Zoe Nightingale

My mother and I continue to fall down the rabbit hole further and further. I woke up Day 1, and found out that my mother and aunt Peggles were already out dancing at District. District is the craziness most bananas day party where various creatures of all shapes sizes and colors crawl out of their make shift homes and get grimy on the dance floor. I show up and where is my family, but at the very top of the three story dance floor, dancing with nekid super cute young men. I mean duh. I got it from my momma i guess. Anyway, in a flash she was off, on her own adventures, and coming back to camp with wild stories of wanton abandon. I HAVE NEVER BEEN PROUDER IN MY LIFE I LOVE YOU MOM. Your bravery, openness and willingness to challenge yourself has always given me such pride. May we all learn to conquer our fears and doubt with such grace. I am still very much learning to tackle mine. Music: I feel Free: Cream Editor: audio god David Herman. I LOVE YOU DAVID. This photo was taken at my Bat Mitzvah where I was bei

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Question: What happens when you take 5 east coast super jews whose idea of camping includes 4,000 Egyptian sateen blend sheets and a penchant for obsessing over food, logistics, weather and being on time and leave them helpless to fend for themselves in a desert populated with 70,000 insane asylum escapees with only ME as their way finder? MAGIC BABY. I have been plotting for this moment basically my whole life. I have always been different, always been the fly in my families ointment. While they love me, they’ve never really understood what the deviled egg I was ever wearing, saying, doing. My resistance to getting a “real job” my failure to get a masters. My insistence on spending my life traveling like dandelion spore in the wind. While they have always supported me, they have always questioned me, rolled their eyes and muttered old yiddish expressions under their breath whenever I would tell them about my newest adventure business idea or travel plans. We have always been incredibly close, but as the year

Bonus episode! Just a really silly bonus episode I wasn't going to air, but I had to take a sledgehammer to my first burning man episode I had created and start from scratch due to a combination of my total incompetence and a tired mac book air that gave out on me last night. Anyone wanna donate a computer to the you're welcome team? Fuck. My best friend Ben who came to burning man with me and my family explaining his lowest point. Excuse my cackle laughter, he makes me laugh so much and we had been at the burn for four days and I had been screaming for days and days while inhaling gallons of toxic prehistoric battery acid dust that had destroyed my previous vocal cords. (he's the one in the silly hat) He does bring up a good point however. Where does all this shame come from?

Why is it such a bad thing to want to fuck mothers? How is it possible that I still live in a world where I can't call my friends (who I assure you ARE) motherfuckers, on festive party buttons and stickers? How am I supposed to plan bachelor parties and baby showers for my male friends if my freedom of speech is shat upon by this amish minded company? How am I still having conversations like this? We live in a world where a video of too girls pooing into a cup was a cultural revolution. When the deviled egg are the hilarious Christian conservative super prudes going to admit defeat. The battle of good vs evil is over. The devil won. Turn on the news, just watch the Rebublican presidential debates for proof. Let me print my buttons in peace. Sheesh. Editors note. My father thought this was a boring uninspired episode. He may be right. Bear with me. I am getting through all my new material slowly! Music by: Thompson Twins - Hold Me Now Eyes Without A Face - Billy Idol

I was invited to record You're Welcome at a Art Gallery opening for a realistic sex exhibit last week but I had taken shelter in the summer air, because the inside of the pop up gallery literally smelled like the inside of an ovary. This was due to the lack of air conditioning in a alphabet city basement that was stuffed to the gills with 100 super quaffed/perfumed fashion week model/actor types all wearing Amish hats. My girlfriend described the smell as "mangey minge" I thought it smelled like the inside of an otter's pocket. I must say it lent a realistic atmosphere to huge paintings of double penetrated v's. ANYWAY as I was cooling off, and I see this wonderful man, who could have been a character in Zoolander, with what I thought was a hilarious fashion Snork Snorkel so obviously I forced him to come share what the deviled egg was going on. Basically he's a super lovely Cyborg who no longer identifies as human, and he's launching a campaign to open the first Cyborg Institute to help others use the same t

Whoooo boy! This was a DOOZY. There is no myth worse for me than the engagement ring. Maybe it's because i'm of that age where people actually start to buy them. Did anyone else take the same history lessons as I did? I know i'm sounding like a crazy cat lady but seriously they're beautiful, fine, they are valuable i guess, but i don't like the mentality that traps us all into this boring cycle of commitment, monogamy, cheating because we are monkeys who constantly need to put out genitals on stuff, and then divorce. Anyway my girlfriend and I after Ashley Madison disaster went to go see what was going on in a place where A BILLION DOLLARS A DAY IS BEING EXCHANGED IN EVERY BUILDING. * any relationship mentioned here and is purely make believe. Patreon campaign is up! https://www.patreon.com/zoenightingale?ty=h

