Legends In Their Own Minds

There are an amazing number of words that you should never use and stuff. Irregardless, it's very hard not to, honestly, just literally have your head maybe explode.

If Dave & John broke out of prison, what would they do? The answers made Johnny fraidy scared.

Comcast customer service is an oxymoron. The rep who spoke to Dave is a bona fide moron.

Dave's car is in the shop and his rental car should be. We're talking scratches and the aroma of wet dog. But, enough about his personal life.

Johnny's a biker, but he's not in a gang. He thinks that's a Waco idea.

It's been a year since Johnny had a heart attack. He's fine now. However, his next scheduled procedure might end up being an even bigger pain-in-the-ass.

Johnny and Dave are unashamed white men. Ben Affleck, however, has taken his white guilt to a whole new level. You might say he's a slave to political correctness.

When Johnny's wife speaks, everyone listens. Because, according to him, nobody knows what the hell he/she's saying.

It's a trial living in Boston. Bad traffic. Cold and snow. Democrats. No death penalty. Texas is looking pretty good right about now...

We all know Johnny is easily irritated. What he doesn't know is why some people insist on whistling in public, thus causing him to hit a sour note.

Johnny is rarely on the left side of anything. Driving in Barbados forced him to the other side of the road, much to the chagrin of his white-knuckled family.

Johnny dreaded his family vacation in Barbados. He worried it might not be "a day at the beach." But, much to his surprise, he was wr-wr-wrong.

Super Bowl XLIX is almost here and our 2 Legends are feeling anxious. As fans of the Patriots, Dave and Johnny don't want to, once again, feel deflated should their beloved team lose. (See what we did there?)

Dave and Johnny are nervous fans when it comes to the NE Patriots playing in the NFL playoffs. Now, before you and the rest of America get all hateful regarding our Legends' favorite team, just remember, the name Tom Brady has a nice ring to it... Actually 3 rings to it...

The internet is down in Dave's office, Johnny's LED bulbs don't work in his chandelier, and the podcast sound mixer is always a problem. We know, First World Problems are a real pain in the... circuit box.

A little bit of freezing rain sends New England drivers into a tizzy. Hello people? You didn't see winter coming? These drivers are divided into two groups, idiots or maniacs, and you know which type you are.

Dave shaved his goatee and Johnny was quite surprised. People say Dave looks years younger. In fact, if Johnny were to let his gray beard grow, our 2 Legends might be mistaken for father and son. Hey, it could happen.

There is a dearth ($10 word) of dining choices near Dave's office in "Idaho." Usually, it's the Chinese buffet or a place that doesn't have meatloaf. Please note: chopped sirloin is not almost like meatloaf.

Johnny's a bit miffed. What else is new? He offered to buy his dad's old car hoping his father might give it to him. Uh, not so much. Dear old dad did accept a bank check though. Ah, family.

So Johnny was suffering from "numb wrists", and he thought it would be a great idea to have an acupuncturist stick needles in his ears to fix the problem. Makes sense, right?