Dr Karin Love & Life

In this week’s episode, I’m super excited to share a BIG Love & Life announcement! Join me to be the first to hear the news! I also answer two listeners’ questions. “Ella” asks, “My boyfriend is from Venezuela and lives here under political asylum. We definitely experience some challenges due to our different cultural backgrounds. Also, he wants children and I don’t. I care for him deeply, but I’m not sure if I’m ‘in love.’” Given these realities, “Ella” wonders if their relationship can go the distance. The second question involves a man “Ginny” met on Plenty of Fish. After texting and calling for a while, he mentioned he’s been out of work due to Covid and asked her if she might be able to support him a bit. He’s from Norway so he doesn’t have family here to help him. She’s worried he might be out to take advantage of her—if he’s really who he says he is in the first place!

Growing up I used to ask my mom, “How will I know when I’ve met the right guy?” She replied with the answer so many of us heard, “You’ll just know.” But HOW do we “just know”? Will our hearts lead us in the right direction? What if our heart says, “Yes” but our head says, “No!” And, considering I almost married the wrong person (I called off my first engagement 2 months before the wedding #runawaybride), I apparently didn’t “just know.” That being said, I now have a unique vantage point—having been engaged to the wrong person and then engaged to the right one! To further explore this question, Dan joins me to discuss how we knew we were right for each other. We also examine psychologist Dr. Robert Sternberg’s Triangle Theory of Love which provides the most comprehensive model of what Sternberg calls “Consummate Love” and what others call “the total package.” We wrap up the program answering a listener’s question about being ghosted by her boyfriend. Should she reach out? They’d had “the talk” about

We’re all navigating uncharted waters—trying to stay physically safe and emotionally sound in the midst of a global pandemic. Psychotherapist Kate Lambie, LCPC, joins me to unpack six simple strategies for managing our mindset and maintaining our psychological wellbeing during Covid-19. We discuss 6 “Gs” (grounded in psych research and psychotherapeutic techniques) we can implement today to think and feel better NOW despite the uncertainty of these unprecedented circumstances! At the end of the program, I answer a listener’s question about dating standards—should they remain the same during this Coronavirus pandemic?

Most characteristics of depression—sadness, feelings of worthlessness, anhedonia—though undesirable, are fairly straightforward. But according to clinical psychologist, Dr. Margaret Robinson Rutherford, sometimes depression hides. In her book, Perfectly Hidden Depression: How to Break Free from the Perfectionism that Masks Your Depression, Dr. Rutherford describes the underlying depression beneath many people’s perfectionism. According to Dr. Rutherford, deep-seated depressive symptoms such as shame and worthlessness often fuel and sustain the drive for perfection. Those with Perfectly Hidden Depression (PHD) feel many things—pressure, worry, self-reproach—but they don’t feel depressed. PHD isn’t obvious—to them or anyone around them—which is why it’s perfectly hidden. Join us to better understand Perfectly Hidden Depression, bring it to light, and find healing.

It’s time for another Love & Life Q&A! This week I address the following questions:1. “Hannah” met a guy about 2 months ago. Everything was going great and then all of a sudden, he stopped calling her every night and he texted less frequently. Finally, she called him and their conversation felt very awkward. Since then, he hasn’t contacted her and he’s not active on social media. Now she wonders what happened and if she should call one more time to see if he’s okay.2. “Tanya” was dating her bf for 7 months. He recently broke up with her because he felt he needed to focus on himself—he has Bipolar with mixed features and he now suspects he may have PTSD. Tanya has Generalized Anxiety Disorder and due to the breakup, she can’t eat or sleep, and has been feeling increased anxiety. Her psychiatrist prescribed a mood stabilizer and has now diagnosed her with ADD and Bipolar II. Two things concerned her about the Bipolar diagnosis—1) she’d watched an IGTV in which I discussed Bipolar II a

