Archie And Reg

It's New Years Day! Well so what? What's that got to do with anything? It certainly won't improve Archie's mood, no matter what Reg tries.Despite being offered the opportunity to christen a ship Archie is unable to help himself getting cross as he recalls what Group Captain Sir Douglas Robert Steuart Bader, CBE, DSO & Bar, DFC & Bar, DL, did to the poor swans.Elsewhere, to bring a little bit of cheer to the proceedings, Reg attempts to intrigue Archie with a party game. Some role-playing ensues.  It does not end well.An attempt by Reg to remind Archie of the lyrics of the famous 1980's pop hit 'The Reflex' goes equally badly. Bloody Simon le Bon.Follow the chaps at once on Twitter: @ArchieAndReg

Ho Ho Ho. But enough about your Mum.Seasons greetings from the club where we find Reg trying to spread a little Christmas cheer. Well we can't be having any of that!Later thoughts turn to the miracle birth that happened so many years ago. But did Reg really have to watch the conception? Archie is, naturally, outraged.All this can only mean one thing- a letter must be written to the PM. But is Archie correct? Does this letter actually reveal that Reg is a bestial pervert?Probably.

Archie and Reg have a Christmas special heading your way. So long as Reg doesn't sing. If he does you can't have it. As God is our witness, it will not come to pass!But if it does you can hear it on Christmas Day.

We note that nobody has written a review on iTunes since our last episode. You bastards.Regardless, Bubter has gone too far! However, once the dust has settled Archie is disturbed to find that Reg is quite the slut! After he's put it away Reg settles down to a nice sandwich. "Beef", apparently. Or maybe not. Things then get a little annoying but this is nothing when compared to the question as to "Who Shot JR"?Follow the chaps on Twitter: @ArchieAndReg

Vicars need to be dealt with swiftly! Following this Archie is sporting a new adornment on his head, but woe betide Reg if he happens to notice it.After this memories transport our duo to their youth and, in Reg's case, to a very bad person who kissed him. No matter how bad an experience this was it was nothing compared to poor pretentious Stephen Hawkings and his escapade at the circus recently.COMPETITION: Write Archie and Reg a (glowing five star) review on iTunes and have your name abused disgracefully in a forthcoming episode!Follow the chaps on Twitter: @ArchieAndReg

Plague is stalking the land like a...stork...or something. Archie and Reg are confined to the club! Could a horrifying discovery signal that they have some deeper involvement?Confined to their homes Reg introduces Archie to the joys of Skype and then insists Archie should clap for the "NHS". This presents a problem. After all, surely the NHS are working class?Follow the chaps on Twitter @ArchieAndReg...and support your NHS workers. They are wonderful and without them we would all be truly screwed.Stay safe!A&R x

Reg has a joke to tell! Archie, being a fine upstanding moral chap cannot stand for this sort of thing. A second attempt to tell a joke falls foul of Magnum PI himself, Tom Selleck! Surely this cannot lead to any sort of terrible humiliation for Reg? Finally memories turn to Auntie Anne. A good sort and a lady who was not unknown to endure the hardest of times. She liked it hard did Auntie Anne.Follow the chaps on Twitter @ArchieAndReg

Bloody Elton John is in the club but, unbelievably, that isn't the worst of Archie and Reg's problems today. Memories return to the pretentious Stephen Hawking, Archie's enemy, and the time when Bubter served the late Physicist a special home made surprise. Reg, meanwhile, is recalling a happy childhood memory. Naturally this is an opportunity for Archie to inflict some horrific mental cruelty. Reg becomes concerned about how sound is created in the vacuum of space.Quite what this has to do with vibrators is anybody's guess. Bubter, in an attempt to ensure our titular heroes drink up and leave when they're meant to, has installed an alarm in the club. Quite what that has to do with the shouty German chaps outside though is up for debate...Follow the chaps on Twitter- @ArchieAndReg

Channel 5? Common. However after that important lesson thoughts turn to a man. Not THE man, but a man. Somehow Archie and Reg must unknit the diseased mass that is Archie's brain to discover who this was! Reg, meanwhile, is learning French. A pointless exercise when Archie is fluent in French. Just so long as you don't ask him to prove it. And then there's Clive. Poor Clive and his Chimp...Wife. Definetely his wife and not a monkey. She needs training and some extreme approaches must be taken.

Tough times ahead as Reg reveals himself to be a colossal pervert! He's been watching filth on the television. Well, at least that's what Archie thinks. Young men expelling through their wands? Surely this is perversion of the highest magnitude? Could it be that Reg is a Satanist? Archie believes so.To settle the mood (and pacify Archie), Reg agrees to play a game. What could go wrong when the traditional fun of a "one word story" is left in the hands of two chaps who should really be locked up?Once the fallout from this is dealt with Archie reveals he has been planning to whom he can leave all his wordly goods once he passes on. Surely there is a little something for his dear friend Reg?Follow the chaps on Twitter @ArchieAndReg and on Facebook.

