Dr Karin Love & Life

All of us face loneliness. We need to acknowledge and move through loneliness to be empowered and encouraged in our relationships. Last week I gave a message on loneliness at Judson University and we wanted to share it with you. There are three universal circumstances that automatically generate loneliness. I used the acronym TFL (tackle for loss for you football fans) for these 3 life conditions: Transitions Fear Loss Loneliness is inherent to these 3 conditions and therefore, it's an unavoidable aspect of life; but we can abate it and even make peace with it. Loneliness is especially challenging during Valentine's week—whether we're single and wishing we weren't or we're feeling lonely in the context of our romantic relationship. Our team at Love and Life and the Love & Life community are here to help you throughout Valentine’s and beyond! Elliott Anderson Work with Elliott, Books, & More: https://linktr.ee/pastorelliottanderson Dr. Karin Website: http://loveandlifemedia.com/ Empowe

For this week’s episode I wanted to share my recent appearance on “Perspective of the Mind or how to get unstuck when you feel stuck with Diyana Dimitrova”. In this episode we cover: What does it mean healthy and unhealthy relationship? Why so many people are in unhealthy relationships? How to recognize a deal breaker from the normal ups and downs in a relationship? How can we cope with fear of loneliness?  Please considering checking out Diyana’s podcast here: https://anchor.fm/diyana-dimitrova Dr. Karin Website: http://loveandlifemedia.com/ Empowered Dating Playbook: smarturl.it/EmpoweredDatingBook Instagram: @dr.karin Single is the New Black: Audiobook Audible: smarturl.it/SITNB-Audible iTunes: smarturl.it/SITNB-iTunes --- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/love-and-life-media/support

Boomers, Gen Xers and Millennials remember a world without social media and cell phones but for Gen Z, technology has always been a ubiquitous part of their existence. So, I was curious as to how Gen Z would respond to our series on technology and relationships. Do they have any similar frustrations? What do they make of the modern dating landscape as it relates to technology? How are their friendships impacted? Do they feel technology’s influence on their mental health? Former Love & Life guest and my BFF, Miriam Conner, said her daughter, Callie, had listened to our series and had some thoughts she was willing to share. Join us for a Gen Zer’s response to phones, technology, and relationships. Callie and I cover the questions above and more! https://www.therobinreport.com/a-growing-segment-of-gen-z-is-so-over-social-media/ https://flatheadbeacon.com/2022/12/23/the-luddite-club/ Dr. Karin Website: http://loveandlifemedia.com/ Empowered Dating Playbook: smarturl.it/EmpoweredDatingBook Instagram: @d

When did you last spend time with someone without a phone in your hand or on the table? It’s probably been a while . . . And while phones absolutely enhance our lives and provide the ability to connect with people across the globe, they can also detract from our IRL relationships. In today’s episode, Elliott and I continue our conversation on phones and relationships by considering the following question:  Does social media make you happy? We explore the following and much more! Does “technopherence” create barriers in your relationships? Are you having an emotional affair with your phone? Are you guilty of phubbing? How “intimate” are social media connections? How do attachment styles intersect with social media usage? When do you pull out your phone—and more importantly, why? Elliott’s ABCs of relationships and phones. PLUS learn Elliott’s step-by-step plan for enhancing intimacy by creating the necessary structure around social media/phone usage! Elliott Anderson Work with Elliott, Books,

When you’re with your friends, how long can you make it before one of you pulls out your phone? You’re just responding to texts, of course, or, maybe checking the likes from your last post. Most of us do it all day every day. But research shows jumping onto social media when you’re with friends IRL may have a detrimental impact on your connection. There’s even a newish term for this,“technopherence”– technology based interference. And specifically, when “technopherence” disrupts your time with friends, it’s called “phubbing” – “snubbing [friends] in order to focus your attention on your phone” (Degges-White, 2022). To continue our series on Phones and Relationships, my BFF and Love & Life alum, Miriam Conner, joins me to discuss how we can remain present with our friends and cultivate deep intimacy despite the ubiquity of technology. Join us to hear the research and learn 3 key tips for managing phones and friendships! Citation: https://www.nydailynews.com/entertainment/jennifer-aniston-friends-bust-than