We’re living in an unpredictable and unprecedented time—in the midst of a global pandemic. No one knows what to think, or what to feel, or what to do. But we can navigate these uncharted waters by managing our mindset. To help us do so, I’ve invited mindset coach, Leisse Wilcox to the program. Leisse and I discuss:How to make radical shifts in your mindset and life—even during these chaotic times!Why we need to “feel it” to “heal it.”Challenges and the opportunities they hold!Why our mind wants us to stay negative—and how to tackle this.The power of “zooming out.”How anxiety and depression serve to protect us (despite the fact they’re undesirable).Masculine and feminine energy as they relate to sheltering in place.Tangible strategies for saving your marriage during this time—should it need saving.Bonus content: How to talk to our kids about the pandemic (wisdom from a former Montessori teacherLeisse puts it this way, “Whenever you feel you don’t have control of anything, remind yourself, ‘I actually alwa

We’ve entered an unprecedented era—one for which none of us could have been prepared. Surging Covid-19 diagnoses and mandated social distancing heighten fear, stoke anxiety, and exacerbate loneliness and isolation. In our “new normal” we feel helpless—frankly, no one knows just what to do. So we do what we can, by sharing support in any way we’re able. Today on Love & Life, I highlight past episodes with supportive content for tackling anxiety and negative thinking. In the coming weeks, I’ll be posting additional podcast episodes featuring anxiety and mindset experts to help us manage the emotional vicissitudes of this uncertain time. Please join me on Instagram at @dr.karin where I’m hosting a weekly “Girls Night In” each Friday and additional Insta Lives to help us remain connected in the midst of social distancing. I’m here for you. Keep the faith. We’re all in this together. Music provided by HearWeGoArtist: Serein Title: ReconcileListen on YouTube: https://youtu.be/9WrfveQT2DY

What can Netflix’s Love is Blind teach us about our own relationships? SO much! In this final Love is Blind bonus episode, UK Dating Coach of the Year, Ané Auret, and I share the lessons we can all learn by analyzing the couples’ dynamics. We delve into:- Why Jessica saw Mark’s emotional availability as a “red flag.”- How sabotaging relationships—as several couples did—can be viewed as self-protection.- Why our heartaches, though painful, are never wasted!- The importance of feeling emotionally safe in our relationships—and how the lack thereof fueled - - Giannina and Damian’s fight on the boat in Cancun.- Is love at first sight possible? Or, as with Lauren and Cameron, love before first sight?- Why timing is everything.So many of us resonate with Love is Blind and see ourselves in the couples and their struggles. It’s an underlying theme of the show—and a truism of all relationships—we must embark upon self-understanding and introspection so as to enjoy healthy, fulfilling love!

According to the 2018 U.S. Census Bureau, 19.5 million children (more than 1 in 4) live without a father in the home. These children are 47% more likely to grow up in poverty. Sadly, in addition to financial hardships, fatherless children suffer socially, emotionally and academically. Conversely, psych research demonstrates the myriad benefits of a consistent and close father/child relationship—boys evidence fewer behavior problems and girls are less likely to engage in risky sexual behavior. Clearly, dads matter! To further explore the importance of fathers—both in the lives of their children and for society at large—I invited Emily Hibard, writer, director, and producer of The Honor Project documentary, to the program. In our conversation, we cover:- The inspiration for a documentary about good guys being great dads!- What Emily has noted when working with women in the sex industry as it pertains to their relationships with their fathers. - The reality that honoring fathers does NOT take away from mo

After 21 years of dating, serial monogamy, breakups, and periods of feeling miserably alone, Leslie Kaz was over it! Tired of what she calls “The Endless Search” for a man, Leslie decided to take a 6 month break from dating. During those 6 months, Leslie completely redefined herself and her life—so much so, that she abandoned “The Endless Search” and stepped into a brand new way of living! She shares her philosophy in her book, Single Girl Bliss: How to Stop Feeling Alone and Start Feeling Alive. In our conversation, Leslie and I talk about:· The lies we tell ourselves that make us miserable—and how to tackle them!· What it means to be alone—and how to manage it emotionally.· How to choose a partner (should you decide to choose one) from a position of strength!· What saved her in her darkest hour (I promise, you’ll never guess what it was!)· The power of how we present ourselves—and our single life—to others.· How to create new, empowering—and TRUE—beliefs about b

