Battle Red Radio

We waded through an entire offseason for yesterday. All those allergies, all that heat, and all these picnics while constantly living in disgusting comfortable air conditioning. It was well worth it as the Texans beat the Chiefs, on the road, 31-24, and move into the #2 seed. This is only partially true. Really, we didn’t wait months. We waited years for a game like this. All those gray hairs and former lovers bundled together and departed like swept floors into the dustbin just to finally see Watson be the one, on the field, victorious against a top team. On this episode of Battle Red Radio Diehard Chris and I discuss the Texans’ offensive game plan, is this the real Houston football team, how much we can take away from their rushing attack, why Patrick Mahomes and the Chiefs only scored 24 points, and the impact D.J. Reader and Charles Omenihu have had on the interior. Subscribe on iTunes here. Subscribe on Android/Google here. Subscribe/listen on Spotify here. Subscribe/listen on Stitcher here. Plea

Fat red marker. I remember you. Holding you last spring. Painting my calendar with your blood. Completely filling a square marked with a 13 in the corner. The top half of the wall hanging, a retro rendering of Zion National Park. October. Now we are here. It’s NFL week six. On this episode we argue about the Texans and Chiefs, discuss Christian McCaffrey going up against the NFL’s best run defense in the UK, how the San Francisco 49ers are the bizarro version of last year’s Los Angeles Rams, and if the Lions are good or not as they head to Green Bay for Monday Night Football. Let’s start the show. You can subscribe on Android/Google here. You can subscribe/listen on Spotify here. You can subscribe/listen on Stitcher here. Please subscribe and write a lovely review that gives us that FIVE stars out of FIVE rating we deserve. Keep that in mind when you download the episode this week. Thanks for staying awhile and listening. Enjoy the show while you do whatever it is that you do. Learn more about your ad c

The Texans have one of the league’s best young quarterbacks, or one of the best quarterbacks in the league, depending on who you ask, the league’s best wide receiver, a speed demon as the second wideout, solid third wide receiver options, competent tight ends, two good running backs, an offensive line they’ve invested three first round picks and two second round picks in. Against a crappy Falcons’ defense they scored...47 offensive points. GREAT. WOOO. YEAH. They talent curve finally intersected with the production curve. On this episode of Battle Red Radio, Matt and BFD discuss what the Texans improved on from last week: including the pass protection, the deep passing, route combinations, play action, Will Fuller’s emergence; Grady Jarrett’s play against Max Scharping, the Falcons’ offensive game plan, the Texans’ pass rush, and of course, your great reader/listener questions. Subscribe on iTunes here. Subscribe on Android/Google here. Subscribe/listen on Spotify here. Subscribe/listen on Stitcher here.

It’s Week 5 in the NFL. This week we discuss the litter box brawl between the Jaguars and Panthers, the eventual NFC South champion Buccaneers playing the Saints at home, the Cowboys trying to find their run game in Dallas against Green Bay, and a confusing Monday Night Football matchup between Cleveland and San Francisco. You can subscribe on iTunes here. You can subscribe on Android/Google here. You can subscribe/listen on Spotify here. You can subscribe/listen on Stitcher here. Please subscribe and write a lovely review that gives us that FIVE stars out of FIVE rating we deserve. Keep that in mind when you download the episode this week. Thanks for staying awhile and listening. Enjoy the show while you do whatever it is that you do. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

The Texans have one of the league’s best young quarterbacks or one of the best quarterbacks depending on who you ask, the league’s best wide receiver, a number two speed threat demon, solid third wide receiver options, competent tight ends, two good running backs, an offensive line they’ve invested three first round picks and two second round picks in, and against a defense that was missing two of its vital starters, they scored...ten points. Ten. That’s it. Ten. On this episode of Battle Red Radio, Matt and BFD discuss what happened to the Texans’ passing offense, why Deshaun Watson was sacked six times and hit ten times, if Houston’s defense was good or if it was masked by the three fumble recoveries, the defensive line and sack angles, Pro Bowl D.J. Reader, the secondary configuration, the future of the 2019 season, and of course, all your great reader/listener questions. You can subscribe on iTunes here. You can subscribe on Android/Google here. You can subscribe/listen on Spotify here. You can subs