“It’s like there are four people in your relationship—you, your partner, and your two phones.” – Elliott Anderson, M.A. Is your phone impacting your ability to cultivate deep, authentic intimacy? Probably so! Thanks to the phones in our pockets, we’re able to distract ourselves 24/7—from boredom, loneliness, or any uncomfortable emotion. But what about when our relationship with our phone trumps our relationship with our significant other? Join us for a discussion around the very real difficulties couples face when trying to balance relationships with technology and their relationship with their partner. Spending hours on your phone may absolutely be sabotaging your efforts to cultivate authentic and lasting intimacy. Elliott Anderson Work with Elliott, Books, & More: https://linktr.ee/pastorelliottanderson Dr. Karin Website: http://loveandlifemedia.com/ Empowered Dating Playbook: smarturl.it/EmpoweredDatingBook Instagram: @dr.karin Single is the New Black: Audiobook Audible: smarturl.it/SITNB-Aud

It’s the most wonderful time of the year! At least, that’s the fantasy . . . We imagine warm, loving family gatherings—breaking bread, sharing hopes and dreams. Grandparents regaling us with tales of Christmas past. Toddlers and teens giving us a glimpse into Christmas future. But all too often the warm, loving gathering is neither—it’s cold and combative. Breaking bread breaks hearts as we war over politics, religion, and COVID policies. Grandparents’ stories can’t compete with TikTok. Toddlers throw tantrums while teens remain glued too screens. Elliott and I discuss common struggles families face when gathering for the holidays. Join us for practical strategies grounded in Family Systems Theory to manage family conflict at Christmas—or any time! Elliott Anderson Work with Elliott, Books, & More: https://linktr.ee/pastorelliottanderson Dr. Karin Website: http://loveandlifemedia.com/ Empowered Dating Playbook: smarturl.it/EmpoweredDatingBook Instagram: @dr.karin Single is the New Black: Audiobook Audible

Is your relationship plagued by constant frustrations and arguments? If so, it’s possible power struggles are at the root of your disagreements. In today’s episode, psychotherapist and pastor, Elliott Anderson, M.A., and I continue our conversation on conflict styles by examining power struggles. If you haven’t had the chance to listen to parts 1 and 2 of this discussion, please jump back to episodes 220 and 221 of Love & Life so you’ll understand all these animals we’re talking about! During his 30 years of counseling couples, Elliott has used the Thomas-Kilmann Conflict Style model, which compares the way we negotiate conflict to the ways animals behave and respond. Take the assessment in the link below to find out which animal you are! As we delved into conflict, the theme of power kept emerging because, of course, so much of the dissension we experience in relationships is due to power struggles. Join us to learn how to negotiate power—and conflict!—in your relationships! Conflict Style Framework Lin

If you have siblings, you likely fought with them about anything and everything! They were your first sparring partners. And, through them—and interactions with parents and friends, too—you developed your conflict style. (For more on conflict styles, check out part 1 of this series, ep. 220 of Love & Life.) Elliott and I continue our discussion on conflict negotiations in romantic partnership by examining the influence of our temperament, birth order, and our family of origin’s (unwritten) rules regarding conflict resolution. I ask Elliott to share examples from his over 30 years of counseling couples—which he does. But he also analyzes Dan and me! Elliott Anderson Work with Elliott, Books, & More: https://linktr.ee/pastorelliottanderson Dr. Karin Website: http://loveandlifemedia.com/ Empowered Dating Playbook: smarturl.it/EmpoweredDatingBook Instagram: @dr.karin Single is the New Black: Audiobook Audible: smarturl.it/SITNB-Audible iTunes: smarturl.it/SITNB-iTunes --- Send in a voice message: htt

Conflict is inherent to every relationship. And though many of us regard conflict as problematic and prefer to avoid it, we don’t actually have to perceive it as negative. In fact, when we negotiate conflict, we deepen intimacy and authentic connection. That being said, it’s MUCH easier to negotiate conflict if we have a solid understanding of how we tend to respond when dealing with it. Join Elliott and me as we discuss Thomas–Kilmann’s conflict style framework—a model Elliott has used with couples for over 30 years. Discover your conflict style and learn how to move through disputations with your partner! Spoiler alert:  Elliott and I get personal in this episode—sharing our own conflict styles and how we respond when disagreeing with our spouses. Conflict Style Framework Link: Thomas-Kilmann Assessment Test Elliott Anderson Work with Elliott, Books, & More: https://linktr.ee/pastorelliottanderson Dr. Karin Website: http://loveandlifemedia.com/ Empowered Dating Playbook: smarturl.it/EmpoweredDat

