Whoa!mance

If you’ve been around this whole mess long enough you know we love kicking up some dust. So that’s why we felt it was high time one of the elephants in this here circus gets called the fuck out. Clowns and jokers can take a hike for this next couple y’all; round these parts there’s no wishing our way out.

Here at Whoa!mance, we believe wet dreams are always better with a buddy. That’s why this week, Morgan and Isabeau took a trip to the 206 to hang out with bored pharmaceutical employees Vanessa and Altan, as they explored their sexual tension in a shared hallucinatory dreamspace. But what began as a flirtation spiraled into addiction for Vanessa as her drug induced sexcoma proved a too tempting balm for the anxiety caused by her husband Pete and the aftershocks of her traumatic past. It’s a true mind fucking y’all.

Much like a long day, ICEWINE could only set in the west. This week, Morgan and Isabeau put the series out to pasture with Debbie Macomber’s 1993 novel Morning Comes Softly where Travis, a rugged non-millionaire chauvinist cowboy is seeking a wife to help maintain his shack and family in Montana; lo and behold, Mary, a shy librarian in Louisiana, responds to his personal ad and travels sight unseen to go a-courtin’. It’s a love story of proximity that will make you wish your drink was closer too. Don’t forget to recycle yr boxes, bags, and bottles y’all; ICEWINE out.

BRAINFREEZE - all this ICEWINE’s got to our heads y’all. This week, Morgan and Isabeau take a break from the box to rub shoulders with the courtesans in Jeannie Lin’s novel The Jade Temptress; and who better to show them around than Chicago’s very own scribe of passion Suleikha Snyder, who selected this title as a personal all-time-fav. It’s a triple shot of historical mystery romance sure to get your noggins humming, arm hairs perked, and erogenous zones titillated all to a satisfying denouement. But don’t forget to refill those ice trays now...

Before James Cameron tackled the greatest sinkable metal of the modern era, Danielle Steel did it first and regrettably, with more chastity. This week, Morgan and Isabeau board a transatlantic voyage on the Titanic for an historically accurate, fade-to-black romp through the worlds of newspapers, publishing, old Hollywood, and the constrictive gender roles of yesteryear. Women and children first this week y’all; we see your ICEWINE and raise you an ICEBERG.

Did you know yr average box wine fits FOUR bottles of that sweet sweet Dionysian nectar? I hope you didn’t go to hard out the gate cuz we back for ICEWINE ROUND 2. This week, Morgan and Isabeau unpack Indigo by Beverly Jenkins, a novel that doesn’t shy away from posing difficult questions while managing to stand up to the harsh light of our present moment. Who says you can’t take aim at slavery, white-male-capitalist-patriarchy, and coercive sexual relationships AND get a few rocks off while you’re at it? This week’s episode is dedicated to not letting notions of propriety ruin a good time.

Break out the Franzia and give that bag a big ol’ slap y’all because it’s time for some motherbitchin’ ICEWINE. And what better way to begin than by taking a cold look at the skewed historical reality of Stephanie Laurens’ inaugural installment of her Cynster series, Devil’s Bride. One of the many missives of the 90’s culture wars, Morgan and Isabeau unpack the novel’s opinions on female agency and sexuality not-so-tacitly coded into the stuffy life of dukes and the messy business of murder. Don’t forget to restock the ice tray! Remember: you kill it, you fill it.

While we’re still in the midst of fool’s spring here in Chicago, Morgan and Isabeau have their sights set on summer; and what better way to will its coming than to explore what titillates yr mom.

Break out your graphing calculators for this one y’all. Celebrated for its depiction of a non-neurotypical heroine, econometrician Stella Lane is on a quest to become a more competent lover when family pressure nudges her back onto the dating field. Enter Michael Larsen, a Vietnamese/Swedish sex worker and breadwinner for a large family and ailing mother: who better to help Stella spend her audacious salary on a trial run at intimacy? But despite the cutesy cover and inclusive narratives, there’s a kernel of Romance’s dark foundation lurking in this reverse Pretty Woman.

Well if it isn’t another twofer. This week, Morgan and Isabeau are taking a trip to the flower shoppe with the first installment of Lauren Willig’s Pink Carnation series, a novel set in the world of Baroness Orczy’s notable 1905 work The Scarlet Pimpernel. In Willig’s novel, graduate student Eloise is finishing her dissertation when she stumbles upon a communique of the notorious and as-of-yet unmasked Napoleonic-Era British spy, the Pink Carnation. Subterfuge. Disguise. Intrigue. And a hand job in a boat that gives Madame Bovary’s famous carriage ride a turn for its garter. Plus, donation tips to help realign the pain of Quasimodo’s recent furlough.

It’s a Whoa!mance double whammy this week y’all! Not only are Morgan and Isabeau joined by the brilliant and talented Melonie Johnson, but we’re getting a guided tour of Melonie’s all time favorite romance novel: Flowers from the Storm by Laura Kinsale. Imagine if Flowers for Algernon and A Beautiful Mind were study buddies with benefits, with the bulk of the sadness exchanged for more divide and multiply. Additional ingredients include: dukes, quakers, and at the lord’s behest, openings. Plus, we get the scoop on Melonie’s upcoming trio of novels from the source herself. Summer 2K19 can’t come soon enough.

