Creating A Family: Talk About Infertility, Adoption & Foster Care

Click here to send us a topic idea or question for Weekend Wisdom.Are you parenting teens, or will you be in a few years? Don't miss today's conversation with psychologist Dr. Lisa Damour, author of the book, "The Emotional Lives of Teenagers: Raising Connected, Capable, and Compassionate Adolescents."In this episode, we cover:Our society has become afraid of being unhappy. What are the reasons for this?Studies seem to suggest that teens are unhappier now than in the past. Why?Three myths about adolescence.The adultification of black teens. Why do our teens find us so annoying?The goal is not always to avoid conflict with our teens; rather, it should be to learn how to have constructive conflict.You say that spending time online can be both good and bad for teens.What should parents know about porn?How carefully should you supervise what your teens are seeing online?How can parents keep technology in place? What are some common-sense rules?The importance of small pleasures in modulating th

Click here to send us a topic idea or question for Weekend Wisdom.Join us as Dr. Bruce Perry answers your questions about how trauma impacts adoptive, foster, and kinship kids and families. Dr. Bruce Perry, is a child psychiatrist and neuroscientist, the principal of the Neurosequential Network, Senior Fellow of The ChildTrauma Academy, and adjunct Professor at Northwestern University School of Medicine in Chicago. He is the author the numerous books including co-author along with Oprah Winfrey of What Happened to You?: Conversations on Trauma, Resilience, and Healing, and co-author of The Boy Who Was Raised As A Dog.In this episode, we cover:The shift in perspective from what’s wrong with you to what happened to you--the ability to understand seemingly senseless behavior by looking at what’s behind it.What do you include as “trauma”? How severe does it have to be to impact us later in life?We hear foster, adoptive, and kinship parents say, “she was only neglected.” Is neglect less harmful than abuse?When sib

Click here to send us a topic idea or question for Weekend Wisdom.Are you thinking about adopting from foster care or adopting a child you are already fostering? Are you wondering how to help the child transition to adoption? Our guests are Hope Middlebrook, a foster parent recruiter for Arrow Child and Family Services, and Jennifer O’Brien, a Licensed Clinical Social Worker and Regional Director for Arrow’s Foster Care Programs.In this episode, we cover:Two different scenarios: You are the foster parents of the child you are going to adopt.You are adopting a child who is living with another foster family.At what age do kids understand the concept of adoption and what it means in their life?If you are adopting a child you are fostering.How is adoption different from fostering?What are some typical emotions (positive and negative) a child might feel? Grief is to be expected.How far in advance should the child be informed?What are some typical behaviors you might see?What are some typical emotions and behaviors

Click here to send us a topic idea or question for Weekend Wisdom.Is your child more intense and more challenging than other kids? Do you worry about the future for this child and your ability to help them learn to behave? You will love this interview with Tina Feigal, M.S., Ed., the Director of Family Engagement at Anu Family Services and founder of the Center for the Challenging Child, where she works with families throughout the US. She is the author of the book Present Moment Parenting: The Guide to a Peaceful Life with Your Intense Child.In this episode, we cover:What makes some kids more challenging?What is the impact of trauma on children’s behavior?We often parent the way we were parented. How can we overcome this?What do we mean by “attachment,” and why is it important for children and parents?“Parent the child in front of you in the present moment"- not the one that did ____ yesterday or the one that you fear will do or be ____ in the future.”Ten Tenets of ParentingHow can parents work with chi

Click here to send us a topic idea or question for Weekend Wisdom.Are you parenting a child on the autism spectrum. This interview will give you insight and hope. We talk with Dr. Lynn Koegel, a clinical professor at the Stanford University School of Medicine, and author of Hidden Brilliance: Unlocking the Intelligence of Autism. She is the Editor-in-Chief of the Journal of Autism and Developmental Disorders.In this episode, we cover:What are some of the variations in the way autism presents in humans?What are some of the symptoms or signs of autism at different ages? We so often focus on the weaknesses of children with autism and overlook their strengths. Why is this a problem for children on the autism spectrum?How is autism diagnosed, and what are the limits to this testing?What can parents do to make sure that the testing more clearly reflects their child’s strengths as well as weaknesses?The absence of speaking starting at around age one and struggles with communicating are common with people with autism