My life is in shambles. Things that I love are dying. Make the leaves change colors. Spoon feed me pumpkin. Tell me it’s all going to be ok. Despite this, the football this weekend should be uplifting, no matter what’s going on inside. It’s J.J. Watt and Whitney Mercilus taking on a crappy tackle combination and a young quarterback who is making the easy open throws Cam Newton couldn’t make. It’s Baker Mayfield waltzing into pressure because he hates sitting and stepping up into the pocket against the Ravens murderous swarming horde of purple demons. It’s my Josh Allen, frontal lobeless and beautiful, playing 3-0 football against the evil empire—this of course is going to be wretched and break my heart. It’s Teddy Bridgewater and his gloves chewing food and putting it into Alvin Kamara’s mouth, hoping and wishing, he can carry the offense and outplay Dak Prescott’s newfound deep passing glory. You can subscribe on iTunes here. You can subscribe on Android/Google here. You can subscribe/listen on Spotify

Musty. Musty. Stinky. Stinky. Week three of the NFL season is underway after the Jaguars and Titans opened up their trench coat and flashed our great country, proving, once again, that the world is a miserable place and I can’t wait to die.  Despite this Thursday night showdown, there is some super fun football taking place. The Falcons will try to replicate a great week two defensive performance against Jacoby Brissett and checkdown nation. The Saints are playing NCAA football with two three star recruits switching around at the quarterback position. Will it work? Probably not. Cleveland is messy. The Rams are disciplined and execute every play correctly. A fun game on paper, should be kind of crappy once it gets going. And finally, it’s the young hot quarterback showdown you’ve been on your knees begging for. Lamar Jackson. Patrick Mahomes.  Let’s start the show.  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

The Jaguars choked on their own hair, gagging, yowling, and regurgitating a necrotic mash of green bile and split ends. They went all in on this season. Yet, they are now 0-2 after losing to the Houston Texans in a riveting, life-changing, 13-12 contest. Today’s topics include Whitney Mercilus’s resurgence, J.J. Watt v. Jawaan Taylor, the Jaguars’ offensive game plan, our favorite game (which Jaguars’ receiver is your favorite?), Gardner Minshew II and internet celebrity, Jalen Ramsey’s trade request, emo Deshaun Watson, Tytus Howard’s first start, and most importantly, your questions. You can subscribe on iTunes here. You can subscribe on Android/Google here. You can subscribe/listen on Spotify here. You can subscribe/listen on Stitcher here. Please subscribe and write a lovely review that gives us that FIVE stars out of FIVE rating we deserve. Keep that in mind when you download the episode this week. Thanks for staying awhile and listening. Enjoy the show while you do whatever it is that you do. Lea

It's week two of the NFL Season. Make the leaves change color. Let that wind tussle up your hair. It's: Texans-Jaguars, Raiders-Chiefs, Vikings-Packers, and Steelers-Seahawks that demand your attention.  Topics include, the Jaguars new quarterback Gardener Vishnu, if the Raiders are something more than awful, Kirk Cousins's stat line, the end of Mike Tomlin, and a quick Cowboys minute--yeeahaw.  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

For 23 seconds the Houston Texans had done the unthinkable, the improbable, the nearly impossible, they beat the New Orleans Saints. Then Drew Brees carried New Orleans down the field to attempt a buzzer beating 58 yard field goal attempt. Will Lutz rocked it. The Texans lost in an excruciating way, a way they’ve known all too well throughout the history of the franchise. Topics include: Deshaun Watson’s school of warlock and wizardry, why they had (borat voice) great success running the ball, the effect the Laremy Tunsil had on the offensive line, what was wrong with the Texans’ pass rush, how New Orleans attacked the Texans’ secondary, and some rational, intelligent, Aaron Colvin release, and Nick Martin extension analysis. You can subscribe on iTunes here. You can subscribe on Android/Google here. You can subscribe/listen on Spotify here. You can subscribe/listen on Stitcher here. Please subscribe and write a lovely review that gives us that FIVE stars out of FIVE rating we deserve. Keep that in min