Well there's a problem. Reg is playing a word game. The only problem with that is that nobody knows the rules, including Reg. Elsewhere he tries to educate Archie in the literature of JRR Tolkien. Something about Gnomes or something. Archie is less than excited. Furthermore Eminem, that little funtybunter, has been up to his old tricks. This cannot be allowed. Coffee may be the answer...Coffee. Real Coffee. Not any of this "drinking cotton s*it". Finally the chaps relax with Archie's new "app" which he thinks is designed to allow men to discuss metalwork with one another. He is quite wrong.Follow the chaps on Twitter- @ArchieAndReg or on Facebook.And why not leave a lovely review on iTunes? Only lovely reviews though. We know where you live.

Once Archie's bloody prolapse has been dealt with, again, thoughts turn to an unfortunate incident when a casting couch came in to play. Reg attempts to play a game of 'Name That Tune' much to Archie's anger and his attempts to tell a joke don't go any better and may see him banged in the Slammer. Meanwhile Su Pollard is proving to be less erotic than she should be!Follow the chaps on Twitter- @ArchieAndReg or on Facebook at once!

You may recall, dear Listener, that the so-called "host" of this podcast failed in their duties and wiped our first twenty vital missives simply because we refused to pay the bill!Regardless, here is a second of volume of so-called "missing episodes" from the far distant days of Autumn 2017. Honestly, it's like delivering the "world's best podcast"* in Nazi Germany, it really is.In this volume Noel bloody Edmonds makes his first appearance, Pascale (French chap, bit simple) had an unfortunate incident whilst trying to sample the milky goodness of a cow, an evil Nun commits an atrocity, Archie has an issue with a Squirrel, Reg recalls a famous star of the Carry On films taking refuge in his intimate area, Archie misunderstands a joke and forms an opinion on Woody Allen, Titchmarsh shows off his impressive vegetable, some Eggnog is far too salty, Derek fails to arrive and Peter arrives. And he arrives hard. Dirty boy.Anyway, why not give us a review on iTunes? We might ev

Reg has heard a terrifying tale about a well known children's entertainer. Could there be any truth in this?Talking of entertainers Mr.Poo has died. One half of the famous Victorian Music Hall act, Mr.Wee Wee and Mr.Poo. Things were never the same for them when they had to start working in an old folks home.Archie, meanwhile, is livid. Ronnie Corbett is staging his latest play but hasn't considered Archie for a role. Surely this is some sort of mistake?Finally we find Archie unwell. Terribly unwell. He can't even contemplate the idea of a drink. Could this be connected with Reg being taken up the canal by Seamen?Follow the chaps on Twitter: @ArchieAndRegSubscribe via iTunes-> https://itunes.apple.com/gb/podcast/archie-and-reg/id1319593004?mt=2

Well now, some time ago someone forgot to pay a bill. This angered Mr.Buzz Sprout (common) who then wiped our first twenty missives from 2017 with malice aforethought.But all is not yet lost and here we present the first 10 episodes of Archie and Reg almost in broadcast order.Aren't you "lucky"?Regards,A&R.

"Happy Christmas"Now that we've covered that let's move on to the important business and, after some light blasphemy to open, Archie and Reg take the film industry to task. Reg is annoyed by the antics of both Oliver Reed and Michael Caine and Archie is not happy when he recalls the shenanigans of Roy Scheider getting over excited after meeting a certain Lady Thatcher.Later Reg's attempts to lighten the mood in the club by telling a little joke are met head on by Archie's lack of humour.Still, it is Christmas after all, and our titular pair find themselves at a carol concert being given by the Orphans. Archie poses a question. There may well be ramifications...Follow the chaps on Twitter @ArchieAndReg

The chaps are back! Controversy reigns in the club as Reg has a new friend! This disgraceful behaviour cannot be allowed. Later Archie relaxes and reminisces about his recent holiday in Cornwall. Strange people, the population of Bodmin. But nothing could have prepared him for an encounter with The Beast.Oh and Dirty Kevin has been at it again. Pervert.FOLLOW THE CHAPS AT ONCE VIA "TWITTER"- @ArchieAndReg or on Facebook.Subscribe on iTunes via https://itunes.apple.com/gb/podcast/archie-and-reg/id1319593004?mt=2or Spotify https://open.spotify.com/show/7HfpBeGUz16crVqlEkNfZk?si=Owj9Kuk0Rhq3b3G-rP6jAQAnd be ready for a Christmas Day surprise in your "inbox".Regards,A&R.

Dear Listener,Archie is in a terribly good mood. That doesn't bode well for Series 3!But wait...all is not lost!....

Reg still has his driver imprisoned but his teething is being coped with. Sadly Archie is having to resort to more violent methods to control that Frenchman he bought. Will it stop him making "love"?Archie has been through the wringer somewhat lately. He is understandably furious and as a campaigner for Disability rights he feels he has to make a stand. There are fourteen stairs in the club. This is an outrage. Somebody has to pay! That someone is Dame Thora...Follow the chaps on Twitter @ArchieAndReg

Reg realises that, as it is the first Tuesday of the month, it is Archie's turn to pick up the bar bill. This is, of course, disgusting! Can it be that Reg is really that mean?Anyway, does anyone remember Daft Kenneth? Annoying boy from Prestwick. His Mother remembered him, so she had to be dealt with.Elsewhere Archie is having issues with his back door. It's beginning to fester and looks as though it might eat someone. Can Reg save the day by pretending to be a lady, or does Archie have a more sinister plan?Follow the lads on Twitter! @ArchieAndReg