Click here to send us a topic idea or question for Weekend Wisdom.Have you thought about adopting a child of a different race or ethnicity? Are you up for the job? How can you be the best family for this child? Join us when we talk with Meggin Nam Holtz, a Licensed Master Social Worker, and a Korean adoptee. She has a private counseling practice specializing in adoption.  She created an award-winning documentary film, Found in Korea, about birth search, country of origin travel, identity, and adoption.In this episode, we cover:If you are a White parent, are there different issues you need to consider depending on the race of the child you adopt?Some families prefer to adopt a bi-racial child rather than a child who is all Black or all Latinx. What are the issues to consider?Is there a difference between transracial and transcultural adoption?What does it take to raise a child to have a healthy self and racial identity. How do they differ?What are some of the issues parents should think about to determine if t

Click here to send us a topic idea or question for Weekend Wisdom.Does your child struggle with controlling their big emotions? Do they seem angry or frustrated most of the time? We've got some answers! Join us to listen to this interview with Dr. Stuart Shanker, a Distinguished Research Professor Emeritus of Philosophy and Psychology at York University and author of several books, including Self-Reg: How to Help Your Child (and You) Break the Stress Cycle and Reframed: Self-Reg for a Just Society. He is also an adoptive dad.In this episode, we cover:3 basic principles of self-regulation:There is no such thing as a bad or lazy kid. No matter how difficult, out of control, distracted, or exhausted a child might seem, there’s a way forward: self-regulation.All people can learn to self-regulate in ways that promote rather than constrict growth.There is no such thing as a "fixed outcome": trajectories can always be changed, at any point in the lifespan, if only we have the right knowledge and tools

Click here to send us a topic idea or question for Weekend Wisdom.Do you wonder how to talk to your child about adoption? What if they don't seem interested? How do you talk about some of the hard stuff? This episode explores talking with children about adoption at different ages with Mari Itzkowitz, with the Center for Adoption Support and Education (CASE). She is an adoption-competent therapist and leader of the CASE Training Team, providing training and education to professionals and parents.In this episode, we cover:How does an adoptee’s understanding of adoption differ by age?  InfantsToddlers & Preschoolers School Age Tweens Teens Young Adults Older Adults How to talk about adoption at different ages? Should you wait for the child to ask questions before you tell them about their adoption story?What if your child or youth shows little or no interest in their adoption story?How does openness or lack of openness impact a child’s understanding of adoption? Should adoptive parents bring up the idea

Click here to send us a topic idea or question for Weekend Wisdom.We talk about raising your grandkids with Christine Adamec, coauthor with Dr. Andrew Adesman, of The Grandfamily Guidebook. She and her husband have been raising their teenage grandson since his infancy.In this episode, we cover:Why are grandparent led families increasing?What are some common emotions that grandparents and other kin experience when they realize that they need to step in and raise their grandchildren or other kin?What type of decisions should you make about legal custody or permanency? How to protect your grandchild? How to enroll them in school? How to be able to get medical and mental health care for them? How to prevent the child’s parents from removing the child from your home? Becoming a foster parent? A will?What are some of the strains that grandparents can experience with their children (the parents of their grandchildren)?How to navigate the relationship with your adult child?Explaining the situation to the child? (“Why

Click here to send us a topic idea or question for Weekend Wisdom.How does parenting an adopted teen differ from parenting teens that come to us through birth? What are some of the unique challenges adopted teens or young adults face? Check out our interview with Katie Naftzger, an LCSW, Korean adoptee, and the author of “Parenting in the Eye of the Storm: The Adoptive Parent’s Guide to Navigating the Teen Years.”In this episode, we cover:Why is parenting an “adopted” teen any different from parenting a child who comes to you by birth?What issues related to adoption come to the front during the teen years?What issues that relate to early neglect or abuse, or loss come to the fore in adolescence?In your book, “Parenting in the Eye of the Storm: The Adoptive Parent’s Guide to Navigating the Teen Years,” you talk about adoptive or foster parents taking a learning stance when working with teens. What is a learning stance?Many of our kids have experienced early life adversity and carry the scars of this early trau