Do you feel judged for your financial choices?  If you’re single, you’ve likely experienced single shaming.  And, you probably have also experienced shaming around your financial situation. Single shaming and finances are a thing.  Emily Burnett should know.  In her twenties, she was $50,000 in debt.  She felt the shame.  Then, she pulled herself out of debt and she now helps others create a plan to move from financial shackles to financial freedom!  We delve into the following:  The freedom inherent to financial discipline.  The fact that you’re on a budget—whether or not you’re aware of it.  How to ditch the guilt around spending!  How women can validate our own financial choices.  The importance of creating boundaries around finances.  How to get support!  Emily is offering a free masterclass—Budgeting That Doesn’t Feel Like a Chore: Make 2023 Your Best Year Yet. 3 Simple Steps for Changing Your Money and Your Life—For Good. Si

We wrapped up our recent Love & Life Live by answering questions from both our Instagram viewers and in-person audience. Elliott and I shared our thoughts on the following questions: What is an appropriate pacing for a relationship? Butterflies—are we looking for them? Or, is it better to go for that calm feeling? How can I know his or her intentions? How do I know if my attraction is healthy or if I’m attracted to people who aren’t good for me due to a trauma bond? How can we deal with conflict in our relationship when we both try to avoid confrontation at all costs? These are very common and important questions; we hope our discussion will help you on your journey to deep, authentic intimacy! Elliott Anderson Work with Elliott, Books, & More: https://linktr.ee/pastorelliottanderson Dr. Karin Website: http://loveandlifemedia.com/ Empowered Dating Playbook: smarturl.it/EmpoweredDatingBook Instagram: @dr.karin Single is the New Black: Audiobook Audible: smarturl.it/SITNB-Audible iTunes: smartu

In this second part of our recent Love & Life Live, psychotherapist Elliott Anderson and I continue our conversation on how to cultivate deep, authentic, emotionally healthy intimacy. Specifically, we tackle the following: 10 Warning Signs in Relationships. 10 Environmental Contexts and Concerns. 10 Family of Origin Dynamics to Observe and Discuss. 4 Non-negotiable Dealbreakers! Yes, love is a mystery, but we can take some of the confusion out of it by keeping our head in the game! Elliott—along with his over 30 years of experience working with couples—is here to help! Elliott Anderson Work with Elliott, Books, & More: https://linktr.ee/pastorelliottanderson Dr. Karin Website: http://loveandlifemedia.com/ Empowered Dating Playbook: smarturl.it/EmpoweredDatingBook Instagram: @dr.karin Single is the New Black: Audiobook Audible: smarturl.it/SITNB-Audible iTunes: smarturl.it/SITNB-iTunes --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/love-and-life-media/message

It’s time for another Love & Life Live! Psychotherapist Elliott Anderson invited me to join him at Judson University last week in his Interpersonal Relationships class. In part 1 of the live, we delve into: The characteristics of authentic intimate relationships. The characteristics of intimate conversations. Healthy, appropriate pacing in friendship development. The characteristics of long-term romantic relationships. The weaknesses in connection that create relationship uncertainty. Find out if your relationship has what it takes to go the distance in part 1 of our latest Love & Life Live!  Elliott Anderson  Work with Elliott, Books, & More: https://linktr.ee/pastorelliottanderson  Dr. Karin  Website: http://loveandlifemedia.com/  Empowered Dating Playbook: smarturl.it/EmpoweredDatingBook  Instagram: @dr.karin Single is the New Black:  Audiobook Audible: smarturl.it/SITNB-Audible  iTunes: smarturl.it/SITNB-iTunes

Kara and I are back with an Instagram Live to talk about how to date empowered! In today’s live we cover these realities and MORE! Why you shouldn’t ask a man, “What are we? Where is this going?” Why the men you don’t like seem to always pursue you! The difference between red flags and deal breakers. Why emotional maturity is the goal—we bring it to the table when we’re dating and we have every right to expect it! How traditional masculine/feminine dynamics empower WOMEN! Join us to learn how to stop giving away your power in dating and relationships! Kara Adams Website: https://www.thefabkara.com/ Dr. Karin Website: http://loveandlifemedia.com/ Empowered Dating Playbook: smarturl.it/EmpoweredDatingBook Instagram: @dr.karin Single is the New Black: Audiobook Audible: smarturl.it/SITNB-Audible iTunes: smarturl.it/SITNB-iTunes