If you’re interested in dating, relationships, love, and marriage you’re likely caught up in the Love is Blind hype! So am I! In part 2 of my response to the series, Kate Lambie, LCPC, provides a psychotherapist’s perspective on the experiment and the couples’ relationships. Join us as we dish on:· How connecting in the pods amplified their vulnerability—in this age of fast paced swiping, maybe we should all start dating in pods!· Leaving the pods engaged—the impact of moving so quickly!· Kelly’s dilemma: She wanted to fall for Kenny, but ultimately couldn’t. How do we know if we’re emotionally unavailable to partners who are good for us?· Mark’s dilemma: When to fight for a relationship, and when to give your partner a little space—what therapists call Approach/Avoidance dynamics.· Giannina’s dilemma: Four things we must NOT do if we hope our relationship will go the distance! Kate shares research from psychologists John and Julie Gottman that can help ALL of us protect our healthy relation

The hottest new Netflix series, Love is Blind, touches on a myriad of Love & Life themes i.e. attraction, intimacy, dating, relationships, engagement, and marriage. Obviously, I had to weigh in! What does psych research have to say about this “experiment?” Is it actually possible to fall in love without laying eyes on each other? Even if a bond forms, will it survive in the real world? My husband, Dan, joins me (because despite his initial skepticism, I got him hooked on the series, too) to hash out these questions and delve into the following:· Gender differences and attraction.· The role of scent in attraction—specifically how scent was absent when participants were in the pods!· How much is too much? Should Carlton have told Diamond about his past? We discuss what we share in our marriage (and what we don’t!) about our past.Every once in a while, a TV show captures worldwide attention AND provides compelling material for discussing the psychology of dating, love, and marriage. With SO much

During Lent, many people give up things to create space for contemplation, prayer, or to break a bad habit. One year, Kacie Main decided to give up men! Why? As she explains in her book, I Gave Up Men for Lent, “By most definitions, I lived a social, fulfilling life. I had a good job, great friends, and a solid family. Aside from the 30-something-and-single combination, my life was picture perfect. But that was just a filter, like how the right Instagram filter can hide the circles under your eyes. The unfiltered me was restless, uninspired, uncomfortable. Something had to change—a drunken make-out with my not-single good friend was the straw that broke the camel’s back. So, I gave up men for Lent—a 40 day cleanse in an attempt to figure out why I felt unhappy in my happy life.”Kacie and I discuss how to:· Discover yourself apart from your relationships.· Handle shame and regret.· Make choices for yourself—even when your family pushes back i.e. what developmental psychologists call “individuate” f

Every couple quarrels from time to time. But according to psychiatrists Dr. Phillip Lee and Dr. Diane Rudolph, arguments can become addictive! In their book, Argument Addiction: Even When You Win, You Lose, Dr. Lee and Dr. Rudolph explain how with some couples, heated conflicts, (just as addictions) serve to “make life more tolerable” by distancing them from deep wounds of rejection, frustration, and despair. Yet, as with any addiction, these ultimately prove horribly destructive. But, there is hope! Join us as Dr. Lee shares wisdom from his 30 years as co-head of Marital Therapy at Weill Cornell Medical Center. Learn the subtext beneath every marital spat along with hacks for how to readily dismantle damaging communication patterns—even if these dynamics have been in place for years!