IIntroducing Kai and Plasma, two traveling ladies of the streets who came up to ask me if I could give them money to help replace their boyfriends with rats. I mean, how does one say no to this question? I ended up on a literal rat race around New York City that took two days and brought into sharp focus some interesting questions for me about the morality around animal rights. What I always find to be incredible, is that somehow our worth is locked into home ownership. One of the most vicious capitalistic reinforcements, where if you live on the streets you become invisible and not worthy of compassion. These girls were not drug addicts, they were women who had had difficult upbringings and had become used to a life hopping fright trains, seasonal work (they pick blueberries and weed!)and a revolving roster of men who take advantage of them. Kai, a Native American who left her reservation to find a better life and with brutal trappings of little education on the reservation fell into stripping (her stripper

I snuck into the Voice Auditions using one of my many fake business cards, and dove head first into the nightmare that is the audition process for a reality T.V show. This was a really hard podcast to do because it was a Philippe Petit style tight rope walk between supporting people's creative dreams, and also feeling the need to be a realistic barometer so perhaps I could shave years of poverty and disappointment off their lives. Everyone reminded me of the kids from the movie Fame..full of hope and ambition, all with completely unrealistic dreams and a future full of uncertainty and rejection. On what planet is being judged by a revolving cast of hasbeens from the 90's a good idea? Christina Agrilera used to wipe cum off her face in her music videos while wearing ass less chaps and a bad weave. MAROON 5? That whiney little bitch is so fucking lucky he isn't some sad sack bar mitzvah singer in Staten Island. I don't know whose dick he sucked to get famous, but it was the right one. Blake who? Usher? Come on.

Greetings Friends! As I piece together my new podcast I thought I would repost an interview I did with Alan Lewis for a podcast called Speak Into This. I was a little grumpy when we did this interview, and it was super late due to his time zone in Australia and I get a little preachy and sanctimonious towards the end. Sorry about that...I have just been so overwhelmed with the state of the world, I keep getting up on these little invisible soap boxes. Apologies in advance. Either way I wish you THE BEST WEEK EVER. Go make out, hold hands, dance in the sun, get lost, get drunk, eat mushrooms and play in the woods, just attack the day. It's an awesome time to be ALIVE. https://soundcloud.com/speak-into-this - Listen to all his stuff here!

Countdown is ON! One more day until I begin to describe myself as "in my early 30's" and start saying things like, " that was a such a great soul cycle class." I wanted to post this episode because as I'm getting older, my girlfriends become more and more vicious about their critical opinions about their bodies and by proxy mine. IT SUCKS. Just because I LOVE carbs, and would rather drink a glass of wine and play charades than spend an hour of my precious time looking like a menopausal hamster sweating on a spinning wheel, whose stuck in time, going actually nowhere at the gym. I HATE THE GYM. Who are these freaks who like being in these places? I always feel like i'm in Gattaca, when I'm on the treadmill (RARE) and everyone is a bunch of mindless robots. Anyway so this last year was BRUTAL. It's possible I gained some weight..give or take 30 pounds. But to be fair my look before could have been described as methtastic. I was really thin, and apparently accordingly to most of my girlfriends, that was the bett

I met this lovely girl on the steps outside Union Square who was holding a sign that said "Homeless, Pregnant, Please Help" so I helped the only way I know how..She is brilliantly funny, resilient and warm. It's a story I've heard many times, religious parents and a daughter who gets into normal teenage trouble, and the lack of acceptance drives them to the streets. This is major issue in the LGBT community as well and it breaks me every time. I just realized I should have used the Bone Thugs and Harmony song she reminded me of for my intro. Dammit. Next time. Their are so many girls standing at this fork, and with a little bit of help and love, they could get right back up on their feet, it's up to us as a society to figure out ways that work to help kids who want to hump each other all day deal with the very real repercussions of their pituitary gland. This was a tough one for me, and a very delicate situation, and I am aware that my approach may ruffle some feathers. But I feel strongly that we need to tal

I have been working on a new podcast for the last couple weeks and I promise that I'm almost done. You know when you are trying to balance your professional life and your creative life and you just suck balls at it? Well that's where I'm at. In the Mean time, Jake Sasseville, called me a couple weeks ago, and asked if he could flip the script on me, and give me a taste of my own medicine. I met jake years ago, and we shared a common love, radio. Jake had started his own show, basically in his basement as a young tween. So after a really long day at work I went home, had almost a bottle of Rose and tried to explain to him all the failures and decisions that have shaped me into the person I am today. It's been amazing to receive so much love and hate recently, and I guess this is a bit of explanation of what i'm trying to do? I don't know. You can listen to all his beautiful interviews ProfoundlyHuman.com and on Sticher http://www.stitcher.com/podcast/the-jake-sasseville-show

Hi everyone! I present to you, my latest serious hard hitting journalism piece, "Brooklyn's Smallest Penis Pagent." I want to preface by saying I went to this with my four best/worst girlfriends, and we were drinking...heavily....the event dragged on forever...and we kept drinking Penis Coladas..and my voice got...let's just say a bit aggressive. I want to also explain that this event, that was in DEEP bushwick (obvi) was packed with drop dead sexy black men, which I found really hilarious. So please forgive my repetitive yelling of show us your dick.

So i recently auditioned for my idol Howard Stern.They made me make him a reel of the highlights of my radio show from the last year. So i spent days and days pulling out funny bits to try and make my hero laugh. I then played my selections for my friends, who all said that I sounded like I had the charisma of a cardboard box. So I scrapped it and went with a crowd selected bunch of mini clips that people seemed to like. Either way, wish me luck! *Update. I was quote "too smart and too long" for their show. Oh well guess I gotta keep schlepping along.

Sorry i've been Mia. I have two full time jobs and a super sick pup who destroyed my already invisible saving's account. Suffice it to say I haven't had a lot of extra time and money to travel around talking to strangers. HOWEVER i've established a routine, my pup's nose is cold and wet and i'm ready to go back into my favorite world of talking to strangers about their penile dysfunction. Here's a quick, short, sweet secret recording of my parents...how I love them so. I didn't include my dad kvetching about not wanting to pay for something even when it wasn't him paying. Priceless.

I recently got a hidden microphone. I had to, because in order to record myself embarrassing my amazing mother I had to be more discreet, she's "on to me" so she thinks! So after a beautiful night walking through the wintery streets of the West Village, red wine, laughter, and PG fun at the Barrow Theatre I tricked my mom and aunt into checking out "Fantasy World" the 24 hour full on sex store on West 4th. She just kept picking stuff up and showing them to me like a cat that presents a dead mouse on your doorstep, with equal amounts sheepishness and pride. She literally couldn't believe the pandoras box available to pleasure seekers. As she's recently on the dating scene, I thought it would be a good idea to get her equipped for her next J date. I love my mom, and once again I'm sorry. I promised I wasn't recording. I was lying. I love you. I'm getting you that penis jello mold for passover.

I met Pablo McFagFace, Bobby Pin, Jane Fondler and Lady Diamond at the Weribee National Park/Zoo in Melbourne Australia. I was with my friend Grant who desperately wanted to know more about how he could get to know his prostate. This one gets a little graphic I must say. All in all I ended up having quite a night with these four ladies, We were staying at the same hotel and I helped them get into their evening pool looks which may I say were exceptional. Hope to see you soon ladies, thanks for all the advice!

I don't get it. I consider myself to be a relatively educated human. I have strong opinions, I went to a bunch of schools i've read a bunch of books...BUT I DON'T UNDERSTAND the art world. But then again, who am I to judge? It seems to me to be a big fixed operation where a bunch of jerk off rich assholes decide what art should be valuable just like they do in the stock market, call each other up on the iPhone 7's they already have from 43,000 feet while they eat seal carpaccio in their gulf streams and laugh like Mortimer and Randolph Duke dreaming of their Scrooge Mcduck vaults of gold and riches. All the art I loved was cheap, all the art I hated was so expensive I kept thinking it was a joke. Piles of garbage, literal animal carcasses, stuff that looked like it was made by a serial killer in an insane asylum with his own excrement. I found it really challenging. So I spent most of my art basel asking people why and how this has happened. Here's what I've learned - NOTHING. It's all just a big circle jerk

So I found myself in Melbourne Australia in the middle of a music festival at a Koala reserve because even though I recently turned thirty, I am still an overgrown child clinging on to my eucalyptus tree of youth. To make matters worse I was wandering around in a neon animal print onesie talking to Ozzy's totally munted youth (new world! means chewing face!)I saw a giant inflatable igloo with a man named Lucky Toby gaurding the door in a matching floral suit. No one was allowed to go in. It was this amazing VIIIIP igloo and all these stoned festival goers kept wanting to know what it was and the answer was invariably, you can't come. The people inside are too famous. They granted me an exclusive interview, which I was very greatful for at 7 which was three hours from when I recorded the first part of this. He was guarding Melboune's most famous unheard of supergroup, Expen$$$ive who was doing an exclusive VIP meet and greet in said bubble for their "fans." When you walked into the bubble there were three girl