This week’s a little bit of everything y’all. We got murder. We got Las Vegas. We got snakes. Morgan and Isabeau are joined by friend and OG Las Vegan Marie to talk about the first installment of Deborah Coonts’ Lucky O’Toole series. Did we mention the swingers? Did we mention the porn stars; and oddly, the prudishness? It’s a tour de force of repressed desires with a hard on for justice. A very, conservative hard on. Recommended for those who’ve never seen their own selves naked.

We’re going hard this Pisces season with some more fresh caught fish fuckery y’all. Have you ever wanted to fuck Ariel, but also Tinkerbell? Does repackaging sex as “joining magic” help or hurt one’s chances of getting a little fin? How old were you when you gave or received your first body job? This week, Morgan and Isabeau are going off the deep end for this mermaid/angel sexcapade cum theological smorgasbord that defies explanation, genre classification, and its own internal machinery. We promise you’ll never think of waterbeds the same way.

If The Shape of Water tickled your sashimi, Melissa Broder’s New York Times dubbed “romance novel for intellectuals” The Pisces will either turn you pescatarian for life or give you full blown mercury poisoning. This week, Morgan and Isabeau plunge romance’s murky depths through the depressive eyes of Lucy, a newly single academic, as she navigates the choppy surfs of Tinder, group therapy, pet care, and the dexterous tongue of a merman. Can you smell that fresh salt air? Catch of the Day: MP

When something is deemed a watershed moment, that something denotes that a larger thing is forever altered; often the phrase suggests a positive evolution or advancement. But what do we do when the thing that allowed for growth and expansion, is, in retrospect, more akin to a stagnant pond than a shimmering crystal lake? This week, Morgan and Isabeau travel back to 1972 to relive the groundbreaking release of The Flame and the Flower by Kathleen E. Woodiwiss: a tome that elevated Romance to a new apex in the cultural zeitgeist. But the world reflected in F&F is fraught to say the least. We’re breaking out the big guns for this one y’all.

Did you miss us? We were taking a brief sabbatical in the north woods of Ontario when we stumbled upon a seductive stranger. Full in form and stature, an imposing specimen really, with many *ahem* physical attributes that left us feeling replete in both mind and body. The richness of his fur alone… hair, hair of coarse. Course. Dammit. His name? Yes yes, well we didn’t quite get that far. You know how throes of passion go, so lacking in formality. And with all that solitude to penetrate. Oh Bear. Dear! We need a swim to clear our heads. This one is for our neighbors to the north, and all your enticing wildlife.

We're taking a break from languishing in our post-JANEuary bliss to share some exciting news: Whoa!mance has a Patreon! What does this mean? Well, because capitalism is a scourge to creative minded people who value the humanities and using one's time to cultivate art and ideas, we are asking you, our devoted listeners and supporters, to help sustain this project in any way you can. In return, we will honor your support with shoutouts, gifts, book recommendations, and even the chance to pitch a novel you've always wanted us to cover. It's a win/win, and all for as little as the price of coffee. Click the link below for more details - and see you next week for BEAR! https://www.patreon.com/join/2348544?

We did it y’all; we’ve been through the now, the then, the if only, and the as if; it’s been a month dedicated to yr grrl Jane; a celebration of her influence, and an inquiry into the resonance of her scope. But we would be remiss not to guide it all towards the inevitable confluence of meeting the indelible force herself; the matron of Romancelandia; the true essence of all things that send your heart and situation aflutter: it’s Persuasion by Jane Austen. For you, by you; thank you now and always.

JANE-U-VERSE - n. the world(s) expanded within and beyond Jane Austen’s novels as imagined by her readers through the act of emulation. This week, Morgan and Isabeau explore selections from A Certain Persuasion: Modern LGBTQ+ Fiction inspired by yr grrl’s novels, featuring stories by Julie Bozza, Fae Mcloughlin, and JL Merrow. It’s about the space between the novels; the nooks and crannies of potential intrigue; the nagging notion of a lingering ‘what if’ actualized. We’re going back in on fan fic for this cherished month of yr grrl y’all so plz don’t flame us ok?

Crash positions listeners: it’s a JANEuary charm bomb. This week, Morgan and Isabeau pour one out for the chaste and stationary in their discussion of the classic Jane Austen adaptation and sleepover film par excellence, Clueless, directed by Amy Heckerling, and its lackluster bedfellow, Emma, directed by Douglas McGrath. What is a proper distillation of this novel’s essence - is it the tragedy of a trapped mind? Does a modern retelling highlight its comedic elements? Did Alicia Silverstone and Gwyneth Paltrow become Emma in real life? Where do you stand on Emma? Cuddle up with your favorite sexy step-brother for this one y’all because it’s movie night.