Today is about finding that mood. Getting in that right head space for the Texans first regular season game against the New Orleans Saints. Here’s a checklist so you can feel how you should feel once that glorious ball goes soaring through an enclosed climate controlled environment: —Mix red liquid, your choice, a lot of ice, and everclear together. Sip and savor. Kill your insides. Spoil your already rotten liver. —Stop by Popeyes and grab a quart of red beans and rice. Do this before the red mixture. Don’t drink and drive. If you forget this I’m sure the gig economy has an app for you. —Read the Ignatius Reilly sections of A Confederacy of Dunces. Move back in with your mother. Complain about your valve. Curse Fortuna, that nebulous nymph. —Shoot as many alligators as you can in Red Dead Redemption Two. Just make sure not to walk into that cajun man’s shack. —And most importantly, listen to this version of Battle Red Radio. On this episode BFD and I broke down the Houston Texans matchup against the New

The 2019 NFL season begins today, and today is the day you can make all the predictions you want to, and then at the end of it, puff your chest out on those you nailed, and blame this and that and this and that when you were wrong. Hands have to be cut, blood has to be smeared onto rock tombs, ancients have to be called upon, and the bottom of the mug needs to be inspected. On this episode we clarify our division and wildcard winners, make our awards predictions, announce over/under locks, unleash some cute little predictions, and give our best bets for week one of the 2019 NFL Season. You can subscribe on iTunes here. You can subscribe on Android/Google here. You can subscribe/listen on Spotify here. You can subscribe/listen on Stitcher here. Please subscribe and write a lovely review that gives us that FIVE stars out of FIVE rating we deserve. Keep that in mind when you download the episode this week. Thanks for staying awhile and listening. Enjoy the show while you do whatever it is that you do. Lea

After previewing the Titans, Texans, and Colts, it’s finally time jag off. Your favorite NFL writer Rivers McCown, AFC South denizen, and author of the Jaguars chapter in the 2019 Football Outsiders Almanac, joined the podcast to preview the Jaguars 2019 season. We discussed: the biggest differences between Nick Foles and Blake Bortles, if the Jaguars were correct to move on from Bortles after last year’s horrible injury plagued season, what to expect from John DeFilippo’s offense, Jacksonville’s defensive projections, Ronnie Harrison lust, Calais Campbell admiration, and AFC South season predictions. You can subscribe on iTunes here. You can subscribe on Android/Google here. You can subscribe/listen on Spotify here. You can subscribe/listen on Stitcher here. Please subscribe and write a lovely review that gives us that FIVE stars out of FIVE rating we deserve. Keep that in mind when you download the episode this week. Thanks for staying awhile and listening. Enjoy the show while you do whatever it is

The aspens are yellowing, burning with orange, rusted in red. How odd life would be if you had made it from Elmira to Kansas City, but instead you cried the whole way punching the wheel home. 45-7. The Chargers are cowards. There’s an entire underworld of people who dress in gorilla costumes, paint their face black and white and hellish, put on Darth Vader masks, and ordain themselves in skulls that will soon be alone, all alone, with nowhere to go. On this episode, we take a look at the AFC West. We discuss if the Broncos can improve with Joe Flacco at quarterback, whether or not the nerds are right and the Chiefs’ offense will regress, and John Gruden mindhunting for quarterbacks. You can subscribe on iTunes here. You can subscribe on Android/Google here. You can subscribe/listen on Spotify here. You can subscribe/listen on Stitcher here. Please subscribe and write a lovely review that gives us that FIVE stars out of FIVE rating we deserve. Keep that in mind when you download the episode this week. Th

On this most glorious Sunday morning the man upstairs can wait. This morning Diehard Chris and I discussed the Jadeveon Clowney, Martinas Rankin, and Laremy Tunsil trades. Topics include: how this pass rush will perform in 2019 without Clowney, if this is the worst trade of all time, how the Texans got here with Clowney, Carlos Hyde’s whateverness, my broken heart now that Martinas Rankin and Julien Davenport have new homes, if this offensive line is revolutionized by the Laremy Tunsil trade, and our new Texans’ 2019 record predictions. You can subscribe on iTunes here. You can subscribe on Android/Google here. You can subscribe/listen on Spotify here. You can subscribe/listen on Stitcher here. Please subscribe and write a lovely review that gives us that FIVE stars out of FIVE rating we deserve. Keep that in mind when you download the episode this week. Thanks for staying awhile and listening. Enjoy the show while you do whatever it is that you do. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoice

Andrew Luck retired to take care of his future child and go camping in South America. Jacoby Brissett gets the chance to step on in and take the reigns of this deep and dependable pony. Jared from Stampede Blue comes on the podcast to preview the Colts 2019 season. We discuss the booing of Andrew Luck, if their offensive line can be even better, the Colts new skill position players, whether or not Chris Ballard had a good offseason, the unknown players who can surprise everyone this season, and most importantly, a 2019 season prediction. You can subscribe on iTunes here. You can subscribe on Android/Google here. You can subscribe/listen on Spotify here. You can subscribe/listen on Stitcher here. Please subscribe and write a lovely review that gives us that FIVE stars out of FIVE rating we deserve. Keep that in mind when you download the episode this week. Thanks for staying awhile and listening. Enjoy the show while you do whatever it is that you do. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoic

Bodymore Murderland is the type of thing you think is cool when you are watching online steams of television shows and dying to go back to college. Blaurgh, the Bengals will be a bile covered croissant of hair sliding down a scratchy tongue this year. Oh, expectations, never have them young man, for they will only lead to disappointment, more disappointment than any can ever take. Culture. Camaraderie. Pittsburgh Steelers football. On today’s episode we take a look at the AFC North. Will the Ravens’ offense be pushed a step forward by Greg Roman, the bright side of the 2019 Cincinnati Bengals, Cleveland’s expectations and strange projections, and the Steelers blew a 7-2 division leading record last year, are all examples of the topics to listen to on this episode. You can subscribe on iTunes here. You can subscribe on Android/Google here. You can subscribe/listen on Spotify here. You can subscribe/listen on Stitcher here. Please subscribe and write a lovely review that gives us that FIVE stars out of F

Crack my skull, yank out my tongue, and slam me through a table as long as you don’t slash my new Kiko Alonso jersey. Cover me in a white blazer with a pink highlighter under shirt and fill me up until I forget about the 2019 Miami Dolphins season. UNLEASH THE GUNPOWDAH—the Patriots are going to win this awful division again. Hit that air raid siren; it’s another Sam Darnold interception. It’s the east coast. It’s the AFC East. In this episode we discuss if Josh Allen and the Bills’ offense can even be below average, just how wretched the Dolphins can be and if Ryan Fitzpatrick will thwart those number one pick plans, what to expect from the New England Patriots’ title defense (yawn), and if Sam Darnold can be the 18th best quarterback in the second season of his career. The direct link is here. The embedded player is below. You can subscribe on iTunes here. You can subscribe on Android/Google here. You can subscribe/listen on Spotify here. You can subscribe/listen on Stitcher here. Please subscribe an

I felt blah about the Texans’ chances in 2019. The holes on the offensive line, secondary, and in the middle of their pass rush remained. The schedule is a cross country road trip that takes the Texans to all of the best passing offenses in the NFL, and Bill O’Brien is going to have to win games in a way he hasn’t really before. Then I talked to Seth Payne to preview the Texans’ 2019 season. I feel better now. You should too. On this episode he breaks down what he’s seen from the offensive line this summer, provides his insight on the Jadeveon Clowney situation, examines if there’s a mysterious pass rusher lurking around the front seven ready to break out this year, the importance of curiosity, what coverages Romeo Crennel will favor in 2019, if Watson can leap into the MVP discussion, and gives his prediction for how this season will play out. You can subscribe on iTunes here. You can subscribe on Android/Google here. You can subscribe/listen on Spotify here. You can subscribe/listen on Stitcher here.

Oh, Arizona, where the babies boil in their mother’s wombs. Nothing beats winter football in Los Angeles. A horde of transplants in beanies and tank tops are mashed together with tourists fresh from their spaceships. The 49ers don’t even play in San Francisco. Seattle is known for being an intelligent city bustling with technology and computers, and yet, their offense does the exact opposite of what the analytics say.  It’s the west coast. It’s the NFC West. For today’s show we discuss Kyler Murray being the size of a navy bean and whether this offense can work right away, if the Rams will actually regress this year after staving it off last year, if the numbers match the drapes and the 49ers improve after a disastrous unfortunate 2018, and Seattle’s quest for mediocrity.  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices