Dear Men

In the age of modern dating, it can be hard to know when to text vs. call vs. FB message vs. Instagram DM her... women and men, guys and girls, everyone differs when it comes to HOW they like to be communicated with. Sex, dating, and relationships are better when communication is clear and easy.

Say you've gone on a date or two with a woman you're interested in sexually and then she lets you know she's not interested in you romantically. Do you stay connected with her even though she doesn't want the same thing as you? If not, what does that say about you -- and if so, what impact does that have on you? Here, Jason and I both share personal experiences around handling crushes, sex, dating, relationships, and true friendship.

Getting a divorce can be both freeing and terrifying at the same time. Who you are post-relationship? How do you let go of guilt or a sense of failure if that's part of your experience? And what's the dating scene like now (including sex)? Here, three men share the ins and outs of their experiences during marriage, divorce, and their love lives after divorce -- including what they learned they really wanted and needed.

As a sex researcher, I've repeatedly noticed a trend when men share with me about their love lives: Some men are more comfortable using overly sexual words, while others appear to solely be comfortable using euphemisms (i.e. "being intimate" instead of "having sex"). What does this choice of words have to do with having a healthy sex, dating, and relationship life? Jason outlines his own journey around reclaiming his own sexual power -- and the effect on not only his sexual partners but his life in doing so.

If you've ever felt like you're constantly the one giving in a relationship and never receiving, this is for you. If it seems like you're always doing for the other person and then feeling used and/or cast aside, this is for you. There's this thing that happens in most sexual, dating, and committed relationships at some point, and we rarely talk about it openly. This is one of those episodes. Take a listen.

How do girls and women learn to masturbate? How does that different from boys, and how does that then inform the sexuality of each? Here, we get down and dirty, sharing our own personal stories around what self-pleasing sex is for us (masturbation), and how that intersects with our dating and relationship lives. We also discuss a surprisingly fun way that several of us have found of empowering ourselves sexually, especially around speaking up for what we want in sex.

If you've ever wished your partner would open up more or grow in a certain area (i.e. sexual openness or emotional intimacy), you're not alone. Where's the line between wanting someone to "change" vs. to grow, and how long should you "wait" if your partner isn't showing up in the way you need them to? Here we get real about what to do if you don't feel she's doing the work, whether in sex, dating, or a relationship context like marriage.

There's a frequent pattern in male/female relationships where he feels like she wants him to read her mind, he feels like he can never get it right, and she emasculates him. Here, we discuss the deeper, underlying reasons for it, how to address it, and what it means for your sex life as well as the relationship (hint: it's not good! But it can get better). We also touch on reverse polarity and what it means to lead in relationship. The goal is always for you to feel respected, her to feel supported, and for both of you to be able to get your needs met.

I'm talkin' about that good good lovin': that can't-wait-to-have-you, make-the-mattress-jump, happy, good sex. Whether it's in the context of a casual dating relationship, a committed partner, or something in between, we dish our stories of the men who've given us immense pleasure. (We also cover stories of sex that was less than great, and what made the difference.)

The number one indicator of whether a marriage will succeed or fail is not about the quality of the match or anything else you might predict; it's whether each person has individuated from their family of origin. In other words, when it comes to sex, dating, and relationships -- especially long-term relationships like marriages -- your ability to set boundaries with your family is absolutely mission-critical.

Ever been in a relationship where little things set your partner off? Ever gotten the silent treatment (or had sex withheld from you) because you did something "wrong", even though it was hard to figure out what the "rules" were from day to day? Ever spent a lot of energy trying to please your partner and apologizing just to keep the peace ... even though it wasn't really logical that you'd have to apologize for what happened? You might have been relating with someone with Borderline Personality Disorder. This is a must-listen episode for anyone who can relate.

Ever been with a partner where you wanted more sex than she did? It can be more than just frustrating -- it can kill a relationship. It's not always about libido, either -- often it's a pleasure & communication issue. It's really hard for a woman to tell a man that something he's doing hurts, or isn't working. In fact, 10% of women say it's "impossible" to speak up when something isn't working in sex. Whether you're dating, in a relationship, or married, learning to skillfully talk about sex (and how to make it insanely pleasurable for her) makes things better both inside and outside the bedroom.

A lot of men feel like they're "supposed" to want to bang every woman they possibly can, and that if a woman makes herself sexually available, they "have to" have sex with her. But what if you're not attracted to her, or you don't feel safe in some way? We talk a lot about safety for women (which is critically important), *and* there are dynamics around safety for men that are also vital. Here, we talk about the dynamics of attraction, culture, and dating when it comes to men, women, sex, pressure, and relationship.

When it comes to men, women, and sex, things can feel complicated. But when you zoom out, a lot becomes clear. My friend Shana James and I have collectively coached thousands of men, and seen several patterns emerge again and again. Here are the top 5 things we've learned as sex, dating, and relationship coaches for men who relate with women.

Ever felt like the women you really want don't want you back? It's exceedingly frustrating (and not good for your sex, dating, or relationship life) when you feel like you're settling instead of going for what you really want in terms of attraction and the feminine. Here we delve into the personal, lived experience of anxious/avoidant attachment style, and how to overcome it to have the flourishing sex and love life you've always wanted. There's also some solid relationship advice about navigating trauma.

If you've ever repeated patterns in your sex, dating, or relationship life, you know how frustrating it can be. Keep attracting unavailable women, or women with severe trauma? You probably want to stop doing that. And while talk therapy (traditional psychotherapy) can help, somatic therapy can be more effective. Here, a somatic therapist takes us behind the scenes to explain what somatic therapy entails, and how it can help you to have a thriving sex and love life. Whether you're married, dating, or single, this is relevant AF.

Yes, sexuality is mysterious, but I'll bet you didn't know there were 3 different kinds of female orgasm! A lot of women don't even know about all 3. Whether you're a man or woman, and single, dating, or in a relationship (including married), knowing about these orgasms is both fun and informative. Your sex knowledge is about to expand. ;)

When it comes to talking openly about sex and relationship, couples are often strangely isolated. You don't usually discuss the intricacies of your life as a couple with friends, and a couples counselor can sometimes be overkill for what's needed. So if you're in a committed relationship (like a marriage) that's good but you want it to be great, you want it to feel even more intimate, exciting, uplifting, sexy, and inspiring, Couples Coaching Couples will be very interesting to you.

Will she still want to have sex with you if you're still a virgin at 26 years old (or 29, 34 or older)? What if you're divorced or getting divorced and you've only had sex with 1-2 women your whole life? You don't have to be sexually experienced to satisfy her, whether you're dating or in a relationship. Here we talk about how to overcome the anxiety, shame, and uncertainty if you haven't had a lot of sex with women before -- and how to even bring it up in an inviting way with a partner.

Do you give blow jobs at Da Club, during casual sex, or only in a committed relationship? Do you prefer to spit or swallow? We get into all the dirty details as we explore blow jobs in sex, dating, and relationships. We touch on power dynamics as well as how porn informs our sexual scripts. There's also a LOT of laughter.