Click here to send us a topic idea or question for Weekend Wisdom.Did your child experience trauma or loss before they came to you? Do you want to help them heal? Join our conversation with Dr. Amanda Baden, a Professor and the Doctoral Program Director at Montclair State University in the graduate counseling program and a licensed psychologist in private practice in Manhattan. She is an adult adoptee from Hong Kong and an adoptive parent of a daughter from China.In this episode, we cover:What is trauma?What types of events/things create trauma?Why are trauma, abuse, and neglect so harmful to children?Is neglect a form of trauma?How trauma impacts children, and what factors influence how much the trauma impacts the child later in life?How to tell the difference between typical developmental behavior and behavior that is the result of trauma or loss?What is triangulation?How to break the triangle?Helping our kids integrate their birth, adoptive or foster, and self-identities. Many children who do not live with

Click here to send us a topic idea or question for Weekend Wisdom.Have you wondered if you could be the right place for an LGBTQ+ youth or child to land? Join us to talk about how to be an affirming and supportive home for LGBTQ+ youth. Or guest will be Angela Weeks, the Director of the National SOGIE Center at the Institute for Innovation and Implementation. Under the Center, she directs the Center of Excellence for LGBTQ+ Behavioral Health Equity and the National Quality Improvement Center on Tailored Services, Placement Stability, and Permanency for LGBTQ2S Children and Youth in Foster Care.In this episode, we cover:Why are these young people over represented in child welfare?LGBTQ+ youth are 1.5 -2 times more likely to have a foster placement failure. Why?What does the research indicate about how sexual orientation and gender identity are formed?Are LGBTQ+ youth more likely to have a mental health diagnosis or behavioral issues.Are LGBTQ+ youth more likely than heterosexual or cisgender young people to se

Click here to send us a topic idea or question for Weekend Wisdom.How do you handle a birth parent showing up to a meeting with the child stoned or drunk? What do you do when a birth parent often breaks promises to the child? Join us to talk about nine sticky situations that adoptive parents often find themselves in. Our guest is Lori Holden, the author of The Open-Hearted Way to Open Adoption: Helping Your Child Grow Up Whole.In this episode, we cover:What do we mean by openness and why is openness or some form of a relationship considered best for adopted kids?Difficult/Sticky Situation #1: Birth Parent Addiction to drugs or alcohol.How to handle things when a birth parent shows up for a meeting with a child high or stoned.How to set healthy boundaries with birth parents who are addicted? How to set these boundaries when you have an open adoption with a birth parent dealing with addiction?Explaining drug addiction of birth parents to children.Difficult/Sticky Situation #2: Failing to show up for meetings/vi

Click here to send us a topic idea or question for Weekend Wisdom.When should your child get a smartphone? What can you do if your child spends too much time playing video games? How can we protect our kids from the downsides of social media? Join us to talk about parenting and technology with Krista Boan, co-founder of the nonprofit Screen Sanity.In this episode, we cover:Digital Health: Screen Sanity’s 5 Rules of Thumb.Ride, practice, drive” approach for device and app introduction.How to handle a foster, adoptive, or kinship placement of a child that has already gone down that slippery slope of too much screen time and tech. How do you establish reasonable boundaries?Is it still recommended that parents establish a "no expectation of privacy" policy for online activity? At what age/stage should that start to change?How to handle when your family has vastly different rules from your child’s friend’s families when you don’t want your child to feel left out? Screentime:What is a reasonable rule of t

Click here to send us a topic idea or question for Weekend Wisdom.Kari Dady joins us to talk about applying the guiding principles of Trust-Based Relational Intervention® to typical parenting situations. Kari Dady is a Regional Training & Consultation Specialist with the Karyn Purvis Institute of Child Development. She is also an adoptive mom who uses the TBRI® approach daily in her family.In this episode, we cover:What is parental attachment style, and how does it influence how we parent?How does trauma affect the developing child? What are some of the different types of trauma that impact a child?What are the core principles of Trust-Based Relational Intervention®(TBRI®)?TBRI® talks about parents needing to make a mindset shift when looking at challenging behavior.  What is this mindset shift?How can parents apply Trust-Based Relational Intervention®(TBRI®) to the following common behaviors:Inability to accept rules, restrictions, or the word “no”Tantrums, WhiningSleep issuesLyingStealingThis podcast is