If you’ve ever wondered if you have “daddy issues” or been curious as to how your relationship with your father influences the men you choose and the dynamics you experience in relationships, this episode is for you!  Psychotherapist Elliott Anderson and I take a deep dive into how father wounds show up in our romantic relationships—and most importantly, how we can heal these wounds so as to avoid repeating painful patterns.  Elliott and I discuss: The two main ways father wounds play out with the couples Elliott counsels. How psychotherapy can heal a father wound in unique and profound ways. The importance of forgiving our fathers. The tension between being drawn to someone who’s good for us vs. feeling like we’re settling. Why dating a “fixer upper” never works! Elliott also talks about his new book, Simon Says: Principles and Perspectives from Dr. Simon V. Anderson.  Simon Says shares the abundant wisdom of our father and the profound and enduring impact he had on his children and co

Elliott is back to answer your questions about cultivating healthy, happy relationships! We address the following questions you posed on Instagram: 1.     Which is more important—personality or looks? 2.     You two make me happy. What are your signs? 3.     Are you twins? 4.     I just started a new relationship. What are some of the things we can do to know if this is it? Neither of us has been in a relationship this healthy before. Join us to hear our thoughts on these questions. Also, Elliott goes into depth regarding our sibling bond—including the contentious years! https://www.loveandlifemedia.com/podcast/episode/25f6a348/how-to-build-deep-romantic-intimacy-love-and-life-live-at-judson-university-with-elliott-anderson-ma-ep-186 Elliott Anderson Work with Elliott, Books, Instagram, & More: https://linktr.ee/pastorelliottanderson Dr. Karin Website: http://loveandlifemedia.com/ Empowered Dating Playbook: smarturl.it/EmpoweredDatingBook Instagram: @dr.karin Sing

Unpopular opinion:  Relationships shouldn’t be all that hard. It’s an unpopular opinion because the rhetoric around relationships is that they’re so incredibly difficult; you just gotta dig in and not give up. And yes, once we’ve committed—when we’re married, and we’ve taken vows, and there might be children involved, of course I believe in persevering and sticking with it. As we move through struggles we can—and do—deepen our intimacy. We can emerge stronger after a period of difficulty. So, this isn’t about bailing out the moment things get tough. Rather, I’m talking about the relationship phase of dating—when, as we talk about a lot on Love & Life—we’re gathering information about our partner and determining if we’re a fit. And, what often happens, and what I ended up doing myself at times—we make the mistake of committing too much in the exclusive phase. i.e. we act like we’re married when we’re not married. We keep sticking with a relationship that’s not working and try soooooo hard to make it w

We’ve all heard, “You are what you eat.” But what about, “You FEEL what you eat”? Put another way, how much of Americans’ struggle with depression and anxiety is due to our diet? To tackle this question, I’ve invited Functional Medicine Health Coach Amanda Jones to the program. In our conversation, Amanda and I take issue with the Standard American Diet and Western Medicine’s conventional approach. Specifically, we ask: Is minimizing symptoms and slowing down disease progression the best we can do? Why do we look for sustainability and root causes in various social and environmental domains, but when it comes to healthcare, we still just treat symptoms instead of discovering the origins of a problem? Why don’t we pay enough attention to drugs’ side effects? Are uncomfortable and painful symptoms actually a gift? What if a runny nose and high fever are an indication our body is healing itself and our immune system is working well? Can we really expect to heal if we make no changes to our diet and li

If you’ve been on the dating scene for a while, you’re probably weary of online and app dating. I hear the same thing when I interact with singles in my community. I get it. I wasn’t a fan myself. It was incredibly time intensive and I didn’t like the feelings that came up for me. For this reason, I devoted an entire chapter of my book, Single is the New Black: Don’t Wear White ‘til it’s Right, to online and app dating i.e. it’s okay—and actually, healthy!—to take a break from it from time to time. But if we hop offline, how will we ever meet people? This is exactly why Melissa New started IYKYK Dating—for those who are sick of swiping, and specifically for Christians who want to meet others who share their faith and values. Join us to learn how IYKYK Dating can come to YOUR town! Sources: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/contemporary-psychoanalysis-in-action/201707/sick-online-dating Melissa New of IYKYK Dating Website: https://iykykdatingmixers.com/ Instagram: @iykyk.dating Dr. Karin Website: