Poorly Summarized

Seán abandons paganism, kid needs permission slip to read ‘Fahrenheit 451,’ Mike and Justin fail to cast their ballots in the 2012 election, area woman wins $1M trying to show husband lottery tickets are a waste of money, and Shinri Tezuka makes some pretty candy. SHOW NOTES Introduction Ken M, epic troll Artist Chris Burden shooting himself in the arm Trumped up “We should just cancel the election and give it to Trump” Election rigging Trump’s words to a grieving mother “She came” Nailed it Dad’s response to a permission slip requirement to read ‘Fahrenheit 451’ Stupid Shit Fake ID fail Headline of the week Wife tries to show husband lottery tickets are a waste but wins 1 million instead   Eye Candy Japanese candy sculpture Special Guest: Seán McGuire.

Facebook’s annual privacy opt-out post, the anti-tampon-tax-break guy, a critical review of the 31 most hilariously bad-themed weddings of all time, eucalyptus kaleidoscopic bark, and accidental topless beach trips. SHOW NOTES   Introduction Chris Esplin on Twitter Trumped up “Believe me, she would not be my first choice, that I can tell you.” Twitter power Insecure operating system Creepy Trump Don’t start believing Facebook hoax Stupid Shit Bladder confusion WTF Themed weddings   Eye Candy Eucalyptus Tree Special Guest: Chris Esplin.

The creepy clown craze, the rise and fall of Kenneth Bone, Christians for Donald Trump, gender as a social construct, putatively postmodern elongated objects, and Justin’s first kiss.     SHOW NOTES Introduction Periods for Politicians on Facebook Periods for Politicians on Twitter Hillary Clinton’s locker room talk Trumped up Donald Trump on Howard Stern Trump talks nuclear  Trump on Batman “Single greatest waste of time, energy and money” Ken Bone palate cleanser Is this real life? Batman chases creepy clowns Stupid shit my friends post Touching yourself is not sexual assault  Poorly Summarized science Gender is a construct, do-si-do Eye candy Absurdly elongated sculptural objects Special Guest: Laura Shanley.

High school cheerleader outfits get suspended for causing impure thoughts, Mike discovers the secret to benching 405 pounds, an earthquake reveals a missing Lego, and Lauren explains the hardest thing about rollerblading.     SHOW NOTES Introduction Lauren Kelly on Twitter Trumped up “It’s like business 101” “Nobody has more respect for women than I do.” “It’s hot in here.” “Neh-VAH-da” Not The Onion Boy has ‘impure thoughts’, blames cheerleaders’ skirts, school punishes cheerleaders Stupid shit my friends post Masturbation is gay Is this a thing? Lego slippers Eye candy Dina Brodsky’s sketchbook   Special Guest: Lauren Kelly.

Trump goes on a 3 am tweet storm, a woman polishes off a pork bun in a typhoon, motorized rideable suitcases are coming to an airport near you, and Mike eats a candy bar at the urinal.     SHOW NOTES Introduction Adam Christopher on Twitter After 6 podcast on Twitter Trumped up “check out sex tape” Climate change is a Chinese hoax Trump campaign deletes tweet after Trump denial “There’s no way to tell” #TrumpWon Headline of the week This woman ate a pork bun in a typhoon and now everyone loves her Stupid shit my friends post Only cops can criticize cops Is this a thing? Rideable luggage Eye candy Kintsugi, the art of broken pieces   Special Guest: Adam Christopher.

Casey plagiarizes a song, man gets arrested for speeding in Delorean at 88mph, Pennsylvania man creates the most racist Halloween costume ever, lawmaker who opposed helmet law dies in motorcycle crash, Mike defends the sanctity of the word ‘ironic.’     SHOW NOTES Introduction Casey Sullivan on Twitter Hillary Clinton on Betwwen Two Ferns Follow-up Florida forces students to stand during the national anthem Trumped up “Classic Donald Trump” “Our African American communities are absolutely in the worst shape they’ve ever been in before. Ever, ever, ever.” “I hope she recovers” Trump loves Mexicans Headline of the week Man arrested for speeding in DeLorean at 88 mph Stupid shit my friends post Record-breaking stupidity and racism Not the Onion Lawmaker who opposed universal helmet law dies in motorcycle crash Eye candy Thomas Heatherwick’s Vessel  

Donald Trump announces his testosterone levels, Chinese people invented toilet paper and (maybe) pizza, Bruce Horowitz tells women to lose the engagement ring during job interviews, and Mike commits an on-campus crime at dawn.     SHOW NOTES Follow-up Pastor thinks people who don’t stand should get shot Utah rodeo salutes the confederate flag Trumped up Trump’s campaign as exercise routine  “Hillary Clinton and her campaign of 2008 started the birther controversy” “Warming up the gas chamber” Trump brags about dumping travel corps Stupid shit my friends post White people have done everything good that has ever been done Poorly Summarized science Trump has more testosterone than you Poorly Summarized news Don’t wear your engagement ring to a job interview Eye candy Richard Serra’s East-West/West-East   

A parakeet refuses to clean the floor, a 70-year-old man goes to jail to get away from his wife, a new Target employee gives a play-by-play of his first week on the job, and teenage Mike catches his girlfriend cheating.     SHOW NOTES Introduction Scott Hofmeister’s podcast, “Mindthunder Radio” Follow-up “Why won’t my parakeet eat my diarrhea” introduction 3 reasons why your parakeet won’t eat your diarrhea Trumped up Putin is a stronger leader than Obama Trump remarks on Phyllis Schlafly at the voter summit. Trump’s super secret plan to defeat Isis Trump only takes his heart medication half the time. Stupid shit my friends post If you don’t love freedom, MOVE! Headline of the week ‘Rather be in jail’: 70-year-old man robs bank to get arrested and away from wife, police say Poorly Summarized news Guy documents his fist week of work at target Eye candy Nevada SolarReserve photographed by Reuben Wu   Special

A two-headed Barry White creature does some math, waiting room occupants are conditioned to stand up in response to a sound, Kaepernick refuses to stand up in response to a sound, and a remorseful square dancer tries to destroy the Internet.     SHOW NOTES   Introduction Super Pee Pee Time on Twitter Super Pee Pee Time on Facebook Poorly Summarized Science “Most people are sheep” video Conformity experiments Stupid shit my friends post Colin sitting and Tim kneeling Headline of the week Chinese man tries to destroy the internet Eye candy Michael Heizer’s City Special Guests: Cade Chilcoat and Jeff Mac.

Guy who says God sends natural disasters to punish gays has his home destroyed in a natural disaster,  patriotic parent gets outraged by a Pledge of Allegiance opt-out permission slip, wedding photographer photographs shrink-wrapped newlyweds, and Mike finds out he has cancer.     SHOW NOTES Introduction “Ted Cruz is the Zodiac Killer” Facebook page Trumped up Eric Trump and the “holiday tree” “Foolish” for Donald to release tax returns Terrible Breitbart headlines “You’ve got to take these people head on” Headline of the week Guy who says God sends natural disasters to punish gays has his home destroyed in a natural disaster   Is this a thing? Vacuum-pack wedding photos Stupid shit my friends post Allegiance pledge shaming Eye candy Kubo and the Two Strings   Special Guest: Bo Quintana.

Triumph the Insult Comic Dog trolls Trump supporters, Olympic pools turn green, a spider almost persuades Mike to become a believer, and Justin finds the Hummingbird Lady.     SHOW NOTES Introduction Atheism 101 website Japanese toilet prank Trumped up Triumph the Insult Comic Dog Poorly Summarized science Olympics green pool chemistry Stupid shit my friends post Single language pride Is This a Thing Spider catcher Eye candy Car Spheres  

Trump takes a shot at Utahns, Peter Thiel wants young people’s blood, mental illness might be sexually transmitted demons, Mike gives his coworkers a nickname, and Michael Phelps really likes to bruise his back.     SHOW NOTES Introduction Tom Cheesewright’s website #droopysocksyndrome winning tweet by Alex Booth Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark Trumped up “It could get dangerous. A lot of people are saying that.” Obviously I’m being sarcastic “If that were me, this would be a headline all over the world.” Trump mocks Utah Not the onion Peter Thiel seeks young blood Stupid shit my friends post Demon STD Poorly Summarized Science Michael Phelps cupping Cupping study Eye candy Liquid Shark Brisbane Airport facade  

Jeremy runs for mayor, police pull people over to give them ice cream, a woman dares to dream of being a truck driver, and after-school Satan clubs are coming to a school near you.     SHOW NOTES Follow Jeremy McLellan Comedy on Facebook Trumped up Burn the uniforms! Trump warns about NUCLEAR WEAPONS Trump calls Asians “Orientals” “I don’t throw babies out, believe me.” Poorly Summarized News Police can’t pull over drivers to give them gifts Stupid shit my friends post Women can be truck drivers Headline of the week After-school Satan club Eye candy Artist/activist JR in Rio Women Are Heroes Face 2 Face JR Wikipedia   Special Guest: Jeremy McLellan.

A cop mistakes donut glaze for crystal meth, Clinton’s husband wears a fetching pantsuit, Mike washes his hands of his wife’s pet cat, and Sao Paulo bans billboards.     SHOW NOTES Trumped up Russian Espionage “It was more tongue-in-cheek” Trump criticizing fallen soldier’s family Trump takes everything back Not the Onion Cop mistook donut glaze for meth Stupid shit my friends post God isn’t allowed in schools Headline of the week Hillary Clinton’s husband wore a fetching pantsuit to honor her nomination for US president Dealbreaker Family dog contract Eye candy Sao Paulo removes all billboards  

Kim Kardashian wiretaps Taylor Swift, Trump tries to inflate a baby, Third Eye Blind trolls the RNC, Ted Cruz impresses Mike, and Milo Yiannopoulos gets banned from Twitter.     SHOW NOTES Intro After 6 Podcast Trumped up Manafort on Melania’s plagiarism On Pence’s Iraq vote On Viagra On NAFTA #EyeCandy: Trump wall Internet Vigilantes The internet goes in on Taylor Swift after Kim Kardashian’s revelation Stupid shit my friends post Donald Trump is racist? Headline of the week Third Eye Blind trolled the RNC by playing Third Eye Blind songs no one wants to hear Know your meme #FreeMilo Eye candy Tibetan monks destroy mandalas   Special Guest: Adam Christopher.

The Westboro Baptist Church is threatened by a Clefairy Pokémon, the US government plans to drop vaccine-laced M&Ms on ferrets (no really), Chris Christie fetches Trump his Filet-O-Fish, and Mike’s daughter finds some free street soda.     SHOW NOTES Intro 7 Generation Games @DrAnnMaria @annmariastat Trumped up On the phallic logo Chris Christie and McDonalds Chris Christie and Oreos On #BlackLivesMatter Trump hair Is this real life? The Westboro Baptist Church Is Getting Owned In Pokémon Go Stupid shit my friends post We don’t have a race problem Headline of the week US government plans to use drones to fire vaccine-laced M&Ms near endangered ferrets Eye candy Flexible paper figures

Kaley Cuoco desecrates the flag, a man seems to die in every terrorist attack, the IRS doesn’t accept iTunes cards, and Mike’s buddy escalates a toilet paper prank.     SHOW NOTES Intro Grilled Onions Podcast Follow-up Ask a manager Trumped up On police shooting rates by minority status On Saddam Hussein On being the Ultimate Walk-off Winner On Article XII Internet vigilantes Kaley Cuoco vs. USA Stupid shit my friends post Area man reports cop doing his job A law professor identifies a teachable moment Headline of the week Mashable: This man seems to die in every terrorist attack. But he’s very much alive. Not The Onion FTC: IRS does not accept payment in iTunes cards Eye candy Bicycles from memory   Special Guest: Konrad Vernor.

Sunish makes a cameo, an $8 bowl of Frosted Flakes in Times Square constitutes fine dining, the bitter almond tree gets ‘banned,’ an intern circulates a footwear petition, and #HeterosexualPrideDay trends on Twitter.     SHOW NOTES Intro Share a Slice Podcast Follow-up Origin of Marcus Flat-earth campfire debate Trumped up 1994 rape allegation On Mike Tyson On Polanski On Trans-Pacific Partnership Is this a thing? Kellogg’s cereal as dining event Stupid shit my friends post Bitter almonds Reasonable or ridiculous Fired for proposing a more flexible dress code Rejected by Don Hertzfeldt Know your meme #HeterosexualPrideDay Eye candy Lines dividing rich and poor Special Guest: Seán McGuire.

Australian teens have smaller babies with this one weird trick, Mike contemplates assuming his wife’s last name, Rick Tyler unironically runs for Congress on the ‘Make America White Again’ platform, and Tom DeLonge leaves Blink-182 to focus on ‘national security,’ UFOs.     SPONSOR pierre-henry socks SHOW NOTES Intro Atheism 101 Podcast Trumped up On raping Ivana On Scotland’s Brexit vote On his memory (Part 1) On his memory (Part 2) Wait, what? Australian teenage girls are having smaller babies with this one weird trick Stupid shit my friends post Anyone else think he just got neutered? Not the Onion Rick Tyler wants to ‘Make America White Again’ Headline of the week A.V. Club: Tom DeLonge says he quit Blink-182 to focus on ‘national security,’ UFOs Eye candy Christo’s Walking on Water Special Guest: Matthew Van Dyke.

Texas Lt. Governor Dan Patrick accidentally praises God’s vengeance, Mike’s buddy kills a guy, Ari Nagel sires 22 children, Anonymous gays up some ISIS Twitter accounts, and the ‘Coexist’ logo makes Mike’s eyes bleed.     SPONSOR Super Pee Pee Time Podcast SHOW NOTES Intro Let’s Chat Podcast Geraldo on straight-edge gang violence Trumped up On Trump’s LGBT appeal On beautiful crossfires On being 2% behind in the polls On animal rights Wait, what? Lt. Gov. Dan Patrick’s tweet heard ’round the world Stupid shit my friends post The problem is not guns! Bible gun gun gun, Jesus. Thoughts and prayers game Is this a thing? The professor who sired 22 kids Headline of the week Anonymous hacks ISIS’ Twitter, makes it as fabulously gay as humanly possible Eye candy The coexist logo bumper sticker