Click here to send us a topic idea or question for Weekend Wisdom.Do you have a child that is more—louder, more energetic, more argumentative, more everything? Intense children can be harder to raise, but their intensity is a gift as well as a parenting challenge. We talk with Howard Glasser, creator of the Nurtured Heart Approach to parenting. He is the author of Transforming the Difficult Child and Transforming the Intense Child Workbook.In this episode, we cover:What do you consider to be an intense child? My child was “more”—more loud, more energy—their reaction to most things was simply more. They go from 5 mph to 60mph in about a second. How to raise the intense child.What are the labels and diagnoses that intense children often accumulate? ADHD, ODD (Oppositional Defiance Disorder), conduct disorder, PTSD, anxiety disorder, depression.What makes some kids more “intense” than others? What do you mean by energy-challenged kids? Unable to handle or effectively control their physical, cognitive or emotiona

Click here to send us a topic idea or question for Weekend Wisdom.Do you worry that your decision to foster or adopt will hurt the kids you are already raising? Check out this podcast with Dr. Jana Hunsley, an Assistant Professor of Instruction at the University of Texas at Dallas, trauma therapist, TBRI® Practitioner, and founder of Project 1025. In this episode, we cover:FosteringWhat are some of the common impacts of fostering on children already in the family? Both potentially negative and positive.What does your research show on how significant and how often children already in the home are negatively impacted by fostering?Should you Include kids in the decision to foster? If so, how does that look at different ages?For children already in the home, is there a better age to start fostering because of their ability to understand what the family is doing?Is it harder to introduce a foster child when there is only one existing child in the home. Do only children have a harder time adjusting?How much informa

Click here to send us a topic idea or question for Weekend Wisdom.What happens when identical twins born in Vietnam are separated by adoption, with one adopted by a US family and one adopted by a Vietnamese family? Join us to talk with Erika Hayasaki, a journalist and author of Somewhere Sisters: A Story of Adoption, Identity and the Meaning of Family.In this episode, we cover:The story.Twin studies.Adoption studies.The similarities of the twins in your story and in twin studies.The differences between the twins in your story and in twin studies.ReunitingHow did the twins' reunion affect them, their family in Vietnam, and their adopted family in the US?Complications that the disparate degrees of wealth caused.Adoptive parents’ role in reunion.Twin studies referenced:Polderman, T., Benyamin, B., de Leeuw, C. et al. Meta-analysis of the heritability of human traits based on fifty years of twin studies. Nat Genet 47, 702–709 (2015). https://doi.org/10.1038/ng.3285Website based on the research cited above: M

Click here to send us a topic idea or question for Weekend Wisdom.Have mealtimes become a battleground in your house, is your child a picky eater, or do you have a child who eats too much? We provide lots of tips in our conversations with Dr. Katja Rowell, a family doctor and author of Love Me, Feed Me, 2nd edition, and Helping Your Child with Extreme Picky Eating. She has a special interest in supporting foster and adoptive parents.In this episode, we cover:What are some of the typical food issues for adopted or foster kids, especially those who have experienced trauma?How does trauma impact feeding?Responsive eating leaves space to recognize what the body needs.What do you mean by felt safety and focusing on connection?What is a responsive and flexible framework for feeding kids with brain-based differences?How to best deal with kids who are significantly underweight.How to best handle extreme pickiness.How to handle children who are eating too much, emotional eaters, or who are overweight.Why do kids from

Click here to send us a topic idea or question for Weekend Wisdom.Are you planning on claiming the Adoption Tax Credit when you file your taxes this year? If so, this is the podcast for you! We talk with two of the top experts in the US on the Adoption Tax Credit: Becky Wilmoth, an Enrolled Agent and Adoption Tax Credit Specialist with Bill’s Tax Service, and Josh Kroll, the Adoption Subsidy Resource Center coordinator at the North American Council on Adoptable Children (NACAC).In this episode, we cover:What is the Adoption Tax Credit for adoption being claimed on 2022 federal taxes?How to advocate for refundability?What is a “credit” and how does it differ from a deduction or some other form of tax savings?If you get a tax refund every year, how would you use the Adoption Tax Credit?If you don’t have any federal tax liability, should you still apply the credit to your federal income taxes?What types of adoptions are included or excluded? Stepparent adoption? Embryo adoption? Same-sex partner second-parent ad