based on how we react to it. We create most of our own drama. We can make a conscious choice to not join the drama. Drama happens when we try to control situations that are out of our control. Most people just accept drama and then wonder why they aren’t happy. Feeding and maintaining the drama makes it grow. There is a place for drama, and we can put a time limit on it. You might be creating drama if you’re: at the end of your rope. blaming others instead of taking responsibility for your actions. making excuses instead of coming up with solutions. avoiding people or situations instead of confronting them.

Becky and Diana talk about how saying yes to opportunities has influenced their lives, and how it can influence yours, too.  If we don’t say Yes to an opportunity right away, sometimes the opportunity keeps knocking until we do. Saying Yes helps us expand our lives. Sometimes we are nudged into a Yes because someone else sees an opportunity that we can’t. “Live A Yes!” Is just another way of saying “Take a chance.” Trust your instincts before you let your brain talk you out of an opportunity. Saying Yes requires trusting ourselves and other people. The more we live Yes lives, the easier it becomes to say Yes. Living a Yes life isn't always about saying Yes. It is easier to say Yes to things that align with our values. To pull yourself out of a funk, try saying “Yes” and see if it changes your mood.

Episode 114: Control vs Agency   Becky teaches Diana about the value of agency and how it empowers us.   Agency gives us more choice about the direction of our path. Believing in agency is a mindset. Agency gives us independence. We get to ask ourselves, “What can I influence?” When we have agency over our lives we can take back our power. Agency can’t be conferred; it has to be claimed. Agency allows us to make empowered choices. It gives us the confidence to take a risk and the ability to rebound if we fail. In relationships, agency allows us to empower and support those around us, instead of trying to control them. Removing the element of control from relationships gives them room to grow and flourish. With agency we don’t feel attached to a particular outcome.  

Becky and Diana share how podcasts have influenced their lives.  Hack The Entrepreneur was Becky’s gateway into podcasts. It taught her she was awesome just as she is. Doing the Uniquely Brilliant podcast helped Diana find her voice. There are tons of rich content in podcasts. Podcasts help us find people who get us. Podcasts are like radio on demand. There are all types of amazing nuggets of information hidden in podcasts. Podcasts help us connect with people we never imagined we could. Podcasts are one of the last free platforms for content. Podcasts enhance the growth mindset. To find a podcast that you might enjoy, research actors, authors, and business leaders or by topics like humor.  

Becky and Diana talk about the concept that we can live both/and lives.  And reminds us that we are more than one thing. Both/And allows for flexibility. The Growth Mindset is enhanced with Both/And thinking. Either/Or is the opposite of Both/And. Either/Or assumes we can only choose one option. During a time of transition we have the option to choose the Either/Or or Both/And mindset. If Either/Or feels constraining, it’s time to check your options. Both/And may require time and energy to juggle the options. Passions, priorities, and a paycheck can all be achieved with Both/And thinking. Both/And allows us to make the choice to have what we want.

Diana and Becky discuss their words for the year: Wonder and Steady and how they deploy the words to keep them on track.  Diana’s word-of-the-year is Wonder. Becky’s word-of-the-year is Steady. Expectation is the opposite of wonder because it pre-supposes an outcome. Wonder gives us the freedom to allow things to unfold. Having a framework for making decisions helps us capture the wonder in our lives. Some of us feel like we need rigid structure and miss out on wonder and the possibilities it offers. Wonder grows in a flexible structure. Expectations make our world smaller. Wonder can be a concrete thought or a sense. Expectations skew our perspective because when things don’t meet our expectations, we find ourselves automatically assuming they’re bad. Steady implies movement, where settle implies stuck. Our words-of-the-year help us stay focused and deflate the influence of expectations.

  Becky Berry and Diana Bader share their memories of  people who have influenced them over the course of their lives and whose words and actions continue to influence them. Random and simple acts can have a big influence on our lives. We may never know how what we say or do for other people impacts their lives. A smile or words of gratitude can change another person’s day, week, year, or life. The people who taught us invaluable skills also opened doors to experiences we could not imagine at the time. The influencers who showed us new perspectives changed how we looked at the world. The people who believed in us and stood up for us when we couldn’t handle a situation by ourselves impacted our lives for a lifetime even if we don’t realize it at the time. Influencers aren’t voices in our heads giving us opinions and telling us what we “should” do. True influencers hold up a mirror that reflects our best selves back to us. They see who we really are, accept us, and show us how we can become a little bit more

Becky and Diana discuss how our experiences give us a chance to grow as we move forward each day.  We get to choose what experiences we bring forward with us. We don’t have to resolve everything from our past. We can simply let go of some things. To determine if something is holding us back we can ask, “Is this serving who I am now?” Experiences only become negative when they impede our forward progress. Sometimes the biggest jerks are carrying the biggest loads and don’t know they can put it down. Can we give ourselves the same kind of relentless grace we give others? Feeling out of balance is a sign that we need to examine what we’re carrying around from our past. Blame and shame are default ways of thinking that make our experiences heavier than they need to be. We’re fighting our own nature and instincts when we let go of things. Our brains evolved to look for danger by responding to negative input. Meditating helps us fight against that instinct. If we keep moving forward, much of the junk we carry with