We hear it all the time, “If you don’t love yourself, you’ll never be able to truly love anyone else.” Of course, it’s true. But where’s the owner’s manual for self love? How do we love ourselves when we don’t always feel particularly lovable? Or when the abuse and trauma we endured in childhood causes us to feel unworthy? Or when we’ve been through so much pain and heartache, our sense of self feels obliterated? Author and dating coach, Jonathon Aslay, believes the number one emotional health issue facing singles today is a deep lack of self worth and self love. Join us as Jonathon shares practical strategies for developing authentic self love (and a deeper love for others!) from his book What the Heck is Self Love, Anyway?Dr. Karin’s Website: http://www.loveandlifemedia.com/ Jonathon’s Website: http://www.jonathonaslay.com/What the Heck is Self Love, Anyway?: https://www.amazon.com/What-Self-Love-Anyway-Jonathon-Aslay/dp/1092498397

Words are powerful. Sometimes, it’s that one phrase, that bit of encouragement, or that motivational quote—reminding us we CAN make it through the dark days and we CAN find our joy again! Because there will be dark days. They’re part of life; we can’t avoid pain, but we can dig deep. We can persevere! As Tracey Janowitz puts it, “Life is sweaty. Work it out.” Tracey created her apparel line, SweatySwag, in the wake of grief and struggles. In this third segment of our Women Making it Happen in Their Careers series, hear how Tracey took her pain and turned it into an inspiring brand encouraging women to believe in themselves, know their worth, and remember that when life gets sweaty, they can work it out!

We say it every week on Love & Life, “Take charge of your thoughts, take charge of your life!” And, we touch on strategies for doing so in almost every episode. But this week, I wanted to devote the entire conversation to negative thoughts—and what we can do about them! Psychotherapist Kate Lambie, LCPC, joins me to share therapeutic techniques from ACT (Acceptance and Commitment Therapy). Join us to learn the counterintuitive process of accepting negative thoughts in order to move through them!

Recently a listener asked me, “What if subconscious beliefs are affecting my love life and I don’t even know it?” Great question! Our beliefs—even those we’re unaware of—absolutely impact our relationships in profound ways. To explore this topic in depth—and to examine how beliefs affect couples, too—I’ve invited marriage therapist, Elliott Anderson, M.A. (aka my brother), to share what he’s learned from 30 years of working with couples. Join us to delve into:· How our negative beliefs about relationships can inadvertently manifest exactly what we fear!· The power in identifying the meaning beneath beliefs, and how to reframe this meaning in a positive direction.· The importance of examining beliefs passed down from our family of origin—and how our single adult years facilitate this process.· Why we MUST keep our standards high in dating and in marriage!· What to do if we don’t truly believe we’re worthy of love.· How a therapist’s belief in a couple’s potential provides hope and emboldens the

Happiness—it’s about doing all the fantastic, fulfilling, fabulous things, right? Or maybe, it’s about NOT doing all the fantastic, fulfilling, fabulous things! As a thirtysomething writer and podcast host living in Manhattan, Jacqueline Raposo had fantastic friends, a fulfilling career, and she lived in a most fabulous city. And sure, she felt happy-ish, but something was amiss. In a counterintuitive move, Jacqueline decided her malaise might best be addressed by eliminating some of the things. Throughout the next year, she removed elements from her life for designated periods of time e.g. social media, sugar, shopping, negative thoughts, waste. What started as a personal quest for clarity morphed into a book, The Me Without: A Year Exploring Habit, Healing and Happiness. Join us to hear what Jacqueline learned by living without!

It’s easy to get discouraged if we’re single and we don’t want to be. We worry we’re wasting time—time we could be building into a fantastic marriage. But science shows we can actually work on our future marriage while we’re still single! Join Dan and me as we share psych research from Tara Parker Pope’s book, For Better: How the Surprising Science of Happy Couples Can Help Your Marriage Succeed. We dish on the following research-based strategies:· How keeping your standards high when you’re single sets you up for a stellar marriage!· Why communication is not necessarily the key.· Habits—establishing good ones and avoiding bad ones.· Sex, sex, and more sex.· The importance of creating excitement.· How the emotional work you do as a single adult prepares you to be a better, more loving spouse once you do get married.Even if you’re single for much longer than you hoped to be (as I was), know that no experience is ever wasted! Take a listen to learn tangible steps you can take today to build a