Diana Bader and Becky Berry talk about the pros and cons of letting things stick to us – including our ideas about life and death. It’s also an episode about letting go of the things that hold you back.  It’s good to examine the things that we hold on to tightly. Perhaps there are some we hold on to too tightly. Velcro is cool because it can be repositioned and reused – just like our experiences. We can find ourselves attached to other people’s expectations which can lead to our becoming detached from our true selves. We can tell we’re inappropriately attached to something when hanging on to it causes undue stress and hardship. Pretending we’re moving is a great way to get rid of things we’re no longer attached to without actually having to move! Sometimes we become so attached to ideas that we forget to re-assess them as our lives progress. When an attachment to an idea or outcome has us in its grasp, they become self-limiting. It’s important to get our attachments aligned with where we are in our lives rig

Diana and Becky discuss the importance of keeping our pasts in perspective. The title of our episode comes from William Shakespeare’s The Tempest.  We all were sea-swallow’d, though some cast again, And by that destiny to perform an act Whereof what’s past is prologue, what to come In yours and my discharge. The Tempest, act II, scene i, lines 248–54. Antonio is speaking.  We can’t move forward while hanging on to the past. “Before you grab onto the future, make sure you let go of the past.” – a Hallmark Christmas movie that Diana watched. The past is how we got here, how we deal with it is how we go forward. We can structure our future by structuring what comes before it – our plans. Our past sets up our future. The past isn’t the beginning or the end; it’s the middle.

Although they are occasionally distracted by the presence of a rare snow storm in Georgia, Becky and Diana take the time to talk about why they are committed to seizing the day and how they do it. When we are married to our personal agendas, we can miss out on the opportunities that are right in front of us. What we focus on we get. Leaving ourselves open to random moments and events allow shifts to happen. Seize The Day = Ride The Moment Break free from the stranglehold of expectations – both yours and other people’s. When we release tension by doing something fun or different, our ability to focus increases. We choose which way our life shifts. “When was the last time you did something for the first time?” - Darius Rucker https://youtu.be/GkZIF4mmztc  

  Becky and Diana talk about the critical importance of managing our energy, especially around the holidays.  We have to prepare ourselves for events and manage our energy accordingly. To operate at peak energy, we need to check our energy levels over the course of an event. We can leave an event or take a break if we feel our energy waning. It’s critical to find ways to replenish our energy that honors our energy profile and personality. Before we attend an event, we can check the language of the invitation for clues about the kind of energy we can expect from the event. Visualization is a great tool to protect ourselves from unwanted energy sucks. It’s critical to know how to take care of ourselves, then do it. After attending a bad event (an energy suck), we can release any negative by writing about it or talking to a friend.

  Becky and Diana discuss the feelings and emotions of feeling beat-up and reveal strategies for coping with those feelings.  Triggers can bring forgotten and buried things to the surface of our minds and force us to deal with them. Managing multiple expectations can leave us feeling exhausted. It is important to choose our battles. The Lack mindset and the Victim mentality go hand in hand. When we push through difficult things quickly instead of dealing with them, they will pop up again, maybe even in different ways. We have to go inside ourselves and slow down and deal with the yucky stuff. To thrive, we must learn to identify triggers that can pop up and leave us feeling beat-up. Mind/body connected activities, like yoga, help us make internal connections that heal our beat-up places.

Becky and Diana talk about the value of boundaries.  Boundaries give us a framework to move more smoothly through our lives. We set boundaries to guard ourselves against others and against ourselves!. When we don’t set boundaries we leave ourselves open to having our lives breached. Prioritizing what we do and how we do it is one strategy to create beneficial boundaries. Once we’ve compromised our own boundaries, it becomes easier to do it again. We can experience growth as we enforce our boundaries. Boundaries prevent burnout. Clearly stated boundaries can help manage conflict. Assigning value to your boundaries gives them more weight.  

Becky and Diana discuss 4 of their favorite communication frameworks and how becoming acquainted with them can help you navigate the Holidays. When we know more about how people communicate and how they receive communications everyone has a more enjoyable experience. The language in the explanations of each type also gives us clues about how to talk to various people.  DISC Styles D - Director: Makes sure everyone is doing their part and keeps things on track. I - Initiator: Keeps things fun. The social butterfly flying around the room. S - Relator: Keeper of the traditions, mediator, and connector. C - Analyzer: Makes sure nothing is forgotten.  Gretchen Rubin’s 4 Tendencies Rebel - They get there when they get there. Obliger - Give them specifics and they are there on time. Upholder - Will be there exactly on time. Questioners - Want to know why you want them there at that time.  5 Love Languages Words of Affirmation - Appreciate compliments and thank you notes. Acts of Service - Appreciate hel